Getting jerked about by women

parker kent

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I find there are not that many available Irish men to date because they are all dating Eastern European women, or women in Northern Ireland...whatever about plenty of women in Ireland. What about plenty of men???

(i live in France but i want to find an Irish man as I would never date a french man..i have already had 5 relationships with guys back in Dublin, while i live here)

I actually don't know one man who has dated an Eastern European or Northern Irish woman. Maybe there is an age difference, but I'd be very, very surprised if there was a widespread trend of Irish men thinking along the lines of the men in your post.

Raekwon

parker kent wrote: »

I actually don't know one man who has dated an Eastern European or Northern Irish woman. Maybe there is an age difference, but I'd be very, very surprised if there was a widespread trend of Irish men thinking along the lines of the men in your post.

That's interesting because myself and a large percentage of my friends are in relationships with foreign women, by I'd say that our age group (around 28-34) has alot top do with it.

Panthro

Jaysus, I read the title of the thread completely wrong!:o

LegacyUser

to the op i was in the same situation as you,im probably going to be called weird but im one of few men who doesn't understand the "friends with ex" thing,i think this can put strain on relationship itself,of course some people are fine being friends with exes.

To the issue,i think with replies like that is the girl is not over their ex and still wants answers to certain situations,as well i think when they give answers like that,their ex is trying to reignite the old flame,personally if i was in a situation like that,i would get out,unless you want to be friends and play second fiddle to the ex.

LegacyUser

I-Shot-Jr wrote: »

Women are crazy psychopaths fuelled by hormones, emotion and drama.
My plan is to find one that isn't as bad as the rest and marry it.

Not every woman is a crazy psycho, lead by their emotions and the drama that forms the nucleus of their lives. Some of them think that soccer is a beautiful game, love their Xboxes and can think of nothing better than a cold beer and having their mates round. All the while loving fashion, their friends and the gym.

Or so I read.

Wibbs

Raekwon wrote: »

That's interesting because myself and a large percentage of my friends are in relationships with foreign women, by I'd say that our age group (around 28-34) has alot top do with it.

I think it's both an age thing and your personal circle of mates. Of the men I know and have known, I'd reckon since around 1990 about a third have ended up with foreign women. Of that third the majority knew each other. I have noticed that guys as they get older, into their 30's seem to gravitate more towards the foreign ladies. Dunno why. Maybe I noticed it because I've tended to go out with non Irish women since my 20's, when it was considered unusual. Now I doubt it would be remarked upon. That said maybe it's just more access to foreign women nowadays.

TBH the only trend I've noticed in the last 20 years are age gap relationships. For both men and women, but especially the latter. Oh sure Ireland had that thing of the oul farmer and the young bride type o thing, but still. My dad was 13 years older than my mum and that was frowned upon by a few quarters back in the day. Now? I doubt it would even register. A woman with a guy 10 years her junior 30 years ago, even 20? It would be defo unusual.

Raekwon

Wibbs wrote: »

I think it's both an age thing and your personal circle of mates. Of the men I know and have known, I'd reckon since around 1990 about a third have ended up with foreign women. Of that third the majority knew each other. I have noticed that guys as they get older, into their 30's seem to gravitate more towards the foreign ladies. Dunno why. Maybe I noticed it because I've tended to go out with non Irish women since my 20's, when it was considered unusual. Now I doubt it would be remarked upon. That said maybe it's just more access to foreign women nowadays.

I'd definitely think that it's an age thing as I have a couple of different circles of friends that I socialise with separately and we would very rarely all meet up together but their taste in women seem to be very similar. I also think that it is quite rare to see young Irish guy with a foreign girl as they usually hook up with young Irish girls through school/college/friends. It's not until they reach their mid to late 20's, when they are in a working environment and their social circle starts to broaden, that they come into direct contact with foreign women (although there are obviously exceptions). Plus sometimes guys that leave Ireland after college and acquire a 'taste' for foreign women that can be very hard to shake off once they come back home and they would activity seek relationships with non-Irish ladies.

I'd also agree that it's an availability thing as we have access to foreign women then ever before even though their has been a steady decline in their numbers recently. A good example of this is one of my best mates that I grew up with. He is 32 now and had a couple of long-term relationships with Irish women in his 20's and is now married to a Polish girl 8 years his junior. Another couple of my mates are going out with French, Canadian, Slovak and Lithuanian women respectively and are all in and around the 30 age bracket. These girls are mostly around that same age as them too, not that it really matters but I thought I'd mention it.

