Getting jerked about by women

IrishEyes19 · 05-05-2011 01:05AM

HellFireClub wrote: »

But maybe the OP is more open minded than me, so each to their own at the same time, I don't want to hijack the thread with my own, obviously different, perspective...

I see your points it's a fair reason and dating can be expensive, but if you like someone, I think if they were invested in the relationship, they might understand also. But I agree. Finance is a huge is a huge factor.

HellFireClub · 05-05-2011 01:51AM

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I see your points it's a fair reason and dating can be expensive, but if you like someone, I think if they were invested in the relationship, they might understand also. But I agree. Finance is a huge is a huge factor.

I know I'm putting it in a strange way, but finance only becomes a huge factor when you can't afford the price of a bus into town!

Then and again, I personally know of one or two lads who would very happily sit back and play the sympathy card in relation to their income issues, and basically take advantage of a situation that would arise if a girl was showing an interest in them...

So, as a guy you have to ask yourself I think, which guy would you rather be??? Would you rather be guy (A): The mean guy who takes advantage of a generous genuine girl and milks the situation for all that can be drawn from it, or would you rather be guy (B), The guy who the girl is trying to decide about, as in the guy who is genuinely a very decent, yet poor guy with a big heart, who just happens to be down on his luck recently on the job front???

Personally, I'd rather be the guy sitting at home on my own watching my Band of Brothers boxset, not having my head absolutely wrecked over having to worry whether I was being perceived as guy (A) or guy (B) and which side the debate was coming down on, either for or against me...

Don't forget, while this little debate is going on, you have to contend with a girls friends and siblings, (could be a sister or a cousin), who are also sought out and asked for their opinion, all having the chance to throw their oar in and 9/10 times, the advice will be along the lines of, "ah here you couldn't be bothering your ar*se with that carry on, dating a lad with no money"... I've seen two cases where a girl was talked out of having anything to do with me BY HER MATES, all down to my current and short term circumstances at the time. The way things have gone these days, if there is any little thing at all about you that could be at all perceived as being "weird", be it never having been in a long term relationship, be it having come out of a long term relationship or be it you being unable to afford to be in a relationship, you are basically red flagged and put into a little "weirdo" box, more often by a girls mates than ever by a girl herself or at least that's what I've found...

micayla · 06-05-2011 10:12PM

HellFireClub wrote: »

I know I'm putting it in a strange way, but finance only becomes a huge factor when you can't afford the price of a bus into town!

Then and again, I personally know of one or two lads who would very happily sit back and play the sympathy card in relation to their income issues, and basically take advantage of a situation that would arise if a girl was showing an interest in them...

So, as a guy you have to ask yourself I think, which guy would you rather be??? Would you rather be guy (A): The mean guy who takes advantage of a generous genuine girl and milks the situation for all that can be drawn from it, or would you rather be guy (B), The guy who the girl is trying to decide about, as in the guy who is genuinely a very decent, yet poor guy with a big heart, who just happens to be down on his luck recently on the job front???

Personally, I'd rather be the guy sitting at home on my own watching my Band of Brothers boxset, not having my head absolutely wrecked over having to worry whether I was being perceived as guy (A) or guy (B) and which side the debate was coming down on, either for or against me...

Don't forget, while this little debate is going on, you have to contend with a girls friends and siblings, (could be a sister or a cousin), who are also sought out and asked for their opinion, all having the chance to throw their oar in and 9/10 times, the advice will be along the lines of, "ah here you couldn't be bothering your ar*se with that carry on, dating a lad with no money"... I've seen two cases where a girl was talked out of having anything to do with me BY HER MATES, all down to my current and short term circumstances at the time. The way things have gone these days, if there is any little thing at all about you that could be at all perceived as being "weird", be it never having been in a long term relationship, be it having come out of a long term relationship or be it you being unable to afford to be in a relationship, you are basically red flagged and put into a little "weirdo" box, more often by a girls mates than ever by a girl herself or at least that's what I've found...

It really is a pity when so called 'friends' interject on relationships. I have no problem listening to advice from friends but at the end of the day there are two people in a relationship. From a personal point of view I really don't care about a guy's financial situation when it comes to dating. If I like him and he's genuine guy then what does it matter if he's down on his luck, especially in the current climate. On saying that, I think I'd be able to spot pretty quickly if he was taking advantage and I'd dump his ass.

