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What would you do if you had a friend that came out as gay/lesbian to you?

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13

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    #62
    hypersquirrel
    Registered Users Posts: 227 ✭✭hypersquirrel


    Links234 wrote: »
    I'm talking about how stressful coming out can be in general, not that a friend would be afraid that I wouldn't be their friend any more.

    jeeze though, feels like everyone's jumping on me because I'm saying I'd have a more sensitive approach. maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes people do need a hug and a kind word and to be told that they have a friend who's there for them.

    ps. not gay, transgender

    I gotta say I'm with you here. I came out about being a lesbian last week. I don't think people on here are realising just how terrifying that is. It's not simply a case of how people will react. I knew my friends would be fine with it but the reason I came out to them was because I was scared about what I was going to do with my life. I'm a generally shy and reserved person so the thought of having to put myself out there was not only frightening but genuinely upsetting and I simply couldn't cope with those worries on my own anymore.

    I came out because I needed somebody to comfort me. I wasn't scared of coming out, I was scared of being gay and what that meant for my future.


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    #63
    aDeener
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,487 ✭✭✭aDeener


    once he didn't start mincing about the place i wouldnt care less


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    #64
    Links234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,944 ✭✭✭✭Links234


    hypersquirrel wrote: »
    I gotta say I'm with you here. I came out about being a lesbian last week. I don't think people on here are realising just how terrifying that is. It's not simply a case of how people will react. I knew my friends would be fine with it but the reason I came out to them was because I was scared about what I was going to do with my life. I'm a generally shy and reserved person so the thought of having to put myself out there was not only frightening but genuinely upsetting and I simply couldn't cope with those worries on my own anymore.

    I came out because I needed somebody to comfort me. I wasn't scared of coming out, I was scared of being gay and what that meant for my future.

    *HUG*

    I definitely know the feeling, and sometimes the hardest person to come out to is yourself.

    if you need a chat any time, just need to get something off your chest, have a vent, feel free to message me. :)


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    #65
    Kold
    Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    I have plenty of mates who have come out. But to be honest, I knew most of them were gay anyway. I'm not going to act different unless they do.


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    #66
    Asphyxia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,740 ✭✭✭Asphyxia


    Treat them no different from the way I did before, be the bestest friend I can be and help them with any problems they have. I would never stop respecting a friend if they came out I don't why anybody would.


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    #67
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    I would of course, kick the sh!t out of them. Damn gays.



    Seriously I wouldn't care, but if it was a he, and he started being really really camp, that could become annoying.


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    #68
    Blatter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,832 ✭✭✭✭Blatter


    deirdre_dub wrote: »
    *hug*

    It's scary coming out as transgender. My hope is that it will become easier for you the more you do it and the further along you get in your transition.

    To answer the original question - I've always had a blind spot around a person's sexual orientation. I always seem to be the last to find out that such-and-such a person is gay, and it's never fazed me. I just don't care what your sexual orientation is.

    I care, of course, if it causes you difficulties, and/or if you are experiencing bullying or discrimination. But after that I just don't care - it's none of my business.

    For myself, coming out as transgender was initially quite scary. But, as I've settled in to my identity, it's become a whole lot easier. It helps that I've experienced a lot of acceptance, and it also helps that I've had to do a lot of coming out now that I've changed my legal identity! There is nothing like being in a situation where you have to do something to help you do it!

    Apologies, OT here...

    Excuse my ignorance but what defines a transgender?

    I know somebody who completely acts like a girl from a very young age. As a child he played with barbie dolls and girls toys etc. This continued until he was around 12. His clothing was very feminine too. I remember he got an awful slagging in school for wearing a silver jacket that could be found in the girls section in Pennys. This guys personality is also very much like your typical woman, very gossipy, sensitive etc. He is around 20 now and 90% of his friends are female, still the same personality. Wouldn't go near a pint in a pub, drinks just vodka and coke. He hasn't had any sexual relationships with girls to my knowledge. Has not come out gay yet but he is one of those people that you could almost say is a certainty.

    My question is, do you think this guy could be a transgender? Just curios.


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    #69
    Links234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,944 ✭✭✭✭Links234


    SOCCER4LIFE wrote: »
    My question is, do you think this guy could be a transgender? Just curios.

