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Boards.ie guide to stereotyping cars

Stevie Dakota · 2011-01-24 21:08:30

If you are new here this is all you need to know... BMW - The won't go forward in the snow and the cooling system is made of putty. Skoda - Ugly, dull things with enormous boots. Adored by those that value gadgets and big behinds over all else. Toyota - Kill me now styling but reliable in between recalls, and they change…

24-01-2011 10:08pm

#1

Stevie Dakota

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If you are new here this is all you need to know...

BMW - The won't go forward in the snow and the cooling system is made of putty.

Skoda - Ugly, dull things with enormous boots. Adored by those that value gadgets and big behinds over all else.

Toyota - Kill me now styling but reliable in between recalls, and they change your engine without telling you when servicing it.

VW - All rubbish, VW haven't made a good car since the Beetle, and that was crap.

Renault - Electrical mayhem and every model is partially convertible thanks to failing window regulators. Reliable since 1/1/08.

Mercedes - Over rated rust buckets, good once more but that is boring to talk about.

Hyundai - For those who don't like the idea of a 7 year warranty.

Nissan - Tiida at one end, Juke at the other, we're confused so Honda is better, just not their troublesome diesels, and who buys petrol anymore, so they are irrelevant too.

Audi - Expensive VW's, the Germans do have a sense of humor, see if you can tell an A1 from and A8.

Ford - Annoyingly competent, Mondeo can be seen from space.

Every diesel car will cost you €1,000's in a few years, clogged DPF's, failing DMF's, blown turbos and dodgy EGR valves. But you may save a few euro a year on car tax so well worth the risk.

Etc.

79

Comments

#2 24-01-2011 10:12pm

dave45dave

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And you drive

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#3 24-01-2011 10:12pm

Owen

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Stevie Dakota wrote: »

Toyota - ... they change your engine without telling you when servicing it.

PMSL - I'd forgotten about that thread!

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#4 24-01-2011 10:13pm

Gumbo

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Drove my auto E46 everyday throughout the snow spell. Had to drive to and from work everyday and had no issues, some people just can't adoPt their driving style to the surrounding conditions.

Standard OEM 16" wheels with standard all year round tyres.

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#5 24-01-2011 10:16pm

Monty Burnz

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The OP may be speaking tongue-in-cheek. :pac::pac::pac:

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#6 24-01-2011 10:17pm

pajero12

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Stevie Dakota wrote: »

Toyota - Kill me now styling but reliable in between recalls, and they change your engine without telling you when servicing it.

Link anyone?

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#7 24-01-2011 10:18pm

Plug

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PaintDoctor wrote: »

PMSL - I'd forgotten about that thread!

Ya hardly have a link to that? That should be good!

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#8 24-01-2011 10:18pm

JerCotter7

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PaintDoctor wrote: »

PMSL - I'd forgotten about that thread!

Do you have a link to it?

Also BMW cooling systems are bad in certain models. Not sure about the newest range.

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#9 24-01-2011 10:30pm

Stheno

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Gentlemens,

The search engine is your friend

engine replaced without telling me

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#10 24-01-2011 10:31pm

JerCotter7

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Stheno wrote: »

Gentlemens,

The search engine is your friend

engine replaced without telling me

I was searching using the wrong terms. Got results about a diesel service for a Toyota corolla.

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#11 24-01-2011 10:32pm

BrianD3

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To anyone thinking of buying a Nissan Micra, Renault Clio or any small car. You idiot. What you actually need is a 20 year old 7 series with a V12 engine. A Jag V12 or Merc V12 would also do.

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#12 24-01-2011 10:34pm

Alanstrainor

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BrianD3 wrote: »

To anyone thinking of buying a Nissan Micra, Renault Clio or any small car. You idiot. What you actually need is a 20 year old 7 series with a V12 engine. A Jag V12 or Merc V12 would also do.

There's no replacement for displacement!

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#13 24-01-2011 10:34pm

Owen

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Methinks people aren't seeing the humour in the first post.

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#14 24-01-2011 10:36pm

Eric Cartman

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VAG 1.9TDi - Only road legal rocket engine ever
Fiat 500 - Never De-Values
Carina - Should be exempt from all taxi age laws

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#15 24-01-2011 10:39pm

Owen

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MINI - you'd want to be an almighty hairdressing packer of fudge to own one.
Rover 75 - If you own one, you might aswell be wearing nappies cause must be so old.

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#16 24-01-2011 10:39pm

Stheno

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PaintDoctor wrote: »

Methinks people aren't seeing the humour in the first post.

