Would you get married ?

High energy

I was talking to some female friends about this last week and couldn't make sense of their logic behind marriage. Personally I think it's a waste of time and money for the following reasons:

Girls: It's to prove you love each other
Me: Neither my girlfriend nor I need a church or state issued document to prove we love each other

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

I also argued that it just creates a monster headache if you ever decide to break up regarding transfer of assets etc.

The ONLY practical reason I can think of is if 1 person in the marriage is on a high salary and can transfer the spouses tax credits to themself. Other than that I'd rather spend the €10,000 - €20,000 that weddings cost these days going on a mad round the world trip for a year.

Your thoughts?

KeithM89_old

I'm male - No

Hopefully - just have to find some poor unfortunate girl willing to marry me though

alwaysadub

Meh. Not that bothered either way. Never dreamt of my wedding since i was a kid that's for sure! My mother has pretty much given up on me ever getting married at this stage, so at least that's her off my back.

mikemac

I'm male - No

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

And if you break up and don't have a marraige certificate, well you OP could end fighting hard for even basic visitation rights.
And after thousands spent in court you may lose anyway

High energy

I'm female - Yes

feelingstressed wrote: »

And if you break up and don't have a marraige certificate, well you OP could end fighting hard for even basic visitation rights.
And after thousands spent in court you may lose anyway

That's a good , solid point but there's new legislation being brought in to automatically put the fathers name on the birth certificate whether married or not. One thing the government are doing properly anyway.

mikemac

I'm male - No

Sounds good, credit due to the government for that though it should have been done decades ago

Wolfe Tone

If I meet the right person then I suppose so.


She would have to sign a prenup though

mikemac

I'm male - No

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

She would have to sign a prenup though

They mean nothing in Ireland, courts don't recognize them

I think it would be a good thread if you started it in Legal forum on prenups

stupidusername

I'm not saying that I would absolutely never consider getting married, but no can't see it happening. and can't really see how I would be persuaded otherwise, if someone was to try. but then much like the op when you think about the logic behind it it doesn't make sense on paper necessarily but that's not to say people shouldn't if that's what they feel like they want to do.

I do think that many people just do things without giving much thought to why. so it's nice to see something like this being questioned. like women and it being assumed all women want / should want children. I don't.

orourkeda

I'm female - Yes

Marriage is the ultimate business arrangement.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I'm female - No

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

Never. I hate that stereotype. I was brought up to dream of more important things than my wedding day!

In saying that though I would like to get married one day. I can't exactly explain why but I suppose in really sets a relationship in stone. My uncle was with his ex for 10 years and they never married he was with his now wife about 2 years when they got engaged. It just made the relationship seem to have a bigger importance or something like that to me. And please do not jump down my throat for that, that is completely a personal opinion.

I'm with my boyfriend 4 years next month, we're only 19 so the idea of marriage is a long way away but we have kind of discussed it. We're looking at 24 - 26 before we get engaged and at least another 2 years on top of that before we get married, that is if we're still together! I want to live the independent life I was brought up to live first (see first comment!) before I decide to settle down. I have the 2nd half of my undergrad, my masters, my FE1s, training contracts, etc to all get through before something like marriage enters the picture!

But in the end of the day I still see marriage as being an extremely possible event in my life. Like I said, I see it as determining a relationship, as officially saying yes we are a couple and we do want to spend the rest of our lives together. That, however, is not saying it's to prove that you love each other! I see that as different to what I'm saying! It's more about promising that your relationship is for life than having to prove that you love each other. Love isn't something that should have to be proved!

In saying all that I do know a couple who were 10 years together and broke up within one year of marriage.

That's how I see it anyway! Then again, what would I as a silly teenager know! :P

mikom

An anagram of marriage is "A grim era"

vintac34

I'm female - Yes

No way..
Own house and land before.
Own half house and land after!!

KnifeWRENCH

I'm male - No

I would, if I met the right person. I wouldn't propose though; I seemingly "rush into things" :rolleyes: so I'd wait for my bf/gf to suggest it. Otherwise I wouldn't bother for fear of scaring them away. Of course, if I have a bf then it's not "marriage" due to our dear country's refusal to grant full equality. I'm already excited about the prospect of ringing my parents and telling them I'm getting married civilly united. :rolleyes:

Also would not get married in a church; other people's weddings, funerals and Christmas Day is enough Catholic crap for me to deal with, thanks. (again, this would only be a potential issue if I was marrying a woman; the Church don't approve of teh gheys.)

