Clothing, style, and dapper lesbians...

baby and crumble

Ok, i just checked out some of the tg questions thread, and there was a little debate going on in there around women dressing in masculine clothing, but not necessarily as a form of entertainment (a la drag kings) but as an everyday wardrobe.

it's something I've been batting about in my head. My wardrobe is mostly made up of masculine clothes, (cut for female shape), I wear boxers, I have an epic vintage cufflink collection, I wear masculine/ unisex scents (Tom Ford, Armani, etc) and I feel the most confident when I'm dressed to kill in jeans, a shirt, tie and a blazer or cardi.

BUT this has caused me some grief. Not external- I've never been called names or looked at weirdly for wearing the clothes I do. If anything, I get more compliments when I dress up. But I still feel like I'm looking 'too gay' or something ridiculous like that. So i stay in my comfy little box of jeans and a tee shirt most days, so I don't draw attention to myself. It's irritating, because it's not like I get negative attention, like I said.

I follow a bunch of style blogs, and some are directly related to this- I was just wondering if people (in particular the ladies of the forum) would find them interesting... (where there are stars, just put in fuck, boards wont let me link to a naughty word...)

http://****yeahbutches.tumblr.com/

http://****yeahchubbybutches.tumblr.com/

http://www.dapperq.com/

http://dapperanddandy.tumblr.com/

http://fitforafemme.com/blog/ (this one is mostly for the blog writers partners wardrobe- but tbh the writer is hot as hell!!!)

Chuchoter

Yay!! I'm always looking for these things and can never find any.

In terms of masculine clothing, I usually end up spending like a half an hour every morning balancing my distaste for girly clothes and not wanting to look really really gay because I think I give my friends enough fuel for gossip as it is :P. If I just picked one I'd probably do a lot better, because I really like the whole shirt vesty thing they have going on in all the blogs you posted! I'd probably end up looking like a page boy or something though :P

Aard

Is it that you want to appear a little more straight/feminine (bad words, but you know what I mean)? Tbh, I think it's all in the hair and how much boob curvature is on show.


(Also, I totally thought this thread was gonna be about Ellen de Generis.)

LegacyUser

Why do all lesbians dress all masculine

(btw not giving out to anyone here :P I'm just wallowing in my own sadness here that I can't find one single girly lesbian lol)

rainbow kirby

I absolutely love the way a lot of the stuff on the Dapper and Dandy tumblr looks, however most dressy masculine clothes look absolutely awful on me.

pride2011 wrote: »

Why do all lesbians dress all masculine

(btw not giving out to anyone here :P I'm just wallowing in my own sadness here that I can't find one single girly lesbian lol)

Not all of us do! It's just harder to notice more femme girls because they tend to be read as straight.

Kanoe

It is cute but it's also usually age significant, it's mostly worn by the younger generation of lebanese and is less pronounced in older women. I would feel like a drag king if I wore a waistcoat and and tie and shirt, not that it would be bad but it would have to be a very special occasion. My clothes are probably more influenced by musical styles (I was a punkette/bike riding/rock chick when I was younger so whips n chains excite me) or failing that tees and jeans.

baby and crumble

oooh, replies, YAY!

Asry: I don't want to appear more feminine, at all. I just want to get my head in line with the rest of me- when I do break out and dress the way I want to, I feel good, so maybe it's more about wanting to stand out, but not having the confidence? In straight world, in my fancy clothes I stand out, in gay world... not so much.

Why do all lesbians dress all masculine

(btw not giving out to anyone here I'm just wallowing in my own sadness here that I can't find one single girly lesbian lol)

Seriously? Man, they're everywhere! There are tons of style blogs devoted to them (try the Fit For a Femme link I posted above to get you started, she has LOADS of links)

As for the younger/older thing... I guess it is a little like that, but maybe it's more about how you're meant to dress when you hit late 20's like me... like, jeans and tees aren't what my straight friends wear anymore, so why should I? it looks stupid and childish, but because of fit and getting guys clothes to go on women, we can look a bit swamped (not me since I'm bleedin MASSIVE but you know what I mean!) and that makes women look even younger? I dunno. Plus there's that rite of passage you go through when you come out, of dressing 'gay'. I'm over it, though, and now I just want to dress like me. But I can't figure out how to dress grown up in the way t hat suits me and my personality...

Ho hum.

