Is it possible to have a shyte so huge that you get admitted to the maternity ward?

Gulliver · 01-12-2010 04:13PM

Don't push too hard - you don't want to do an Elvis!

...I'll get my coat.....

Son Of A Vidic · 01-12-2010 04:34PM

OP - Sounds like your dehydrated, keep the fluids going and 'things' will flow easier. A bit of fibre in your diet also won't do any harm btw.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 04:36PM

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 04:42PM

I'm a danger to toilets, in the end it's usually the toilet that starts crying more-so than me.

*cue toiletseat flapping like a mouth*

PeterIanStaker · 01-12-2010 04:44PM

Hey, did you know that cavemen got more fibre than we do?

phill106 · 01-12-2010 04:44PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

Pffft like girls dont poop

Fizman · 01-12-2010 04:45PM

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

Princess Peach wrote: »

I vote that all threads on this sort of topic be moved to the Gentleman's Club.

Cause I don't want to see them anymore.

BOYS!!!:mad:

So let me get this straight........you see a thread title/subject that you detest, yet you still open it and contribute to it??

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhttttttttttttt.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 04:45PM

phill106 wrote: »

Pffft like girls dont poop

I don't!

I'm a lady.

phill106 · 01-12-2010 04:46PM

Fizman wrote: »

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

So let me get this straight........you see a thread title/subject that you detest, yet you still open it and contribute to it??

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhttttttttttttt.

WTF! Ugh, no sunday dinner invites for me please!

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 05:10PM

phill106 wrote: »

WTF! Ugh, no sunday dinner invites for me please!

Probably the knife he uses to cut thick meat :pac:

Princess Peach wrote:

I don't!

I'm a lady.

Women just go to the loo to lay Malteasers?

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

salutations · 01-12-2010 05:15PM

I recommend going to your local welcoming Dublin pub as an antidote to your particular problem. There always seems to be loads of lovely soft stools there.

admiralofthefleet · 01-12-2010 05:17PM

if you go into arse labour and its a proper meatloafs daughter the best course of action is to eat a bit of indian

stoneill · 01-12-2010 05:17PM

Fizman wrote: »

I've made a few sh1ts in my time that have required me to either get a clothes hanger to shred, or a large knife to cut up.

I'm not kidding.

Typical...
Never a large knife in the jacks just when you need one!

kfallon · 01-12-2010 05:19PM

I remember having a dump during the Brazil v Holland match during the 1994 World Cup as if it were yesterday. Went up 5 mins before half time and by the time I was finished it was 3 mins into the second half. Couldn't get it out, struggled with it. Had to 'induce' it inch by inch but by Jaysus it was hard to do and painful. Eventually got it out, was like a big brown Nike sign. Don't know how it flushed tbh but thank God it did. Arse felt like it was open for about an hour after it. Needed a second flush to get rid of the skiddie and I left the window open for a good hour after it.

Never, ever experienced anything like it before or since!

kfallon · 01-12-2010 05:20PM

Duggy747 wrote: »

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

This is true, I've heard some horror stories about pebble dashing in the ladies from female co-workers and friends!

orourkeda · 01-12-2010 05:20PM

0verblood wrote: »

We hear girls complaining about the pain of childbirth and how men have it easy, but jesus christ I've just let a massive shyte into the toilet bowl and I didn't think I was going to finish it, it came out half way and then stopped, I was almost going to grab it with two rolled up pieces of newspaper and snap it off then finish the rest off later after some laxative. Luckily enough I managed to squeeze it out but only after many tears (is it normal to cry while pooing?) and beads of sweat.

So my question is, if your poo is so massive that you can't squeeze it out, what the hell are your options? Something like a maternity ward, except for poos? Would A&E actually admit you if you told them your poo was too massive? The facilities must exist as I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been through this ordeal. I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.

Is this gary lineker?

bookerboy · 01-12-2010 05:22PM

Do what Brian Cowan and the rest of his Fianna Fail mates do.
Gets it all out through their mouths.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 05:23PM

Duggy747 wrote: »

Women just go to the loo to lay Malteasers?

If anything, "ladies" leave the loo like a contaminated nuclear fallout zone. Ye're as rotten as us! :P

And those women aren't ladies!

Jaxxy · 01-12-2010 05:24PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

And those women aren't ladies!

What are they then, men?

We fart too. :eek:

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 05:26PM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

What are they then, men?

We fart too. :eek:

Eh don't speak of behalf of me please. Cause I know I don't!

kfallon · 01-12-2010 05:26PM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

What are they then, men?

We fart too. :eek:

Good girl, that's the spirit, nothing to be ashamed in letting off a big ripper!

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 05:27PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

Eh don't speak of behalf of me please. Cause I know I don't!

Might want to see your local GP about that one, not sure it's healthy :pac:

kfallon · 01-12-2010 05:29PM

Duggy747 wrote: »

Might want to see your local GP about that one, not sure it's healthy :pac:

As the fella says, "It's better to have an empty house than a bold lodger" :pac:

Jaxxy · 01-12-2010 05:29PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

Eh don't speak of behalf of me please. Cause I know I don't!

You don't **** and you don't fart? Then there's something medically wrong with you. This notion that "ladies" don't use the bathroom in such a manner is completely ridiculous. It's a natural bodily function that has absolutely no bearing on whether you're a "lady" or not.

Just because you don't want to talk about it doesn't mean you don't do it. That's silly.

ejmaztec · 01-12-2010 05:30PM

This thread needs laxative.

Princess Peach · 01-12-2010 05:31PM

JaxxYChicK wrote: »

You don't **** and you don't fart? Then there's something medically wrong with you. This notion that "ladies" don't use the bathroom in such a manner is completely ridiculous. It's a natural bodily function that has absolutely no bearing on whether you're a "lady" or not.

Just because you don't want to talk about it doesn't mean you don't do it. That's silly.

I don't do either. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it

Fizman · 01-12-2010 05:32PM

There's been a few that I would have liked to have gotten weighed actually. Y'know, just out of interest.

Duggy747 · 01-12-2010 05:32PM

My GF puts me to shame with her farts, mine sound like a mouse crying compared to her cannon fire.

I'd accept this if she was big but she's tiny (Handy for resting my arm on her head :pac:)

kfallon · 01-12-2010 05:33PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

I don't do either. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it

Next you'll be telling us you don't gee fart to dry your flaps.....

:pac:

jackiebaron · 01-12-2010 05:36PM

0verblood wrote: »

Ha! Thanks! Must google some compacted fecal matter.

So if you arrive at A&E and tell them that your poo is too big to squeeze out by yourself... they would actually put on some rubber gloves and pull it out like a baby? I supposed I guessed right that there must be some sort of fecal midwife nurse available in hospitals.

Nah, I'm sure they'd give you a warm water enema....put you on your back, hose up arse and then pump a gallon of water up there to break up the offending lump and then have the slurry cascade out of your a-hole.

Is it possible to have a shyte so huge that you get admitted to the maternity ward?

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