I'm disappointed tbh, he missed out on the opportunity to tell us how Citroens are horrically unreliable , not to mention how utterly rubbish Italian cars are too Not to mention Rovers

Pah: PaintDoctor got in there with the Rovers, and the Mini's which I'd completely forgotten about

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#17 24-01-2011 10:49pm

squod

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LIGHTNING wrote: »

So take a boggo 1.4 Focus and go back through the equivalent ford back to the 60`s see what the numbers are like.

The aul escort fairly flew.

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#18 24-01-2011 10:53pm

Stevie Dakota

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Stheno wrote: »

he missed out on the opportunity to tell us how Citroens are horrically unreliable , not to mention how utterly rubbish Italian cars are too

No no, Citroens and Fiats are now bombproof, it says so here...

http://www.reliabilityindex.com/top-100

:pac::pac:

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#19 24-01-2011 10:58pm

Stevie Dakota

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dave45dave wrote: »

And you drive

Is that statement or a question?

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#20 24-01-2011 11:01pm

Hellrazer

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Stevie Dakota wrote: »

Hyundai - For those who don't like the idea of a 7 year warranty.

Which regular here said the Sonata was the "Beige trousers" of the car industry??

S**t---Did I mention I just bought an Elantra 1.6 (in a beige-y gold-y colour)

:D

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#21 24-01-2011 11:01pm

unkel

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Chauffe, Marcel, chauffe!

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Lexus are so well built they will go forever

Stevie Dakota wrote: »

http://www.reliabilityindex.com/top-100

Oh wait, what's the least reliable car in the list :eek:

My ads on adverts.ie
https://www.adverts.ie/member/5856/ads

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#22 24-01-2011 11:03pm

messymess

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OP you forgot Hondas and Volvos

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#23 24-01-2011 11:07pm

Hellrazer

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messymess wrote: »

OP you forgot Hondas and Volvos

Volvo-Its a Ford with another name

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#24 24-01-2011 11:13pm

.Longshanks.

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PaintDoctor wrote: »

MINI - you'd want to be an almighty hairdressing packer of fudge to own one.
Rover 75 - If you own one, you might aswell be wearing nappies cause must be so old.

Touched a nerve? :D

Ssangyong - a fool and his money is easy parted....no wait

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#25 24-01-2011 11:14pm

bladespin

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Skyline - even dealers have to advertise these days

Range Rover - member of NAMA

Subaru Imprezza/Mistubishi Evo - please, please, please look at me....

Alfa Romeo - fast apprentice mechanic

MasteryDarts Ireland - Master your game!

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#26 24-01-2011 11:34pm

langdang

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ALL Mazda 6 2.0 Diesels WILL eat themselves.
All Mazdas are lacking in soft touch plastics dashes, and are therefore only for people who are oblivious to the social consequences of driving a non German car
Behind every stereotype there's a grain of truth...

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#27 24-01-2011 11:39pm

Max_Damage

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Rover - Two words: HEAD GASKET

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#28 24-01-2011 11:40pm

Max_Damage

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langdang wrote: »

ALL Mazda 6 2.0 Diesels WILL eat themselves.
All Mazdas are lacking in soft touch plastics dashes, and are therefore only for people who are oblivious to the social consequences of driving a non German car
Behind every stereotype there's a grain of truth...

The 626 diesel will also eat itself. My mother's one is on it's last legs.

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#29 24-01-2011 11:44pm

stevenmu

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Skoda Octavia - A suitable alternative to superminis, MPVs, SUVs, 2-seater convertibles, HGVs, small yachts, other mid-sized saloons.

(someone had to do it)

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#30 24-01-2011 11:45pm

langdang

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Max_Damage wrote: »

Rover - Two words: HEAD GASKET

How did everyone miss this until now????

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#31 24-01-2011 11:50pm

VolvoMan

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Hellrazer wrote: »

Volvo-Its a Ford with another name

Volvo:

A manufacturer who have never made their own engines, but instead used Ford's and Renault's. They have never ever made an interesting or good looking car and Roger Moore never drove a P1800 in 'The Saint'.

Why spend 30k+ on one when you can be like everyone else and have a 520d?

You must surely be mad considering spending 30k on a Volvo in the first place, as they are like in the same brand category as Hyundai and Kia.

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#32 24-01-2011 11:51pm

Minister Boyce

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[QUOTE=

Toyota - Kill me now styling but reliable in between recalls, and they change your engine without telling you when servicing it.

