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Is it possible to have a shyte so huge that you get admitted to the maternity ward?

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  • 01-12-2010 3:34pm
    #1
    0verblood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 455 ✭✭


    We hear girls complaining about the pain of childbirth and how men have it easy, but jesus christ I've just let a massive shyte into the toilet bowl and I didn't think I was going to finish it, it came out half way and then stopped, I was almost going to grab it with two rolled up pieces of newspaper and snap it off then finish the rest off later after some laxative. Luckily enough I managed to squeeze it out but only after many tears (is it normal to cry while pooing?) and beads of sweat.

    So my question is, if your poo is so massive that you can't squeeze it out, what the hell are your options? Something like a maternity ward, except for poos? Would A&E actually admit you if you told them your poo was too massive? The facilities must exist as I'm sure I'm not the only person who has been through this ordeal. I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.


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Comments

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    #2
    FreudianSlippers
    Registered Users Posts: 20,397 ✭✭✭✭FreudianSlippers


    What is with all the shít threads today?


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    #3
    flahavaj
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,235 ✭✭✭✭flahavaj


    OP is full of sh*t.


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    #4
    SV
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,534 ✭✭✭SV


    Do a barrel roll?


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    #5
    FreudianSlippers
    Registered Users Posts: 20,397 ✭✭✭✭FreudianSlippers


    flahavaj wrote: »
    OP is full of sh*t.
    oooh, sneaky edit!


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    #6
    The Shtig
    Registered Users Posts: 269 ✭✭The Shtig


    ehhmm I'm pretty sure babies don't come from your ass......


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    #7
    apope8
    Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭apope8


    Get onto these lads :cool: http://europeanfecalstandardsandmeasurement.blogspot.com/


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    #8
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
    I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!


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    #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,427 ✭ [Deleted User]


    phill106 wrote: »
    Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
    I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!

    All the time.


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    #10
    missingtime
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,942 ✭✭✭missingtime


    Ask Brian Cowens mother.


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    #11
    Scuid Mhór
    Registered Users Posts: 2,326 ✭✭✭Scuid Mhór


    flahavaj wrote: »
    OP is full of sh*t.

    Yes that is the thread.


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    #12
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    No but it's possible to talk so much sh*te that you get admitted to the psychiatric ward.


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    #13
    0verblood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 455 ✭✭0verblood


    phill106 wrote: »
    Every series of er/scrubs etc had junior doctors puttin on rubber gloves to remove compacted fecal matter, generally from very large patients.
    I would imagine it happens more often then we want to know!

    Ha! Thanks! Must google some compacted fecal matter.

    So if you arrive at A&E and tell them that your poo is too big to squeeze out by yourself... they would actually put on some rubber gloves and pull it out like a baby? I supposed I guessed right that there must be some sort of fecal midwife nurse available in hospitals.


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    #14
    Ghetto Cornetto
    Registered Users Posts: 242 ✭✭Ghetto Cornetto


    hurrrr durrrr poo is funneh.

    :mad:


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    #15
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    Apt username, OP.


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    #16
    General Zod
    Registered Users Posts: 2,661 ✭✭✭General Zod


    was convinced the OP was going to be Corkman.


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    #17
    JONJO THE MISER
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12,333 ✭✭✭✭JONJO THE MISER


    *runs to the toilet*


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    #18
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnIk0npINiE


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    #19
    Brendog
    Registered Users Posts: 1,976 ✭✭✭Brendog


    * witty comment involving **** and a reference to economy*


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    #20
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    Pushing it out so hard that you actually cry will give you piles.


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    #21
    OpenYourEyes
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 3,068 Mod ✭✭✭✭OpenYourEyes


    0verblood wrote: »
    I swear I felt like I was giving birth to a child with gigantism disease.


    Im pretty sure gigantism doesnt start affecting children til around puberty.....


    ...just saying.......


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    #22
    phill106
    Registered Users Posts: 6,810 ✭✭✭phill106


    JaxxYChicK wrote: »
    Pushing it out so hard that you actually cry will give you piles.

    piles of poo?


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    #23
    Daroxtar
    Registered Users Posts: 4,322 ✭✭✭Daroxtar


    The only person qualified to talk about this topic is Flutterinbantam. Flut, where are you when you're needed most?


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    #24
    dagdha
    Registered Users Posts: 645 ✭✭✭dagdha


    hot hot hot hot hot hot.


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    #25
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users Posts: 29,294 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    OP needs more fibre.


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    #26
    dagdha
    Registered Users Posts: 645 ✭✭✭dagdha




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    #27
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    phill106 wrote: »
    piles of poo?

    Piles of piles. Bunch of grapes. Only the H can save you now!


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    #28
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    Best thread title in several weeks. Well done sir.


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    #29
    KittyeeTrix
    Registered Users Posts: 7,239 ✭✭✭KittyeeTrix


    Justin Bieber was born wasn't he so yes it is possible to be hospitalised after a massive dump.......................:p


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    #30
    Taco Corp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,718 ✭✭✭Taco Corp


    Serious answer, eat flax seed. You can have it with pretty much anything, I normally have it with my porridge and it doesn't really taste of anything.


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    #31
    bonerm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    fluffyorganic1 wrote: »
    Justin Bieber was born wasn't he so yes it is possible to be hospitalised after a massive dump.......................:p

    How many courics did he weigh?


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