IrishEyes19 · 08-05-2011 09:46PM

micayla wrote: »

It really is a pity when so called 'friends' interject on relationships. I have no problem listening to advice from friends but at the end of the day there are two people in a relationship. From a personal point of view I really don't care about a guy's financial situation when it comes to dating. If I like him and he's genuine guy then what does it matter if he's down on his luck, especially in the current climate. On saying that, I think I'd be able to spot pretty quickly if he was taking advantage and I'd dump his ass.

I have to say I'm the same, although I totally see your point hellfireclub, but I think most people are in the same situation today anyway money wise for the most part. Id much prefer a decent guy who I might go for a walk with, or do something inexpensive then some idiot who flashes credit cards about the place.

Maguined · 08-05-2011 10:48PM

If I ever got the impression a girl I was seeing would not be as interested in me if I did not have a steady job it would be a big turn off for me.

Granted at the beginning of a relationship it can be harder to spend quality time together getting to know each other to see if there is some spark between the two of you if money is an issue but as long as you are upfront and honest about it then it will only serve to weed out incompatible people for you so look at it for the silver lining it can be. If she is not willing to give it a go unless you got X in your bank account then she is not really worth your time and effort.

Galvasean · 09-06-2011 11:43AM

Galvasean wrote: »

Looking for some feedback here:
It seems as if every seemingly nice woman I encounter has gotten themself so well and thoroughly effed up with 'emotional baggage' or 'issues' with an ex that they can't seem to function properly.

Example, I had been dating this girl for a little while. Everything going great. I really like her. She really likes me. Then one day, out of the blue she texts me (while I'm at work, yay!) with a message that starts with the line that can never end well; "Hey I have been thinking...". Basically she tells me that things 'are still complicated' with her and her ex and she needs to 'sort out whats going on with him'. Of course the whole thing is capped off with that beautiful sentiment, "My head is all over the place at the moment" :rolleyes:
Long story short, she can't see me (casual relationship that it was) because she has 'issues' with her ex, WTF?

Hey OP, something very similar just happened to me...
Oh wait. You again? Her again?
Oh Galvasean you idiot! :mad:

Malari · 09-06-2011 11:46AM

Galvasean wrote: »

Hey OP, something very similar just happened to me...
Oh wait. You again? Her again?
Oh Galvasean you idiot! :mad:

What, the same girl? :eek::(

ManFromAtlantis · 09-06-2011 11:50AM

Galvasean wrote: »

Hey OP, something very similar just happened to me...
Oh wait. You again? Her again?
Oh Galvasean you idiot! :mad:

its not you , its you !

Galvasean · 09-06-2011 12:12PM

ManFromAtlantis wrote: »

its not you , its you !

I'm not over my ex... AKA you! :pac:

Snowie · 09-06-2011 01:10PM

I say 1up

yes I'm evil scememing but galva you can be funny at times.

no one diserves that crap

Semele · 10-06-2011 08:58PM

I dunno..

I would always have agreed in theory that the lines ("it's not you, it's me", "I really want to be friends", "It's just not the right time", etc) are just meaningless platitudes to conceal the fact that you're not that into someone- until I found myself saying them all to a guy I was seeing last week, genuinely meaning all of it and ending up crying like an idiot because it was so hard to do!

It's possibly the most adult thing I've ever done, hurt like hell but there's something oddly empowering in the aftermath of realising that for the first time in my life I've not just gone along with something blindly because it was good enough for now.

Although there are rational reasons, ie. he wasn't physically my type, we didn't have much in common beyond the superficial, etc, I can honestly say that he's a lovely guy who I get on amazingly with and none of those things alone seemed to warrant dumping him. It's very strange breaking up with someone for no reason other than that it got to a point where it doesn't feel right for me. And, cliched though they are, there is no good way of expressing that vagueness except through the usual lines!

So, rambling aside, they're not always just lines. Unsatisfying to hear maybe, but doesn't mean it's not genuine.

HellFireClub · 10-06-2011 10:56PM

Semele wrote: »

I dunno..

I would always have agreed in theory that the lines ("it's not you, it's me", "I really want to be friends", "It's just not the right time", etc) are just meaningless platitudes to conceal the fact that you're not that into someone- until I found myself saying them all to a guy I was seeing last week, genuinely meaning all of it and ending up crying like an idiot because it was so hard to do!