Platinum2010

Kanoe wrote: »

I would feel like a drag king if I wore a waistcoat and and tie and shirt,

I love wearing that with crazy accessories , but I wear it in a very femme sorta way so I've been told

Kanoe

I've no boobs, I actually do get mistaken for a boy sometimes but yeah it is in vogue and it can be really stylish. I remember when I was in my late teens early twenties all women's jeans were cut with a really high waist and mostly tapered legs (urgh) so we used to buy mens 501's, much more comfortable would sit low waist and bootcut. I'm still inclined to wear jeans that way, but now they just make them like that for us. I have a striped top obsession too, if it's stripey I'll wear it. I'll layer tees, or wear off the shoulder cuts occasionally, and cardi's, I've a cardi fetish too.

The woman was talking the other day about being a bit of a girly girl (which she is) so I asked her if she thought I was, when she stopped laughing she said no and then I got all worried and asked if she thought I was a big butch then and she said no, that I was perfectly in the middle.
(I have been slagged for looking like the quinns but that's my kind of style..I'm old, and it suits me.)

Platinum2010

Kanoe wrote: »

(I have been slagged for looking like the quinns but that's my kind of style..I'm old, and it suits me.)

The Quinns are?

Yeah you're old , and I'm Cyndie Laupers Mistress :rolleyes:

Kanoe

Platinum2010 wrote: »

The Quinns are?

Yeah you're old , and I'm Cyndie Laupers Mistress :rolleyes:

I haz mullet

Platinum2010

Kanoe wrote: »

I haz mullet

GAHHHH Tegan and Sara ...I hate them

Kanoe

I think it comes down to attitude at the end of the day, I mean if you're a fiery hard core butch on the inside it will show on the outside regardless of how short your hair is or what way you wear your clothes. It not what you wear it's your personality that counts and clothes are really, eventually, just an expression of that.

Platinum2010

I'm very fiery but I dont dress accordingly - appearances can be deceptive

lex123

What ever u feel comfy in go for it,i dress casual all week dont see a point in dressing up until im goin out on the town or sumting like that!

Aoifums

Dress whatever you feel confident in really If dressing really gay and fancy makes you feel fantastic then just do it.
I love waistcoats and bowties (I always end up stealing my friends' after a couple of drinks) I just wish I could get a proper cut woman's waistcoat. I always pair them with a dress though :P I don't think I could look butch if I tried.

Aishae

not a dapper dresser here - but i do have a set or red braces - for dressing up.
last time i dressed up, i was a lesbian gangster mafia bitch - i really had it down pat with the red walking stick and shoes that had a 1940 tap dancing feel. thats my sole claim to dapper fame. and that definitely on the sidelines of dapper. the only time i went so far as a trilby too.

attitude and whatever methods of self expression you use all come into play. i treat my body as i do a blank canvas (whack any old - sparkly - thing on it). had a barney with the mother yesterday about my decision to wear a floral dress that in her opinion was reminiscent of her mammys nightdress - i kept telling her she doesnt like it but I do and i felt like wearing it.
plenty of folks are heavily influenced by what everyone around them is wearing.
i was in dundrum and was pretty surprised when i noticed the majority of under 20 girls seemed to dress all the same. even the hair.
so force of personality must come into it too - regardless of whether youre gay or straight.
(to be fair to the younger girls - we're all a bit unsure of where we fit in at that age)

Kanoe

The daughter actually has a load of trilby's, waistcoats and tie's, she's had them since she was about 15, so I think she would kill me if I wore the same kind of stuff (or god forbid dated someone who wore the same stuff she does)..and at the same time it is something I associate with whats en vogue as younger girls style and I'm not really inclined that way. It would be bit fking weird too.

I've just got to add, in terms of style, my daughter (17) who's straight btw, is pretty much into everything that you folks are into, be it manga and cosplay or steampunk and trilby's, japanese culture, gaming, nyan cat and music, so generally they are the things I tend to avoid. It would be a little like you sitting amongst your mother and her peers and thinking, yeah..I'm not really into this.

baby and crumble

See, I don't think the kind of stuff I'm talking about wearing is remotely 'trendy' or young or whatever it is... I'm more talking about wearing something like this:

http://fitforafemme.com/blog/archives/6321 (had to just give the blog entry link cos the photo is MASSIVE!!!!!!!!!)

for work as opposed to the braces over tees and fedoras a la samantha ronson...



And i don't want to erase my ladybits, at all... tbh the clothes I wear enhance them, if anything. I don't want to look 'cool', I just want to look confident and project that across whatever room I'm in, you know? I think my clothes have a big part to play in that.

