Advertisement
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/.
https://www.boards.ie/group/1878-subscribers-forum

Private Group for paid up members of Boards.ie. Join the club.
Hi all, please see this major site announcement: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058427594/boards-ie-2026

How can I stop being such a slow-witted cnut

2

Comments

  • #32
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit


    Practice.

    After 30+ years, I'm almost good at it.


  • #33
    Captain_Generic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,408 ✭✭✭Captain_Generic


    I suck at comebacks, but i never really need them because i am the awesome


  • #34
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    you have to really not be afraid of hurting someone. really, dont be afriad to make some cry if you have to. Fat girl slag you off? Slag her off for being fat. simle. Red haired git in a suit giving you hassle? Slag him off for having red hair and tell him you hope his mother dies in the new year.

    It's better to be a cúnt than a slow witted one.


  • #35
    Bonito
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,399 ✭✭✭Bonito


    seamus wrote: »
    "Bite me ****head". Works in any scenario.
    Just have a Tetanus shot handy in case they break skin ;)

    OR bite them back and wait 'til your jaw locks :D


  • #36
    bnt
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,244 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    There are also non-vocal comebacks that include:
    • the examination: like you've just noticed this weird person at the table who made a noise, and wonder what's wrong with them
    • the look-over: head down, eyebrows up, like you're looking over your glasses. (Even better if you have glasses.)
    • the "oh, grow up" shrug: you're the professional in the room, he's the kid.
    • the flick: like swatting away a dozy fly
    • the "huh" or "meh" or "hmmph" dismissive noise
    • the blank: the insulter is not even there

    Government resting upon the will and universal suffrage of the people has no anchorage except in the people's intelligence.

    — Grover Cleveland



  • Advertisement
  • #37
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,779 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    bnt wrote: »
    There are also non-vocal comebacks that include:
    • the examination: like you've just noticed this weird person at the table who made a noise, and wonder what's wrong with them
    • the look-over: head down, eyebrows up, like you're looking over your glasses. (Even better if you have glasses.)
    • the "oh, grow up" shrug: you're the professional in the room, he's the kid.
    • the flick: like swatting away a dozy fly
    • the "huh" or "meh" or "hmmph" dismissive noise
    • the blank: the insulter is not even there

    No sure about this. It's more annoying than witty, and you don't want to come off as annoying.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #38
    Ostrom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,483 ✭✭✭Ostrom


    shamblertine wrote: »
    I'm sick of being humiliated and embarrassed by my friends and colleagues putdowns, I can always think of a great response to them but only about 2 hours after they said it. So whats the secret of being quick witted? Is it a case of thinking of a great putdown for everyone you meet before they insult you first? Or should I try and improve my intelligence and response times by reading more books or perhaps buying that brain training thing? Thanks in advance :mad:

    Watch a few seasons of Frasier?


  • #39
    me-skywalker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭me-skywalker


    Tell one good friend you can trust. Tell him/her your problem and then they might understand and be able to help you better. Also might try spread on the word.

    Hoep thsi helps, it might not seem like much but raelly tell at least one firned woudl certainly help.


  • #40
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    me-skywalker wrote: »
    Tell one good friend you can trust. Tell him/her your problem and then they might understand and be able to help you better. Also might try spread on the word.

    Hoep thsi helps, it might not seem like much but raelly tell at least one firned woudl certainly help.

    *skips through flowery meadow*

    Tra la la la lahhhh :pac:

    Oh hai!


  • #41
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Invent time travel and try and get your ma to go with somebody else to alter your gene mix.


