Height--insecure

LegacyUser · 18-02-2010 01:20PM #1

I'm a 26 year old male somewhere from 5'8 to 5'9 in height. With varying degrees of intensity. this fact has been plaguing my mind for over four years now.

The feeling of being smaller physically than my peers is for me something that isn't very pleasant. Although my day to day ability to function isn't affected for the most part, I have an ingrained habit of constantly comparing my height to everyone and everything around me as I go about my business.

The fact I work in a university does not help matters much either; I know that in response to this post some will claim 5'8 to be average height for an Irish male, but I know this patently to not be the case. Walking through college would belie that claim, where it's clear that for the 20 to 30 age group average height is closer to 5'11.

My height as far as I can see, would not even register as being particularly tall for a girl, when it is easy to observe many that are taller than this just by standing in the same spot for 5 minutes.

So, as you can guess this whole "height thing" has become a repetitive, obsessive mode of thought for me. And it goes beyond just the notion of how women see me and my physical attraction,(although this plays a part of course) to how I perceive and value myself.

Maybe I just have Walter Mitty notions of what and who I need to be...the good-looking, confident, physically strong male.

Anyway...I don't see how I can break this cycle of thinking, though I dearly wish I could.
I have considered professional help, though financially this isn't a viable option.

So I guess I'm looking for words of encouragement, wisdom etc., along with sound practical advice as how to break this "habit".

Thanks

Emme · 18-02-2010 02:07PM

Believe it or not, your height is around average for the Irish male, taking into account all strata of society, all age ranges of adult males and all occupations. If you're comparing yourself with university students remember that there are probably a good few university students who aren't Irish. I also work in a university. College guys tend to be taller than the men in the general population. Age, background, nutrition and athletic ability all play a part in this.

Those that are Irish possibly come from well-fed, well-to-do backgrounds. Are these hefty Meath and Kildare rugby/GAA playing lads who were reared on steak and spuds? They're bound to be taller than average. If they're not from that background they're probably second generation that background and grew up in the leafier suburbs of the town/city where they come from. I find that Meath lads tend to be tall. I find that Dublin men are more likely to be average height. I don't know if anyone has done a survey of height and counties but they should, it would be interesting!

Start mixing outside the university, join a club and you'll find that most Irish men are in and around your height and a good few are smaller as well.

jon1981 · 18-02-2010 03:01PM

I'm 5 7. wouldnt mind being a bit taller but sure nothing i can do about that, its not like it was in my control. what i do to make up for it... well im good shape, keep fit, and focus on my other qualities. ( physically i'm well able to punch above my height ) so maybe firm up in the gym or play some sport to feel more comfortable ... and i'm not talking arnie style.

To be honest in terms of the women ( which you seem to mainly be concerned about how you are being perceived), I was never interested in women taller than me so i guess it was never a problem... not that it stopped them being interested in me

lol

sam34 · 18-02-2010 04:11PM

OP- i'm female and 5ft 3 (which, btw, is average enough for a woman)

the man who i have fancied the most, and lusted after the most, and ultimately had the best sex ever with, is just under 5 foot.

height isnt everything

irishh_bob · 18-02-2010 06:07PM

FeelSmall wrote: »

I'm a 26 year old male somewhere from 5'8 to 5'9 in height. With varying degrees of intensity. this fact has been plaguing my mind for over four years now.

The feeling of being smaller physically than my peers is for me something that isn't very pleasant. Although my day to day ability to function isn't affected for the most part, I have an ingrained habit of constantly comparing my height to everyone and everything around me as I go about my business.

The fact I work in a university does not help matters much either; I know that in response to this post some will claim 5'8 to be average height for an Irish male, but I know this patently to not be the case. Walking through college would belie that claim, where it's clear that for the 20 to 30 age group average height is closer to 5'11.

My height as far as I can see, would not even register as being particularly tall for a girl, when it is easy to observe many that are taller than this just by standing in the same spot for 5 minutes.

So, as you can guess this whole "height thing" has become a repetitive, obsessive mode of thought for me. And it goes beyond just the notion of how women see me and my physical attraction,(although this plays a part of course) to how I perceive and value myself.