Like, for example, my brother is getting married this weekend. Now, most girls have it easy- find a nice dress, you're done. Guys have it easy- find a suit. People like me... I tried on a dress, and while it looked fine on my body, once I put my head onto the body with the dress on it, it looked so incredibly weird. Like a drag Queen had let herself go, a bit. I've settled on a couple of outfits (there's multiple ceremonies, don't ask...) that I have no idea if they're right or not. My GF likes them...

I seem to be taking this a bit too seriously, perhaps...

Aoifums

My (straight) friend dresses kinda like that giant photo. She's got a great body so anything looks fantastic on her (not saying you don't :P)

Kanoe

The last wedding I attended I wore a mauve? /burgundy (deep purply wine ish) tweed type two piece trouser suit with plain t cut top underneath, was nice and understated..and comfy. with boots

Platinum2010

zoegh wrote: »

I seriously want her *droools uncontrollably *

BanzaiBk

I never cared much for clothes/etc before I came out. Now that I'm quite content with myself I suppose I do, using my friends' words, "gay it up" a bit. I enjoy the whole drama of dressing up but ofc some/most days I'm in jeans/shirt mode.

RiseToMe

First time poster long time lurker but I gotta agree. Myself an my partner are "civil partnershipping" (hate that word) in september and finding a decent three piece suit that suited a womans shape was almost impossible. Tailors don't do them, except for one in Dublin, and is severely limited in terms of style. Luckily we were window shopping after work and ending Up finding exactly what I wanted in the perfect colour, but it really was looking like it was gonna cause a lot of stress!!!

rainbow kirby

RiseToMe wrote: »

First time poster long time lurker but I gotta agree. Myself an my partner are "civil partnershipping" (hate that word) in september and finding a decent three piece suit that suited a womans shape was almost impossible. Tailors don't do them, except for one in Dublin, and is severely limited in terms of style. Luckily we were window shopping after work and ending Up finding exactly what I wanted in the perfect colour, but it really was looking like it was gonna cause a lot of stress!!!

Out of curiosity, where did you get this suit? Going to be looking for one myself early next year for a friend's wedding.

RiseToMe

Next actually, i wear suits for work but i ha a very set idea of what I wanted for the big day. The jacket isn't your typical short style, theres a nice bit of length in it. The waistcoat has four sets of double buttons and even has a button hole! And the pants are just a really nice shape and style. Was so surprised to find one, and amazingly thankful coz I've been looking for 4-6 months now!

allydylan

pride2011 wrote: »

Why do all lesbians dress all masculine

(btw not giving out to anyone here :P I'm just wallowing in my own sadness here that I can't find one single girly lesbian lol)

i'm not a masculine lesbian and i don't dress all masculine, i know plenty of feminine lesbians that are also single so don't believe the stereotypes

Platinum2010

If you're looking for a femme lesbian , this city is not for you

apache

Platinum2010 wrote: »

If you're looking for a femme lesbian , this city is not for you

ah will you stop. theres loads around. and if you're really lucky you might bag yourself a bisexual!

Platinum2010

apache wrote: »

ah will you stop. theres loads around.

none here

apache

lol wheres here? none at all? c'est impossible!

LegacyUser

where on earth do you hang out? the majority are femme in the places I go

baby and crumble

Platinum2010 wrote:

none here

:rolleyes:

What exactly are you looking for? Someone who wears high heels all the time, with short skirts and fake nails? You never EVER want fake nails, trust me.

There are mountains of feminine lesbians out there, just as there are mountains of butch straight girls too. (I have heard tell of these mountains, past the rivers of queers and the ox-bow lakes of 'straight acting gay guys' )

My girlfriend is very feminine. Most girls I have met on the scene here are pretty feminine, in appearance. Because that's all it is, appearance. Femme in the streets, butch in the sheets, who knows?

Platinum2010

zoegh wrote: »

Femme in the streets, butch in the sheets, who knows?

being a virgin ,that aspect dont bother me once she's an awesome person

allydylan

femme lesbians are around i'm one and i have loads of friends that are as well, you just have to know what you're looking for

anyways when you're walking down the street and see a masculine women you are likely to say that she's a lesbian when she might not be at all

and then if you see a feminie women walking down the street you're likely to think she's straight when in fact she could be gay

apache

shocking stuff :eek:

BanzaiBk

apache wrote: »

and if you're really lucky you might bag yourself a bisexual!

I lol'd irl!

zoegh wrote: »

You never EVER want fake nails, trust me.

:eek: *crosses legs* Cannot forgot!

Platinum2010

BanzaiBk wrote: »

:eek: *crosses legs* Cannot forgot!