It's possibly the most adult thing I've ever done, hurt like hell but there's something oddly empowering in the aftermath of realising that for the first time in my life I've not just gone along with something blindly because it was good enough for now.

Although there are rational reasons, ie. he wasn't physically my type, we didn't have much in common beyond the superficial, etc, I can honestly say that he's a lovely guy who I get on amazingly with and none of those things alone seemed to warrant dumping him. It's very strange breaking up with someone for no reason other than that it got to a point where it doesn't feel right for me. And, cliched though they are, there is no good way of expressing that vagueness except through the usual lines!

So, rambling aside, they're not always just lines. Unsatisfying to hear maybe, but doesn't mean it's not genuine.

You can't do right at all these days. If you knock something on the head, (and I say this as a guy!), because you just don't see it going anywhere, before there is a chance that you will end up in the sack together and surely then it would be ten times harder to draw a line under it, you end getting told that you are afraid of commitment or have issues with commitment or are are "too deep"...

Then if you run with it and see how it goes, and "that" happens, and you decide that it just isn't meant to be at any stage after "that", you are perceived as a using sc*mbag.

My old theory is still holding fast, the theory being that you will only meet a potential life partner once every ten years, everything else in between is just padding that you have to get through and dispense with with as little difficulty and hassle as is possible...

RussellTuring · 12-06-2011 01:23PM

HellFireClub wrote: »

You can't do right at all these days. If you knock something on the head, (and I say this as a guy!), because you just don't see it going anywhere, before there is a chance that you will end up in the sack together and surely then it would be ten times harder to draw a line under it, you end getting told that you are afraid of commitment or have issues with commitment or are are "too deep"...

Then if you run with it and see how it goes, and "that" happens, and you decide that it just isn't meant to be at any stage after "that", you are perceived as a using sc*mbag.

My old theory is still holding fast, the theory being that you will only meet a potential life partner once every ten years, everything else in between is just padding that you have to get through and dispense with with as little difficulty and hassle as is possible...

That's why the sex should happen before the relationship.

Pepe LeFrits · 12-06-2011 01:54PM

Snogged a girl I'd been chasing for a while last night. Five minutes later she's snogging another guy on her way back from the toilets. That was enough for me to relocate to a different part of the bar, but half an hour later she tracks me down to tell me her woes about being rejected by another guy from the group.

She was locked, we all were, but seriously - GTFO.

RussellTuring · 12-06-2011 03:16PM

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Snogged a girl I'd been chasing for a while last night. Five minutes later she's snogging another guy on her way back from the toilets. That was enough for me to relocate to a different part of the bar, but half an hour later she tracks me down to tell me her woes about being rejected by another guy from the group.

She was locked, we all were, but seriously - GTFO.

We've all been there. Chin up etc. Anyway, the important thing is: do you still want her after that?

Pepe LeFrits · 12-06-2011 03:20PM

Not a chance.

Handsome Bob · 12-06-2011 03:29PM

Yup, once you see someone's true colours, the attraction drains away for me. Of course, there are exceptions such as length of time you're with someone.

Galvasean · 12-06-2011 03:29PM

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Not a chance.

Damn straight. As always George Bush puts it into words better than I ever could.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKgPY1adc0A

RussellTuring · 12-06-2011 03:35PM

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Not a chance.

Good. Consider it a harsh lesson then. People like that aren't worth your time.

LegacyUser · 12-06-2011 03:41PM

It seems both men and women play games. Its hard to find someone genuine because I feel alot of people expect to be played so have their guard up abit. Im a firm believer if you like someone you contact them and if you dont you dont so if you havent heard anything they are not interested, hard but you move on! I know guys arent deep thinkers and for them sex can be just a physical thing with no more thought after it. Since Ive been single I have noticed the amount of guys just wanting a shag is mindblowing, excuse the pun! Dont get me wrong I enjoy it as much as any man but theres too much consequences for a one night. I know some women are a little needy but what person doesnt want a little reassurance that they are a somebody and not a nobody in someones life! Who knows where anything will go but both sexes need to give the other a chance!

HellFireClub · 12-06-2011 03:55PM

Notallthesame wrote: »

Who knows where anything will go but both sexes need to give the other a chance!

Very well said. Easily to say that but very difficult to practice it though!

