How would you react?.....

neveah · 04-08-2010 05:27PM #1

I was listening to Sean Moncrieffe on Newstalk earlier today and there was a report on prostitution in Ireland. Their case study was Portlaoise and they found that there was up to 20 brothels in operation in the town. The general message was that prostitution is rampant in every city, town and village of Ireland!

So a lot of men out there must be using these services, it got me thinking, how would I feel if I found out that a guy I had just started seeing had used the services of a prostitute before? Or how would I feel if I found out a long term boyfriend had previously used a prostitute??

To be honest the thought made my skin crawl! I think it would change my whole perception of the person. I would not at all be comfortable with it. Don't get me wrong, I have had previous bf's who have gone to strip clubs on stag do's and looked at lads mags, that stuff didn't bother me really but I just think it would totally freak me out if I found out my OH had slept with a prostitute!:eek:

Thankfully I have never found myself in this situation (or not to my knowledge anyway!) but I'm just wondering how would you ladies feel/react if it happened to you?

Madame Razz · 04-08-2010 05:43PM

What happened in the past, stays in the past as far as I'm concerned. I've never understood why people get so hung up on their partners sexual history. As long as they are tested before I sleep with them and have a clean bill of sexual health then that's all I need to know. However if my partner visited a prostiture while in a relationship with me I would imagine I would have several rather unsavoury things to say about it.

Prostitution is not necessarily something that I agree with but it has been around for a very very long time and isn't going to disappear anytime soon. I heard the piece on SM's show today and it really didn't surprise me in the least.

krudler · 04-08-2010 06:00PM

wouldnt be for me. I do think it should be legalised though, in Amsterdam the girls have unions, protection, even health checks, the irony being that you'd probably more likely to get an STI from some randomer in a bar than your are from a prostitute. OP you say you wouldnt be bothered from bf's going to strip clubs? whats the difference? they're paying to be sexually stimulated arent they? Most strippers do offer services past what they advertise on the front door as well. they're selling their bodies, semantics aside its still a form of prostituion.

jimmycrackcorm · 04-08-2010 06:09PM

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

The Big Red Button · 04-08-2010 06:23PM

My friend was in this exact situation before. Her boyfriend who she had been with for a year confessed that he had lost his virginity to a prostitute in Amsterdam. He had previously lied that it had been with a friend of his.

My friend was in absolute bits over it, and broke up with him immediately and wouldn't speak to him for a couple of weeks. They eventually got back together though, and got past it.

The advice I gave her at the time was not to judge him for something that had happened long before he had even known her. As I said at the time, I'd have been far more upset about him lying to her about it. And, on an intellectual level, that's how I feel. What's in the past shouldn't have an impact on how you feel about a person. And really, how is it so much worse than having a one-night-stand?

But realistically ... if it happened to me, I'm not sure how I'd feel. If the person was upfront about it from the start, then I really don't think I'd be upset or angry. I can't help but think that ... well, that I'd sort of respect the person a little bit less, even though I know I shouldn't feel that way. It just seems like they went for the "lazy" option, you know?

Very hard to know until you're in that situation.

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

Believe it or not, some women actually enjoy sex and don't need to be "paid" for it in any way.

If you have found that your women always needed to be compensated afterwards, whether through money or gifts, then maybe it's your own technique that you should be examining.

Silverfish · 04-08-2010 06:25PM

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

That's not really what this thread is about.

04-08-2010 06:32PM

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

Eh?

I wouldn't really care. Apart from the sexual health side of things.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 06:40PM

OP, how would you feel if you BF judged you on your past sexual exploits?

neveah · 04-08-2010 06:50PM

OP you say you wouldnt be bothered from bf's going to strip clubs? whats the difference? they're paying to be sexually stimulated arent they? Most strippers do offer services past what they advertise on the front door as well. they're selling their bodies, semantics aside its still a form of prostituion.

