Would you get married ?

Cabaal · 23-12-2010 09:07AM

I'm male - No

The-Rigger wrote: »

It's a state control and weddings are a massive money making industry.

- How is it state control any more then paying tax etc etc etc etc etc
- How is it a money making industry, you can spend as little or as much as you want getting married. Nobody says you have to spend 20K

Lumen · 23-12-2010 09:19AM

I'm male - No

Marriage is an expression of optimistic love.

Weddings are fun, and don't have to be expensive.

Children are x 100 more commitment than marriage, so if you're baulking at the idea of marrying someone due to feeling overcommitted or trapped you should absolutely not have children with them.

I always expected to be married because I always expected to have children at some stage.

This is the sort of conversation I wouldn't want to have with my kids:

Sprog: Daddy, why did you not marry Mummy?
Me: Because I thought it would be more hassle when we split up.

23-12-2010 09:30AM

I'm male - No

I would if I could, because there are many pieces of red tape that you get through married. Next of Kin rights, inheritance for each other or any kids you have, tax breaks, medical choices in hospital should one of you become incapacitated and so on.

However I live with 2 girls not 1 so marriage is not really an option without disenfranchising one or the other or our daughter (and future kids). Marrying two people is clearly illegal too. So we have done a lot of work with solicitors to try and close up any possible legal issues in the future.

For all intents and purposes we are now “semi-married” and have most of what we need to set our minds at rest in terms of future complications. If for example the two actual parents get wiped out tomorrow the other girl should have no difficulty in obtaining rights to being our daughters rightful guardian etc.

It has been complicated but it has helped that the younger of the two is doing a law masters at present and has been able to talk the talk with our solicitors and she even did her thesis/masters stuff on our legal situation which made for a good paper.

Jesus Wept · 23-12-2010 09:32AM

Cabaal wrote: »

- How is it state control any more then paying tax etc etc etc etc etc

I didn't say if it is less or more a state control than tax.
I don't know all the reasons the state want people to get married but it is clear they do, what with the tax breaks and rights a man will receive to his children that he should have regardless. That's not an incentive to get married to me, it's an incentive to say, this is bullsh1t, what the **** is going on?!

States want people to get married and take on debt (mortgage).
Debt incumbent people are passive and don't strike to any great degree or effect. Should they get divorced, they will be somewhat responsible for each other's upkeep. Their kids are more likely to go to college and be productive members of society than those from single parent families.

Anyhow, it won't matter in a while because they are starting to enforce marriage on non married people now anyhow.

Cabaal wrote: »

- How is it a money making industry, you can spend as little or as much as you want getting married. Nobody says you have to spend 20K

Free will doesn't mean it isn't an industry?
There is a lot of money made and people directly employed in the wedding industry in Ireland and worldwide, it's big business.
Children (girls typically) are targeted with the weddings/wedding days/getting married from a ridiculously young age.
Just on the weekend my brother was talking about how one of his kid's friends who is five years old wants to 'fly to her wedding in a helicopter'.
Why he is telling everyone this I don't personally understand, but everyone thought it hilarious/endearing.
I find it creepy, the circle continues.

Shenshen · 23-12-2010 09:35AM

I'm female - No

High energy wrote: »

I was talking to some female friends about this last week and couldn't make sense of their logic behind marriage. Personally I think it's a waste of time and money for the following reasons:

Girls: It's to prove you love each other
Me: Neither my girlfriend nor I need a church or state issued document to prove we love each other

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

I also argued that it just creates a monster headache if you ever decide to break up regarding transfer of assets etc.

The ONLY practical reason I can think of is if 1 person in the marriage is on a high salary and can transfer the spouses tax credits to themself. Other than that I'd rather spend the €10,000 - €20,000 that weddings cost these days going on a mad round the world trip for a year.

Your thoughts?

I got married because we want children. SImple as.
No, that doesn't mean that because we're married, we both believe that there's some magic glue preventing the other from ever leaving, but we're realistic enough to realise that legally, financially and buerocratically, having children is more hassle and trouble when you're not married. Especially if you want the father to share the same rights as the mother.

offaly1 · 23-12-2010 09:46AM

alwaysadub wrote: »

Meh. Not that bothered either way. Never dreamt of my wedding since i was a kid that's for sure! My mother has pretty much given up on me ever getting married at this stage, so at least that's her off my back.

+1 on this... my mam has also given up all hope on me getting hitched plus i also havent met anyone unfortunate enough to marry me....

Darksaga87 · 23-12-2010 09:53AM

I'm female - Yes

Wouldnt get married, Divorces are too expensive.

dolphin city · 23-12-2010 09:55AM

people will look back at us in another hundred years or more and ask what on earth we there thinking tying ourselves to one person. marriage is outdating fast.

starbelgrade · 23-12-2010 09:55AM

I'd never get married again.

The missus wouldn't stand for it.

NoDice · 23-12-2010 10:17AM

I'm female - No

I'm a girl and I can honestly say I haven't spent a second of my life thinking about what my wedding will be like.