I myself have been going out with a Czech girl for a number of years now and myself and my mates were both drunkenly talking about why we date/marry foreign girls and we pretty much agreed on two things. Firstly was the harsh realities of the Irish dating scene. Anyone that is single and in their late 20's/early 30's and will possibly agree with how one dimensional the Irish dating scene is, I think it's fair to say that compared to any other county and it seems pretty much medieval. Secondly was the overall quality of women available. I'm not strictly talking about attractiveness here, but that obviously plays a pivotal role to some degree, but the actual availability of decent Irish women of a certain age. I know lots of stunning Irish women but none of them are single, infact most are in very long-term relationships and have been with the same bloke since their early to mid 20's. Those that are available in my experience have either have too much emotional baggage, a few kids or are not very nice people that need to cop on and learn that respect goes both ways.

Okay I'm rambling here while I should be working (:p) but I'd agree on most of the points that you made.

Young_gunner

i'd say most lads have at least one experience of getting jerked about by a bird, def better to cut all strings immediately when this sh1t starts imho.

Tea drinker

Young_gunner wrote: »

i'd say most lads have at least one experience of getting jerked about by a bird, def better to cut all strings immediately when this sh1t starts imho.

ain't that the truth, and then some
Interesting the posts about foreign girls....I ended up marrying an eastern european bird

micayla

Hope girls can post here, was wandering about the forums when I spotted this. OP in your original post you mentioned it was a casual relationship. It is possible that it may have been getting to a serious stage and she wasn't ready for that, so was being honest with you about her feelings. Doing it by text is wrong though:mad:

I got dumped over 5 months ago, long story short I was in love he wasn't. At this stage I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm not ready to trust someone again, but I would have a casual relationship because I don't see anything wrong with having some fun with someone whose company you enjoy, however if a guy ever does express his interest in me I tell them straight up that that's where my head is. It's possible this girl either didn't think it would get serious or didn't know she wasn't ready for a relationship. A lot of people date again after being dumped to boost their confidence and make themselves feel better, what they don't realise is that emotionally they're not ready for that.

Just my two cents

magneticimpulse

I think alot of people get jerked around when both parties are not clear about what they want from a relationship at the beginning.

Ive lots of female friends who keep breaking up and complaining about men...yet the men are also my friends and they complain that the relationship ended. Neither actually wanted to break up, both wanted a relationship....

Why did they break up? Because they either wanted children or didnt want children...thats just 1 example. People need to be upfront at the beginning what they want from it.

metrovelvet

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think alot of people get jerked around when both parties are not clear about what they want from a relationship at the beginning.

Ive lots of female friends who keep breaking up and complaining about men...yet the men are also my friends and they complain that the relationship ended. Neither actually wanted to break up, both wanted a relationship....

Why did they break up? Because they either wanted children or didnt want children...thats just 1 example. People need to be upfront at the beginning what they want from it.

That would be nice except a lot of the time people dont know what they want or they change their minds. You have to be prepared for that, people are allowed to do both of those things.

Eh humans!

missrandomer

metrovelvet wrote: »

That would be nice except a lot of the time people dont know what they want or they change their minds. You have to be prepared for that, people are allowed to do both of those things.

Eh humans!

Didnt think of it like that, but yep your right, we dont always know what we want (boys & girls) grass greener and all that is a term that comes to mind there, but also i heard a guy friend talking to one of the lads and his advise was
"if your hearts not init.... bin it" harsh as it sounds but he made a valid point of not only wasting yourown time but also the other persons time, time that they could be spending on someone who is wants their attention, so is it getting jerked around or is it that a decision was made...

cantdecide

The nature of the 'getting jerked around' is the idea of flogging the dead horse rather than calling the spade and spade for the benefit of your mutual mental health.

I can only speak for myself but I'll always know very quickly if I like someone and want to continue. You enter new/ potential relationships with loose expectations and open mind that things will usually evolve into something else. Sometimes you move together, sometimes you move apart. IME, fear of being alone has a lot to answer for on the issue of feeling jerked around.

MajorMax

BAH! Damn misleading thread title, not what I was ecpecting at all!:mad:

metrovelvet

missrandomer wrote: »

Didnt think of it like that, but yep your right, we dont always know what we want (boys & girls) grass greener and all that is a term that comes to mind there, but also i heard a guy friend talking to one of the lads and his advise was
"if your hearts not init.... bin it" harsh as it sounds but he made a valid point of not only wasting yourown time but also the other persons time, time that they could be spending on someone who is wants their attention, so is it getting jerked around or is it that a decision was made...

