Dissappointing Christmas Gifts

purplerain417 · 25-12-2009 09:11PM #1

Has any one else here recieved any bad or thoughtless christmas presents this year, and if so how did youb react?. Im so annoyed I spent a fortune on 3 of my best mates and got them stuff they really wanted like their fav perfumes, dvds, nice accessories from good shops like river island , a-wear, jewellery they are really into. In return I got crap, cheap branded gift soap sets ( simple , like how boring and plain) and a no. 7 make up set from boots when they all know I love mac and thats the type of present i would buy them. I also got **** chocolates such as the old reliable quality street, a dunnes pair of gloves, and a horrible summer pyjamas.
I just feel no thought went into any of them, its not that they dont have the money they do, and while one of them spent about 30euro on a range of crap items she could have got me one good item that she knows i would really like so its not a money issue. And before people start sayin gim ungrateful and that its the thought that really counts - No thought went into these pressents at all because they were no way me, a 12.99 cd of a group i love would have really meant so much to me then all that sh*t im so pi**ed off.
What annoyed me more was than one friend mentioned in conversation in early november that she would get me an item of make-up from a good brand I was buying, I was delighted as this was about 45eur so i went out and got her something to that value and them she changed her mind and got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

Larianne · 25-12-2009 09:17PM

Some people are just crap at giving presents.

Your best bet is to say to your friends that you can't afford to do presents next year and give none or set a limit of a fiver or something. Then with the money you would have spent on them buy yourself some lovely presents.

That's what I'll be doing next year. It is the thought that counts but when it looks like they didn't even put thought into it, it is somewhat disappointing.

Smyth · 25-12-2009 09:22PM

I can see why you're annoyed OP. You put a lot of thought into your gifts because your friends are important to you, and now you feel like you aren't important enough to them to warrant the same effort. I get that the price is irrelevant to you, but you're going to get people overlook that and jump down your throat.

Look upon it as a lesson learned.

JackKelly · 25-12-2009 09:58PM

Not everyone rates friendship in presents.

EDIT: That sounds a bit harsh, but what I mean is that for some people (myself included) Christmas comes across as an excuse to buy people things they probably don't really want. I'd rather spend time throughout the year doing small things for people, then splashing out on presents at Christmas. I understand that buying presents for people can be great when you put a lot of time in, like you have done, but some people don't equate the two. My personal opinion of course

krudler · 25-12-2009 10:00PM

purplerain417 wrote: »

Has any one else here recieved any bad or thoughtless christmas presents this year, and if so how did youb react?. Im so annoyed I spent a fortune on 3 of my best mates and got them stuff they really wanted like their fav perfumes, dvds, nice accessories from good shops like river island , a-wear, jewellery they are really into. In return I got crap, cheap branded gift soap sets ( simple , like how boring and plain) and a no. 7 make up set from boots when they all know I love mac and thats the type of present i would buy them. I also got **** chocolates such as the old reliable quality street, a dunnes pair of gloves, and a horrible summer pyjamas.
I just feel no thought went into any of them, its not that they dont have the money they do, and while one of them spent about 30euro on a range of crap items she could have got me one good item that she knows i would really like so its not a money issue. And before people start sayin gim ungrateful and that its the thought that really counts - No thought went into these pressents at all because they were no way me, a 12.99 cd of a group i love would have really meant so much to me then all that sh*t im so pi**ed off.
What annoyed me more was than one friend mentioned in conversation in early november that she would get me an item of make-up from a good brand I was buying, I was delighted as this was about 45eur so i went out and got her something to that value and them she changed her mind and got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

If you only view presents as worthwhile if they match the monetary value of what you spend, why not just all give each other 50 quid? its essentially the same as saying "well my brown thomas makeup set matches what you spent on this perfume" Its nice to get something thats personal but get some perspective, theyre just christmas presents, i wouldnt care if someone bought me a ten quid voucher, its not the point. Next year why dont you all forego presents and spend the money on a big night out or something

dudara · 25-12-2009 10:50PM

I don't mean to sound harsh here but you seem to value people by the presents they give, and you see your presents as being 'superior', i.e. that it is a bit of a competition for you.

The real question here is if these people are your friends throughout the year, when you need them.

i-digress · 25-12-2009 11:47PM

In fairness, 'thoughtless' presents tend to be things like buying you a football jersey when you hate the game.

Some people are bad at picking presents. And some people don't pick up on hints. What your friends bought you seem to be in the same family as things you do like. For example, a Simple skincare set, you seem to like skincare products and cosmetics, I can see the connection. Maybe they were just trying and got it wrong.

I can see why you're upset, don't get me wrong. But maybe next year Larianne's suggestion would be the best bet.