    Maybe, maybe not :)

    Someone who is transgender is a person who's inner sense of themselves, the sense of their own gender, is at odds with the physical anatomy they were born with. Meaning a person can identify themselves as female, but have male anatomy, or identify themselves as male, but have female anatomy. There has been loads of research showing that it is a physical condition, where the brain is wired differently, so a transgender woman's brain is physically that of a woman's.

    this is something separate from sexual orientation, so a transgender person could be straight, lesbian/gay or bi.

    Now, your friend might be transgender, or they might not be. Some gay men do act very feminine from a young age, and some transgender women don't. it might really surprise you that a lot of transgender women weren't stereotypically feminine growing up at all.

    so all I can tell is maybe.
    just as maybe a friend who you might never expect could come out as transgender some day

    hope that helps! ;)


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    #70
    entropi
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 21,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭entropi


    The only thing I would do is tell them "fair play" as I'd imagine it would take alot of courage to do that. Nothing would change between us.


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    #71
    Rockery Woman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 593 ✭✭✭Rockery Woman


    flyaway. wrote: »
    Things would just carry on as normal.

    I'm a lesbian and still ''in the closet.'' Not because of what friends would say, but because I think my Grandmother might drop dead or something if she knew. My parents would not be happy either...

    Unfortunately in Ireland 2010 many (not all of) the older generation cannot accept gay people. The over 50's in particular seem particularly against it - perhaps its the catholic church teachings drummed into them. Its a shame as I knew several young guys who commited suicide over the years who I suspected were gay and hadn't the nerve to come out.

    Its time for the older generation to be educated, to learn that having a son or daughter who is gay is not a big deal. Ok there will be no big traditional white wedding, maybe no grandkids, maybe people will whisper and point - but he/she is still your son/daughter who still loves you and deserves love, respect and happiness in their lives.

    Because I would certainly prefer to have a gay son/daughter who is happily living their life than visit them in a cemetry.


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    #72
    FreudianSlippers
    Registered Users Posts: 20,397 ✭✭✭✭FreudianSlippers


    cooltown wrote: »
    What would you do if you had a friend that came out as gay/lesbian to you?
    I have had a friend come out to me and a few of our other friends


    cooltown wrote: »
    Would you accept them?
    Of course, why wouldn't I?


    cooltown wrote: »
    Would it change your friendship with them?
    Why should it?


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    #73
    bnt
    Registered Users Posts: 12,972 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    OP - this is the 21st century, and societies are growing up all around the world, though Ireland is lagging a bit. You'd need to be a Raving Catholic to disown a friend because of their sexuality, and there are fewer and fewer Raving Catholics every year. :p

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



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    #74
    SIX PACK
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭SIX PACK


    Freak out Kick him in the balls & Leg it :o


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    #75
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    How would this topic fair in the christianity forum I wonder?


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    #76
    Chuchoter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,305 ✭✭✭Chuchoter


    Everybody here is so much nicer than my friends:mad::mad:

    Just want to point out, in the event that it ever happens to anyone, if they come out to you, they are coming out to YOU specifically. It is not a thing they may want everyone to know and definitely isn't something they want someone else spreading around. Not being mean to everyone here but its something some people seem to think is OK to do.


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    #77
    Links234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,944 ✭✭✭✭Links234


    crayolastereo wrote: »
    Everybody here is so much nicer than my friends:mad::mad:

    well I hope you can get new/better friends soon! :)


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    #78
    BloodRedRose
    Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭BloodRedRose


    Links234 wrote: »
    well I hope you can get new/better friends soon! :)

    Exactly! If your friends react like that then they're not your friends. True friends should be there to support you, to help and encourage you to be who you truely are and to simply be your friends. If one of my friends came out to me nothing would change, other than the fact that I would respect them more for being able to accept there feelings and brave enough to tell someone and the fact that they would have chosen me to be that person, I feel, would deepen our friendship.


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    #79
    ardinn
    Registered Users Posts: 4,246 ✭✭✭ardinn


    ok I wouldnt have a major problem with it but if my 2 best mates decided to come out - and the next time I was over for a few beers or a game or whatever and they were lying on the couch with some dude kissing and cuddling - It would be damn weird!!
    images.jpg
    http://slaneyfishing.com




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    #80
    Chuchoter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,305 ✭✭✭Chuchoter


    Personally I'd find it a bit odd if any of my friends were eating the face off each other in the corner, but anywho.