I think often another person is more aware of what we want more than we are and they can often be more literate about the signals.

But then the person insists they are wrong and they do want x, they dont mean y, and so that is when the mixed signals and jerking around starts.

LegacyUser

I also think that it is quite rare to see young Irish guy with a foreign girl as they usually hook up with young Irish girls through school/college/friends. It's not until they reach their mid to late 20's, when they are in a working environment and their social circle starts to broaden, that they come into direct contact with foreign women (although there are obviously exceptions). Plus sometimes guys that leave Ireland after college and acquire a 'taste' for foreign women that can be very hard to shake off once they come back home and they would activity seek relationships with non-Irish ladies.

Completely agree with this, and the reverse of this, I'm a late 20's female and myself and my other friends of the same age seem to gravitate towards foreign men these days having had a few relationships with french/spanish/brazilian men i can't really see myself settling with an irish man now, which is a pity and my friends would say the same.

I know lots of stunning Irish women but none of them are single, infact most are in very long-term relationships and have been with the same bloke since their early to mid 20's. Those that are available in my experience have either have too much emotional baggage, a few kids or are not very nice people that need to cop on and learn that respect goes both ways.

Again i would completely agree with this Irish men/women seem to get together at a relatively young age and a lot end up staying together out of habit/fear, from a woman's perspective by the time you hit 25 all the sound good looking guys are taken and the ones left seem to have a huge chip on their shoulders which is such a shame really but thus is life i guess.

magneticimpulse

mod edit: no generalizations, even against the French

^Well lots of people are saying they would only date certain nationalities...i still find Irish guys ok!! Like that, its not me who is making the generalizations...the posts above me are saying they would only date women or men from non Irish backgrounds.

missrandomer

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think often another person is more aware of what we want more than we are and they can often be more literate about the signals.

But then the person insists they are wrong and they do want x, they dont mean y, and so that is when the mixed signals and jerking around starts.

Not quiet sure i get what you mean,so bare with me;), but in my opinion, i think were good at knowing exactly what we dont want, so we look for a person who catches our eye and maby we would like to know more, relationships come from that, but you never realy get to know wether we want to be with someone until your with them 3 months at most, and sure by then people start pulling back cause its not what they want or racing forward oblivious to the real signs , its then it gets messy as two people want completly different things.

sam34

magneticimpulse wrote: »

mod edit: no generalizations, even against the French

^Well lots of people are saying they would only date certain nationalities...i still find Irish guys ok!! Like that, its not me who is making the generalizations...the posts above me are saying they would only date women or men from non Irish backgrounds.

MI you've been around boards long enough to know not to discuss/dispute mod decisions on-thread. and you made some pretty huuuuuuuuuuuuge generalisations.

Young_gunner

just experienced this, its really not very nice is it?

the drifter

follow one rule...

"Dont show no lovin...lovin get you killed"

Joe10000

Two ppl have mentioned seeking highs from txting their partner and sometimes it just didn't happen and then experiencing lows, i find this fascinating and think I do it myself, anyone care to expand on it ?

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Yeah, I suppose it's much easier citing 'issues' or something than telling someone to their face that you aren't into them anymore.
Pity failed relationships don't come with feedback cards.

I think most people only meet two or three people/potential partners in a lifetime who will really set their heart racing and give them the butterflies, everything else is just padding I think, that folks will generally try to work their way out of, whether you are male or female, after a few weeks of casual fun/intimacy/whatever...

If I was you, (and I'm in the same situation as yourself), I'd seriously adjust my expectations, meeting someone who you can settle down with for a few months or years is a very rare event I think...

IrishEyes19

HellFireClub wrote: »

I think most people only meet two or three people/potential partners in a lifetime who will really set their heart racing and give them the butterflies, everything else is just padding I think, that folks will generally try to work their way out of, whether you are male or female, after a few weeks of casual fun/intimacy/whatever...

If I was you, (and I'm in the same situation as yourself), I'd seriously adjust my expectations, meeting someone who you can settle down with for a few months or years is a very rare event I think...

Would have to agree with that, and to add I think people have higher expectations now too, as well as casual relationships are in fashion now, so people get together and break up now all the time and the people who do invest themselves into a relationship get that shoddy excuse, its not me, its you, and often see their ex with someone new a week later.

Dating is daunting for people these days I think. :eek:

HellFireClub

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Would have to agree with that, and to add I think people have higher expectations now too, as well as casual relationships are in fashion now, so people get together and break up now all the time and the people who do invest themselves into a relationship get that shoddy excuse, its not me, its you, and often see their ex with someone new a week later.