Handsome Bob · 12-06-2011 03:59PM

Yeah, patience is another one I find to be lacking in people these days. I'm sure we've all been on the receiving end, and in truth instigators as well, of rash decisions when it comes to relationships.

12-06-2011 04:01PM

This seems applicable here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhxK2IOywVE

HellFireClub · 12-06-2011 04:04PM

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Yeah, patience is another one I find to be lacking in people these days. I'm sure we've all been on the receiving end, and in truth instigators as well, of rash decisions when it comes to relationships.

I put my hands up on that front, I don't really give anything a chance, but the consequences of that in terms of being single, I'm more than happy to live with for the moment.

I think as you get older and get into your 30's, you listen to your gut feeling a lot more, whereas in your 20's, you will run with things that you shouldn't have really bothered with...

Lon Dubh · 12-06-2011 04:44PM

That "Who's Gonna save my soul" video is hilarious. Too true

HellFireClub · 12-06-2011 04:50PM

Lon Dubh wrote: »

That "Who's Gonna save my soul" video is hilarious. Too true

It's a bit sick though at the same time!

cyrusdvirus · 12-06-2011 06:17PM

still funny though

YFlyer · 25-06-2011 05:25PM

Galvasean wrote: »

Looking for some feedback here:
It seems as if every seemingly nice woman I encounter has gotten themself so well and thoroughly effed up with 'emotional baggage' or 'issues' with an ex that they can't seem to function properly.

Example, I had been dating this girl for a little while. Everything going great. I really like her. She really likes me. Then one day, out of the blue she texts me (while I'm at work, yay!) with a message that starts with the line that can never end well; "Hey I have been thinking...". Basically she tells me that things 'are still complicated' with her and her ex and she needs to 'sort out whats going on with him'. Of course the whole thing is capped off with that beautiful sentiment, "My head is all over the place at the moment" :rolleyes:
Long story short, she can't see me (casual relationship that it was) because she has 'issues' with her ex, WTF?

Virtually the same thing happened with my last girlfriend too. Some BS about not wanting to get into another relationship (her last one ended 3 months before meeting me) as she felt she was 'getting too attached' to me.
Of course, she just had to throw in the ultimately patronizing cliché, "I hope we can still be friends" line. How's that going? Well we haven't met in person since and any time I tried to organize a mee tup I'd get fobbed off with increasingly lame duck excuses. Whatever about that. I'm straying a bit from the point now...

It seems to happen practically every time I get into a relationship (of sorts) with a woman. They all seem to have had some sort of traumatic previous relationship that has left them so emotionally crippled that they wont give a guy like me -who I might ad has done absolutely nothing to be consistently cast aside - a fair shot and let me go for some pathetic reason which has absolutely nothing to do with me.
But hey, I have a Y chromosome so it's not like jerking me around matters. I'm a freakin' caveman anyway. Not like I can get hurt right?

So basically what I'm looking to find out with this thread is am I just quite unlucky with this or is it commonplace?

Any girl mentions that BS to me, I immediately drop them like a hot spud. Always felt comfortable been single.

HellFireClub · 25-06-2011 09:14PM

YFlyer wrote: »

Any girl mentions that BS to me, I immediately drop them like a hot spud. Always felt comfortable been single.

It's a lot more common than you think.

I am a friend · 26-06-2011 07:08AM

Galvasean wrote: »

Virtually the same thing happened with my last girlfriend too. Some BS about not wanting to get into another relationship (her last one ended 3 months before meeting me) as she felt she was 'getting too attached' to me.

I havent read all the posts ....

I think (and this is no excuse) a lot of girls only let you know what they are going through as they get to know you... You may come across as supportive and they feel they can talk to you about 'stuff', without using their cop on and filtering 'the stuff'..

IMHO, they should not be dating unless they are in a good head space to deal with a relationship and not burden the other party with their baggage....

OP, how did she get to be your gf if she didnt want to get into a relationship? Not being smart, I just dont understand...

I think, in a lot of cases, the warning signs would be there from early on and you should not ignore them... I have baggage, my OH has baggage but its not up to him to fix it for me...

I do also agree with the prevous posters that the 'i am not over an ex' story is used to keep you at length... Its not cool and its not the way it should be done but in general, people are wimps when it comes to rejecting someone...

Dont give up hope, there are some emotionally mature women out there

Getting jerked about by women

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