    My friend didn't react in a massive 'HOLY **** **** YOU!!' kind of way, it was very subtle. She went from being fairly affectionate with me to not sitting beside me and flinching whenever I came anywhere near her. She was totally disgusted/ terrified of me. I'm also pretty sure she's told one or two of her own friends. The only reason she kept talking to me was to bolster her own hipster liberal persona, so we're not really friends anymore.


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    #81
    Links234
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,944 ✭✭✭✭Links234


    crayolastereo wrote: »
    Personally I'd find it a bit odd if any of my friends were eating the face off each other in the corner, but anywho.

    My friend didn't react in a massive 'HOLY **** **** YOU!!' kind of way, it was very subtle. She went from being fairly affectionate with me to not sitting beside me and flinching whenever I came anywhere near her. She was totally disgusted/ terrified of me. I'm also pretty sure she's told one or two of her own friends. The only reason she kept talking to me was to bolster her own hipster liberal persona, so we're not really friends anymore.

    friends like that aren't worth having.

    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss


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    #82
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,793 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Uncle told me a while back that his best mate for years came to stay at his for a weekend.
    Totally locked and yer man says he has something to tell him.
    Uncle laughs and says "you're gay"..................silence............shít, you are gay.
    Both of them start laughing and laugh for about 10 mins at the situation.
    Uncle goes to his wedding a few months later and declares it one of the best he was ever at!!


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    #83
    dirtyghettokid
    Registered Users Posts: 2,988 ✭✭✭dirtyghettokid


    nothing! it wouldn't bother me in the slightest! :)


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    #84
    Giselle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    First I'd say congratulations, then I'd reassure them that it didn't change anything, then I'd ask if I could throw a coming out party.:)


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    #85
    Laura_lolly87
    Registered Users Posts: 212 ✭✭Laura_lolly87


    In the past few years i've started coming out as bi to people and mostly these people don't care cause they all know someone gay or are gay themselves.

    My oldest friends who I grew up with though are different. I tried telling my oldest friend one night when we were driving around and she stopped the car and told me to get out. I had to start laughing and pretend I was joking. Other friends told me they could never be friends with a gay person so I don't bother telling these people. If i'm even in a serious relationship with a girl I think i'm going to lose a few friends.


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    #86
    seanbmc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,842 ✭✭✭seanbmc


    cooltown wrote: »
    What would you do if you had a friend that came out as gay/lesbian to you?
    Would you accept them?
    Would it change your friendship with them?

    One of my friends came out to me the other day, I wasn't bothered in the slightest! Why would I be? There's no reason why people should be tbh.


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    #87
    lemansky
    Registered Users Posts: 970 ✭✭✭lemansky


    seanbmc wrote: »
    One of my friends came out to me the other day, I wasn't bothered in the slightest! Why would I be? There's no reason why people should be tbh.


    +1

    One of my friends came out to me a few months ago, he seemed almost disappointed when he didn't have to start fighting with me, telling me that he isn't an abomination.

    It is no big deal (no deal at all in fact). If people have issues with it, then they need to sort themselves out first before passing coming back to once again pass judgement on other people.


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    #88
    iconoranacorn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭iconoranacorn


    It's funny a friend of mine literally text me an hour ago to tell me he's gay.

    Meh.

    Changes nothing! :D


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    #89
    Lia_lia
    Registered Users Posts: 6,691 ✭✭✭Lia_lia


    I have more gay close friends than straight ones. Whenever a friend of mine has turned out as being gay I'm usually just like "yeah, I already know..".


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    #90
    arybvtcw0eolkf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    For me it wouldn't change a thing.

    I've a few friends who are gay, one of which finds some things hard to come to terms with. I can chat to him about, and help him through relationship issues - including sex.

    He can fall in and out of love with his male partners just as deep as 'straights' can.

    I really don't see an issue with having gay friends, or family members for that matter.


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    #91
    arybvtcw0eolkf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    iconoranacorn wrote: »
    It's funny a friend of mine literally text me an hour ago to tell me he's gay.

    Meh.

    Changes nothing! :D

    I bet he left his phone down in the pub and its one of his mates texting, we do it to mate's all the time :pac:


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