"Dear Mr. Cúnt......" Funny Banking Story.

UglyBolloxFace · 06-04-2011 11:51PM #1

Don't know how I haven't gotten round to telling yee all this story.

Years ago, around about 2007 (I think), I got a random letter delivered to the door.
Just another run of the mill letter, you would think. But oh no - this letter was addressed to a......."Mr. Cunt [my surname]" (let's say, for the sake of argument, my surname is Face).

After laughing hysterically, I calmed down and began to think to myself "who in the name of fuck sends a letter like this to someone".

It was from Ulster Bank. They had written to this "Mr. Cúnt Face" to tell him about their new upcoming offers.

So, again in fits of laughing, I ring the Ulster Bank helpline and try my best to explain to the girl on the phone (went roughly like this):

"Em..yeah..well, ya see, it's addressed to me but there, em, seems to be vulgar word in place of my actual first name"
"Sorry sir, I'm not following you....?" (her finest telephone voice)
"Okay, okay...instead of my first name...the name on the letter is, em, Mr. Cúnt".
"[silence].....[more silence]...sorry, wha'? (telephone voice fades with the shock).
"Yep, mad isn't it."
"Oh I'm really sorry sir, I don't know how that happened..what the...."

Blah blah blah...ended up sending them a letter outlining 'my disgust' (even though I found it hilarious) and attached a copy of the letter. I also outlined how my 'deeply religious mother' (she couldn't be any further from that) was absolutely appalled when she saw it.

Few days later the Big Boss Lady rang me and uttered her sincere apologies and informed me that a hamper (and flowers/chocolates for mo' momma) were on the way.

Hamper was fucking delish.

Still have the original letter and corresponding letters - must root them out when I'm back in Dublin and throw them up here. Also have the recording of the original phonecall I made to the Bank.

There's another little few bits to the story that I've omitted to save time. But I eventually found out how/why/who sent the letter etc;)

So AH, have you any funny/weird stories like this?

chin_grin · 06-04-2011 11:53PM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

"Mr. Cunt [my surname]"

You have an unfortunate surname.

starbelgrade · 06-04-2011 11:54PM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Also have the recording of the original phonecall I made to the Bank.

Now that is weird.

brummytom · 06-04-2011 11:54PM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

There's another little few bits to the story that I've omitted to save time. But I eventually found out how/why/who sent the letter etc;)

Was it like a malicious, intentional thing or did you have an argument on the phone with a member of staff, and they changed your record to 'Cunt' and it didn't get changed back?

seithon · 06-04-2011 11:54PM

All I can say is a place where I was working we had a customer who was somewhat... legendary.

Why?

Because his name was "Mr Sony Kodak Cat"

Apparently he loved the companies so much he legally changed his name to that, funny ol world

UglyBolloxFace · 06-04-2011 11:55PM

starbelgrade wrote: »

Now that is weird.

How is that weird?
I wanted to have a record of that magnificent moment:pac:

UglyBolloxFace · 06-04-2011 11:59PM

brummytom wrote: »

Was it like a malicious, intentional thing or did you have an argument on the phone with a member of staff, and they changed your record to 'Cunt' and it didn't get changed back?

<snip>

UglyBolloxFace · 07-04-2011 12:01AM

chin_grin wrote: »

You have an unfortunate surname.

Tell me about it...worse than John Doe.

Latchy · 07-04-2011 12:01AM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Still have the original letter and corresponding letters - must root them out when I'm back in Dublin and throw them up here. Also have the recording of the original phonecall I made to the Bank.

Guaranteed audience of millions if you upload onto You Tube .

DUB777 · 07-04-2011 12:01AM

Brilliant, I eagerly await to both see and hear this :cool:

UglyBolloxFace · 07-04-2011 12:02AM

Latchy wrote: »

Guaranteed audience of millions if you upload onto You Tube .

DUB777 wrote: »

Brilliant, I eagerly await to both see and hear this :cool:

As soon as I'm home I'll be uploading them.
Any way to upload audio to here (or anywhere else other than Youtube)?

Jesus Wept · 07-04-2011 12:02AM

Post pics of letter Mr **** Face.
Also, it would have been even better if your surname was face.

seanybiker · 07-04-2011 12:03AM

Excellent. I'd say the cousin had some laugh sending off the text

dj jarvis · 07-04-2011 12:14AM

slightly off the path but....

a petrol station in south county dublin ( sandford rd ) has a Indian bloke
working the tills , on his name tag is GEABAG :eek: and his work mate had DILBAG , now are they taking the piss or are they real indian names ??

Sisko · 07-04-2011 12:17AM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

As soon as I'm home I'll be uploading them.
Any way to upload audio to here (or anywhere else other than Youtube)?

youtube is just as easy as anywhere else.

UglyBolloxFace · 07-04-2011 12:18AM

dj jarvis wrote: »

slightly off the path but....

a petrol station in south county dublin ( sandford rd ) has a Indian bloke
working the tills , on his name tag is GEABAG :eek: and his work mate had DILBAG , now are they taking the piss or are they real indian names ??