  • Advertisement
  • #42
    poppyvalley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 372 ✭✭poppyvalley


    shamblertine wrote: »
    I'm sick of being humiliated and embarrassed by my friends and colleagues putdowns, I can always think of a great response to them but only about 2 hours after they said it. So whats the secret of being quick witted? Is it a case of thinking of a great putdown for everyone you meet before they insult you first? Or should I try and improve my intelligence and response times by reading more books or perhaps buying that brain training thing? Thanks in advance :mad:
    just say "with friends like u who needs enemies"all the best


  • #43
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    read viz


  • #44
    blondie83
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,604 ✭✭✭blondie83


    poppyvalley wrote: »
    just say "with friends like u who needs enemies"all the best
    I second this - always good, and when said with a laugh keeps the thing light-hearted! Thing is in Ireland friends are kind of obliged to insult each other mildly so you sorta have to play the game. I personally also like the

    "Oh this coming from the girl/guy who...*insert embarassing/drunken thing the person has done here* "

    Has the effect of moving the spotlight onto the person slagging you off. Mind you most of my friends are or were mad drunkards, so I've plenty of material for that come back!


  • #45
    argosy2006
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,210 ✭✭✭argosy2006




  • #46
    flahavaj
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,235 ✭✭✭✭flahavaj


    If you can't even spell a simple word like cunt, theres not much hope for you.


  • #47
    ScumLord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,787 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    I'm rubber and your glue. ;) Works every time. ;);)



    Seriously though what your looking for is cocaine.


  • #48
    mfceiling
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,250 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    shamblertine wrote: »
    I'm sick of being humiliated and embarrassed by my friends and colleagues putdowns, I can always think of a great response to them but only about 2 hours after they said it. So whats the secret of being quick witted? Is it a case of thinking of a great putdown for everyone you meet before they insult you first? Or should I try and improve my intelligence and response times by reading more books or perhaps buying that brain training thing? Thanks in advance :mad:


    Simple.......go out 3 hours after your friends go out and then you'll have all the smart remarks ready then


  • #49
    bleg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,847 ✭✭✭bleg


    You being slow witted is due to a mixture of your genetics and your environment.


  • #50
    filthymcnasty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 644 ✭✭✭filthymcnasty


    once you come to terms with being an imbecile, you'll be fine. chin up


  • #51
    brummytom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭brummytom


    I don't think you can become wittier, it's something that comes naturally.. and wit is what you need for a good retort, not learning a few generic insults.


  • Advertisement
  • #52
    blinding
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,462 ✭✭✭blinding


    Move in with a family of quick witted wits.

    But be preared for one hell of a going over.

    If you survive 15/20 years of that you might graduate to being a smart ass.

    Seriously quick wittedness has to start very early i.e. babys cot

    Were you reared in the turf shed !:)


  • #53
    me-skywalker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭me-skywalker


    Abigayle wrote: »
    *skips through flowery meadow*

    Tra la la la lahhhh :pac:

    Oh hai!

    meh cynic.....
    The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.


  • #54
    ScumLord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,787 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    And by that they mean cocaine.


  • #55
    liah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,750 ✭✭✭liah


    Watch a couple seasons of Entourage and write down everything that comes out of Ari's mouth.

    Sorted.


  • #56
    we'llallhavetea_old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,971 ✭✭✭we'llallhavetea_old


    definitely be willing to hurt peoples feelings in a very bad way.
    think of all the things you know about these people, pick out the bad ****, fling it in their face. you have to be willing to say anything though. dead relatives, bad childhood etc. anything goes.


  • #57
    flanum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭flanum


    if you were black then you could pull off the yardie "ttsscch".. it still works with us whiteys if ye can practice it a bit... its a prolonged tut.. with a disgusted look on your face like you can smell dog ****.. a mouthful of spit and do the "tut".! but dont look like your trying to be cool.. just look genuinely disgusted with the idiot thats tryng to put you down!!


  • #58
    dylano_k
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 809 ✭✭✭dylano_k


    BluesBerry wrote: »
    just say "yeah well your face" there is no comeback to that :p

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJW9WnocxHw


  • #59
    tech77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,736 ✭✭✭tech77


    MaybeLogic wrote: »
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLjxp_86dKs

    Class.


  • #60
    imeddyhobbs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭imeddyhobbs


    To the op:try singing
    You might be good at it and everyone will love you


  • Advertisement
  • #61
    Glico Man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,376 ✭✭✭Glico Man


    "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will hurt forever"

    (JD from Scrubs)


Advertisement
Advertisement