Clothing, style, and dapper lesbians...

LegacyUser · 30-06-2011 04:42PM

where on earth do you hang out? the majority are femme in the places I go

baby and crumble · 30-06-2011 04:49PM

Platinum2010 wrote:

none here

:rolleyes:

What exactly are you looking for? Someone who wears high heels all the time, with short skirts and fake nails? You never EVER want fake nails, trust me.

There are mountains of feminine lesbians out there, just as there are mountains of butch straight girls too. (I have heard tell of these mountains, past the rivers of queers and the ox-bow lakes of 'straight acting gay guys'

)

My girlfriend is very feminine. Most girls I have met on the scene here are pretty feminine, in appearance. Because that's all it is, appearance. Femme in the streets, butch in the sheets, who knows?

Platinum2010 · 30-06-2011 04:54PM

zoegh wrote: »

Femme in the streets, butch in the sheets, who knows?

being a virgin ,that aspect dont bother me once she's an awesome person

allydylan · 30-06-2011 05:22PM

femme lesbians are around i'm one and i have loads of friends that are as well, you just have to know what you're looking for

anyways when you're walking down the street and see a masculine women you are likely to say that she's a lesbian when she might not be at all

and then if you see a feminie women walking down the street you're likely to think she's straight when in fact she could be gay

apache · 30-06-2011 06:09PM

shocking stuff :eek:

BanzaiBk · 30-06-2011 06:15PM

apache wrote: »

and if you're really lucky you might bag yourself a bisexual!

I lol'd irl!

zoegh wrote: »

You never EVER want fake nails, trust me.

:eek: *crosses legs* Cannot forgot!

Platinum2010 · 30-06-2011 07:59PM

BanzaiBk wrote: »

:eek: *crosses legs* Cannot forgot!

Owwwww !!!!

Kanoe · 30-06-2011 08:04PM

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.

and on that note..I'm off to get dressed up again yeaaaaay

Sparrow_Hawk · 30-06-2011 09:10PM

Platinum2010 wrote: »

I seriously want her *droools uncontrollably *

which one?

Platinum2010 · 30-06-2011 09:16PM

Sparrow_Hawk wrote: »

which one?

Sam Ronson

apache · 01-07-2011 12:48PM

hardly what i would call femme

Platinum2010 · 01-07-2011 12:50PM

apache wrote: »

hardly what i would call femme

I dont care if they femme or butch once they put in some sort of effort in dressing themselves to make sure they dont look like chavs

apache · 01-07-2011 12:53PM

Platinum2010 wrote: »

I dont care if they femme or butch once they put in some sort of effort in dressing themselves to make sure they dont look like chavs

oh right thanks for clearing that one up

allydylan · 01-07-2011 07:37PM

Kanoe wrote: »

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.

is that a bad thing?

Kanoe · 01-07-2011 07:44PM

allydylan wrote: »

Kanoe wrote: »

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.

is that a bad thing?

I dunno, it confuses me though ..I mean I've never actually worn lipstick

(or dresses and pinheels) but it did make things difficult at the outset because I live in a small enough town and unless you're wearing a neon sign that screams LEsBiAN, you're a bit of an outcast. Things have moved on since then though and I figured out that there are other wimmin around, they just aren't hanging out there in the same places as the ones who call the shots down here.

apache · 01-07-2011 07:47PM

Kanoe wrote: »

I dunno, it confuses me though ..I mean I've never actually worn lipstick (or dresses and pinheels) but it did make things difficult at the outset because I live in a small enough town and unless you're wearing a neon sign that screams LEsBiAN, you're a bit of an outcast. Things have moved on since then though.

for what its worth i didn't think you looked like a lipstick lesbian

what do you mean you are an outcast if you don't have a neon sign?

Kanoe · 01-07-2011 07:50PM

apache wrote: »

for what its worth i didn't think you looked like a lipstick lesbian

what do you mean you are an outcast if you don't have a neon sign?

a thanks

I meant out there in "d communitee". just edited the last bit of post there cause I figured what I said wouldn't make sense unless you added that bit in. Think I'm still a bit drunk.

apache · 01-07-2011 07:53PM

oh yeah don't mind those who call the shots! who do they think they are like?

next they were will barring bisexuals! tut what is the world coming to?

baby and crumble · 01-07-2011 07:54PM

It's funny, because I've been looking at and reading about the whole butch/femme thing. In many ways I suppose I identify as butch, but not really... like, I wear clothes traditionally worn by men, but I wear female cuts to suit my body. I like clean lines and manners and I like holding doors open and those kind of things. traditionally the 'butch' or 'male' things. But I'm also very feminine in other ways, with my accessories, with my personality... it's odd. And it's something I've been trying to figure out.

An interesting article on the whole clothes vs appearance vs personailty vs all t hat crap.

While in Lagos, I was talking to a new gay friend of mine about how I’m often read as masculine and aggressive, and I wasn’t quite sure why. He said that to him, it was in how I carried myself, that my energy comes off as contained and controlled, in charge. Personally, I’ve noticed that when I’m around some of my femme friends, I definitely seek to balance the dynamic. I’ll take the heavy bags, carry the dresses while they’re picking them out in the store, give them my arm. You get the gist.

In my relationship, however, it’s a bit different. I’m the one who drools over kitchen appliances, who actually likes cleaning and doing laundry, who makes the bed every morning, who makes my girl breakfast when she stays over. I’m the domestic one who puts together IKEA furniture, and I love it. She carries my heavy stuff, takes me out on dates, picks up the tab more often than not, and expects to be the major breadwinner years down the line. For the record, I’m so okay with being a kept woman. Wifey for the win! This seems incongruous to some people simply because I wear mostly men’s clothes, while she wears only women’s clothes and isn’t butch/boi either. Despite how we use clothing as markers, it’s impractical to make assumptions about roles in queer relationships.

