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Are they worth it ?

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  • 21-06-2010 5:58am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭


    Just married. No kids.

    Have nephews and nieces and loads of friends with kids and love them to bits but......

    Everytime all the parents get together all they do is go on about what they could do if they didn't have kids.The meals they could go for, the holidays they could have, how great it is when they have a babysitter and they can head out.

    These parents obviously still love their kids from their behaviour with them. My wife and I told people we had no immediate interest in having children and some people looked at us like we had two heads.

    I can answer my own question for the parents reading this. Yes They are.

    But for others like myself.....Kids are like farts. You're own are fine but other peoples are a pain in the ass.

    I mean this seriously for the parents here. What are the benefits of having a child ?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 712 ✭✭✭Devia


    I find its all down to how they're brought up. You get the good kids who rarely act up and then the ones who act up at every opportunity.

    Regardless its quite obviously a massive commitment. Absolutely no problem with living the good life as a married couple for as long as possible before starting a family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,322 ✭✭✭Heckler


    Devia wrote: »
    I find its all down to how they're brought up. You get the good kids who rarely act up and then the ones who act up at every opportunity.

    Regardless its quite obviously a massive commitment. Absolutely no problem with living the good life as a married couple for as long as possible before starting a family.

    My nephews and nieces are very well behaved yet everything is a major production from feeding to transporting. I find that people with kids only ever talk about their kids which gets very boring for others.

    And I hate to tell ye parents but ye are the only ones who give a **** when your baby does.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    Regardless of how good or how naughty your child(ren) are, the real question about having children is are you prepared to put yourself second./third/fouth/fifth etc for the rest of your life? Forget that bollix about making sure you have time for yourself or downtime.
    Are you prepared to never watch a film through to the end again?

    Are you prepared to die a 1,000 deaths when your child comes home from school and asks if the teacher telephoned you/will be telephoning you?

    Are you prepared to never have another gorgeous pair of shoes/takeaway/fabulous diet pills/fake tan or whatever it is that ticks all your boxes?

    Are you prepared to miss the winning goal, except in action replay, in every football match for the foreseeable.

    Are you prepared not to have sex again?

    Are you prepared never to sleep properly again?

    Are you prepared for life as you know it to end?

    What are the benefits? Having someone who truly cares if you die or not. :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,178 ✭✭✭✭NothingMan


    Regardless of how good or how naughty your child(ren) are, the real question about having children is are you prepared to put yourself second./third/fouth/fifth etc for the rest of your life? Forget that bollix about making sure you have time for yourself or downtime.
    Are you prepared to never watch a film through to the end again?

    Are you prepared to die a 1,000 deaths when your child comes home from school and asks if the teacher telephoned you/will be telephoning you?

    Are you prepared to never have another gorgeous pair of shoes/takeaway/fabulous diet pills/fake tan or whatever it is that ticks all your boxes?

    Are you prepared to miss the winning goal, except in action replay, in every football match for the foreseeable.

    Are you prepared not to have sex again?

    Are you prepared never to sleep properly again?

    Are you prepared for life as you know it to end?

    What are the benefits? Having someone who truly cares if you die or not. :D


    You're doing it wrong. I have 13 nieces & nephews and number 14 due soon. Yes there is a lot of sacrafice in having kids but not to the extreme extent you talk about. My sisters all have kept a decent quality social life, if a lot less frequent. They definitely still have sex, otherwise I'd have never gotten 14 nieces and nephews!

    Some of them have re-educated or moved jobs to more fullfilling and less time consuming roles and are doing very well for themselves and can still afford to treat themselves once in a while.

    Having kids is a radical change of lifestyle, no arguement here, but you make it sound like a death sentence. I definitely want kids, maybe not for another few years but at least 2 or 3 at some point.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,776 ✭✭✭up for anything


    NothingMan wrote: »
    Having kids is a radical change of lifestyle, no arguement here, but you make it sound like a death sentence. I definitely want kids, maybe not for another few years but at least 2 or 3 at some point.