Etc.[/QUOTE]

Funny, Toyota lover myself but still had a little chuckle to myself at this

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#33 24-01-2011 11:52pm

Max_Damage

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VolvoMan wrote: »

Volvo: A manufacturer who have never made their own engines, but instead used Ford's and Renault's.

They made their own engines back in the day (i.e. 740, 240, etc.)

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#34 24-01-2011 11:55pm

VolvoMan

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Max_Damage wrote: »

They made their own engines back in the day (i.e. 740, 240, etc.)

Ahem, I was being sarcastic. Nearly every car in their history has used an engine of their own in some shape or form.

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#35 24-01-2011 11:59pm

Mc Love

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No mention of Peugeot?

One to get me in trouble
Skoda: Nearly always pictured in a field (farmers car)

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#36 25-01-2011 12:34am

slimjimmc

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Trabant - the gravity-fed plastic tub from the "East" that would run on just about anything, even raw crude (probably).

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#37 25-01-2011 12:39am

ianobrien

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LIGHTNING wrote: »

My personal favourite and its something I am going to a bit of research into is the small engine issue. Unless you have a turbo diesel or a V6 then a 1.4 saloon car is going to be so slow it will go back in time.

Id be interested to see a power to weight ration a average saloon car from the 60`s up to today and see what the results are. So take a boggo 1.4 Focus and go back through the equivalent ford back to the 60`s see what the numbers are like.

I maybe able to help there. The 1977 Escort at home weighs 918kg (according to the NCT) and is fitted with a 1.3 GT spec engine (it's a Ghia model). The car had 75hp new (it's now just a fraction more, but still using the original block and twin choke weber) and thanks to the torque and gearing, my '05 1.5 Almera would have trouble keeping up to it below 70mph.

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#38 25-01-2011 1:07am

bazz26

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535d owns an Evo, oh wait.....:o

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#39 25-01-2011 1:23am

L1011

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LIGHTNING wrote: »

That a top of the range model, my point is what was the entry level engine escort in 77?

A 1.1 producing about 50bhp or a 950cc producing about 40 in some countries it seems.

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#40 25-01-2011 1:28am

johnos1984

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The Passat B7, the car the Passat B6 could of been........oh wait

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#41 25-01-2011 1:48am

Voodoomelon

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NCT is a money making racket, they also break cars.

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#42 25-01-2011 2:03am

unkel

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Chauffe, Marcel, chauffe!

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Nobody will insure me Skyline. And I'm 18 with a full year as a named driver!

My ads on adverts.ie
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#43 25-01-2011 4:17am

opinion guy

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Voodoomelon wrote: »

NCT is a money making racket, they also break cars.

+ Diesel engines will automatically explode on entering the NCT centre.

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#44 25-01-2011 4:25am

opinion guy

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Winter tyres are simultaneously a cynical scam and the most amazing invention since sliced bread. They will allow you to drive upside on an ice covered ceiling they have such amazing grip. To touch a winter tyre without protective gear is to risk being sucked into a grippy black hole.

All weather tyres are made from satan's vomit and should never be used in any weather as it will make Jesus cry.

Snow chains are more illegal than heroin. They will dig 12 inch holes in concrete as if it were butter if there is no ice.

It never, ever snows in Ireland so you don't need any of the above equipment, ever.

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#45 25-01-2011 5:26am

funkyouup

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Funniest thread in motors since bmw535d got played like a bitch.

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#46 25-01-2011 6:25am

congo_90

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since records began back around 1930 there have been a total of 3 reported sightings of bmw's with Working indicators.

all golfs are secretly beetles.

why buy an alfa? just get a fiat
:pac: :pac:

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#47 25-01-2011 9:58am

Zubeneschamali

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I have €50K to spend on a car, but no idea what I want, and less car knowledge than Gay Byrne. Can you guys help me pick an Octavia?

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#48 25-01-2011 10:05am

Padraig Mor

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unkel wrote: »

Lexus are so well built they will go forever

Oh wait, what's the least reliable car in the list :eek:

**** that's my car!! :mad::o Time to chage to Renault methinks...

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#49 25-01-2011 10:13am

cdb

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OPEL - Wir Leben Autos

Roughly translates as devoid of passion but made in Germany & Russia, Austria, Hungary, Spain, Poland & Luton

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#50 25-01-2011 10:43am

thirtythirty

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Nearly all German cars are manufactured in China, but they'd never tell you that because ending a tv ad with a tagline in german sounds more technologically advanced than ending it with "Ching Chong Orange Shikan".

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#51 25-01-2011 1:25pm

ToxicPaddy

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pmsl.. great thread

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