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First Time!

1246713

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭bazza1


    LD 50 wrote: »
    or from behind.

    or too early.

    Or if she hasn't got the ball.
    if she is a hooker..remember you MUST stay bound or you will be penalised for being too early in the release!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,245 ✭✭✭old gregg


    LD 50 wrote: »
    or from behind.

    or too early.

    Or if she hasn't got the ball.
    or not staying on your feet :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 739 ✭✭✭flynnlives


    Dont be a fool and wrap your tool!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    flynnlives wrote: »
    Dont be a fool and wrap your tool!!
    In like flynn.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 59 ✭✭BongoJuice


    Bonito wrote: »
    In like flynn.
    *facepalm*


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,557 ✭✭✭LD 50


    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 101 ✭✭Als76


    I hope she has made an effort on her vaginal area and cleaned up. The little teeth are near her G spot if you smell mint it is prob just colgate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    BongoJuice wrote: »
    *facepalm*
    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055865512

    http://i519.photobucket.com/albums/u354/MechaAshura/JesusFacepalm.jpg

    Cop on and save it for the thunderdome, seriously.

    This is AH. Don't forget were you are.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    LD 50 wrote: »
    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?

    He's hardly going to bring knowledge and experience to the table now is he?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    LD 50 wrote: »
    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?

    I've been a muff diver for many a yeeear.....

    Arrgh that's in my head now!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 59 ✭✭BongoJuice


    Bonito wrote: »
    Cop on and save it for the thunderdome, seriously.

    This is AH. Don't forget were you are.

    Who died and made you a mod? What time are lights out up at St Ita's Bon?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,262 ✭✭✭✭Joey the lips


    orourkeda wrote: »
    shoot off on her baps and rub it in with your arsecheeks


    I have to say this is the funniest ever..... I read it an hour ago and have been laughing still. Its a shame i can only thank you once.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 387 ✭✭gimme5minutes


    Snas wrote: »
    Ok so I'm 17 and I'm pretty sure that me and my girlfriend will be getting down and dirty this weekend.

    It'll be my first time, but not hers.

    So any advice? Any do's or dont's:)

    Much appreciated!

    Snas.

    Straight up the hole. Trust me, she'll love it, the dirty bitch.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 48 smellslikelemon


    Get her warmed up first and you should be grand.
    Get her to show you what she likes either, if it doesn't hurt your ego...

    and in keeping with the tone of the thread, post pics


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    BongoJuice wrote: »
    Who died and made you a mod? What time are lights out up at St Ita's Bon?

    You used that one yesterday. Keep it up and you'll find yourself getting an infraction.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055747615
    Charter. Rules and guidelines & Free Beer!
    I know people don't ever tend to read these things and I understand that it's just a boring necessity but if you only take away one thing from this charter let it be this:

    Don't be a dick.

    If you can do that you're unlikely to encounter any problems here.

    What is After Hours?
    After hours consists of the type of chat you have with your mates after a few pints at a lock in. You might disagree and argue your side, but if you get rowdy, the barmans gonna kick you out, so keep it civil. Typical subjects are anything thats in the days news, a funny story you heard, and terrible jokes and puns. Sometimes the debate can turn serious, but remember, the barmans watching, and you're gonna wanna come back, so don't get so loud that the neighbours kick up **** and ye're all barred.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63135178&postcount=4
    No personal abuse
    It's too easy to resort to personal abuse to try and finish an argument. It devalues your statement and ruins the flow of good discussion. Please refrain from resorting to insulting other posters regardless of what they have said.
    This rule is not just a rule for After Hours but for boards.ie as a whole.
    We all know how easy it is to lose the head in an internet argument and pour scorn on another poster. If you do this then be prepared for the intervention of a moderator. "Attack the post and not the poster" is a guideline you'll hear trotted out rather a lot. Try and keep to this rule. As an alternative to insulting a poster if you have a problem with one of their posts use the report post function.
    Do not attempt to use semantic loopholes to circumvent this rule. I am not about to give examples to make it easier for anyone to be discourteous so rest assured a moderator will make a judgement call on these on a case by case basis.

    I suggest you make friend with the After Hours charter. This is strike one. You do it again and I'll report it to the mods. Grow up. Thunderdome rules do not apply here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    Straight up the hole. Trust me, she'll love it, the dirty bitch.

    That'll explain your username then. And ambitious at that I'd say. :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    LD 50 wrote: »
    Diving(of the muff kind) is allowed in this instance.

    where's brummytom?
    He's watching, making notes


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,996 ✭✭✭✭billymitchell


    Is he getting the roide tonight???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,581 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    BongoJuice wrote: »
    *facepalm*

    Any more trolling out of you and you'll be facing a ban.
    Bonito wrote: »
    You used that one yesterday. Keep it up and you'll find yourself getting an infraction.