Dating is daunting for people these days I think. :eek:

Do people even have the money for dating at the moment?!? I was unemployed until recently and I found myself having to give the "it's not you, it's me", line on more than one occasion, and I elaborated upon that statement to point out, at huge embarrassment to myself I might add, that it was purely a financial issue at my end and I didn't want to be a burden on anyone...

Then I found myself being kind of sneered at in a cynical manner via a few departing texts, (by someone who thought I was snubbing or rejecting them!), when the plain and simple truth was just that I couldn't afford to do any dating... It's amazing that you can be trying to protect someone from a situation that they might not be aware of, but at the same time you can end up being accused of messing them around or not making enough of an effort...

But the point I'm trying to make in relation to the OP is that you just don't know what "non-ex" issues a person might be carrrying around with them inside their head and just not want to share them for some particular reason... There could be many reasons here, trust issues, (rational or otherwise), financial issues, (very likely these days), someone who is in a job and doesn't have any real income issues, but at the same time might absolutely hate their job and stuck there, but equally can't expect to find another job and is just too depressed for a relationship, I could go on and on!

micayla

HellFireClub wrote: »

Do people even have the money for dating at the moment?!? I was unemployed until recently and I found myself having to give the "it's not you, it's me", line on more than one occasion, and I elaborated upon that statement to point out, at huge embarrassment to myself I might add, that it was purely a financial issue at my end and I didn't want to be a burden on anyone...

Then I found myself being kind of sneered at in a cynical manner via a few departing texts, (by someone who thought I was snubbing or rejecting them!), when the plain and simple truth was just that I couldn't afford to do any dating... It's amazing that you can be trying to protect someone from a situation that they might not be aware of, but at the same time you can end up being accused of messing them around or not making enough of an effort...

But the point I'm trying to make in relation to the OP is that you just don't know what "non-ex" issues a person might be carrrying around with them inside their head and just not want to share them for some particular reason... There could be many reasons here, trust issues, (rational or otherwise), financial issues, (very likely these days), someone who is in a job and doesn't have any real income issues, but at the same time might absolutely hate their job and stuck there, but equally can't expect to find another job and is just too depressed for a relationship, I could go on and on!

HFC, before ending things did you try explianing your situation to any of the people involved? I don't think dating should always be about spending money, there's nothing that beats curling up on the couch with someone watching a movie or tv, or making that person dinner

HellFireClub

micayla wrote: »

HFC, before ending things did you try explianing your situation to any of the people involved? I don't think dating should always be about spending money, there's nothing that beats curling up on the couch with someone watching a movie or tv, or making that person dinner

In my own head it was well beyond that. I was used to doing the dating thing in the past but at the same time, I was used to going at it in a certain way when I met someone I really liked.

It wasn't all about splashing the cash or showing off, but I'm the kind of guy who would go at things in a certain way and if I couldn't go at it in a way that I was comfortable with, which I suppose you could say was treating the girl I was with like an absolute lady, and felt was respectable, I just wouldn't go at it at all as I'm not into half measures or arsing around with things.

So I decided that I wasn't going to run with it if I couldn't do it in a manner that I felt was proper and respectful as I saw it, (now don't read for that, poncy, stuck up or pretentious), I fully understood that this would cost me dates and what you might call opportunities, and I decided to stick to what I believed in and what I knew worked for me.

At the end of the day, I still maintain that this outlook that I had developed, although it might have cost me a few dates, for me it saved me an awful lot of stress and hassle.

This thing about cuddling up on the couch, I hear the argument to a certain extent but you can knock about a fortnight out of that, before, as a guy, you start running into probable esteem issues and start getting depressed because you can't afford to be a gentleman and treat your potential lady as you want to be able to treat her. Anyone can go through a few weeks of poverty, but unemployment is long term incapacity, it's not just a tough patch or a bit of bad luck, it's like looking at the Polar Bears in the Dublin Zoo enclosure, just doing the same auld sh*t day after day after day, for what could end up being years.

So that's what worked for me, and I know it sounds selfish, but if it didn't work for someone else, as in someone who I might have ended up having a bit of a "wear" with some night and thought there was something going to become of it, it's just not something that I'd have lost a minutes sleep over. Life can be tough sometimes, at least I'm doing right by myself and I'm living by the values that I respect...

micayla

That's fair enough

HellFireClub

micayla wrote: »

That's fair enough

But maybe the OP is more open minded than me, so each to their own at the same time, I don't want to hijack the thread with my own, obviously different, perspective...