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Are they worth it ?

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    #92
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    goodmum wrote: »
    I don't get why this has become a battle in your head about people who have kids vs people who don't.
    It hasn't? It was my first post to the thread.


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    #93
    goodmum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭goodmum


    Just coz I said something about My life and My experiences of parenting, you think I'm judging you???

    "Well then I guess to you I'm selfish and shallow... not that I should give a sh1t what you think of me, but there's something really unpleasant about that statement..."

    "Why should a person have someone/thing that defines their life?"


    I stated earlier, that at the moment, my kid defines my life. I have to feed him, clothe him, care for him, take him to school, put him to bed, yadayadayada... arrange every aspect of his life until he is old enough to do it for himself. So yes, he defines my life until he has learned how to care for himself.

    And you and others here, have commented that this is a BAD thing?

    Did any of you actually have mothers/parents?


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    #94
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    goodmum wrote: »
    Just coz I said something about My life and My experiences of parenting, you think I'm judging you???
    Well why did you think you were selfish and shallow? Had you met the person to have kids with yet? Did it not feel right at the time?
    "Why should a person have someone/thing that defines their life?"
    I only asked that because you asked someone else who or what defines their life - it was a genuine question.
    I stated earlier, that at the moment, my kid defines my life. I have to feed him, clothe him, care for him, take him to school, put him to bed, yadayadayada... arrange every aspect of his life until he is old enough to do it for himself. So yes, he defines my life until he has learned how to care for himself.

    And you and others here, have commented that this is a BAD thing?
    Excuse me? Please point out where I commented it was a BAD thing. Thanks.


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    #95
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    http://www.funny-potato.com/images/kids-paint.jpg

    /thread


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    #96
    bluecatmorgana
    Registered Users Posts: 447 ✭✭bluecatmorgana


    I think they are worth it but I still dont want any. I cant seem to deal with that 24/7 aspect, that fact that you have to deal with them for the rest of your life not just 18 years. My mam says that her kids are harder work as adults than they were as kids and there is seven of us.

    I have nephews and nieces that I adore and would die for but I couldnt deal with the intensity of caring and loving for my own children. im also lucky to see the beauty and love in all children, even the brats.

    So thanks but no thanks.


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    #97
    goodmum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭goodmum


    'Well why did you think you were selfish and shallow? Had you met the person to have kids with yet? Did it not feel right at the time?'

    Not sure why you would think that's relevant? I was talking about the days of singledom, before I met my partner and before I had a kid.


    "I only asked that because you asked someone else who or what defines their life - it was a genuine question."

    We both know this wasn't a genuine question. I was asked this when I refered to someone else asking me the question if you had read back to previous posts. You asked why someone should have someone/thing that defines their life, and I explained why my kid defines my life at this moment in time.

    "Excuse me? Please point out where I commented it was a BAD thing. Thanks."..........not that I should give a sh1t what you think of me, but there's something really unpleasant about that statement...

    Judging people for having/not having children is horrible"

    No one judged you. I didn't judge you. Like I said, I don't care who has kids or who hasn't. I can't point out where you said it was 'bad' because of course, you didn't. The whole tone of your post insinuated that though...no one is judging you. No one else really cares who or who hasn't got kids. I'm exhausted and that's all I can say!


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    #98
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    goodmum wrote: »
    'Well why did you think you were selfish and shallow? Had you met the person to have kids with yet? Did it not feel right at the time?'

    Not sure why you would think that's relevant? I was talking about the days of singledom, before I met my partner and before I had a kid.
    It is relevant - you're saying you look back at what you did before you became a mother and have come to the realisation that you were selfish and shallow... for living a lifestyle that many live. You say you were only referring to yourself, but I don't see why you wouldn't view others as leading the same lifestyle as selfish and shallow if you view yourself in this way. So that's why I'm asking why you're being so hard on yourself - it felt right at the time and you had not met the father of your kid. That does not make you shallow or selfish.
    To those who are leading the lifestyle that you led which was so shallow and selfish and they have not met the right person to have children with - what would you suggest they do so, in order to prevent afflicting themselves with this terrible selfishness/shallowness?
    "I only asked that because you asked someone else who or what defines their life - it was a genuine question."

