The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Why did the Eastern European man cross the road?

barone wrote: »

I answered the door to a Chinese lightbulb salesman and he said, "Sell you light? Sell you light?"

So I turned around and said, "It's for you, darling. He wants to look at the back of your legs"

Reminds me of this joke:

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again.

Eventually a Chinese man answers..."Harro", says the chappy.
"Alright mate, where's ya bin?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toilet" replies the Chinese man, looking perplexed.

Realising the Chinese man has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

"I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Chinese man.

"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me....Where's your wheelie bin?"

"OK, OK", says the Chinese man, "I wheelie bin having a ****!"

Two kerry men,Jack and Paddy, are on their first plane trip heading for new york.
Shortly after take off the captain says over the intercom
"Ladies and gentlemen,we seem to have lost power in our number one engine, no need to worry as we have 4 engines and this plane can fly on one engine if needs be,we will be an hour late arriving in new york"
Later again the captain explains that they are having trouble with their number two engine and will be now 3 hours late arriving in New York.
A short while later the captain comes on the intercom again and explains that their number three engine has lost power and they will now be 5 hours late arriving in new york.
Jack says to Paddy "jayus, I hope we don't lose power in the fourth engine or we'll be up here all fcuking night".

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a roomeveryone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

pappyodaniel wrote: »

Explain this joke?

Really???

got a potato clock = got up at eight o'clock

Thanks guys.

Irish astronauts are building a rocket to fly to the sun and the media send a reporter to interview them.
"Why are you flying to the sun?"
"Because the Yanks and the Rooskies have flown to the moon."
"What will you use for fuel?"
"Turf, sure we've loads of turf."
"You do realise it's very hot on the sun, don't you?"
"Ah! of course we do. That's why we'll be going at night."

Kitty-kitty wrote: »

That's a terrifyingly top-heavy daughter. 38D'd be at least 42 inch bust. No wonder they say oh my god.

Stop ruining the mental picture i have in my head by puttig a fat arse on it she's real, very real

What's the french for lawn mower?








Coup de grâce...

Three lady friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after a day at the gym and vigorous clothes shopping. The conversation eventual ly drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled,

"Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?"

Headmaster calls father into school, tells him his two sons are swearing alot in class and are bad examples to other pupils. Father goes home furious and decides to sort them out next day.

Following morning he calls the two lads down for breakfast before school. Asks Johnny what he wants for breakfast, Johnny replies: 'Sure i'll have a ****ing boiled egg'. Father goes nuts and beats the ****e out of poor Johnny, kicks him all around the room, while young Paddy looks on in terror.

Father then turns to Paddy, fists clenched and panting furiously, and asks him what HE wants for breakfast. Paddy stammers 'I'm not having a ****ing boiled egg anyway'.......

What did one tampon say to the other?



Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches!

paddy and mick are walking through a forest, when paddy sees a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted"

Paddy turns to mick and says "jaysus, if only sean was here we could have applied for that"

housetypeb wrote: »

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?









Pick it up and suck its cock.

If that's the best joke you've ever heard then you need help.

Reminds me of this joke:

How do you circumcise a dog?

Sandpaper trousers.