Asphyxia

I'm female - No

Yes. I'd like to see myself married in the future after I have done some travelling and settled some more with a career but I'm an old fashioned girl at heart :rolleyes:

I don't think marriage is for everyone though. My sister was in a relationship for nearly 10 years and after she got married they separated 1 year later, she has been in a relationship for a couple of years now and has no intension of getting married again.

While some people do want to get married there's nothing stopping two people in a serious relationship happily being together for the rest of there lives without it. One of my bestfriends parents have been together for 25 years and they're not married or living together for that matter but they work so well together.

YUSS

am gonna marry the girl i love on the beach near our estate

MIN2511

I'm female - No

Life is all about risks... Marriage is one of them

Tigger

I brought my partner of ten years to a hospital. She was longer than I thought so I asked at the desk where she was and basically was told it was none of my business. She's my wife now and it would be totally different.

If I die she gets the things we colleced in our lives with no issue. There are tax implications and things you can do ( look at the property developers thread ) there is a security of legal respect of your rights as a couple from the state and others that you don't get otherwise

I agree with the guy who posed about not needing validation etc 100% but there are advantages to being married and I swore blind for a long time I'd never marry ( we were together 13 years before e married)

bonerm

MIN2511 wrote: »

Life is all about risks... Marriage is one of them

Yep, but plenty of risk and not much return from what I can tell.

Tar.Aldarion

I used to say no, then yes, then no, I dont really care about it. Just gonna be happy to have em

psycho-hope

I'm female - No

I'd love to get married some day, tho i would have to be very sure they were the right person. Maybe ive rose coloured glasses on because my grandparents have been married for 50 yrs and still mad about each other.

bronte

Least romantic thing I can think of.....contracting Love?

It's not a Goddamn iphone!!!!

strobe

There are practical reasons to get married, especially if you are a man and you are Irish. If you do not and you have children you basically have zero legally protected rights to see them. I've seen several women use access to their kids to blackmail their father's in this country, for money, for favours, out of pure vindictive spite. Now I like to think I'm a bit of a better judge of character than that, to ever marry a freak that would act like that if the relationship fell apart but I'm sure lots of guys thought the same thing before. So that would be a consideration certainly.

Now that I'm finished being all romantic on jolly above. Basically I wouldn't be too pushed. If the girl absolutely had her heart set on it I'd be up for it. Bit of a party, couple of week away in the sun for the honeymoon, whats not to like? Certainly wouldn't be spending 20,000 like in the OP though. Not a chance in hell and if any girl I was marrying was that completely shallow and materialistic to try and insist on that she wouldn't see me for the big trail of dust I'd leave her standing in.

Of course, I'm a hideous goat boy, so chances are I'll probably never have to give this serious consideration any time soon.......

lrushe

I'm female - No

I will get married but I don't want a wedding, I just want to be my bf's wife and him to be my husband.

sam34

i'm female, and have no desire or intention to ever marry. just dont see the point.

WindSock

Yes, I love getting married.

newbee22

I'm female - No

I would get married but not soon!

Jesus Wept

It's a state control and weddings are a massive money making industry.

Canis Lupus

I'm not particularly bothered by it. Would probably say no but if I found a woman I was gonna spend my life with then the only reason to get married that I can see is simply for tax/legal reasons which sorta makes a mockery of the entire thing.

Marraige is changing now anyway.... It has moved away from the religious aspect and it's just something you 'do'. The number of people I know who don't believe in god and yet get married in a catholic church is funny.

Caoimhín

Nope.

Cabaal

I'm male - No

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

But you won't have as many rights to the kids
So really it depends how much you care

Cabaal

I'm male - No

The-Rigger wrote: »

It's a state control and weddings are a massive money making industry.

- How is it state control any more then paying tax etc etc etc etc etc
- How is it a money making industry, you can spend as little or as much as you want getting married. Nobody says you have to spend 20K

Lumen

I'm male - No

Marriage is an expression of optimistic love.

Weddings are fun, and don't have to be expensive.

Children are x 100 more commitment than marriage, so if you're baulking at the idea of marrying someone due to feeling overcommitted or trapped you should absolutely not have children with them.

I always expected to be married because I always expected to have children at some stage.

This is the sort of conversation I wouldn't want to have with my kids:

Sprog: Daddy, why did you not marry Mummy?
Me: Because I thought it would be more hassle when we split up.

I'm male - No

I would if I could, because there are many pieces of red tape that you get through married. Next of Kin rights, inheritance for each other or any kids you have, tax breaks, medical choices in hospital should one of you become incapacitated and so on.