I hope to get married. I love my OH more than anything and would like nothing more to call myself his wife but I haven't been tearing my hair out waiting for him to ask. I like to think I'll have bought a house first (though that's looking unlikely thanks to the mofo AIB), I'm a traditional girl at heart I guess.

I wouldn't like to get married in a church and wouldn't go for an expensive wedding either.

veryangryman · 23-12-2010 10:25AM

I'm male - No

I for one am glad my folks are married. Very easy to pack up and leave when not married. Why do you think they refer to it as "tying the knot".

Also there is the odd family who inist on seperate rooms for long established couples - no hanky panky till theres a ring on that finger.

Long story short it discourages promiscuousness.

Marriage isnt perfect but when your bits start falling off isnt it a good thing to have someone still there for you?

nozzferrahhtoo · 23-12-2010 10:28AM

Ah so marriage for you is a kind of entrapment to make sure that once shes made her mistake she is likely to "get away".

Lovely stuff.

Have you considered promoting the use of cages at all?

Kimono-Girl · 23-12-2010 10:53AM

I'm female - No

i would get married, in fact i will be shortly!

High energy wrote: »

Girls: It's to prove you love each other
Me: Neither my girlfriend nor I need a church or state issued document to prove we love each other

Nothing about marriage is to 'prove' you love each other, in fact if you need proof you really shouldn't get married.

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

no marriage won't stop you from leaving her, but it will stop her from taking your children from you,

it is one of the main reasons me and my partner are getting married, we have gone as far as we can legally to get him his rights to our daughter, and yet he still has almost none, its a disgrace, he himself has said it does upset him that he needs to do this just to get his (well what he should have anyway because he is her dad) full parental rights, yes he wanted to get married anyway, but because things are so backwards here for men this is a huge factor now for us.

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

yes i did dream of my wedding day, but i dreamed a totally different wedding then to the one i want now,
i dreamed of a big white princess dress. i am wearing a sleek white dress i fell in love with as soon as i saw it!
i dreamed of us waltzing, we are going to be rocking it out to a rock band....etc
so dreaming of it doesn't justify marriage, but at the same time we grow up and our dreams changed,we change, and now i realise, marriage is a lot more then just a white dress and a big day, it now has a totally different meaning to me then it did when i was young!

High energy wrote: »

Other than that I'd rather spend the €10,000 - €20,000 that weddings cost these days going on a mad round the world trip for a year.

Your thoughts?

we are spending €5,000 on our wedding, but it will be a small fun intimate affair, we are not a glitzy show off couple, we are getting married because we want to, we love each other, we want to spend our lives together as a family unit, we are in a way traditional minded and even though we like to put our own stamp on tradition, marriage is a tradition we both want.

Son Of A Vidic · 23-12-2010 10:57AM

No I'd never get married and my wife also shares this sentiment.

ronano · 23-12-2010 10:58AM

Call me a sucka but yes

I know outside of the various legal rights and entitlements marriage shouldnt mean anything and i've always said it but i've changed since finding my gf.

mikedragon32 · 23-12-2010 11:02AM

Once is enough!

Seriously though, marriage is a good thing and and good marriage is a great thing. You can achieve a lot together and get through things because of the committment you've made that might otherwise have been terminal for a relationship.

Yes, I agree the expense of the whole "dream wedding" thing can get out of hand, but was it worth it? Every penny. 6 years on, people still talk about it (not just us)!

Now enough of this mush. I know marriage isn't for everyone, but I'm sure when the OP gets a bit older he might think differently. Certainly in my early 20's it was the last thing on my mind.

COYW · 23-12-2010 11:05AM

I'm female - Yes

Its a very different topic for girls and guys. Personally, I will never be married and will probably be single for the rest of my life. For girls, the whole notion of being "left on the shelf" comes into play. I know one girl, very good friend of mine, who is getting married to a guy she is not really into because she is in her early 30s and sees this as her "last chance".

tman · 23-12-2010 11:06AM

I'm male - No

I used to say no, but these days I'm leaning more towards yes.
If you can really see yourself growing old together with someone, then why the hell not!
It's also a lot easier to find decent Christmas cards for "my wife" than "my girlfriend" as I found out yesterday!:p

I'm against people barely out of their teens getting married because "she's the one"... You've got the rest of your life ahead of you to get married, try living a little first ffs!
I'm also strongly against wasting money on a lavish wedding that could otherwise have been put towards a mortgage etc

JerryHandbag · 23-12-2010 11:20AM

I'm female - Yes

COYW wrote: »

For girls, the whole notion of being "left on the shelf" comes into play. I know one girl, very good friend of mine, who is getting married to a guy she is not really into because she is in her early 30s and sees this as her "last chance".

Yeah I knew someone like that, a Bridget Jones-type....needless to say her marriage didnt last very long. It is harder for women thought in that regard, the whole "tick tock time is running out to have a child" thing. Having said that I know a couple of women in the 37-40 age group about to give birth.