Maybe I just have Walter Mitty notions of what and who I need to be...the good-looking, confident, physically strong male.

Anyway...I don't see how I can break this cycle of thinking, though I dearly wish I could.
I have considered professional help, though financially this isn't a viable option.

So I guess I'm looking for words of encouragement, wisdom etc., along with sound practical advice as how to break this "habit".

Thanks

im a 29 year old male who is 6 ft 4 and i would gladly trade places with you , seriously , other than if you play for the NBA , thier are no advantages to being very tall and a tonne of disadvantages , your back hurts from being in a cramped sitting possitions in long car journeys , your back hurts from modest forms of lifting , you bang your head off various structures and you look freaky while standing close to average sized people , at 5 ft 9 , id say your a near perfect height and as i said , i would gladly trade

ps , its a complete myth that being tall gives you an advantage with the ladies

LegacyUser · 18-02-2010 06:18PM

The classic male body has a V shaped torso with broad shoulders and small hips.

Its very, very rare for a man over six foot to achieve this shape as they are too spread out. Thats why Hollywood actors are short. Also, maybe this is just me, but I've often noticed that tall men tend to have disproportionately wide hips? This might just be a trick of the eye on account of the length between shoulder to hip, I don't know.

Anyway, nothing wrong with 5'8! Its a better design!

tenchi-fan · 18-02-2010 09:08PM

im 5'9 and i'd hate to be taller. i have a few taller friends who have to duck down walking under signs in some shops, or even low doorways. and it's even worse for them when they're on the bus or ryanair flights.

shellyboo · 19-02-2010 02:57AM

5'9 is a perfect height for a guy - you're taller than most women at that. We don't have height limits, and those of us who do are happy enough with "taller than me" as opposed to "you must be at least 6'2".

It really, really doesn't matter OP. And if someone is put off by your height then they're just not right for you.

As for helping you get over it -- well, to be blunt, there's absolutely nothing at all you can do about it. So your options are:

1. Continue to fret, worry and stress about it; hampering your confidence and crippling your self-esteem.
2. Accept it. Just mentally say "fcuk it", own it, get on with living your life.

I know which I'd recommend.

fitz0 · 19-02-2010 02:58AM

Im around the same hwight as you OP. I've never really worried about my height beyond the odd thought that such and such a woman is talle than me. I see no reason to worry about something you can't change. In my opinion you shouldn't bother wasting time on something like your height, when it's things like physical presence that make you stand out more than being overly tall.

SnoopyD · 19-02-2010 03:08AM

You are worrying over nothing OP. Height is not something you have control over. It's not a reflection on you or a deficiency. It's not like you get taller as you become a nicer/better person! Its who you are that counts not what height you are.

Sounds to me like you've bought into a notion that you're not meeting up to physical standards in terms of the opposite sex. Maybe it has something to do with certain ladies you have been in contact with.

It is true certain women have what I'd call 'sex in the city syndrome' where they believe everything the see on tv or in a magazine is what they should go for in real life rather than making up their own minds.

I've heard girls say 'oh no way would I go out with a man under 6ft tall'. Yeah they are out there (my missus has a few as freinds) and they are gob****es you are better off avoiding them. Its vaccuous nonsense to say something like that.

Writing off a man or woman on something as ridiculous at that is much more their problem than yours. I mean you could rule out going out with someone who could have turned out to be the greatest person in the world and the love of your life because they weren't X ft tall??!!!? Madness

I doubt you have a real problem. Thats not to belittle where you are mentally either. Maybe you feel the need to be physically stronger to increase confidence. Thats achievable too albeit unnescary.
I've always just kept myself in good shape since I was about 15 and without being a mad gym freak i'm fit and strong a quite well built and I'm 5"9. (not trying to sound like I'm love with myself here either just saying its achievable for any joe soaper)

I hope you get to a place in your head where you can work past this and find out what you really want. Best of luck

Cato78 · 19-02-2010 06:12AM

Is it possible you live in a part of Ireland where everyone is just amazingly tall?