    I was being slightly tongue-in-cheek there! :rolleyes:

    When I was little and used to ask my mother what she wanted for Christmas and she answered, 'peace and quiet', I couldn't understand what she meant. Now I'm older than she was when I used to ask her that question and if I query what she wants for Christmas her answer is now, 'peace of mind'. Unfortunately, I know only too well what she means these days. :D

    ETA: Having children is not a death sentence, it's a life sentence.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭gogo


    Everyone wants to fall in love, right, well the benefit of kids is that I have never felt anything like the love that you feel for your own child. Im married for 5 years and love my husband dearly, but the feeling of pride, love, happiness you get when you look at your child and know that I made him, and he's great because im teaching him how to be great is incomparable.

    Yes, Im knackered at the best of times, he likes to get up a half six, but then no-one else is as happy to see me at half six in the morning either. Who else would be waiting with the biggest grin at that time?

    When I was in college, my newphew lived at home with us for a while. when he would kiss you he would hold your face in his hands, there was never anything like that kiss on a cold december evening, when your cold and tired and the day has been endless. Two little warm hands, a kiss and someone who's delighted to see you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    I've always thought of having kids as a selfish act. We have enough people on the earth already — do we need more?


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,193 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    grizzly wrote: »
    I've always thought of having kids as a selfish act. We have enough people on the earth already — do we need more?

    I can never understand this argument. If you were in Bangladesh and said that, perhaps it might make some sense but in Western Europe... The people that are alive now will eventually die, so yes, there is a need to keep having children for the species to continue.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,595 ✭✭✭bonerm


    I can never understand this argument. If you were in Bangladesh and said that, perhaps it might make some sense but in Western Europe... The people that are alive now will eventually die, so yes, there is a need to keep having children for the species to continue.

    Agreed. It's probably more selfish to not have children as it's effectively saying "all my time and money for me me me". The exception of course is if you are some sort of chronic welfare scrounger and you're setting your children o the path to being no better than you when their time comes. In which case kudos for keeping it zipped up.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    I can never understand this argument. If you were in Bangladesh and said that, perhaps it might make some sense but in Western Europe... The people that are alive now will eventually die, so yes, there is a need to keep having children for the species to continue.

    We're all living off the same finite resources — so I count everyone who lives on earth towards this; Bangladesh or Balbriggan.


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  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,193 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    grizzly wrote: »
    We're all living off the same finite resources — so I count everyone who lives on earth towards this; Bangladesh or Balbriggan.

    So should we just let the human race die out or should selective breeding be introduced?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,942 ✭✭✭Danbo!


    Heckler wrote: »
    My wife and I told people we had no immediate interest in having children and some people looked at us like we had two heads.

    But yiz do have two heads.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,104 ✭✭✭easyeason3


    Heckler wrote: »
    Just married. No kids.

    Have nephews and nieces and loads of friends with kids and love them to bits but......

    Everytime all the parents get together all they do is go on about what they could do if they didn't have kids.The meals they could go for, the holidays they could have, how great it is when they have a babysitter and they can head out.

    These parents obviously still love their kids from their behaviour with them. My wife and I told people we had no immediate interest in having children and some people looked at us like we had two heads.

    I can answer my own question for the parents reading this. Yes They are.

    But for others like myself.....Kids are like farts. You're own are fine but other peoples are a pain in the ass.

    I mean this seriously for the parents here. What are the benefits of having a child ?[/QUOTE]

    1) Childrens allowance.

    2) Handy parking spaces in shopping centres near the door that are painted yellow.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 977 ✭✭✭Abrasax


    So should we just let the human race die out or should selective breeding be introduced?

    Hitler ruined eugenics for everybody.


  • Registered Users Posts: 297 ✭✭BarnhallBull


    They're totally worth it.

    Unless you get a ginger one, then what the hell would you do!?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Pointless discussing it, as it's a subjective, personal thing which you don't fully comprehend until it happens.

    If you want them, hopefully you will be able to have them; if you don't, more power to you.

    That said, having kids would disabuse people of commonly held views such as the idea that a, say, 2 year-old acting up in public is automatically down to slack parenting.

