Dissappointing Christmas Gifts

barleybooley · 26-12-2009 09:18PM

dudara wrote: »

I don't mean to sound harsh here but you seem to value people by the presents they give, and you see your presents as being 'superior', i.e. that it is a bit of a competition for you.

The real question here is if these people are your friends throughout the year, when you need them.

krudler wrote: »

If you only view presents as worthwhile if they match the monetary value of what you spend, why not just all give each other 50 quid? its essentially the same as saying "well my brown thomas makeup set matches what you spent on this perfume" Its nice to get something thats personal but get some perspective, theyre just christmas presents, i wouldnt care if someone bought me a ten quid voucher, its not the point. Next year why dont you all forego presents and spend the money on a big night out or something

/
Eh, the OP said it wasn't about the money.

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Ah, now...that's not nice.

Hi OP
I understand completely where you're coming from. My group decided to each chip in €50 for everyone's 21st gift so that's €250 to play around with and for my 21st I got a rake of tacky stuff and a present I'd suggested for one of my other friends that was suitable for them but certainly not for me, I was ripping but I've nearly come to expect. You and I both know that it's not about the money and it is the thought that counts provided thought has gone into it. Like, I've put up with years of soap sets and things I would never use when they all love their presents and I just couldn't buy them something crap. At this stage, I've come to expect it so it's not a low blow anymore and I can only empathise and say move on, it's not the end of the world and yeah it's something that does need improvement but who wants to be branded ungrateful? Girls can be bitches and no one needs the extra hassle. Maybe karma will come around and you'll get the best wedding presents from them or something but right now just take comfort in the fact that you are the best present buyer in the group.

Hope this cheers you up OP and enjoy the rest of the Christmas season

LegacyUser · 26-12-2009 09:59PM

OP, the same has happened to me with my two closest friends for the third year in a row.
I made sure that friends 1 and 2 got exactly what they wanted. Beforehand I hinted strongly to friend 1 that she not buy wink wink a certain item she was eyeing for herself just before Christmas. With friend 2, I tried the same thing, to have her pull a face and shake her head, (only in a playful way, though), and mention a different item. This meant that there were no surprises when we exchanging presents, but it also meant that they were very happy. Friend 1 did her “happy dance” and friend 2, actually clutched her present to her chest. Meanwhile I sat there pasting my best fake smile on my face, with an “Oh, lovely” at their joint present (an expensive dvd box set of a show that I have already watched and would never think of buying for myself).

Suspecting this would happened again, a month ago I suggested to friend 1 that we skip presents this year and just go to a fancy dinner. Her response was “I’m giving you a present what ever you do. I like giving presents.” It’s true, she does. I’ve waited for her in shops while she decides between a pale blue scarf and a light blue scarf for her neighbour’s son’s ex-wife. So, it’s not that she’s not good at giving and it’s certainly not about the amount spent. They just seem to not have a clue what I like and make no effort to find out.

I’ve decided that selling the most recent present on ebay would be wrong. I will force myself to watch at least the first episode of this dvd this weekend just so I can truthfully say that I am watching it so they don’t feel bad about their choice. (I did the same thing last year.) I’ve resigned myself to receiving unwanted presents. Next year I will try to get some perverse enjoyment out of guessing how off their choices will be and hope they don’t spend too much money as it will be a waste.

For the record, I haven’t bitched about this to anyone. In fact, when my brother asked me what dvd my friends had given me, I lied about the title as I knew he would say “Wtf? Why’d they buy you that?”

And no, this is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. And I’m grateful for the friendship and that we all have jobs and money that we can buy presents with. It’s just that I sympathise with the OP.

stressed out · 27-12-2009 12:21AM

OP count yourself lucky. My best friend used to give me stuff she got free as presents. Like you know the little bottles of perfume you can get free if you buy 2 or more skincare items from clinique or clarins?

A few christmasses in a row she would give the same bottles of perfume. They weren't even full size! And I would spend ages picking out a thoughtful gift for her!

I copped on and one year got her an astrology book for £2.99

LegacyUser · 27-12-2009 04:19AM

I have to agree with the posters who say that they had an agreed system in their friendship to exchange presents the OP does not have to feel guilty that she was not alone on christmas, i was one of the people who was alone but i can see where she is coming from, she was excited about christmas, it is important for us all to feel validated and loved, it wasnt about the gift i think the Op just wanted to feel valued by her friends as she valued them, to have not received one gift that said that was hurtful IMO.

Next year maybe agree a chris crindle with a 40 limit or something and then you can all tell each other on the sly what each other wants??? if that doesnt work then just exchange cards the next year and a cd or book voucher! xx

LegacyUser · 27-12-2009 07:24PM

If it's clothes or fashion accessories, you can just swap them:

www.swopshop.ie

or

www.facebook.com/swopshop

LegacyUser · 27-12-2009 07:34PM

i know the feeling this year i spent ages picking the perfect gift for the inlaws, fil was pleased and handed me somthing beautiful and thoughtful in return but mil and sil handed me a 5 euro watch and socks, i was disapointed i wouldnt mind the cost but like op says a bit of thought would have been nice. there are plenty of 5 euro gifts that would have been more thoughtful, i spent 40 each on them on things they really wanted and were chuffed to get. next year ill be shopping at the £1 shop.

*Lees* · 27-12-2009 11:48PM

Wow, I can't believe how ungrateful people can be!!:rolleyes:

OP the personal issue here imo is your spoiled attitude and maybe you can work on it as part of your new years resolution!!!
To complain and say you buy good brands while your friends buy you cheap branded stuff, you spent more on one friend than she did on you and you feel terrible???:rolleyes: That is really sad!!!!
I hope this recession wipes out this attitude people have it's disgusting!

jellytots! · 28-12-2009 12:19AM

im sick of people saying the op is spoilt or ungrateful. she did state that she would have prefered a cd of her fav band which costs around 12.99 as opposed to a more expensive unthoughful gift. How is it spoilt to pick out thoughful useful presents for friends and to be dissapointed with unthoughful presents recieved. Though to be honest myself and my friends just to a kris kindle and set a limit of 20 euro so much handier and yor never really dissapointed cause the limits not that big and you always get pjs or costume jewellery.

