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Child Item

Best jokes from Primary school.

VenomousFish

This is the thread for all those jokes you remember from Primary. Think back to those simpler days, when all a joke needed was a reference to male genitalia to make everyone that heard it erupt into giggles. The more immature the better. To start:
My uncle Billy,
Had a very big willy,
So he showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake,
So she cut it with a rake,
And now it's only three foot four.

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drumlover22

pdbhp wrote: »

Were you ever caught eating shít?

No!

You must be good at it then!!

Had one like that in my school, but it was were you ever caught shagging a sheep? :pac:

robman60

Would you ride a man for silver? No

Would you ride a man for gold? No

What would you ride a man for? Nothing

Haha you'd ride a man for nothing. That means you're GAY

GY A1

ya stupid fool, i'll break this bottle (plastic coke bottle)
over your head

soyawhatsup

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? TEQUILA!!

RhubarbCrumble

AnamGlas wrote: »

You couldn't beat a round of "I wish all the ladies..." on any school tour

Not to mention "Oh roe the rattling bog". Remember one of the teachers losing her temper after about half an hour of it on the 4th class school tour. Kids eh

dan185

Boy: can you touch your elbows together behind your back?
Girl tries. Laughter ensues.

I did it to my girlfriend a while back, me in tears laughing as she tried for a few minutes. She still trys the odd time:D

Coeurdepirate

Fremen wrote: »

It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.

I think I was in primary school right in the middle of the change to tiger because we used to say 'catch a tigger by the toe'.

Sir Gallagher

Fremen wrote: »

It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.

PC gone mad :eek::pac:

StevieNicksFan

Just remembered another one:

Hitler..only had one ball
The other..is in the Albert Hall
His mother..the dirty fúcker,
Chopped it off when he was small

Kxiii

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and blue?

A nun falling down a stairs.

qwertyuiopa

What's the definition of sour milk?

Yer granny's boobies

Fremen

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

I know jesus, crazy how casual the racism was back then.

It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.

Fremen

Jesus Christ, superstar,
Flying down the road in his motor car.
Pulls a skid,
Kills a kid,
Recks his head on a dustbin lid.

Sir Gallagher

Samich wrote: »

eenie meenie minie moe, catch a .......

I know jesus, crazy how casual the racism was back then.

AnamGlas

You couldn't beat a round of "I wish all the ladies..." on any school tour

StevieNicksFan

Not really jokes but funny nonetheless:

Ching Chong China man went to milk a cow
Ching Chong China man didn't know how
Ching Chong China man pulled the wrong tit
Ching Chong China man covered in sh!t

Stuck to my leg like a hard boiled egg, Diarrhea, Diarrhea

Beans Beans good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart, the more you eat,
The more you sit on the toilet seat

There were loads more but can't remember!

Samich

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

Anybody remember this rhyme

Hey Pakistani has your Nanny got a fanny,
fcking hell *sniff sniff*
what a smell *sniff sniff*

I saw her at the bus stop i thought she was a ride
but when she got closer
I nearly fcking died
fcking hell *sniff sniff*
what a smell *sniff sniff*

Jesus we were filthy little racists back in the day. :pac:

eenie meenie minie moe, catch a .......

AnamGlas

pdbhp wrote: »

Were you ever caught shagging sheep?

No!

You must be good at it then!!

Our version

Sir Gallagher

Anybody remember this rhyme

Hey Pakistani has your Nanny got a fanny,
fcking hell *sniff sniff*
what a smell *sniff sniff*

I saw her at the bus stop i thought she was a ride
but when she got closer
I nearly fcking died
fcking hell *sniff sniff*
what a smell *sniff sniff*

Jesus we were filthy little racists back in the day. :pac:

mcw92

'Here will you tie my laces?'
'No'
'Im not your friend anymore so'
'Ok ok, il tie them'

Back in 1st/2nd class.

OneArt

Does your granny have a fanny does it smell?
*sniff sniff*
Does your granny have a fanny does it smell?
*sniff sniff*
F*cking hell
*sniff sniff*
Golly gosh
*sniff sniff*
It needs a wash!

Samich

Have another gem.

"What's red and hairy?"

"What?"

"Fanny rash, do ya get it?"

"Ya"

"ahhhh you have fanny rash!!"

pdbhp

Matthew Mark Luke and John went to bed with nothing on
In the middle of the night Matthew had to have a shíte
Gotta be done gotta be done
Out the window with his bum
holy Moses walking by heard a rumble in the sky
looked up to see the cause and got it right between the jaws.

Thought that was gas back in the 80's

pdbhp

Were you ever caught eating shít?

No!

You must be good at it then!!

mackg

Fremen wrote: »

Not really a joke, but bumping your index fingers together was the hand gesture for being gay, as if gay men have sex by poking their knobs at one another.

That's hilarious.

you: how many legs are there between two cows, two chickens and a cockfor

other kid: what's a cockfor

you: ahh you don't know what a cocks for!!!

As for the gay tied to a pole joke I heard that in 2nd or 3rd class I'm 24 now

BOHtox

Would you lick a knacker's arse for an apple?
No
What would you do it for?
nothing

bahahahahahahaha

du Maurier

Fremen wrote: »

Not really a joke, but bumping your index fingers together was the hand gesture for being gay, as if gay men have sex by poking their knobs at one another.

That's hilarious.

Well it's hardly a straight thing to be doing.

du Maurier

mackg wrote: »

Are you a gay tied to a pole

no

Ahhhhh a gay on the loose

what's the capital of thailand

Bangkok, followed by a kick in the balls

Do you cry when your dad rides you in the ass

no

ahahahahahahah

The first joke to me seems of a new-ish breed. I only heard that one a few years ago.

One I recall went like this:

Boy 1: If your hand is bigger [sic] than your face you've got cancer!

Boy 2: Really?! [Cue Boy 2 testing out the claim by putting hand to face]

Boy 1: [Shoves the measuring hand of Boy 2 into his face]...and probably roars "Ehhh, you don't have cancer.."

cocoshovel

What does JCB stand for? Job Completely Bolloxed.

--Kaiser--

c_man wrote: »

Would you ever touch a BMW?

Yeah...

AHHHH GAY! Black man's willy!

A related one:

Would you do a black?
- Yeah
Really? I'd do his wife!