I know what you mean but I dunno I just do see a difference I suppose. I wouldn't like a bf going to a strip club on a regular basis, that would worry me a bit! I suppose it's the whole paying for sex, it just seems seedy to me.

I guess my OP was just my gut reaction, obviously if it really happened I don't know how I would react because it would depend how much I loved the person, were they honest about it etc.

I was just interested to hear how others would feel, given the obvious massive market for this we must all know someone who uses prostitutes! One of the guys interviewed on the radio was very open about using them and said a lot if his friends did. The reporter said it was mainly men in their 30/40's. Although they didn't say it I would imagine a lot of men in that age group are married and using prostitutes on the side, it made me feel for their wives who probably don't have a clue. I would be so upset if I found out that my husband was using a prostitute! But I suppose that's a whole other thread....

Giselle · 04-08-2010 07:35PM

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

So are all women prostitues from whom sex can be bought?

And when you have sex with a girlfriend do you consider it a commodity that you've bought and paid for?

If so, I pity you.

Pembily · 04-08-2010 07:37PM

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

No man gets free sex. There's always a price whether it's cash to a prostitute or flowers and perfume for your girlfriend. Its just a question of price and type of currency.

Some one has issues.... CLEARLY!!!!!!!

I have no issues with what my boyfriend did in the past or does in the future, once he is free and single!! I am happy with him once he is CLEAN AND FREE FROM STI'S while with me!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't see anything wrong with it at all at all!!

Scarinae · 04-08-2010 07:45PM

One of my closest friends was in a relationship until quite recently with a Greek guy, and she knew that he had used prostitutes several times before they were together. Apparently prostitution is legal in Greece, and in a situation which is probably quite similar to the Netherlands the brothels are regulated. People are much more open about using prostitutes in Greece because it is so common, I doubt you'd find many Irish guys being so open about it.

My initial reaction when she told me this was surprise tinged with a bit of disgust - he was a really nice guy, treated her really well, nothing like the image I had in my head of a typical client being a dirty kerbcrawling old man. She didn't have a problem with it at all though, she saw it as being more honest than getting with someone under the pretence that it meant more than just sex, and then not calling them afterwards.

I still think I would be a bit uncomfortable if I knew a boyfriend had slept with a prostitute. To me, sex always means something, and I don't think I would enjoy sex if there was no emotional connection. I have never had a one-night-stand and never particularly wanted to, so I'd find the idea of paying someone for sex a bit alien. I think if I knew a boyfriend had paid for sex, it would taint the way that I looked at them, even though my rational side would be telling me that it was just a transaction for a service

panda100 · 04-08-2010 07:49PM

I definately would want to know If my boyfriend had slept with a prostitute as I think It would speak volumes about his attitude to women. I just couldn't be with someone who thinks its okay to pay a women for sex.

I couldn't care less If he f*cked 1000 women tbh but I think exchanging money for sex is seedy, and considering how rampant trafficking is I don't know how anyone could be compliant in using the prositution industry as it is at the moment.

I do know guys who use prostitutes and I wouldn't want a long tem relationship with any of them.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 07:53PM

panda100 wrote: »

I definately would want to know If my boyfriend had slept with a prostitute as I think It would speak volumes about his attitude to women.

What attitude would that be?

Scarinae · 04-08-2010 07:59PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

What attitude would that be?

That a woman's body is just an object you can have sex with. Like a blowup doll, but warmer and more pleasant.

I think that's what gives me uneasiness about the idea of a boyfriend being with a prostitute. There is absolutely no connection when you have sex with a prostitute, she is just providing a hole for them to rut into. Some people might be fine with that, but I don't think that I would be

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 08:13PM

Fishie wrote: »

That a woman's body is just an object you can have sex with. Like a blowup doll, but warmer and more pleasant.

I think that's what gives me uneasiness about the idea of a boyfriend being with a prostitute. There is absolutely no connection when you have sex with a prostitute, she is just providing a hole for them to rut into. Some people might be fine with that, but I don't think that I would be

You don't need to pay for sex to have an attitude like that and it's clearly incorrect to insinuate that all men who do pay for sex have this kind of attitude.

panda100 · 04-08-2010 08:22PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

What attitude would that be?