However I live with 2 girls not 1 so marriage is not really an option without disenfranchising one or the other or our daughter (and future kids). Marrying two people is clearly illegal too. So we have done a lot of work with solicitors to try and close up any possible legal issues in the future.

For all intents and purposes we are now “semi-married” and have most of what we need to set our minds at rest in terms of future complications. If for example the two actual parents get wiped out tomorrow the other girl should have no difficulty in obtaining rights to being our daughters rightful guardian etc.

It has been complicated but it has helped that the younger of the two is doing a law masters at present and has been able to talk the talk with our solicitors and she even did her thesis/masters stuff on our legal situation which made for a good paper.

Jesus Wept

Cabaal wrote: »

- How is it state control any more then paying tax etc etc etc etc etc

I didn't say if it is less or more a state control than tax.
I don't know all the reasons the state want people to get married but it is clear they do, what with the tax breaks and rights a man will receive to his children that he should have regardless. That's not an incentive to get married to me, it's an incentive to say, this is bullsh1t, what the **** is going on?!

States want people to get married and take on debt (mortgage).
Debt incumbent people are passive and don't strike to any great degree or effect. Should they get divorced, they will be somewhat responsible for each other's upkeep. Their kids are more likely to go to college and be productive members of society than those from single parent families.

Anyhow, it won't matter in a while because they are starting to enforce marriage on non married people now anyhow.

Cabaal wrote: »

- How is it a money making industry, you can spend as little or as much as you want getting married. Nobody says you have to spend 20K

Free will doesn't mean it isn't an industry?
There is a lot of money made and people directly employed in the wedding industry in Ireland and worldwide, it's big business.
Children (girls typically) are targeted with the weddings/wedding days/getting married from a ridiculously young age.
Just on the weekend my brother was talking about how one of his kid's friends who is five years old wants to 'fly to her wedding in a helicopter'.
Why he is telling everyone this I don't personally understand, but everyone thought it hilarious/endearing.
I find it creepy, the circle continues.

Shenshen

I'm female - No

High energy wrote: »

I was talking to some female friends about this last week and couldn't make sense of their logic behind marriage. Personally I think it's a waste of time and money for the following reasons:

Girls: It's to prove you love each other
Me: Neither my girlfriend nor I need a church or state issued document to prove we love each other

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

I also argued that it just creates a monster headache if you ever decide to break up regarding transfer of assets etc.

The ONLY practical reason I can think of is if 1 person in the marriage is on a high salary and can transfer the spouses tax credits to themself. Other than that I'd rather spend the €10,000 - €20,000 that weddings cost these days going on a mad round the world trip for a year.

Your thoughts?

I got married because we want children. SImple as.
No, that doesn't mean that because we're married, we both believe that there's some magic glue preventing the other from ever leaving, but we're realistic enough to realise that legally, financially and buerocratically, having children is more hassle and trouble when you're not married. Especially if you want the father to share the same rights as the mother.

offaly1

alwaysadub wrote: »

Meh. Not that bothered either way. Never dreamt of my wedding since i was a kid that's for sure! My mother has pretty much given up on me ever getting married at this stage, so at least that's her off my back.

+1 on this... my mam has also given up all hope on me getting hitched plus i also havent met anyone unfortunate enough to marry me....

Darksaga87

I'm female - Yes

Wouldnt get married, Divorces are too expensive.

dolphin city

people will look back at us in another hundred years or more and ask what on earth we there thinking tying ourselves to one person. marriage is outdating fast.

starbelgrade

I'd never get married again.

The missus wouldn't stand for it.

NoDice

I'm female - No

I'm a girl and I can honestly say I haven't spent a second of my life thinking about what my wedding will be like.

I hope to get married. I love my OH more than anything and would like nothing more to call myself his wife but I haven't been tearing my hair out waiting for him to ask. I like to think I'll have bought a house first (though that's looking unlikely thanks to the mofo AIB), I'm a traditional girl at heart I guess.

I wouldn't like to get married in a church and wouldn't go for an expensive wedding either.

veryangryman

I'm male - No

I for one am glad my folks are married. Very easy to pack up and leave when not married. Why do you think they refer to it as "tying the knot".

Also there is the odd family who inist on seperate rooms for long established couples - no hanky panky till theres a ring on that finger.

Long story short it discourages promiscuousness.

Marriage isnt perfect but when your bits start falling off isnt it a good thing to have someone still there for you?

nozzferrahhtoo

Ah so marriage for you is a kind of entrapment to make sure that once shes made her mistake she is likely to "get away".

Lovely stuff. Have you considered promoting the use of cages at all?