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055747615



    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=63135178&postcount=4



    I suggest you make friend with the After Hours charter. This is strike one. You do it again and I'll report it to the mods. Grow up. Thunderdome rules do not apply here.

    Leave the modding to the mods Bonito.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    People like you are the reason boards has become so boring and bland over the last 11 months. It's hard to find a thread these days where rules and charters aren't being thrown in your face at the slightest opportunity, it's getting to be a serious pain in the hole.

    FYP. ;)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,105 ✭✭✭Kivaro


    This thread has the potential to be a classic.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Fap a while before. Lots of foreplay. Make it about her.

    What about him?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 101 ✭✭Als76


    The-Rigger wrote: »
    What about him?

    Yeah look at him being selfish. There is always one ruining it for others


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,739 ✭✭✭✭starbelgrade


    Whatever happens, when you shoot your load, don't, under any circumstances shout, "OH MAMMY".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    Whatever happens, when you shoot your load, don't, under any circumstances shout, "OH MAMMY".

    I'd say she'd rather hear that instead of "Oh Daddy".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 954 ✭✭✭tipperaryboy


    If it does happen dont forget to give us an update:D

    either way this thread will be a classic.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,228 ✭✭✭epgc3fyqirnbsx


    OP you'll be amazed at how hard you'll find it to actually get it in there the first time, don't be surprised if you shoot the load and she tells you 'Ah, you do know you were just riding me thighs there' :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Bring plenty of crisp 'n dry.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    Snas wrote: »
    Should I actually fap beforehand? :p

    defenetly, never go out with a loaded gun, and for gawds sake, dont ask if its in yet

    ;)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,454 ✭✭✭mink_man


    Cover your stump before you hump
    2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
    3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
    4) When in doubt shroud you spout
    5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
    6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
    7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
    8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
    9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
    10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
    11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
    12) If you go into heat, package your meat
    13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
    14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
    15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
    16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
    17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
    18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
    19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
    20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
    21) If you really love her, wear a cover
    22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
    23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
    24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
    25) No glove, no love
    26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
    27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
    28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
    29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the ****
    30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
    31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
    32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
    33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
    34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
    35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
    36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
    37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
    38) After detection sheath your erection
    39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
    40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
    41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
    42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
    43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
    44) House your noodle then release your strudel
    45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
    46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
    47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
    48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
    49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
    50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
    51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
    52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
    53) It's not much money to catch your honey
    54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
    55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
    56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
    57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
    58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
    59) Contain that sputum before you use him
    60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
    61) Glove your pecker before you check her
    62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her
    63) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize)
    64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
    65) Guard your peter before you meet her
    66) Check your list before you tryst
    67) Wrap your bate before you mate
    68) Can your worm before you squirm
    69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
    70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
    71) Bag the mole then do her hole
    72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
    73) Jail your number then call the plumber
    74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
    75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
    76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
    77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
    78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
    79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
    80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
    81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge >
    82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
    83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
    84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
    85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
    86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
    87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
    88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
    89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
    90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
    91) Clothe the boner before you hone her
    92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
    93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
    94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
    95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
    96) Contain that shanker before you spank her
    97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
    98) Stop the stream before you cream
    99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
    100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
    101) Package your meat for a real neat treat
    102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
    103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
    104) Garage the tractor then attack her
    105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
    106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
    107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
    108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
    109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
    110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
    111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
    112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
    113) Catch that goat before it bloats
    114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
    115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
    116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
    117) Wrap that rod then please her bod
    118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
    119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
    120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
    121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
    122) Can your knob then throb her swab
    123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
    124) Cover your limb before you swim
    125) Retain your bailer then impail her
    126) Rope your dope then make some soap
    127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
    128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
    129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
    130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
    131) Cover your stone before you bone
    132) House your hose then curl her toes
    133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
    134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
    135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
    136) Cover old sly then do her dry
    137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
    138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
    139) If your nude tube your dude
    140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
    141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
    142) Can your spam then bam that mam
    143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
    144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
    145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
    146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
    147) Shed old spot then do her slot
    148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
    149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
    150) Bag your elm then take the helm
    151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
    152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
    153) Constrain that agate you ain't no ******
    154) Survey your land then plant her stand
    155) Before you drive her protect that diver
    156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
    157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
    158) Cover you post then slice her roast
    159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
    160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
    161) Contain that viper before you pipe her

    162)Aids kill dont be silly get that condom on your willy

    BE SAFE, USE A CONDOM

    *id like to thank my granny for supplying me with this list!


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