I'm 5'9 on the button and here in the US am very average in height. I've never been interested in a girl who was taller than me, but I could understand that being a slight issue if that was the case. I've dated a couple of girls who were 5'9 and I will admit I felt a tad awkward when they wore tall shoes, but it really wasn't a big deal.

Are you happy with the rest of your physique? I've found that a lot of people who don't workout find a lot of confidence when they lean out and add some muscle.

LegacyUser · 19-02-2010 11:19AM

op, i thought about you driving into work this mornign because i remember watching tv3 the other morning and there was a personal trainer on who waw 5'7 but was so unhappy with his height that he was going to germany to get his legs broken and mended so he could be 5'9, your height! you know, you sound fine the way you are and your being really hard on yourself, as my father used to say if you were standing on your personality you'd be the tallest person in the world, chin up op

LegacyUser · 19-02-2010 02:16PM

shellyboo wrote: »

As for helping you get over it -- well, to be blunt, there's absolutely nothing at all you can do about it.

Not true, if it is really causing the OP such emotional distress they can have limb lengthening surgery. It won't be fun [or cheap] as involves breaking prefectly good limbs and being stuck in a wheelchair for maybe a year. but people are getting cosmetic surgery for all sorts of things these days.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 19-02-2010 03:49PM

I'm 5'7, in college and would say majority of guys are taller than me.

It bothered me a lot when I was younger because I was noticably smaller than mates from around 9years old on and started puberty late; which meant I looked about 13 until I was 17.

Doesn't bother me now. It is a bit **** that a lot of girls aren't even worth talking to(in a wanting to kiss/be in a relationship way) because if they're even 2/3 inches taller 90% will not even consider you,, which I don't hold against them, I wouldn't be interested in a girl who wasn't slim. But as I said, it's a bit ****, not the end of the world or woth losing sleep over.

At the end of the day there's no way of changing it so you should just make the most of it. Could be a lot worse, you might be in a wheelchair/obese etc.

Do you go to the gym? could always just make yourself look better in general to compensate. I think that might help in breaking the cycle.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 19-02-2010 03:53PM

me_you wrote: »

Not true, if it is really causing the OP such emotional distress they can have limb lengthening surgery. It won't be fun [or cheap] as involves breaking prefectly good limbs and being stuck in a wheelchair for maybe a year. but people are getting cosmetic surgery for all sorts of things these days.

I have no problem whatsoever with cosmetic surgery, anything from lip surgery to breast implants to modifying genitalia. But I think "height surgery" is insane. The long term effects are probably extremely bad. We're not technologically advanced enough to be able to properly extend bones. And as a short guy I really can understand why someone would want to be taller.

ztoical · 19-02-2010 05:35PM

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I have no problem whatsoever with cosmetic surgery, anything from lip surgery to breast implants to modifying genitalia. But I think "height surgery" is insane. The long term effects are probably extremely bad. We're not technologically advanced enough to be able to properly extend bones. And as a short guy I really can understand why someone would want to be taller.

Saw a show about this on channel 4 only a few weeks ago...it's actually becoming very common among asian males who feel they have to be tall if they are living in the west [the focus of the show was the urge some people felt to look "white" in order to be accepted in Britain] The view was as the op became more common and less risky you are more likely to see it happening more given the emphasis that modern society places on looking a certain way.

There's alot of work being put into it mainly focused on helping people with bone conditions but like alot of these things there will be alot of people who use it for purely cosmetic reasons. I think someone shoving big sacks of silicone inside their bodies is mad but no one bats an eyelid at it these days. Never underestimate the pressure some people feel to "fit in" and lengths they will go.

LegacyUser · 19-02-2010 05:57PM

Pffft, op you are not insecure about your height, you are just insecure. 5'9 is not small in any respect. I'm about 5'5 and quite skinny too, I'd love to be 5'9. I used to be quite paranoid about it but i just had to make a decision to stop caring about it and just get on with it. If you are fat you can loose weight, but you can't get taller. When i was younger it was a constant thing that got me down – people would always mention it or slag me about it – All The Time. Nowadays I still get it but I do not let it affect me. In work and with my mates I'm slagged about my size on a very regular basis - and I just laugh with them and I would never take it personally or get sensitive about it. They actually respect me for the fact that I’m cool with it and just have a joke – I make sure to slag them back just as much – in a fun way.

