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Your anti-jokes go here

13

Comments

  • #62
    James T Kirk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭James T Kirk


    A man walks into a bar - then drops dead. MEGALOLZ *audience applause and laughter*


  • #63
    MiloYossarian
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 380 ✭✭MiloYossarian


    Dog runs into wall. Very funny. You laugh now.


  • #64
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    http://voltic.com/P/recordings/TheRiverSingsofDeath.wav


  • #65
    Shiminay
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 28,633 Mod ✭✭✭✭Shiminay


    Why did the boy fall off the swing?
    He had no arms.

    Why did the girl fall off the swing?
    Somebody brought a gun to the play-ground and opened fire on all the kids at play.


  • #66
    bigeasyeah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭bigeasyeah


    Why did Giribaldi wear green,white and red suspenders during his many battles?

    To hold up his pants.


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  • #67
    casio4
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,300 ✭✭✭✭casio4


    did you hear the one about the volcanic ash?

    my flight is cancelled and i'm stuck in the f***ing airport.


  • #68
    Nick Dolan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Nick Dolan


    how do you confuse a kerryman?

    Ask him a question that is logically flawed or paradoxial in nature


  • #69
    casio4
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,300 ✭✭✭✭casio4


    knock knock,

    who's there?

    the tv licence inspector:eek:


  • #70
    Nick Dolan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Nick Dolan


    Three Germans attended the Munich comedy festival

    They found the parking and Wi - fi facilities to be of high standard and will consider returning next year


  • #71
    BESman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 563 ✭✭✭BESman


    What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

    Half a dog.


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  • #72
    Nulty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,838 ✭✭✭Nulty


    Did you hear the one about the old man and the shaving foam??

    No? Me neither....


  • #73
    Cookie_Monster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,623 ✭✭✭✭Cookie_Monster


    BESman wrote: »
    What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

    Half a dog.

    :pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:


  • #74
    bigeasyeah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,290 ✭✭✭bigeasyeah


    My aunty didnt get these jokes.


  • #75
    Plowman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Plowman


    This post has been deleted.


  • #76
    SirIrish
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 138 ✭✭SirIrish


    What did the Indians say when they seen the calvary coming over the hill?
    Here come the calvary over the hill.

    Did you hear about the magic tractor?
    It turned into a field.

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Their names, if you know them. If not just say "excuse me"

    why do jews have big noses?
    because it is genetic

    What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips?
    A chocolate chip muffin.

    Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!
    Thats the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.

    Yo mama is so fat she has to wear large clothes.


  • #77
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    What do you call a black man driving a bus?
    A bus driver, you racist.

    Three penguins walk into a bar in London. The barman considers it quite odd that three seabirds should walk into the bar, especially considering that penguins are typically found in Antarctica rather than an urban enviornment in a region of temperate climate.

    How many cavemen does it take to change a lightbulb?
    I don't know, but you'd be better off changing the lightbulb yourself as cavemen are generally not used to the concept of electrical lighting.


  • #78
    Banjo Fella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 695 ✭✭✭Banjo Fella


    Yo' mamma is so fat that she suffers from diminished self esteem, and an elevated risk of heart attacks, stroke, blood clots and peripheral vascular disease. She cannot face comparing herself with her peers and often considers ending it all, just to escape her misery.

    Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman were sitting together on a cross-Atlantic flight. Suddenly, a massive mechanical failure caused the airplane to plummet towards the ocean. The impact killed all of them instantly. Also, they failed to acknowledge and respect each other's cultural differences before their demise.


  • #79
    Tabnabs
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 15,904 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tabnabs


    Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
    He had severe behavioural issues and had a history of violent aggression towards classmates.

    Did you hear about woman who couldn't find a singing partner?
    She came from a small rural community where social isolation was a chronic issue.

    If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-pong and died, what would they put on his coffin?
    They would probably just cremate the carcass in accordance with local health department special provisions.


  • #80
    Glenster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,626 ✭✭✭Glenster


    Hi how are you?


  • #81
    SH!T BOY
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭SH!T BOY


    Me Polmki.

    Me like to do stupid things, like re-reg over and over and over and over.

    Me talk about poo alot. Maybe have porblem.


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  • #82
    Fabritzo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,500 ✭✭✭Fabritzo


    Do you know what really floats my boat?

    The upthrust, equal in magnitude to the volume of the fluid displaced by the boat


  • #83
    Jay P
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,944 ✭✭✭Jay P


    A barman says to a customer, "Hey, you remind me of a robot." The customer replies "Yes, and that is why I control you."


  • #84
    KnifeWRENCH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    That's not very funny.


  • #85
    Adriatic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 484 ✭✭Adriatic


    An Englishman and Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub and the barman goes; what is this? some kind of joke?


  • #86
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9COCfEuF7E


  • #87
    HereNorThere
    Closed Accounts Posts: 159 ✭✭HereNorThere


    If the U.S. never left the UK, could people with clairvoyancy see what could have been ?

    Who cares? English accents are sexy.


  • #88
    James T Kirk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭James T Kirk


    A man walked into a bar...


  • #89
    Deki
    Closed Accounts Posts: 44,501 ✭✭✭✭Deki


    Walking on the beach a man found a bottle half buried in the sand. He stepped over it and went on his way.


  • #90
    TanG411
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭TanG411


    I was just going to the shop when my wife said, ''Get me that special coconut shampoo we've seen advertised lately''.

    So I did.


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  • #91
    James T Kirk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,255 ✭✭✭James T Kirk


    What do you call an elephant stuck in a lift?

    Frank


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