    We both know this wasn't a genuine question. I was asked this when I refered to someone else asking me the question if you had read back to previous posts. You asked why someone should have someone/thing that defines their life, and I explained why my kid defines my life at this moment in time.
    There you go again with the assumptions (you think I'm being presumptuous, but at least I'm going by what you're actually posting rather than imagining stuff, like you're doing). It was a genuine question - the person said the child defined you, and they said it like it was a bad thing I agree, but I don't see why they or anyone should have (or not have) someone/thing to define their lives, hence wondering why you asked the question.
    No one judged you. I didn't judge you.
    That was a general statement - about people who judge those who don't have children AND about people who judge those who DO have children.
    I can't point out where you said it was 'bad' because of course, you didn't.
    Exactly.
    The whole tone of your post insinuated that though
    No it didn't - that was in your head. I insinuated nothing of the sort. I'm often defending parents here against child-haters and people who make scathing comments about children crying in public etc. I for instance have no problem with sitting with a bunch of mothers and the vast majority of the conversation being baby-related.
    The only parents I have a problem with are those with condescending, holier-than-thou, smug attitudes, not because they are parents - and they'd probably be pains in the arse about something else if they weren't being pains in the arse about being parents.


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    #99
    cbyrd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    when i was younger i never wanted kids... i worried i'd have to share stuff like a chocolate bar..
    i had an accident.. she's now 11 and she makes the best cup of tea and plate of cream crackers...
    i said i'd never have another cos i wouldnt' have the love in me for 2... she'll be 8 in 2 weeks and she's a tomboy who makes me wet myself laughing quoting the simpsons
    i was done and then 5 months ago i had a son
    all i can say is the first 2 are red heads he's not
    but i love them anyway
    my brother used to slag me about having 2 gingers he had a son 11 months ago and he's more ginger than my two.. mine can get away with strawberry blonde... :D
    i love all my kids to death
    i can see myself and my husband in they're actions and mannerisms
    they're great go-fors :)
    if you are positive you dont' want children have the snip
    if not then you can always change your mind
    dont' diss people cos they talk about what they love
    i know lots of people who talk about cars ad nauseum
    i know lots of people who talk about the best way to somewhere
    i also know lots of people who talk about football
    if i can't change the subject i listen for a while and then politely píss off just cos it doesn't suit me doesn't make it selfish or unselfish
    it makes me different
    thank god!!;)


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    #100
    Heckler
    Registered Users Posts: 3,325 ✭✭✭Heckler


    goodmum wrote: »
    'For me I think life's too short to bother with them'

    Have to disagree with that one and say that life's too short NOT to bother with them.

    I was one of the the 30-sumthings who used to get bored senseless listening to women all around me yabbering on about their offspring, wondering why they just didn't get themselves a life without talking bout their kids all the time.

    Roll on a few years and I am now that woman. Thing is, the child/ren become your life. You have no choice - yes, you can continue to have a social life apart from the kids, but ultimately you, well, I, would die for my child.





    You actually have to live it to feel it though. I would have asked all the same questions you did OP, a few years back because I really just didn't 'get' this kid thing. But no other human being on this planet has ever made me feel the way my kid does, about myself....




    Well said. Thats what I was wondering about. You nailed it.


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    #101
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,265 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I was fairly selfish and shallow in my 20s but I don't see a thing wrong with it and frankly wouldn't have had it any other way.


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    #102
    goodmum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭goodmum


    So 100 replies and I nail it...yaaayyyy!!! Thanks Heckler.

    That's ultimately it for me though. You know that question....'What's it all about....?'

    Well, when I get weary...(as the song says) and that question springs to mind as it often does these days....I have my answer...:)

    Heckler, you may or may not have kids - someone said earlier that you're recently married and it's important that you spend alone time with your wife, just the two of you and I have to completely agree with that. Biological clocks may or may not start ticking....or you may have too much vodka&redbull one nite (as happened to me;))....but if, or when you 'live' it...then you'll know the answer to your question yourself.....:D

    And pickarooney - I never said i was wrong to be selfish in my 20's...it's probably a rite of passage.....


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    #103
    --Kaiser--
    Registered Users Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    cbyrd wrote: »
    i had an accident.. she's now 11

    What a horrible way to refer to your daughter


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    #104
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Looking forward to kids someday.. But not until I've done an awful lot of other things and I'm financially set for them.


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    #105
    cbyrd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,214 ✭✭✭cbyrd


    --Kaiser-- wrote: »
    What a horrible way to refer to your daughter

    jaysus where's your sense of humour???

    she wasn't a mistake and i wasn't trying to get pregnant so what else would that be called only an accidental pregnancy??? :rolleyes:

    suppose if i were to be pedantic..i'd have said WE had an accident... but i won't cos thats just not funny either eh...??


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