Personally, if I ever did get married (which is highly unlikely) I would just do the registry office thing, keep it low key cos thats how I roll :pac:

bnt · 23-12-2010 11:30AM

I'm male - No

Not a simple yes/no answer for me. There's marriage in the simple civil/legal sense, which is what I would consider if I met Miss Right. But then there's the Irish Marriage, with all the religious nonsense, expense, hassle, and general BS, and I want nothing to do with that. No church service for me - I don't do religion at all.

So, any ladies out there who don't want a church wedding, don't want an expensive reception ... and don't want children? Yeah, I'm going to get a couple of cats at some point ... :rolleyes:

the_syco · 23-12-2010 11:31AM

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

If you're not married and you split, you'll have even less chance of seeing your kids.

=-=

If I meet the right girl, I'll get married, but it's not the be all and end all of things, thus I didn't reply to the poll.

common sense brigade · 23-12-2010 11:33AM

I'm female - No

Well i can only speak for myself , I am married and a woman. I wasant even thinking marriage when my partner proposed. We were together just 6 months and on a flight to USA to do Route 66. He propsed with beautiful ring on the plane. Now i was young heady and madly in love. We are both very similar spontaeneous people. So anyway i said yes, it was really romantic although I know very quick by todays standards. Half way through our trip, in Graceland he proposed again this time saying lets do it in Las Vegas! in 2 days time. So we did. It was out of this world and only cost us 200 dollars so we didnt break the bank . We are married 5 years now with a baby and still crazy about each other. We got married for totally romantic crazy reasons. We didnt spend thousands and plan everything but we are lucky cos it has worked out.
I dont see anything wrong with getting married if it makes the 2 people happy. Or stay unmarried as long as both agree.

fakearms123 · 23-12-2010 11:37AM

Me and my girlfriend had talked about marriage hypothetically, just random chat, nothing serious not like we were planning anything but I think a big Irish wedding costing around €10,000 is ridiculous, something I agree with what she said is that it would be better to get married abroad, maybe in greece or somewhere where your guaranteed good weather and you can invite only your close relatives for the simple reason that big weddings always cause headaches and drunken arguments and drama. Keep it small and avoid the stress if money. Makes it more intimate.

pickarooney · 23-12-2010 12:05PM

I'm male - No

lrushe wrote: »

I will get married but I don't want a wedding, I just want to be my bf's wife and him to be my husband.

I would like to do this. I have no interest whatsoever in a wedding but have some small interest in being married (if only to have a proper word to describe my OH

)

Cheap Thrills! · 23-12-2010 12:19PM

Some of my earliest memories are of my Mother warning me to 'Never get married' which I obviously soaked up like a sponge as it never crossed my mind that I ever would.

I never, EVER remember 'that game' that I hear other women talking about, pretending to be a bride and I never, ever 'imagined my wedding day' like I hear other women talking about.

In fact I was quite a tomboy and thought girly stuff was pathetic, embarassing and sappy and I looked down my 'know-it-all' nose at such things!

As I grew up it still never crossed my mind to get married, I was quite suprised and bemused when people I knew did start to get married. But I always went to their weddings with good grace and played along! But I still never would do it myself!

I've had 3 long term relationships in my life and am happy living with my OH. The only time I feel awkward is when the 'In Laws' make hints about getting married or having kids, as they assume that's what all girls must want.

I'm sure they want a nice settling-down girl for their brother/son and I feel a bit of a fraud as I will never get into that!!! So I just say nothing and cringe inwardly and play along!!!

Wibbs · 23-12-2010 12:21PM

I'm female - Yes

When I was younger I would have been on the fence about it, or not thought of it at all. If it came up I may have gone for it. Now? Nope. Or at least I really doubt it. I've been burned once too often and of the married people I know well, maybe one marriage I would wish to emulate. Then there's the very real worry of a split/divorce. It doesn't go the man's way very often, and almost never when there are children involved. I've seen two guys lose everything, both financially and emotionally. Neither instigated the split. In one case it was quite literally out of the blue. She had a mental breakdown which he supported her through. Then one day she went completely mental, threw him out of the house. The upshot was though she was/is about as stable as a one legged drunk on a highwire(and clinically diagnosed as such), she got the house(which he still pays for) and custody of the kids. He went through a long phase of sleeping on mates couches. No thanks. Not until prenups are legally recognised here at the very least.

Thomas828 · 23-12-2010 12:38PM

I'm female - Yes

The probability of me getting married never was very high. Now I'm nearing 40 that probability is negligible. I could never be bothered.

sasser · 23-12-2010 12:47PM

It really annoys me when men or other women say that every woman has been dreaming of her wedding day since they were kids. Who are there sad women dreaming of the wedding before they even met the groom? I'm not one of them, or any of my female friends. If you want to get married do , if you don't, don't. I don't see the point myself. As for the big white wedding, it's groundhog day at this stage. If you're lucky enough to meet someone you want to share your life with that's a bit of magic.

23-12-2010 12:52PM

I'm female - No

I think for the legal reasons and so on, I would like to, but not just for the sake of it. As in, finding someone you love and want to spend your life with - that's grand, but "I want a husband" urgh no

cherryghost · 23-12-2010 01:09PM

I'm male - No

I would, and I am in under a months time ^^

Would you get married ?

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