Haha...for Geabag it sounds like his boss is taking the piss.

"Here Sanjev, this is the only tag we have left"
"Geabag...okay, doesn't sound like my name but if, as you say, it is a traditional Irish name well then I shall wear it with pride"

ScumLord · 07-04-2011 12:50AM

I received an Email from a Chinese supplier today, the name of the salesperson was Mrs Juicy Yang, another ones name was Mrs Daisy Chen.

Voodoomelon · 07-04-2011 12:52AM

This is vaguely similar.

Years ago, my mate was selling some computer RAM on eBay. Some woman in Italy won the auction and a good few days passed and still no payment. So my mate emails her and says would you please send payment for the RAM you won.

He recieved a reply as follows:

Hello John.
Sorry for the delay in paying, I have been away for a few days.
I have just sent payment.
Thank you.
Alisa

f*ck

Thats right, a perfectly normal email, with f*ck planted down the bottom. 5 minutes later, he recieved the exact same email again, with no f*ck at the bottom. Apparently this cancels out the original offence.

Saila · 07-04-2011 12:56AM

I think I speak for everyone when I say

pics or GTFO

UglyBolloxFace · 07-04-2011 05:57PM

Saila wrote: »

I think I speak for everyone when I say

pics or GTFO

They're on the way.

dxhound2005 · 07-04-2011 08:55PM

This one was in the news in England a while back.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-west-wales-11097516

Fukuyama · 07-04-2011 09:21PM

I think this entire story is made up.

You have an unhealthy obsession with genitalia on your face UglyBolloxFace.

You need help.

Cathaoirleach · 07-04-2011 09:39PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpDiZLrTHX4

Big Nasty · 07-04-2011 10:04PM

There's quite a few unusual names floating around in the motor trade. I've no problem posting these names as they are widely known and available on the interweb.

Michael Lyng Motors in Kilkenny, my contact was his son Neil as in 'Neil Lyng' (kneeling)!

Dude in an Opel dealership that is now closed, his name was 'Lee Cooper'!

Dude who runs the Fiat / Alfa Dealership by the Red Cow is called 'Prosper Kickham' - no sh1t!

hmmm · 07-04-2011 10:37PM

We were spamming.....err sending important information to Burger King shops all over Ireland. The letters were all posted to "The Manager, Burgerking xyz".

Unfortunately we only realised after we had posted the letters that we had left out the first "r" in Burgerking.

Sinfonia · 07-04-2011 10:46PM

I wonder if the phonecall was recorded by the bank for training purposes.

Dangerous Man · 07-04-2011 10:51PM

I used to work for Eircell (the company bought by Vodafone) years ago. One day, when bored, which was often, I wrote a letter to a couple of friends who had accounts with Eircell. All on official headed paper, envelopes - the works.

The letter began cordially enough, how are you, valued customer - etc. - but then became sinister, implying that Eircell were aware, through unspecified means, that said account holder was considering a switch to Esat. It then became cautionary, then aggressive, and then finally, spectacularly abusive. I signed my own name at the bottom to let the guys know that it was a joke but it had them going until they got to the end. I spoke to them about it later. They both liked the gag and admitted it had them going until they saw my name.

Orando Broom · 07-04-2011 10:56PM

MCMLXXV wrote: »

There's quite a few unusual names floating around in the motor trade. I've no problem posting these names as they are widely known and available on the interweb.

Michael Lyng Motors in Kilkenny, my contact was his son Neil as in 'Neil Lyng' (kneeling)!

Dude in an Opel dealership that is now closed, his name was 'Lee Cooper'!

Dude who runs the Fiat / Alfa Dealership by the Red Cow is called 'Prosper Kickham' - no sh1t!

Merlin O'Reilly, Merlin motor auctions.

http://www.tribune.ie/archive/article/2010/jul/04/the-business-interview-merlin-o-reilly-merlin-moto/

lynsalot · 08-04-2011 12:12AM

Came across a few ridiculous names over the years alright

Philippa Gee
Mrs Old Field Box
Gay Power
William Stroker & Mary Stroker (husband and wife)
Dick Organ
Cettlyn Johnson
Avalon Shiels - Berger
Rowan Armes

Some laugh in work over them!

mahamageehad · 08-04-2011 12:23AM

lynsalot wrote: »

Came across a few ridiculous names over the years alright

Philippa Gee
Mrs Old Field Box
Gay Power
William Stroker & Mary Stroker (husband and wife)
Dick Organ
Cettlyn Johnson
Avalon Shiels - Berger
Rowan Armes

Some laugh in work over them!

Ah seriously tho, their parents shouldn't be allowed name them such stupid names.

I know a Bryan O'Brien and he lives on O Brien Street. Fact. Why would someones parents do that except "for the laugh like" lol

Sisko · 08-04-2011 01:03AM

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

They're on the way.

lies

"Dear Mr. Cúnt......" Funny Banking Story.

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