Your anti-jokes go here

bigeasyeah

Q-What did Napoleon the Third say to Chancellor Bismarck after the Franco-Prussian War?
A-Hello Chancellor Bismarck,Im Napoleon the Third.

PFJSplitter

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,



...........she fell asleep on the cold, hard, floor........?

Poor Uncle Tom

Man car
into bar
bought bottle
opened throttle
felt nifty
passed fifty
hit pole
poor soul
doctor nurse
coffin hearse

Hank_Jones

Man: Doctor, Doctor my skin is really itchy.

Doctor: That is because you have a horrible flesh eating disease and are going to die, very soon.



Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it wanted to.

Hank_Jones

Why did the man lose his job?

He had a severe alcohol addiction and couldn't hold his life together.
His wife left him and his children hate him.

Poor Uncle Tom

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Why did the man lose his job?

He had a severe alcohol addiction and couldn't hold his life together.
His wife left him and his children hate him.

But on the plus side, his country music career has taken off...:D

(sorry I counldn't help it..:o)


Q. What do you call a brunette between two blonds?

A. A girl who happened to sit between two friends.

casio4

There were 2 blondes in a lift and they pressed the button that went up to the third floor

KnifeWRENCH

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

Did you hear about the blonde who went to college?
She graduated four years later with a first class honours degree in Theoretical Physics and went on to have a successful career.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.

casio4

Doctor Doctor I don't feel well,
it's probably the flu:(

Cicero

The people who invented 1up, 2up, 3up, 4up, 5up & 6up......all died horrible deaths....

casio4

Q. What's blue and fluffy?
A. blue fluff

Linoge

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.

Toasty113

Two plutonium atoms walk into a bar.
Later in life, everyone else in the bar that day died of inoperable tumors.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was trying to commit suicide.

Why didnt the skeleton go to the ball?
Because it had very low self esteem.

A man walks up to a girl in a bar and slips some rohypnol in her drink.

What do you call a female pilot.
A pilot

Whats black, blue and red all over?
A person being beaten to death

Whats red and itchy?
An STI

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Now get in the van, I have a knife

An English man and Irish man and a Scots man walk into a bar.
They all get into a bar brawl and suffer some minor injuries

katkin

Q. What do you get if you cross a cat and rabbit?

A. Nothing. Animals of different species can't interbreed. Even if a cat was mated to a rabbit and the egg was fertilized, it would die after a few cell divisions when cell differentiation occurs (when it starts to build the structures of the body) since the cat genes and rabbit genes give conflicting instructions and the embryo cannot work out what sort of creature to build.

landsleaving

Toasty113 wrote: »

Two plutonium atoms walk into a bar.
Later in life, everyone else in the bar that day died of inoperable tumors.

Not an anti-joke. I laughed.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was busy that night.

Why was the skeleton in the closet?
Because his parents were narrow minded and would kick him out, leaving him homeless, if he revealed his sexual orientation.

Matt Holck

oh no not again

PFJSplitter

рогалик - crescent-shaped roll

EdwardNigahans

Horse walks into a bar and does a massive sh1t. The landlord gets angry, bottles him and then gets 6 months for animal cruelty.

Matt Holck

http://voltic.com/P/recordings/laugh2.wav

Hank_Jones

Guy goes in to talk to the doctor. The doctor says ''you've got cancer''.

EdwardNigahans

Sarky started up a thread for anti-jokes.

People used it a place to post anti-jokes.

casio4

Q. What's grey and fluffy?






A. Grey fluff :rolleyes:

del88

Why do women wear perfume and makeup.
Because their ugly and smell.

Hank_Jones

del88 wrote: »

Why do wonem wear perfume and makeup.
Because their ugly and smell.

Damn you Del, I laughed at that.

Rubberlegs

knock knock
whos there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock
whos there
banana
banana who?
Knock knock
whos there
banana
banana who?
Knock knock
whos there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange isnt my favourite colour, but its a close second to red....

MiloYossarian

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, doctor, I feel like my life is a joke.'
The doctor prescribes him an anti depressant called Lexipro.

Some time later the man kills himself anyway because he just couldn't get over being touched in an inappropiate manner by his uncle.

MiloYossarian

A dumb blonde walks into a bar...gets all her drinks paid for, later marries rich and never has to work a day in her life proving once and for all that it's not what's on the inside that counts.


Two scientists are standing over a test tube when God smites them using his mighty beard magic for being dirty heathens

Hank_Jones

A man is on a plane, he says to the stewardess ''can I have a cup of coffee please?'', the stewardess replies ''yes, of course''.
Seconds later the plane crashes and everyone dies, including a class of young children who were on a school trip.

James T Kirk

Why did Christopher Reeve fall of his horse (or something) and end up fcuked?

'Cos he wasn't Superman in real life...

Matt Holck

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FAcmH0iN8I