Merry Christmas by the way x

cafecolour · 25-12-2009 11:53PM

I second that some people are crap at gifts - they just don't get how to do it. They'll just by the same bunch of generic stuff for everyone, instead of thinking about what someone would want. It's a skill in many respect, be glad you're good at it.

So rate your friends on how they treat you the rest of the year, and don't do christmas gift exchanges with them any more. The only people I buy gifts for at this point are my immediate family.

26-12-2009 12:07AM

This is why I just don't do presents with friends, for some people it just turns into petty oneupmanship and people feeling bitter because they spent more than their friends did. I'm not even religious but I hate the materialistic crapfest Christmas has become. Since you are so hard to please, OP, why don't you ask your friends to donate X amount to a charity next year and do the same for them? Better 30 quid going to someone who needs it than sitting wasted on your shelf.

fletch · 26-12-2009 12:38AM

You should count yourself lucky you got anything at all.

LegacyUser · 26-12-2009 01:42PM

It's very easy to say that we should count ourselves lucky that we got anything at all but you can't help feeling dissappointed if everyone around you seems to genuinely love what they've got and you're the only one who doesn't. Having swapped lists with my entire family I had a pretty good idea what I was going to get them all. My turn to open my presents and there's not one thing that I've got that I even asked for. When you make the effort for other people and spend a substantial amount of money on them you at least expect that they would do the same and at least look in the same places that you would shop at any other time of the year. But instead I'm told that my presents are things that I 'ought to have'. Yesterday felt like a let down - as selfish and ungrateful as that sounds. I'd rather we just didn't do presents at all quite honestly.

CDfm · 26-12-2009 02:04PM

jeez -there is a recession on.

I think you should get out of this present exchange thing as it is a bit childish.

Xmas pressies should be for families -cards for everyone else.

deisemum · 26-12-2009 02:34PM

At least your presents were much better than what my bitch sister in law gave me one year and it was done with malicious intent - Bust Beauty Gel to prevent my boobs from ageing and sagging.

Lizzykins · 26-12-2009 02:39PM

I remember two years ago I got a pair of Penneys pyjamas from a friend-cost about 6 euro- and to add insult to injury were size 18 to 20! Two of me would fit into them. I was so upset as I'd spent ages choosing something for her.
Last year I said forget presents.

John Mason · 26-12-2009 02:41PM

WOW just WOW

OP, you need to tell your friends in future that you would prefer them to make a donation to charity in your name.

sarmer · 26-12-2009 02:54PM

I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I always put lots of thought into presents and it is kind of annoying that other people don't always make the same effort. I think some people are just crap at Christmas shopping.

Xmas pressies should be for families -cards for everyone else.

My friends are like my family, we are very close, they are like my sisters. Many people, especially girls, feel the same way about their close friends. It would be weird not to give my friends anything.

The Big Red Button · 26-12-2009 03:04PM

I assume all of your friends have their own families, partners, etc that they need to buy presents for too? You say that money isn't a problem for them - so, presumably they work full-time, and wouldn't necessarily have a whole lot of time for Christmas shopping?

I mean, it's lovely that you put the time and money and effort into getting them presents they'd like, but they mightn't necessarily have had the time or energy to do the same with everything else going on at this time of year. Also, for many people - myself included - the whole Christmas present thing is more symbolic than anything else, you know? While I like to give presents that I know people would like, I'd be much more likely to put the time and money into choosing a really good birthday present for a friend - because it's all about that specific person, it's not just a big commercialised holiday where everyone feels pressurised to buy presents for everyone.

That makes me sound very bitter - I'm not, I love Christmas, and I love buying presents for people! But I wouldn't think less of anyone for buying me a crap Christmas present, I'd just think it was lovely of them to think of me at all.

Also, I haven't done the whole "buying presents for everyone in the group" thing since I was in my teens! It makes far more sense - assuming all these friends are in the same group - to do Secret Santa, with a set limit of say €50 or whatever. You'll get one good present instead of a few cheaper not-so-good ones, and people are far more likely to put thought into it when it's the only one they're getting.

And by the way, if you're thinking of saying something to your friends about the presents, or acting bitchy about it, my advice would be - don't. In my opinion it would come across as extremely ungrateful and materialistic. If you consider them to be your "best friends", then they are obviously there for you in plenty of other ways - it's not fair to judge them on something as silly and unimportant as Christmas presents.

Warfi · 26-12-2009 03:11PM

Have you actually said to your friends that you want presents of the same value? Or are you waiting for them to realise how generous you are, and follow suit?