Kimono-Girl

I'm female - No

i would get married, in fact i will be shortly!

High energy wrote: »

Girls: It's to prove you love each other
Me: Neither my girlfriend nor I need a church or state issued document to prove we love each other

Nothing about marriage is to 'prove' you love each other, in fact if you need proof you really shouldn't get married.

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well if you ever have kids it's better to be married
Me: That's stupid , if I have kids and some day want to break up with their mother, a document won't stop me doing that

no marriage won't stop you from leaving her, but it will stop her from taking your children from you,

it is one of the main reasons me and my partner are getting married, we have gone as far as we can legally to get him his rights to our daughter, and yet he still has almost none, its a disgrace, he himself has said it does upset him that he needs to do this just to get his (well what he should have anyway because he is her dad) full parental rights, yes he wanted to get married anyway, but because things are so backwards here for men this is a huge factor now for us.

High energy wrote: »

Girls: Well every girl dreams of her wedding day from a young age
Me: - couldn't really answer this one, however still don't think it justifies marriage

yes i did dream of my wedding day, but i dreamed a totally different wedding then to the one i want now,
i dreamed of a big white princess dress. i am wearing a sleek white dress i fell in love with as soon as i saw it!
i dreamed of us waltzing, we are going to be rocking it out to a rock band....etc
so dreaming of it doesn't justify marriage, but at the same time we grow up and our dreams changed,we change, and now i realise, marriage is a lot more then just a white dress and a big day, it now has a totally different meaning to me then it did when i was young!

High energy wrote: »

Other than that I'd rather spend the €10,000 - €20,000 that weddings cost these days going on a mad round the world trip for a year.

Your thoughts?

we are spending €5,000 on our wedding, but it will be a small fun intimate affair, we are not a glitzy show off couple, we are getting married because we want to, we love each other, we want to spend our lives together as a family unit, we are in a way traditional minded and even though we like to put our own stamp on tradition, marriage is a tradition we both want.

Son Of A Vidic

No I'd never get married and my wife also shares this sentiment.

ronano

Call me a sucka but yes

I know outside of the various legal rights and entitlements marriage shouldnt mean anything and i've always said it but i've changed since finding my gf.

mikedragon32

Once is enough!

Seriously though, marriage is a good thing and and good marriage is a great thing. You can achieve a lot together and get through things because of the committment you've made that might otherwise have been terminal for a relationship.

Yes, I agree the expense of the whole "dream wedding" thing can get out of hand, but was it worth it? Every penny. 6 years on, people still talk about it (not just us)!

Now enough of this mush. I know marriage isn't for everyone, but I'm sure when the OP gets a bit older he might think differently. Certainly in my early 20's it was the last thing on my mind.

COYW

I'm female - Yes

Its a very different topic for girls and guys. Personally, I will never be married and will probably be single for the rest of my life. For girls, the whole notion of being "left on the shelf" comes into play. I know one girl, very good friend of mine, who is getting married to a guy she is not really into because she is in her early 30s and sees this as her "last chance".

tman

I'm male - No

I used to say no, but these days I'm leaning more towards yes.
If you can really see yourself growing old together with someone, then why the hell not!
It's also a lot easier to find decent Christmas cards for "my wife" than "my girlfriend" as I found out yesterday!:p

I'm against people barely out of their teens getting married because "she's the one"... You've got the rest of your life ahead of you to get married, try living a little first ffs!
I'm also strongly against wasting money on a lavish wedding that could otherwise have been put towards a mortgage etc

JerryHandbag

I'm female - Yes

COYW wrote: »

For girls, the whole notion of being "left on the shelf" comes into play. I know one girl, very good friend of mine, who is getting married to a guy she is not really into because she is in her early 30s and sees this as her "last chance".

Yeah I knew someone like that, a Bridget Jones-type....needless to say her marriage didnt last very long. It is harder for women thought in that regard, the whole "tick tock time is running out to have a child" thing. Having said that I know a couple of women in the 37-40 age group about to give birth.

Personally, if I ever did get married (which is highly unlikely) I would just do the registry office thing, keep it low key cos thats how I roll :pac:

bnt

I'm male - No

Not a simple yes/no answer for me. There's marriage in the simple civil/legal sense, which is what I would consider if I met Miss Right. But then there's the Irish Marriage, with all the religious nonsense, expense, hassle, and general BS, and I want nothing to do with that. No church service for me - I don't do religion at all.

So, any ladies out there who don't want a church wedding, don't want an expensive reception ... and don't want children? Yeah, I'm going to get a couple of cats at some point ... :rolleyes: