is it wrong checking a partners phone?

littlemis · 17-04-2011 03:04AM

Console wrote: »

Interesting question littlemis,
See, well here is the thing .... if you check a partners phone out of insecurity / without reason. Its wrong. 100%.

But, on the flip side. if you had your suspicions (genuine level headed suspicions and not born out of any insecurity) then checked the phone and they were cheating? ... you cant exactly argue with why someone did that and it not being wrong. Cheating will always trump "insecurity" as cheating involves betrayal, lies and hurtfullness.

I guess this whole question is just a statement to what you can encounter in the world. Like in a perfect world there would be no cheating, and even if there was it would be nice for a person to be honest when asked. But you know yourself.

And where do you stand on it?

You make a valid point.Betrayal over rules insecurity every time....

See I am 100% married,I am as in love with him now as when I first fell in love with him.I have no reason to doubt him,so no reason to want to check his phone.Have no notion of ever replacing him if he kicks the bucket so to speak,as no man out there would be good enough to replace him either in my heart or in my bed...He is my husband,lover and best friend and I know he would not stray just as he knows I would not...So there you go,does that answer your question.

eternal · 17-04-2011 03:16AM

Console wrote: »

then you are a fool.
i was being respectful in your views. clearly you werent in mine. i would put everything i have that if you suspected your partner of cheating, and his/her phone was there... you'd check. or you'd snoop in other ways. just another bs statement people make. what they say they would do in a situation and what they would really do.

Ill tell you the Gods honest truth ,whereas most on here are talking crap when they say they wouldnt .
I was going out with a pathological liar ,no joke.With my own two eyes I saw him kissing a girl that was always sniffing round him.
He denied it still ,I knew he was sleeping with her and countless others .I never checked his phone like sneaky or anything .One day he got a text and I said very innocently 'is that such a person about tonight or whatever'.
He went blood red and I grabbed the phone off him and there was a shockingly badly spellled message saying ' hey sexy ,long time no here .'
I was as upset about the spelling as I was about the skank .
If someone is treating you like dirt ,whats wrong with looking at their phone ? so its ok for them to be making a fool out of you but you cant see their phone .Talk about it ? This guy was a psycho ,there was no way you could talk to him .
I honestly dont think people have been in the situation and so cant comment for real.I hope you like my honesty.

Console · 17-04-2011 03:17AM

littlemis wrote: »

You make a valid point.Betrayal over rules insecurity every time....

See I am 100% married,I am as in love with him now as when I first fell in love with him.I have no reason to doubt him,so no reason to want to check his phone.Have no notion of ever replacing him if he kicks the bucket so to speak,as no man out there would be good enough to replace him either in my heart or in my bed...He is my husband,lover and best friend and I know he would not stray just as he knows I would not...So there you go,does that answer your question.

What question is that tho?
Every situation in life is different. You cited your successful marriage with your husband. But thats your situation. Thats not someone elses.

I could go out next week and meet the girl of my dreams ... equally I could go out next week and hook up with a girl that isnt. I could meet a girl who will be so faithful, equally i can meet someone who is not. Dont get me wrong its nice to hear you have a successful marriage. But as I said, thats your situation.

Console · 17-04-2011 03:20AM

eternal wrote: »

Ill tell you the Gods honest truth ,whereas most on here are talking crap when they say they wouldnt .
I was going out with a pathological liar ,no joke.With my own two eyes I saw him kissing a girl that was always sniffing round him.
He denied it still ,I knew he was sleeping with her and countless others .I never checked his phone like sneaky or anything .One day he got a text and I said very innocently 'is that such a person about tonight or whatever'.
He went blood red and I grabbed the phone off him and there was a shockingly badly spellled message saying ' hey sexy ,long time no here .'
I was as upset about the spelling as I was about the skank .
If someone is treating you like dirt ,whats wrong with looking at their phone ? so its ok for them to be making a fool out of you but you cant see their phone .Talk about it ? This guy was a psycho ,there was no way you could talk to him .
I honestly dont think people have been in the situation and so cant comment for real.I hope you like my honesty.

Etneral, your post is very honest.
And I for one say well done. +1 million.

Cianos · 17-04-2011 03:54AM

eternal wrote: »

Ill tell you the Gods honest truth ,whereas most on here are talking crap when they say they wouldnt .
I was going out with a pathological liar ,no joke.With my own two eyes I saw him kissing a girl that was always sniffing round him.
He denied it still ,I knew he was sleeping with her and countless others .I never checked his phone like sneaky or anything .One day he got a text and I said very innocently 'is that such a person about tonight or whatever'.
He went blood red and I grabbed the phone off him and there was a shockingly badly spellled message saying ' hey sexy ,long time no here .'
I was as upset about the spelling as I was about the skank .
If someone is treating you like dirt ,whats wrong with looking at their phone ? so its ok for them to be making a fool out of you but you cant see their phone .Talk about it ? This guy was a psycho ,there was no way you could talk to him .
I honestly dont think people have been in the situation and so cant comment for real.I hope you like my honesty.