Are you just paranoid about it yourself or it is actually an issue that gets raised by others etc? If not then i'm sorry but I've no sympathy for you.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 10:45AM

Apologies for re-opening an old thread, but I was the OP that created it back in February.
Since then, I've been dealing pretty well with my preoccupation and insecurity regarding my height. But in the past week or so, it's starting to resurface.

The trigger for this was/is pretty clear; I work at a university campus, and with the new academic year beginning there's been an influx of freshers, and returning students. They seem to be getting taller every year. Within the males I can categorically state that 5'11 seems to be around the lower to average end, with most being this height and many much taller. Among the females, quite a few are around 5'9, but also a sizeable minority taller than this (maybe 1 in 5).

All this has brought back the feelings and worries I expressed in my original post. The posts written in reply were obviously helpful, but some wise words I think are in need again to help me with this relapse.

Thanks

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 03:56PM

My own thoughts: My partner is the same height as me, he's five foot six and small in stature. I wouldn't give him up for the world. He has fantastic confidence, kindness, generosity. He's highly intelligent (both intellectually and more importantly, socially). I wouldn't have fallen for him if it weren't for his confidence and his kindness.

I dated a man a few years back who was six foot two, well built. He turned out to be a dick. I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

You are only as attractive as your belief in yourself. I find my partner extremely attractive because he has confidence in himself, and knows what he has to offer. You have to believe in yourself, and you have to be able to advertise yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.

Ultimately it's your choice whether you want to live a life doubting yourself and comparing yourself to others, or live a life knowing that everyone one of us is different, and we all have something to offer.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 04:05PM

SnoopyD wrote: »

It is true certain women have what I'd call 'sex in the city syndrome' where they believe everything the see on tv or in a magazine is what they should go for in real life rather than making up their own minds.

I watch Sex and the City, love it in fact. My partner is the same height as me (five foot six), he dosn't earn millions, and he doesn't buy me diamonds on a daily basis. I think it's possible for women to be realistic even if they do watch Sex and the City.

It's the same as oul wans on Joe Duffy complaining that computer games are the cause of violence

08-09-2010 04:29PM

OP_here wrote: »

Within the males I can categorically state that 5'11 seems to be around the lower to average end, with most being this height and many much taller. Among the females, quite a few are around 5'9, but also a sizeable minority taller than this (maybe 1 in 5).

You're almost certainly wrong. Unless your job in the university is cataloguing everyone's height after measuring them (in their socks) you definitely cannot categorically state it. Secondly, unless your university has a minimum height requirement or is a freak of statistics, you are most definitely not estimating the average heights correctly. You are not an objective observer, you already think you are small, so you discount the smaller people you see because they don't fit your theory and over-estimate the taller people. Even people who aren't insecure about their height over-estimate others and under-estimate themselves

You are marginally shorter than the average for 21-25yos in Ireland (5'10 - Source). The only thing that is creating your insecurity is you

angelxx · 08-09-2010 05:15PM

Height is often a huge cause of insecurity among men. I know several guys who genuinely worry about it and concerns them. Personally I think the guys at college are taller than the average men you see on the street. It seems that working at the university is causing these fears since you were doing well throughout the summer.
In know way does height determine ones sense of self worth. You need to think positively. I''m 5'9 and have dated a guy 5'8 also one 6'3. I never even thought about it.
Good luck OP!

Zen65 · 08-09-2010 05:18PM

OP_here wrote: »

All this has brought back the feelings and worries I expressed in my original post. The posts written in reply were obviously helpful, but some wise words I think are in need again to help me with this relapse.

It's important for you to realise that the issue is your feelings about the matter. You have distorted the facts (in your own mind) just a little to support your feelings, and in doing so you are focussing on one perceived fact (your height vs students) out of context.