    There's also the chance your kid could end up famous and/or rich. and you can retire early. Kerching!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    So should we just let the human race die out or should selective breeding be introduced?

    Selective breeding sounds extreme, I'd prefer common sense breeding. Our population has doubled in the last 40 years – I think it we should care better for the current population rather then blindly produce more people.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    grizzly wrote: »
    Selective breeding sounds extreme, I'd prefer common sense breeding. Our population has doubled in the last 40 years – I think it we should care better for the current population rather then blindly produce more people.

    You want to care for the current population and then blindly produce more people? :confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,104 ✭✭✭easyeason3


    They're totally worth it.

    Unless you get a ginger one, then what the hell would you do!?


    Ask serious questions if you & your partner have olive skin & dark hair.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭grizzly


    Abrasax wrote: »
    Hitler ruined eugenics for everybody.
    and national socialism and toothbrush mustaches.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,672 ✭✭✭deman


    For thousands of years, the wisest of the human race have searched in earnest for the meaning of life. They have also searched for immortality and everlasting life. These secrets can be found in our children. I have four children that make my life a bundle of joy. Yes, there are sacrifices to be made. But isn't that sacrifice worth it when you know that some part of you will be around when you are long gone? If this sounds selfish to some, then what about those who choose not to have children? To me this sounds like the ultimate act of selfishness. Also, Europe has an ageing population and yes we do need more families having children here.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    deman wrote: »
    If this sounds selfish to some, then what about those who choose not to have children? To me this sounds like the ultimate act of selfishness. .

    Not having the biological urge to procreate isn't exactly being selfish :rolleyes:
    I wish people on both sides would stop moaning about selfishness, it makes absolutely no sense from either side.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    If it's something you two eventually want in time, go for it.

    Expect everything to change!

    My cousin got married three years ago and has been enjoying just being married...going on holidays...great social life etc.
    Of course everyone in the family is on at them to have kids but they're both scarcely 30. Where's the fire?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,001 ✭✭✭✭opinion guy


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Not having the biological urge to procreate isn't exactly being selfish :rolleyes:
    I wish people on both sides would stop moaning about selfishness, it makes absolutely no sense from either side.

    Or, if it is selfish. So what? People are entitled to be selfish if they want.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,193 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    grizzly wrote: »
    Selective breeding sounds extreme, I'd prefer common sense breeding. Our population has doubled in the last 40 years – I think it we should care better for the current population rather then blindly produce more people.

    So what is common sense breeding? You said having a child was selfish, whoever or wherever the parents were. Surely, when resources are limited, bringing more people in to share them is the opposite of selfish? Selfish people would want to get rid of all the people who don't bring them any immediate benefit so they could continue to use all the resources they want, no?

    I see a marked difference in the breeding patterns of rich and poor people - the richer ones tend to have a small number of children and try and control their destinies from cradle to grave, essentially cloning themselves whereas the poor have lots of children in the hope that one of them might make a difference and improve things for the family/community as a whole.