Well quite a dismal,mysoginistic view not only of women but also a pretty pathetic view towards sex.
I could never have sex with a prostitute because fom me sex is about two peoples enjoyment. Its not a one way buisness transaction where one persons pleasure supersedes the other.

ztoical · 04-08-2010 08:23PM

I don't get why people get so hung up on this. It wouldn't bother me if a partner said they'd gone to a prostitute in the past, I might be bothered if they said they'd slept with 1000 women though. A prostitute is far more likely to demand the use of condoms then 1000 random women picked up good knows were. I'd only want to know a partners past sexual history in relation to the risk to my own health.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 08:26PM

panda100 wrote: »

Well quite a dismal,mysoginistic view not only of women but also a pretty pathetic view towards sex.
I could never have sex with a prostitute because fom me sex is about two peoples enjoyment. Its not a one way buisness transaction where one persons pleasure supersedes the other.

So every man who pays for sex is a misogynist? An interesting thought...

How do you know there are no prostitutes out there who enjoy it? I'm sure there are many who don't, but I highly doubt there are none who do.

neveah · 04-08-2010 08:42PM

I was thinking about that today, do the prostitutes even enjoy it? From the stories you hear it would seem that a large portion of these women are forced into their situation through sex trafficking. I wonder do guys here in Ireland even consider that when they avail of their services? Of course there are prostitutes who want to do it and operate individually. Prostitution in Ireland is not legal so how do you know that these women are having regular sexual health checks?? Are u supposed to trust them if they tell you they are? What if they are drug users. You just don't know who you are dealing with. And yes I know people will say 'sure that could be said for any randomer on the street' but I dunno I don't think so, prostitution is still a murky world and I would just rather that the guy I was with was not involved in it.

I suppose when I think of prostitution I do kinda think of the leechy dirty old man scenario, it's a stereotype I know.

Just getting back to the sexual health aspect - the guy interviewed on the radio said that they wore two condoms for extra protection when having sex with a prostitute. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't think you were supposed to do that? Isn't it advised not to wear one condom over another??

ztoical · 04-08-2010 08:51PM

neveah wrote: »

I was thinking about that today, do the prostitutes even enjoy it? From the stories you hear it would seem that a large portion of these women are forced into their situation through sex trafficking. I wonder do guys here in Ireland even consider that when they avail of their services? Of course there are prostitutes who want to do it and operate individually. Prostitution in Ireland is not legal so how do you know that these women are having regular sexual health checks?? Are u supposed to trust them if they tell you they are? What if they are drug users. You just don't know who you are dealing with. And yes I know people will say 'sure that could be said for any randomer on the street' but I dunno I don't think so, prostitution is still a murky world and I would just rather that the guy I was with was not involved in it.

i think there needs to be a distinction between legal prostitution and illegal prostitution. Granted given that it is illegal in this country it is mainly the later people think of when they think prostitution but people do travel to countries were it is legal and many people on boards live outside of Ireland in countries were it is legal. I would like to see prostitution made legal as it removes alot [sadly not all but a great deal] of the crime associated with it.

neveah wrote: »

Just getting back to the sexual health aspect - the guy interviewed on the radio said that they wore two condoms for extra protection when having sex with a prostitute. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't think you were supposed to do that? Isn't it advised not to wear one condom over another??

There is a small risk with latex condoms of them rubbing together and causing friction which could tear one or both of them.

Scarinae · 04-08-2010 09:00PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

You don't need to pay for sex to have an attitude like that and it's clearly incorrect to insinuate that all men who do pay for sex have this kind of attitude.