I am about 1" smaller than you, and a good deal older than you. I deal with university students every week (in the Sports Centre as a coach) and I can honestly say that the slightly taller student does not bother me at all. Most of them would "look up to" me simply because I walk and talk with an air of confidence. It does not matter that I am smaller. Students (especially freshers) are generally insecure by nature, and most younger students have only modest social skills. That changes as the years go by, but they are (mostly) deferential to older people. In the group that I coached last year, the "leader" of the students (most influential) was far smaller than me, but was in his late 20's and had some "worldly" experience that the freshers and younger students lacked. All the other students looked to him for advice about "real world" issues.

What are you good at? If you have a role or a hobby where you could excel then focus on that to earn your own self-confidence. Experiments have shown that people's perception of height is influenced by their assessment of that person's power within society. Lookup Gordon Patzer's study on the internet.

What this means for you is that if you wish to be perceived as being taller, you can achieve this by working on your self-confidence, and one way (there are many ways) to achieve this is to be involved in a sport and to excel at it. You could achieve the same by being very good at your job (especially if it is a job where students need your services).

Another way is to dress tall, and learn to walk and speak with confidence. Remember you are among students who look up to you already because they perceive you have greater worldly experience.

So, you cannot change your height (I strongly discourage any form of plastic surgery to stretch your bones... and any reputable surgeon would probably be slow to agree to this operation for a man of your height) but with just a little effort you can change your perceived height.

In time you will come to realise that your height, which may be very slightly below average, really does not influence your social status nearly as much as you seem to imagine.

Be at peace,

Z

Chuchoter · 08-09-2010 06:28PM

I'm a girl and I'm barely 5'0 so I'm CONSIDERABLY smaller than basically anyone I know as all my friends male and female are around the 5'6-5'9 mark, I actually don't know anyone taller than you.

However I feel the same way a lot of the time, possibly because I really feel I should have been born male, but thats a different topic. It varies between good days where I say "Listen theres not a thing I can do about my height, theres no point in talking about it" to bad days where I feel like **** over it. I feel like no-one takes me seriously and no-one will ever go out with me so on and so forth. Everybody's always like: you don't look small or ****ing stupid phrases like small packages, but it seriously makes me feel like **** all the time.

Really the thing to remember is stand up straight, dress right and you aren't small in the first place, something else is making you feel this way and your channeling that into your height.

IrishEyes19 · 08-09-2010 06:38PM

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

I'm 5'7, in college and would say majority of guys are taller than me.

It bothered me a lot when I was younger because I was noticably smaller than mates from around 9years old on and started puberty late; which meant I looked about 13 until I was 17.

Doesn't bother me now. It is a bit **** that a lot of girls aren't even worth talking to(in a wanting to kiss/be in a relationship way) because if they're even 2/3 inches taller 90% will not even consider you,, which I don't hold against them, I wouldn't be interested in a girl who wasn't slim. But as I said, it's a bit ****, not the end of the world or woth losing sleep over.

At the end of the day there's no way of changing it so you should just make the most of it. Could be a lot worse, you might be in a wheelchair/obese etc.

Do you go to the gym? could always just make yourself look better in general to compensate. I think that might help in breaking the cycle.

I think your height sounds normal, OP, but this may be slightly off track but just on a comment "Bottle of Smoke" said here. "I wouldn't be interested in a girl who wasn't slim?" Just thought I'd throw the world shallow in there. In retaliation, I cant imagine many girls are interested in someone with your type of preferences. You must make a girl feel really good about herself!!!! :eek:

But back to the OP there, height can be an issue for guys, but honestly your height sounds quite average it probably just feels worse because as you said your surrounded by taller guys.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 09:58AM

Zen65 wrote: »

I am about 1" smaller than you, and a good deal older than you. I deal with university students every week (in the Sports Centre as a coach) and I can honestly say that the slightly taller student does not bother me at all. Most of them would "look up to" me simply because I walk and talk with an air of confidence. It does not matter that I am smaller. Students (especially freshers) are generally insecure by nature, and most younger students have only modest social skills. That changes as the years go by, but they are (mostly) deferential to older people. In the group that I coached last year, the "leader" of the students (most influential) was far smaller than me, but was in his late 20's and had some "worldly" experience that the freshers and younger students lacked. All the other students looked to him for advice about "real world" issues....