If you're only giving presents so you'll get the same back (whether that's monetary value, or the thought that's gone into it) you're always going to be disappointed. Why don't you learn from experience instead of playing the martyr?

silverharp · 26-12-2009 03:11PM

OP is overreacting. The main pleasure out of giving a gift is the fun you get out of choosing it possibly followed by the reaction you get when they open it. Expecting similar gifts in return in unrealistic. There could be financial reasons or other reaosn why the friend may not feel the same way about giving gifts, so if they are good friends otherwise there is no issue here except in the mind of the OP

Cheap Thrills! · 26-12-2009 03:28PM

OP, you've got to lower your expectations.
My other half got me a concert ticket. That was it.

I got presents for everyone but apparently there was an arrangement ths year that we wouldn't get each other pressies. Except no-one told me!!!

I got nothing!!! I just laughed, what ca ye do!!!

LegacyUser · 26-12-2009 03:38PM

I remember a few years back i went out and got presents for a few of my brothers. I put some time, energy and money in it too. I didn't mind, it was xmas. It was time to give the presents on xmas day, what did i get from them - nothing, from any of them. I know that they're not into shopping but even a voucher would have done.
Learned my lesson, wasn't going to put myself out the year after.
The year after I wasn't going get anything for them but then one of my brothers asked my mam what he should get me. So i kind of felt guilty and went out and got a couple of presents. Come xmas morning, what did i get - nothing! Bit of an insult, really.

Now, i just couldn't be arsed about it all. I don't go out shopping every week. I hardly ever buy clohtes. In fact it was 6months ago when i was last out shopping and even still, it was for stuff i needed (and i have a job). So i use xmas as an excuse to get myself something i want. Screw everyone else.

CDfm · 26-12-2009 03:53PM

Kris Kringle FTW

neuro-praxis · 26-12-2009 05:21PM

What your friends gave you for Christmas is completely unimportant. Get some perspective. There are people in this forum alone who would give their right arm to have a friend, never mind anything else.

Johnny Giles · 26-12-2009 05:59PM

I can't believe people are so ungrateful. Appreciate what you get.

Grow up. Santa is not around anymore baby. Respect people and their decisions.

Catari Jaguar · 26-12-2009 06:14PM

OP, I'm horrified by your post. Really, I thought all this one up manship, selfishness, wastefulness and general spoiled rotten behaviour died with the Celtic Tiger.

Next year, give your friends cards and use all the money you'd have spent on them to by yourself presents that you want. Then you can be happy with all your material possessions. Yay!

mikemac · 26-12-2009 07:06PM

Maybe your friends have large families they need to get presents for? You say one of them spent "only" €20 but if they are buying for several people maybe that's all they can afford

I thought all this nonsense disappeared from Ireland in the last year or two, sadly not!
Next year if you still insist on exchanging gifts with your friends that you organize the secret santa draw. If you're so organized you should have introduced this before now

Johnny Giles · 26-12-2009 07:11PM

purplerain417 wrote: »

got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

You are a disgrace.

Agricola · 26-12-2009 07:13PM

Some people are good at gift giving, some arent. Some people like to put time and effort into getting their friends and family a nice useful gift at Xmas while others just see it as a chore that must be done like all the others, ie bung a tin of biscuits and a gilette shaving set in a bag with your name on it! You cant expect other people to have your viewpoint on this.

Youve learned your lesson. Next year just keep it simple and cheap. The price tag of a present shouldnt be seen as a valuation on a friendship. Maybe it is to some extent for close family members and OH's, but certainly not for friends.

The Recliner · 26-12-2009 07:38PM

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Unhelpful posting will earn you a ban from here, please take that into consideration before posting again

CDfm · 26-12-2009 07:39PM

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Thats harsh - if the OP and her friends share the same value system -maybe she has a reaon to feel hurt. The assumption most people are making here is that the OP is shallow rather that saying these friends are being intentionally mean. Maybe they have pots of money.

cats.pyjamas · 26-12-2009 08:40PM

well friends i know for years we bought eachother xmas and birthday presents and every year people would complain and bitch secretly to others about what they got.

One year for my friends birthday we all put thought into her present and well was she grateful no. instead she complained about how crap the present was a few weeks ...and to this day later. Their complaints were.... oh could have spent a bit more etc etc

From then on I decided I wouldn't buy them another thing, I never ever complained about what I got and just appreciated the thought and it really upset me when someone would give out.

so my advise would be just let it go, if your friends are anything like me (whether you think I'm horrible or reasonable is up to you!) don't expect to ever get anything from them again if you confront them. People aren't made of money, and as others say some people just don't have the time.

Not to sound harsh but get over it

Dissappointing Christmas Gifts

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