    You could call either strategy many things - conceited, ill-advised, narcissistic, plain stupid - but selfish is not a word I would use.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,098 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    grizzly wrote: »
    We're all living off the same finite resources — so I count everyone who lives on earth towards this; Bangladesh or Balbriggan.
    +1 the human population goes up by one million every 4 days. This is not sustainable. We're already screwing the planet. Less people = less destruction of resources, less CO2, more habitat left alone, more and better resources for the ones left. The list is long.
    So should we just let the human race die out or should selective breeding be introduced?
    Eh we're a long away away from dying out. Way back in the day we hit a bottleneck and nearly went extinct when we got down to 20,000, but we came back from that. Currently we're at six and a half billion. We're the most common large mammal on the planet. We could lose 6 billion people and still be fine. Two billion would be optimum.
    deman wrote: »
    For thousands of years, the wisest of the human race have searched in earnest for the meaning of life. They have also searched for immortality and everlasting life. These secrets can be found in our children. I have four children that make my life a bundle of joy. Yes, there are sacrifices to be made. But isn't that sacrifice worth it when you know that some part of you will be around when you are long gone? If this sounds selfish to some, then what about those who choose not to have children? To me this sounds like the ultimate act of selfishness.
    I agree with bluewolf on the selfishness argument, but if we do want to go down that route, adding to a growing population thats harming the rest of the planet for ego purposes is surely a better example of same? Adding one new person is debatable and a better bet as then the population would stabalise, but adding 4 or 6, sometimes more? I can understand that need in some parts of Africa as an insurance against old age and child mortality, but in a society where child mortality is very low? Its not selfish so much as self centered and succumbing to baser subjective biology over long term objective logic. I love my kids. They give me so much pleasure. A part of me will live on through them.
    Also, Europe has an ageing population and yes we do need more families having children here.
    Nope we dont. if we kept the population levels current then fine, but adding to them is frankly daft. Pretty much every current ill to do with humanity on this planet is down to over population. Looking back over the history of this planet it seems nature doesnt like this either and sooner or later tries to redress the balance. Not always to a bad end result, though the mechanism can be terrible. The black death a good example. Without it it's unlikely the enlightenment, the industrial revolution and modern commerce would exist in the modern world. Most of us would probably be serfs.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,193 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Eh we're a long away away from dying out.

    We're about 90 years from complete extinction if we stop having kids.
    If you're proposing birth restrictions, at least get off the fence and say how they should be implemented.

    Would it not be far more beneficial for the long-term survival of humanity to stop vaccinating, give up trying to salvage anything from natural disasters, stop operating on people with possibly fatal injuries/diseases, quit interfering in wars/genocides and just let the world population thin itself out rather than proposing nonsense ideas like not having any more children?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,098 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    So what is common sense breeding? You said having a child was selfish, whoever or wherever the parents were. Surely, when resources are limited, bringing more people in to share them is the opposite of selfish? Selfish people would want to get rid of all the people who don't bring them any immediate benefit so they could continue to use all the resources they want, no?
    Not really. The drive to reproduce is obviously a very old and strong one. Objectivity and logic go out the window. Look at populations in areas where resources are tight or damn near non existent. They usually have huge families. Logic would suggest the poor in resources would limit their families, yet they almost never do. It's less selfish than ego and biology driven.

    Its not unlike our expanding waistlines in the west. Biologically we select for laying down fat in case of famine. A good tactic, but we dont have famine in the west. We've an overproduction of food. Clearly being fat is bad for the individual, yet individuals keep getting fatter. It's not objective selfishness, but biology and self centredness.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 910 ✭✭✭Jagera


    I have 3, so here's my input. It's hard to describe the change in feelings and perspective you have, after you have a child.

    So let's make an analogy.. Say you're a young one, adventurer, no plans to have a child because its hard work. You spend all your time skydiving, for example.

    However to explain to someone all the preparation, costs, travelling, etc, etc, that goes with having one jump out of a plane would put them off.

    It's vaguely similar to that, only having a child is far more bred into our genes than jumping out of a plane. However you do it for the thrill & enjoyment, so you do it again.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,635 ✭✭✭xsiborg


    Heckler wrote: »
    But for others like myself.....Kids are like farts. You're own are fine but other peoples are a pain in the ass.

    I mean this seriously for the parents here. What are the benefits of having a child ?

    you just reminded me of an incident a few years back when i was travelling on a bus from limerick to nenagh. there was a couple sitting behind me, the father with a small baby (maybe three months old) in his arms. so we had barely left the outskirts of limerick city when i felt the urge to break wind. i leaned my arse back in the seat and let off a silent but deadly, took a good five minutes to rise, but i couldn't have anticipated what happened next...

    the woman behind me started giving out something fierce to her husband who was still holding the baby-

    "aaahhh jaysus, i told ya to change him before we left!",

    i didnt hear much of the rest of how it went because the smell had knocked out my senses and i was trying so hard not to burst out laughing while tears were streaming down my face at the same time. felt so bad for the poor kid, thought to myself the only thing that could top this is if the kids first words were "it wasnt me mam!" :D


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