That doesn’t stop people from doing so. In a heartbeat, someone who wears men’s clothes is assumed to be butch or boi or aggressive or the owner of a strap. The next night in a club, the same girl from Lagos asked me if I strapped. When I said no, she looked taken aback for a moment, then added that neither did she. Ohh-kay. Obviously, straps aren’t vital in all queer interactions, but I felt as though she was attracted to me because she assumed I was a butch who strapped. I get it: I’m attracted to androgynous presenting people who I cross my fingers and hope are into strapping #winkwink, because trust me, I have negative interest in it. I’m rather tired of people reacting with shock when they find out I dress the way I do and identify as a bottom.

The stuff I bolded in there is interesting, no? So many assumptions...

Platinum2010 · 01-07-2011 07:54PM

Ok seriously whats this big no no about straps ?

baby and crumble · 01-07-2011 07:58PM

it's not it's a no-no, it's more that a lot of people assume that the more masculine looking woman will be the one who wears the strap-on, because they are 'the man' and therefore the other is 'the woman'. It's the same as in gay male relationships where it's assumed there's always one giver and one receiver during anal sex (in particular).

Strap-ons are awesome, no big no-no at all!

apache · 01-07-2011 08:01PM

zoegh wrote: »

It's funny, because I've been looking at and reading about the whole butch/femme thing. In many ways I suppose I identify as butch, but not really... like, I wear clothes traditionally worn by men, but I wear female cuts to suit my body. I like clean lines and manners and I like holding doors open and those kind of things. traditionally the 'butch' or 'male' things. But I'm also very feminine in other ways, with my accessories, with my personality... it's odd. And it's something I've been trying to figure out.

An interesting article on the whole clothes vs appearance vs personailty vs all t hat crap.

The stuff I bolded in there is interesting, no? So many assumptions...

a political minefield there zoegh

baby and crumble · 01-07-2011 08:04PM

apache wrote:

a political minefield there zoegh

true. I still think it's interesting though. Like, it's all about what makes you comfortable, but even within the community (moreso the younger crowd, it has to be said) there's an expectation you'll be butch or femme, and there's no grey area. I struggled with that a lot when I was coming out, because the butch women i could see were terrifying to little 19 year old zoegh, and I knew I wasn't femmey or girly in the traditional sense... i had no idea. I still don't, really...

apache · 01-07-2011 08:09PM

zoegh wrote: »

true. I still think it's interesting though. Like, it's all about what makes you comfortable, but even within the community (moreso the younger crowd, it has to be said) there's an expectation you'll be butch or femme, and there's no grey area. I struggled with that a lot when I was coming out, because the butch women i could see were terrifying to little 19 year old zoegh, and I knew I wasn't femmey or girly in the traditional sense... i had no idea. I still don't, really...

of course it is. i totally get it but i would have thought the opposite. i think the younger ones coming out these days are more inclusive anyway. they all blend in very well. would you not think that?

Kanoe · 01-07-2011 08:18PM

zoegh wrote: »

true. I still think it's interesting though. Like, it's all about what makes you comfortable, but even within the community (moreso the younger crowd, it has to be said) there's an expectation you'll be butch or femme, and there's no grey area. I struggled with that a lot when I was coming out, because the butch women i could see were terrifying to little 19 year old zoegh, and I knew I wasn't femmey or girly in the traditional sense... i had no idea. I still don't, really...

they were terrifying to 33 year old kanoe

so can only imagine what it would be like to a teenager, coincidently I also think it's where the stereotyping and indoctrination begins.

apache · 01-07-2011 08:26PM

well i'm 33 now but maybe because i came out very early ie in the stonewallz era i see it different today. anybody remember that club for women? think it was on in griffiths barracks. now that was real butch and femme. you'd get ate there. i love the butches. even as a youngster i'd be always sizing up to them.
they used to just laugh at me

ha i still give them a run for their money. :P

baby and crumble · 01-07-2011 09:08PM

I don't see those stone butch types around anymore, they used to congregate in that corner of the george by the door.

I'm sure now though I look scary and butch to some of the little lesbians who do come in to Panti when I'm there... although tbh not many young wans come in to Panti!!!

And is 'blending in' the desirable thing? I don't really want to blend in at all...

Platinum2010 · 01-07-2011 10:18PM

I just love a well looking person , not drop dead gorgeous but just not someone unkempt

Kanoe · 01-07-2011 10:33PM

zoegh wrote: »

I don't see those stone butch types around anymore, they used to congregate in that corner of the george by the door.

I'm sure now though I look scary and butch to some of the little lesbians who do come in to Panti when I'm there... although tbh not many young wans come in to Panti!!!

And is 'blending in' the desirable thing? I don't really want to blend in at all...

I'm almost afraid to say what I really want here but I'm guessing the people I'm thinking about probably don't have much experience in dragging their knuckles across anything much..other than the floor so doubt they know how a keyboard functions so I should be safe. The "butch" women around these here parts are of the jailburd prison tattoo psychotic personality variety..not sure it's the look I would be going for myself personally.

Aishae · 01-07-2011 10:33PM

zoegh wrote: »

manners and I like holding doors open and those kind of things.

glad the old door opening isnt a dying art! i always held a door open if there was someone approaching from the other direction/behind me - partly as it what mam drummed into me but also - i never saw a reason not to do that.
im such a gentlemanly femme haha.

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