Owwwww !!!!

Kanoe

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.


and on that note..I'm off to get dressed up again yeaaaaay

Sparrow_Hawk

Platinum2010 wrote: »

I seriously want her *droools uncontrollably *

which one?

Platinum2010

Sparrow_Hawk wrote: »

which one?

Sam Ronson

apache

hardly what i would call femme

Platinum2010

apache wrote: »

hardly what i would call femme

I dont care if they femme or butch once they put in some sort of effort in dressing themselves to make sure they dont look like chavs

apache

Platinum2010 wrote: »

I dont care if they femme or butch once they put in some sort of effort in dressing themselves to make sure they dont look like chavs

oh right thanks for clearing that one up

allydylan

Kanoe wrote: »

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.


is that a bad thing?

Kanoe

allydylan wrote: »

Kanoe wrote: »

I can wear a fake moustache and 12 hole docs and still manage to be called a lipstick lesbian.

is that a bad thing?

I dunno, it confuses me though ..I mean I've never actually worn lipstick (or dresses and pinheels) but it did make things difficult at the outset because I live in a small enough town and unless you're wearing a neon sign that screams LEsBiAN, you're a bit of an outcast. Things have moved on since then though and I figured out that there are other wimmin around, they just aren't hanging out there in the same places as the ones who call the shots down here.

apache

Kanoe wrote: »

I dunno, it confuses me though ..I mean I've never actually worn lipstick (or dresses and pinheels) but it did make things difficult at the outset because I live in a small enough town and unless you're wearing a neon sign that screams LEsBiAN, you're a bit of an outcast. Things have moved on since then though.

for what its worth i didn't think you looked like a lipstick lesbian

what do you mean you are an outcast if you don't have a neon sign?

Kanoe

apache wrote: »

for what its worth i didn't think you looked like a lipstick lesbian

what do you mean you are an outcast if you don't have a neon sign?

a thanks
I meant out there in "d communitee". just edited the last bit of post there cause I figured what I said wouldn't make sense unless you added that bit in. Think I'm still a bit drunk.

apache

oh yeah don't mind those who call the shots! who do they think they are like?

next they were will barring bisexuals! tut what is the world coming to?

baby and crumble

It's funny, because I've been looking at and reading about the whole butch/femme thing. In many ways I suppose I identify as butch, but not really... like, I wear clothes traditionally worn by men, but I wear female cuts to suit my body. I like clean lines and manners and I like holding doors open and those kind of things. traditionally the 'butch' or 'male' things. But I'm also very feminine in other ways, with my accessories, with my personality... it's odd. And it's something I've been trying to figure out.

An interesting article on the whole clothes vs appearance vs personailty vs all t hat crap.

While in Lagos, I was talking to a new gay friend of mine about how I’m often read as masculine and aggressive, and I wasn’t quite sure why. He said that to him, it was in how I carried myself, that my energy comes off as contained and controlled, in charge. Personally, I’ve noticed that when I’m around some of my femme friends, I definitely seek to balance the dynamic. I’ll take the heavy bags, carry the dresses while they’re picking them out in the store, give them my arm. You get the gist.

In my relationship, however, it’s a bit different. I’m the one who drools over kitchen appliances, who actually likes cleaning and doing laundry, who makes the bed every morning, who makes my girl breakfast when she stays over. I’m the domestic one who puts together IKEA furniture, and I love it. She carries my heavy stuff, takes me out on dates, picks up the tab more often than not, and expects to be the major breadwinner years down the line. For the record, I’m so okay with being a kept woman. Wifey for the win! This seems incongruous to some people simply because I wear mostly men’s clothes, while she wears only women’s clothes and isn’t butch/boi either. Despite how we use clothing as markers, it’s impractical to make assumptions about roles in queer relationships.

That doesn’t stop people from doing so. In a heartbeat, someone who wears men’s clothes is assumed to be butch or boi or aggressive or the owner of a strap. The next night in a club, the same girl from Lagos asked me if I strapped. When I said no, she looked taken aback for a moment, then added that neither did she. Ohh-kay. Obviously, straps aren’t vital in all queer interactions, but I felt as though she was attracted to me because she assumed I was a butch who strapped. I get it: I’m attracted to androgynous presenting people who I cross my fingers and hope are into strapping #winkwink, because trust me, I have negative interest in it. I’m rather tired of people reacting with shock when they find out I dress the way I do and identify as a bottom.

The stuff I bolded in there is interesting, no? So many assumptions...

Platinum2010

Ok seriously whats this big no no about straps ?