What?

If you had seen him cheating with someone with your own two eyes, why didn't you end it there and then? If you didn't end it there and then, it's telling him that he can get away with it and that you'll put up with it. Is looking at his phone a bad thing to do? You had your answer before you looked at the phone, so yeah, it's still an unnecessary breach of privacy.

temply · 17-04-2011 08:06AM

TestymcTriblet wrote: »

Not at all. women need to be monitered.

controlling

mfceiling · 17-04-2011 08:14AM

Go the full hog.......

Sniff their knickers, follow them around wearing sunglasses, a hat and a false beard, open their letters, watch their every waking move...infact stay awake at night and watch them sleeping.........just incase

Asphyxia · 17-04-2011 08:32AM

watna wrote: »

I couldn't care less if my OH looks at my phone. There's nothing in there and I regularly ask him to read texts to me if I'm driving, and he does the same. We also use each other's laptops and the passwords for our email accounts, facebook etc are saved on both. I've nothing to hide so I don't care if he goes in to my gmail to look for things. Sometimes I ask him to do that to print something for me.

It's only a big deal for a person if they have something to hide, imo.

Your exactly right! I don't mind if my boyfriend looks through anything on my phone and he usually gets me to read out texts on his when he's driving. I would be a bit put out if he tried hiding it but he's always eager for me to use his when I've no credit, he even told me the code that lets you view messages.

I think when you start looking at your OH's phone in a paranoid way then you should start looking at the relationship because there's obviously no trust there.

Irish Fire · 17-04-2011 09:07AM

I only look at the wife's phone 'cause I'm jealous.... Nobody texts me.....

On a serious note though I think if you suspect something you should check!!! Instinct is a wonderful thing and we don't use it often enough....

Spore · 17-04-2011 09:40AM

On a serious note though I think if you suspect something you should check!!! paranoia is a wonderful thing and we don't use it often enough....

Fixed your post.

Seriously, people who check other people's phones should be shot.

Irish Fire · 17-04-2011 10:00AM

Spore wrote: »

Fixed your post.

Seriously, people who check other people's phones should be shot.

No you did NOT "fix" my post as you put it!!!!

On the other side of the coin if people are given a reason to suspect something well they are right to check, I suspect you my "post fixing friend" would be the first to check your partners phone if you had the slightest idea something was wrong, or are you one of thers people living in your own little bubble running through the meadow on a warm summers day..... or you are playing away yourself....

I have never had experience of someone playing away but I have had several friends (both male and female) that this has happened to and they were dead right to check the phone, and no one will convince me otherwise!!!

I would suggest that you stop "fixing" other peoples posts and cop on, the meadow would not be there with out the rain, or stop playing away or whatever the case may be.......

pow wow · 17-04-2011 12:17PM

In a serious relationship it's not the worst thing you could ever do. I'd be more concerned about why he/I felt the need to do it rather than the actual fact that it was done. I have no issue with him checking my phone if he really wants to.

4zn76tysfajdxp · 17-04-2011 12:33PM

Irish Fire wrote: »

I have never had experience of someone playing away but I have had several friends (both male and female) that this has happened to and they were dead right to check the phone, and no one will convince me otherwise!!!

Is that why you check your wife's phone? Because all your friends do it?

pow wow · 17-04-2011 12:36PM

Heavenly Ambitious Cement wrote: »

Is that why you check your wife's phone? Because all your friends do it her?

fyp.

Ficheall · 17-04-2011 04:04PM

eternal wrote: »

' hey sexy ,long time no here .'
I was as upset about the spelling as I was about the skank .

Would it have made you feel better if she'd been aiming for a witty pun?

Eric Cartman · 17-04-2011 05:58PM

its wrong all the time, no matter what circumstance for anybody to read anybody elses phone without permission, no matter the relation with them. phones have pass code protection for a reason.

Scanlas The 2nd · 17-04-2011 06:11PM

humberklog wrote: »

If you're normal in the head and you have suspicions then your suspicions are probably right.

Don't bother reading through the phone, just throw it at them.

If you're suspicion are right then your better off without them.

If your suspicions are wrong then they're better off without you.