*Lees* · 28-12-2009 11:05AM

Yes the OP said she would have been happy with a 12.99 cd but then goes on to say in her next paragraph that she spent €45 on a friend who then only spend €20 on her, would she have been happy to recieve this €12.99 cd from this friend instead do you think??? That imo aswell as complaining about the lack of brand names on the presents she recieved is spoiled and ungrateful behaviour!!!!
Also, I can't see why no thought went into the presents, the OP seems to be interested in makeup and a friend bought her No7 makeup set, and a simple gift set, I know loads of people who love simple products!! Maybe yea her friend knew she liked MAC but maybe she just didnt realize that she was a brand hoar and thought every other brand was crap!!!!:rolleyes:

LegacyUser · 28-12-2009 05:39PM

It has been said time and time again here, some people are just not good at choosing gifts for others. They don't pick up on hints etc, probably because they don't place the same emphasis on gift giving as others. That's just something you'll have to learn to live with. Or like others have suggested come up with an alternative way to show appreciation to each other at x-mas.

However, if the OP suspects it's not just a case of being bad at choosing gifts but a case of lasiness or disregard for his/her feelings then that's a different story. What has been the case in the past, have they been traditionally good at choosing gifts? I mean if it has been the culture within your group of friends to place a lot of emphasis on this and all of a sudden you've been stung, I think you've a valid reason to be annoyed. But, if it's the case that this is the way it's always been (you feeling let down by their gifts), then i'm afraid it's your problem, not theirs. I personally would have to question having 'best' friends with such a differing value system to your own. It's going to (if it hasn't already) cause conflict within the group.

LegacyUser · 28-12-2009 06:00PM

*Lees* wrote: »

Yes the OP said she would have been happy with a 12.99 cd but then goes on to say in her next paragraph that she spent €45 on a friend who then only spend €20 on her, would she have been happy to recieve this €12.99 cd from this friend instead do you think??? That imo aswell as complaining about the lack of brand names on the presents she recieved is spoiled and ungrateful behaviour!!!!
Also, I can't see why no thought went into the presents, the OP seems to be interested in makeup and a friend bought her No7 makeup set, and a simple gift set, I know loads of people who love simple products!! Maybe yea her friend knew she liked MAC but maybe she just didnt realize that she was a brand hoar and thought every other brand was crap!!!!:rolleyes:

Nah i dont think the OP is spoiled she just wanted to feel valued by her friends it wasnt about the gifts.

29-12-2009 12:36PM

humbu**er wrote: »

They just seem to not have a clue what I like and make no effort to find out.

I’ve decided that selling the most recent present on ebay would be wrong. I will force myself to watch at least the first episode of this dvd this weekend just so I can truthfully say that I am watching it so they don’t feel bad about their choice. (I did the same thing last year.)

Well, in fairness... if you're practically lying to them why should they do anything differently.

TheGreatest · 29-12-2009 01:40PM

if anybody got a laptop as x-mas present and disappointed with it, please PM me to arrange the collection...:D

Zaph · 29-12-2009 01:50PM

TheGreatest wrote: »

if anybody got a laptop as x-mas present and disappointed with it, please PM me to arrange the collection...:D

Please read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before posting in this forum again.

dellas1979 · 29-12-2009 04:47PM

I guess there are 2 ways to look at this:

1. From a sentimentality point of view i.e. the person gets you the most crappiest present in the world for 2.50 and you love it because its the sentiment or thought that counts.

Or

2. The ROI or return on investment point of view i.e. I spent 45 on her and she got me a crappy and/or cheap present so is it worth me investing a) my time and effort and b) my cash.

Youve got to figure out whats important to you. Dont let anyone criticise you. I myself would be in option 2. A few times the return on investment with time and effort has been little with some presents Ive gotton. Last year, as we do a Kris Kringle, I got a ****ty present (budget was 70). This year to avoid same disaster, I told them what I wanted. Problem solved. Maybe to your friends say "If you are getting me a gift this year, I would love.....or I need etc". One of my friends, who doesnt normally give me a present, got me a little one this year - I didnt have anything to give back to her - told her Id pay her in pints and she was most excited

OneArt · 29-12-2009 06:13PM

Just because people have money doesn't mean they're going to blow huge proportions of it on presents. It really annoys me when people think I'm going to be happy paying ridiculous prices for things just because I have a job. "But you've loads of money anyway!" yeah, the reason being because I know how to fecking save!

I actually hate Christmas for this reason. Other than that its a lovely time of year

Darthhoob · 30-12-2009 12:44AM

just write a list in future. make it more regimented.............

you cannot expect people to be psychic or spend ages thinking of the perfect gift for you if they have other people to also think about. if there is something you actually want...TELL them...dotnfaff about then get upset.

you pretending you like your gifts for fear of upsetting them is just making them feel you like it...and THAT is why they keep doing it. i'm not saying be ungrateful or rude but dropping hints doesn't work....oh and NEVER give to recieve. that is not how christmas, nor friendships, work

jeez i got socks, chocolate (even though i am recently diagnosed diabetic) and smellies....and you know what i am happy with them cos it is a gift. they could have not gotten me anything but they thought of me...even though i got nothing that i actually wanted my family and friends thought of me enough to get me a gift.

least i dont need to buy chocolates or socks for 2010

Dissappointing Christmas Gifts

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