What this means for you is that if you wish to be perceived as being taller, you can achieve this by working on your self-confidence, and one way (there are many ways) to achieve this is to be involved in a sport and to excel at it. You could achieve the same by being very good at your job (especially if it is a job where students need your services).

Another way is to dress tall, and learn to walk and speak with confidence. Remember you are among students who look up to you already because they perceive you have greater worldly experience.

This is all really good advice from the above poster. I am a 5'7 male and I would obviously prefer to be taller, but there are too many other important things I have control over:

1. Confidence. Look at all the famous actors who are our height or smaller. If you are happy and proud of who you are, it shines through.

2. Appearance. Dressing appropriately makes you look good, improves your confidence, and again diminishes how much people notice your height.

3. Success/Money/Power. Professional sucess, financial security, and power can all be achieved without height. If you have those things, along with confidence, charisma and good looks, then you might still wish that you were taller but you will be having too much of a good time to care about it :-)

The Thin End of the Wedge · 09-09-2010 01:52PM

Sound advice there from Zen - take it on board OP!

Jeez - 5'9" and you're feeling insecure - Im 5'5 on a good day with no wind! - whats the weather like up there!

I can honestly say that the only time I wish I was taller is in a packed bar at last orders! - other than that it just doesn't enter my mind and has never stopped me doing anything that I wanted to do -Im in my late 30's now and I've packed a lot of living into the last 2 decades- there is no reason why you cannot do the same.

I guess I've always been the short guy - at school, at college, in work etc etc - my 2 younger brothers are 6' plus - guess thats the way the genetic cookie crumbles - on the plus side I've still got my hair while they are doing Right Said Fred tribute numbers:D - there are advantages and disadvantages to everything! - still its never been a conscious impediment in my life - I was captain of my schools soccer team - went on to captain the university soccer team - I played centre half! - its not about height - its all about timing! -

I think you are using your height as a lightening rod for other issues in your life - which is clearly a lack of confidence in general. Zen is on the money above in that you need to get out of your comfort zone and try and improve the things that you can - you cannot do anything about your height -so why worry about it - anyway yer 5' 9 for fecks sake - honestly! - you are taller than 80% of humanity that has ever lived - at the end of the day - do you really think that a couple of inches is going to dramatically transform your life, make you a billionaire and have women throwing themselves at ya?

As regards the ladies.........well..........again.......its never been an issue for me.........I can only remember one woman who told me at a party that she could never date somebody shorter than herself - 5' 10 - she was still telling me the same thing 6 hours later in bed:) and we went out for the next year! - when we did eventually go our seperate ways - it was nothing to do with the fact that there was a 5 inch differential when we were both vertical! - I know women (and men) can be cruel and dont really think about what they say - I think you are listening too much to some women -women just love to talk - some of my best female friends will rabbit on ad-nauseum about what there "ideal" man is......tall,dark handsome etc etc etc...............yet.........the blokes they end up going out with,falling for, marrying etc etc......are anything but! ........trust me.........you are presuming a hell of lot..in a negative way.

So -follow the path of Zen - take a long hard look at your life and resolve to start making some changes - I'll be doing the same - lost my job last year and several other personal downers and am at a bit of crossroads in my life - but the last thing this 5'5 person will be worrying about is his height!

IrishEyes19 · 09-09-2010 01:57PM

The Thin End of the Wedge wrote: »

Sound advice there from Zen - take it on board OP!

Jeez - 5'9" and you're feeling insecure - Im 5'5 on a good day with no wind! - whats the weather like up there!

I can honestly say that the only time I wish I was taller is in a packed bar at last orders! - other than that it just doesn't enter my mind and has never stopped me doing anything that I wanted to do -Im in my late 30's now and I've packed a lot of living into the last 2 decades- there is no reason why you cannot do the same.