Wow...such internet magical logic.

jehutey · 24-04-2011 10:31PM

been going with a girl for 5 years and engaged for one and a half of those she went on girly holiday and kissed someone else i found out cause she was acting sketchy wnen useing my computer to upload off of cam and then filter pics to fb big ****ing arguement and promised she not do anything like that again ,a few weeks ago she has a go at me for talking to a daughter of a friend that added me on fb nothing dirty just random banter but big ****ing arguement and i cancelled fb to shut her up ,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationshipand wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough ,.i dont know wat to think anymore i do not trust her one bit i feel like **** i want to tell her to **** off and die but i am part of her family as she is of mine i have seen her neices and nephews grow up and they call me their uncle and mine call her an aunt she has ****ed me over so badly and i dont know wat to do ?someone please help:(

easyeason3 · 24-04-2011 10:46PM

jehutey wrote: »

been going with a girl for 5 years and engaged for one and a half of those she went on girly holiday and kissed someone else i found out cause she was acting sketchy wnen useing my computer to upload off of cam and then filter pics to fb big ****ing arguement and promised she not do anything like that again ,a few weeks ago she has a go at me for talking to a daughter of a friend that added me on fb nothing dirty just random banter but big ****ing arguement and i cancelled fb to shut her up ,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationshipand wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough ,.i dont know wat to think anymore i do not trust her one bit i feel like **** i want to tell her to **** off and die but i am part of her family as she is of mine i have seen her neices and nephews grow up and they call me their uncle and mine call her an aunt she has ****ed me over so badly and i dont know wat to do ?someone please help:(

Take a step back for a while & think about things.
If my fiance ever cheated on me I'd like to think that I'd cut the balls off him & flounce out the door. In reality I don't know how I would react. Some people say that once a cheater then always a cheater. I know people this has happened to & yes some got fcuked over & some actually made it work & it's working very well.

Usually when someone cheats it can indicate that there is something lacking in the relationship. Sit her down & have a proper chat with her about things & it's up to yourself after that if you want to give it another go.

Best of luck & I hope things work out for the best.

jehutey · 24-04-2011 10:53PM

easyeason3 wrote: »

Take a step back for a while & think about things.
If my fiance ever cheated on me I'd like to think that I'd cut the balls off him & flounce out the door. In reality I don't know how I would react. Some people say that once a cheater then always a cheater. I know people this has happened to & yes some got fcuked over & some actually made it work & it's working very well.

Usually when someone cheats it can indicate that there is something lacking in the relationship. Sit her down & have a proper chat with her about things & it's up to yourself after that if you want to give it another go.

Best of luck & I hope things work out for the best.

i have talked with her and she said she doesnot know why she done it just that she was given attention form him she said she was bored but i am working full time she is part time and is useless with money so when it comes to doing anything i have to pay cause she has pissed away her money somehow or another

iPlop · 24-04-2011 10:56PM

jehutey wrote: »

been going with a girl for 5 years and engaged for one and a half of those she went on girly holiday and kissed someone else i found out cause she was acting sketchy wnen useing my computer to upload off of cam and then filter pics to fb big ****ing arguement and promised she not do anything like that again ,a few weeks ago she has a go at me for talking to a daughter of a friend that added me on fb nothing dirty just random banter but big ****ing arguement and i cancelled fb to shut her up ,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationshipand wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough ,.i dont know wat to think anymore i do not trust her one bit i feel like **** i want to tell her to **** off and die but i am part of her family as she is of mine i have seen her neices and nephews grow up and they call me their uncle and mine call her an aunt she has ****ed me over so badly and i dont know wat to do ?someone please help:(

Listen, what easyseason3 said, but is she doing it on purpose? ,why is she treating you this way?

easyeason3 · 24-04-2011 11:01PM

jehutey wrote: »

i have talked with her and she said she doesnot know why she done it just that she was given attention form him she said she was bored but i am working full time she is part time and is useless with money so when it comes to doing anything i have to pay cause she has pissed away her money somehow or another

Maybe she's unfulfilled & pissed off? Or maybe you're just a steady rock until something better comes along?
Honestly I don't know.
I can tell you though that Personal Issues is the best place to ask those questions. AH can be nasty enough at times & you sound like you don't need a hard time here too.

Go over to PI & post a thread. They are really, really nice over there & will offer proper advice.

In the meantime you probably know the answer yourself about what is happening. It's not easy breaking up with someone especially when you are both so involved with each others families. But think longterm about the whole thing.

Would you prefer to be with her as she is & cheating (providing she doesn't change) ? Or would you prefer to be on your own until you can meet someone who respects & loves you?

JackieBurkhart · 24-04-2011 11:09PM

If I was suspicious I would have no problem checking a phone when the opportunity presents itself. It's the easier option rather than driving yourself mad overthinking something and questioning your own insecurity.