I know that you don't have to pay for sex to have that sort of attitude by any means. But I'm not sure that I agree with your second point though. Men who pay for sex are paying to use the woman's body for their sexual pleasure, without any sort of connection or engagement with the woman herself. That's why it would bother me, it is pure objectification

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 09:04PM

Fishie wrote: »

I know that you don't have to pay for sex to have that sort of attitude by any means. But I'm not sure that I agree with your second point though. Men who pay for sex are paying to use the woman's body for their sexual pleasure, without any sort of connection or engagement with the woman herself. That's why it would bother me, it is pure objectification

The exact same can be said for having a one night stand.

panda100 · 04-08-2010 09:12PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

The exact same can be said for having a one night stand.

Nah there completly different imo. Nobodys paying anyone for sex in a one night stand.
I'd have one night stands no problem but having someone pay me to sleep with me takes the enjoyment out of sex. It becomes a cold,clinical buisness transaction.

ztoical · 04-08-2010 09:19PM

panda100 wrote: »

It becomes a cold,clinical buisness transaction.

so? thats what sex is to some people even when they're not paying for it. Not everyone holds sex in the same regard. Same way you have people with different sex drives you have people who have different needs.

Everyone is also focusing on the pros being female, there are male ones out there both straight and gay.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2010 09:19PM

panda100 wrote: »

Nah there completly different imo. Nobodys paying anyone for sex in a one night stand.
I'd have one night stands no problem but having someone pay me to sleep with me takes the enjoyment out of sex. It becomes a cold,clinical buisness transaction.

For you maybe, but you can't speak for everyone.

The guys you have a one night stand with are using you and your body for their sexual pleasure just like any other casual encounter.

Turning the tables a little, how would you feel if a partner of yours was disgusted with the fact that you'd have one night stands ''no problem''?

Ickle Magoo · 04-08-2010 09:21PM

ztoical wrote: »

Granted given that it is illegal in this country...

It's not actually, it is not illegal to charge for sex in Ireland but pretty much all associated practices, ie, pimping, brothels, visibly soliciting, etc are.

I'm not sure how I'd react. Part of me thinks it's no different to plying some bird with drinks all night and taking her home then paying for her taxi home after - the rest of me says Eeeeeew!

elleburp · 04-08-2010 09:30PM

It wouldn't bother me at all. I don't see anything wrong with it to be honest.

I'd be a lot more concerned about giving a boyfriend the impression that he couldn't discuss these things with me. And I'd be a lot more worried if I found out my husband/partner was visiting a prostitute. I could be wrong, but I think the 'regular' money in prostitution comes from married men rather than single men who are free to have sex with whomever they want.

Pembily · 04-08-2010 09:32PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

Fishie wrote: »

I know that you don't have to pay for sex to have that sort of attitude by any means. But I'm not sure that I agree with your second point though. Men who pay for sex are paying to use the woman's body for their sexual pleasure, without any sort of connection or engagement with the woman herself. That's why it would bother me, it is pure objectification

The exact same can be said for having a one night stand.

Yes that is very true, to me a one night stand it pure objectification, I am with the guy for one thing and one thing only, as cold as it sound its how I feel...

panda100 · 04-08-2010 09:33PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

For you maybe, but you can't speak for everyone.

Ya Im not speaking for everyone,these are just my opinions and personally I would feel quite disgusted with my boyfriends ethics If he's used a prostitute,especially in Ireland which is rife with trafficking and migrant women.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Turning the tables a little, how would you feel if a partner of yours was disgusted with the fact that you'd have one night stands ''no problem''?

I couldn't see the relationship lasting as we obviously have different outlooks towards sex.

Ectoplasm · 04-08-2010 10:21PM

panda100 wrote: »

It becomes a cold,clinical buisness transaction.

This would be my problem. Not necessarily the cold and clinical, as I do think that the same could be said about an ONS, but the business transaction aspect. It does make the prostitute (man or woman) a commodity and this is quite a worrying thing for me.

If I discovered my bf had been to a prostitute once, it wouldn't be a big issue. If I found out that this was or had been a regular occurence, then it would bother me.

How would you react?.....

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