I guess I've always been the short guy - at school, at college, in work etc etc - my 2 younger brothers are 6' plus - guess thats the way the genetic cookie crumbles - on the plus side I've still got my hair while they are doing Right Said Fred tribute numbers:D - there are advantages and disadvantages to everything! - still its never been a conscious impediment in my life - I was captain of my schools soccer team - went on to captain the university soccer team - I played centre half! - its not about height - its all about timing! -

I think you are using your height as a lightening rod for other issues in your life - which is clearly a lack of confidence in general. Zen is on the money above in that you need to get out of your comfort zone and try and improve the things that you can - you cannot do anything about your height -so why worry about it - anyway yer 5' 9 for fecks sake - honestly! - you are taller than 80% of humanity that has ever lived - at the end of the day - do you really think that a couple of inches is going to dramatically transform your life, make you a billionaire and have women throwing themselves at ya?

As regards the ladies.........well..........again.......its never been an issue for me.........I can only remember one woman who told me at a party that she could never date somebody shorter than herself - 5' 10 - she was still telling me the same thing 6 hours later in bed:) and we went out for the next year! - when we did eventually go our seperate ways - it was nothing to do with the fact that there was a 5 inch differential when we were both vertical! - I know women (and men) can be cruel and dont really think about what they say - I think you are listening too much to some women -women just love to talk - some of my best female friends will rabbit on ad-nauseum about what there "ideal" man is......tall,dark handsome etc etc etc...............yet.........the blokes they end up going out with,falling for, marrying etc etc......are anything but! ........trust me.........you are presuming a hell of lot..in a negative way.

So -follow the path of Zen - take a long hard look at your life and resolve to start making some changes - I'll be doing the same - lost my job last year and several other personal downers and am at a bit of crossroads in my life - but the last thing this 5'5 person will be worrying about is his height!

I totally agree with this, and I second question why someone who is 5"9 thinks they are too short. As other posters have said it seems like there are other issues here and the OP possibly is linking this with their height which is really average.

Also, I'm a girl and 5"2 so, 5"9 is quite tall to me, hehe!!!

Da GOAT · 09-09-2010 03:17PM

to each their own, im 6ft 6in tall. I think my height is class, get the usual tall jokes from odd stranger but whatever. My fiancee is 5ft 2in and thats class.

Peoples problems with height are all internal problems, theres plenty of 5'9'' guys who are with women.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 04:39PM

So, I've thought a little bit more about the problem since yesterday, and the following, in a slightly disorganized fashion, is some of my thoughts/realizations.

@Zen65 and Thoughts-- I do of course agree with the general principle of confidence being important and so on, but the thing is I'm not really lacking it on an intellectual level. I mean this in the sense that I'm aware of what my individual strengths are, and am quite proud. On the level of feelings, I'm not completely bereft of confidence either; I walk and hold myself with good posture, I can "feel" confident, and with women I've had success in the past and present as far as girlfriends and relationships count for "success".

But I think i've identified part of the problem. I'm intimidated by other men. It's something that's just below the surface of my thoughts...in other words I don't necessarily go around thinking or saying to myself these guys are going to physically beat me or anything like that, but the sense of intimidation I've realized is still there.

I do find myself comparing my own mental self-image to every other man I come across during my day. So the height thing I guess is easy to latch onto since I'm consistently shorter than most college age students. Physically, I'm not in too bad shape, thin but not scrawny....I just don't have the stature or "bigness" of most college guys. Posters may reply I should train and work out to develop strength, muscularity...though I'm not sure this would help change my mindset, and in addition at my height I'd be worried about developing that "beefcake" look.

Anyway, I'm rambling now so I'll stop here. Thanks so far for all the replies, please keep them coming...as I certainly am not a point yet where I can say this problem is resolved for me.

Jamie-b · 09-09-2010 06:57PM

My boyfriend is the same height... and so am I! He feels he is too small too but doesn't fixate on it. He has plenty of friends much much smaller (and plenty much taller)- it is possibly that you are focusing on all the tall guys and thinking everyone is bigger than you whereas in reality there are loads of men smaller and the same height.

Anyway, I don't mean this as an insult at all, and I am not suggesting that you are too small (I do think this is a psychological issue), but if you want a practical solution have you considered elevator shoes? I do think this issue is in your mind, but girls who have issues with their breast size uses padded bras to give them a boost (in two ways!) so I thought I'd throw it out there.
I don't want to insult anyone or you at all by suggesting you need to be taller, you don't, but if something makes you feel better about your physical appearance maybe it's a good thing?

Height--insecure

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