I couldn't give a crap if it's morally wrong or an invasion of privacy blah blah blah. God I hope all these people who wouldn't stoop so low, apply their high moral gound status to other aspects of their life.

jehutey · 24-04-2011 11:11PM

The Incredible Fridge wrote: »

Listen, what easyseason3 said, but is she doing it on purpose? ,why is she treating you this way?

i dnot know if it on purpose and i dont know why she treat me like this i am no angel but i neverdo anything to betray her ,we go on hols ,visit friends/relatives she goes out with her friends regularlly i am not a drinker so very rarely go out unless it special occasion but she know that for years and it never bother her .and thanks easy for advice

iPlop · 24-04-2011 11:12PM

JackieBurkhart wrote: »

If I was suspicious I would have no problem checking a phone when the opportunity presents itself. It's the easier option rather than driving yourself mad overthinking something and questioning your own insecurity.

I couldn't give a crap if it's morally wrong or an invasion of privacy blah blah blah. God I hope all these people who wouldn't stoop so low, apply their high moral gound status to other aspects of their life.

Stop checking my profile will ya, FFS

easyeason3 · 24-04-2011 11:19PM

jehutey wrote: »

i dnot know if it on purpose and i dont know why she treat me like this i am no angel but i neverdo anything to betray her ,we go on hols ,visit friends/relatives she goes out with her friends regularlly i am not a drinker so very rarely go out unless it special occasion but she know that for years and it never bother her .and thanks easy for advice

Listen to me, take this over to PI. Go to the top of the page & go to 'Soc', a box will drop down & scroll down until you see Personal Issues, if you highlight this you will see Bereavement & Relationship Issues. Tip in along to Relationship Issues & let it all out.

Whatever happens in the future you will be fine. It might be hard but you will get there whatever you choose to do.
Best of luck.

JackieBurkhart · 24-04-2011 11:21PM

The Incredible Fridge wrote: »

Stop checking my profile will ya, FFS

Stop acting so jumpy so like

Kevin Duffy · 24-04-2011 11:23PM

I love the idea that checking your OH's phone is the definitive evidence gathering step, that's gas. So your OH gives you cause for suspicion, you check their phone and find nothing, now you have invaded their privacy, got no proof, get more paranoid and have no trust in your relationship. Well done!

JackieBurkhart · 24-04-2011 11:30PM

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

I love the idea that checking your OH's phone is the definitive evidence gathering step, that's gas. So your OH gives you cause for suspicion, you check their phone and find nothing, now you have invaded their privacy, got no proof, get more paranoid and have no trust in your relationship. Well done!

I'm not bothered about their privacy in the bigger scheme of things. I'm only talking about situations where there is cause for concern. Such as texts in the middle of the night, that sort of thing. Loads of people do find confirmation of 'causes for concern' on phones. You presume they don't.

heidi_ho · 24-04-2011 11:31PM

jehutey wrote: »

been going with a girl for 5 years and engaged for one and a half of those she went on girly holiday and kissed someone else i found out cause she was acting sketchy wnen useing my computer to upload off of cam and then filter pics to fb big ****ing arguement and promised she not do anything like that again ,a few weeks ago she has a go at me for talking to a daughter of a friend that added me on fb nothing dirty just random banter but big ****ing arguement and i cancelled fb to shut her up ,about a week after that she tells me she is bored with the relationshipand wanted time to herselfto think about us and hands me back the ring we agree to be friends then three days later we met for lunch and tells me she changed her mind and wants back together ,for a week after that she is sketchy and short tempered changes every password and access code that she previously had no probs me knowing and or being saved in my browser .so i checked her phone and found out she was texting all kinds of flirty **** about blowjobs and complementing eachother on techinc to a brother of one of her friends i confronted her about it and it came out that she had kissed him a day or two before deciding to give ring back but also came out that in that three days he had his hands all over her and she gave him a blowjob in return and had been planning to go the whole hog if the (time on her own) lasted long enough ,.i dont know wat to think anymore i do not trust her one bit i feel like **** i want to tell her to **** off and die but i am part of her family as she is of mine i have seen her neices and nephews grow up and they call me their uncle and mine call her an aunt she has ****ed me over so badly and i dont know wat to do ?someone please help:(

Dump her to hell... once a cheater always a cheater...

I think checking your partners phone is fine if you're suspicious.. if you find *stuff* , it gives you time to plot the most evil revenge rather than getting a shock which leaves you numb...

Past experience my ex (not at that time ex) was texting a *Padraig* and when i looked at the texts they were filthy so a bit more digging required. Ran *Padraig* and woman answered and i said ex had entered them into a weekend break for 2 comp for local radio. She gave her name details, and after that the info kept coming:eek:

Turns out i had been made a fool of for very long time with not only the one wan.. so if i had not checked phone= would prob still be fool.

TRUST NO-ONE (whats that scary or alien film thing thats from???)

is it wrong checking a partners phone?

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