Dissappointing Christmas Gifts

purplerain417

Has any one else here recieved any bad or thoughtless christmas presents this year, and if so how did youb react?. Im so annoyed I spent a fortune on 3 of my best mates and got them stuff they really wanted like their fav perfumes, dvds, nice accessories from good shops like river island , a-wear, jewellery they are really into. In return I got crap, cheap branded gift soap sets ( simple , like how boring and plain) and a no. 7 make up set from boots when they all know I love mac and thats the type of present i would buy them. I also got **** chocolates such as the old reliable quality street, a dunnes pair of gloves, and a horrible summer pyjamas.
I just feel no thought went into any of them, its not that they dont have the money they do, and while one of them spent about 30euro on a range of crap items she could have got me one good item that she knows i would really like so its not a money issue. And before people start sayin gim ungrateful and that its the thought that really counts - No thought went into these pressents at all because they were no way me, a 12.99 cd of a group i love would have really meant so much to me then all that sh*t im so pi**ed off.
What annoyed me more was than one friend mentioned in conversation in early november that she would get me an item of make-up from a good brand I was buying, I was delighted as this was about 45eur so i went out and got her something to that value and them she changed her mind and got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

Larianne

Some people are just crap at giving presents.

Your best bet is to say to your friends that you can't afford to do presents next year and give none or set a limit of a fiver or something. Then with the money you would have spent on them buy yourself some lovely presents.

That's what I'll be doing next year. It is the thought that counts but when it looks like they didn't even put thought into it, it is somewhat disappointing.

Smyth

I can see why you're annoyed OP. You put a lot of thought into your gifts because your friends are important to you, and now you feel like you aren't important enough to them to warrant the same effort. I get that the price is irrelevant to you, but you're going to get people overlook that and jump down your throat.

Look upon it as a lesson learned.

JackKelly

Not everyone rates friendship in presents.

EDIT: That sounds a bit harsh, but what I mean is that for some people (myself included) Christmas comes across as an excuse to buy people things they probably don't really want. I'd rather spend time throughout the year doing small things for people, then splashing out on presents at Christmas. I understand that buying presents for people can be great when you put a lot of time in, like you have done, but some people don't equate the two. My personal opinion of course

krudler

purplerain417 wrote: »

Has any one else here recieved any bad or thoughtless christmas presents this year, and if so how did youb react?. Im so annoyed I spent a fortune on 3 of my best mates and got them stuff they really wanted like their fav perfumes, dvds, nice accessories from good shops like river island , a-wear, jewellery they are really into. In return I got crap, cheap branded gift soap sets ( simple , like how boring and plain) and a no. 7 make up set from boots when they all know I love mac and thats the type of present i would buy them. I also got **** chocolates such as the old reliable quality street, a dunnes pair of gloves, and a horrible summer pyjamas.
I just feel no thought went into any of them, its not that they dont have the money they do, and while one of them spent about 30euro on a range of crap items she could have got me one good item that she knows i would really like so its not a money issue. And before people start sayin gim ungrateful and that its the thought that really counts - No thought went into these pressents at all because they were no way me, a 12.99 cd of a group i love would have really meant so much to me then all that sh*t im so pi**ed off.
What annoyed me more was than one friend mentioned in conversation in early november that she would get me an item of make-up from a good brand I was buying, I was delighted as this was about 45eur so i went out and got her something to that value and them she changed her mind and got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

If you only view presents as worthwhile if they match the monetary value of what you spend, why not just all give each other 50 quid? its essentially the same as saying "well my brown thomas makeup set matches what you spent on this perfume" Its nice to get something thats personal but get some perspective, theyre just christmas presents, i wouldnt care if someone bought me a ten quid voucher, its not the point. Next year why dont you all forego presents and spend the money on a big night out or something

dudara

I don't mean to sound harsh here but you seem to value people by the presents they give, and you see your presents as being 'superior', i.e. that it is a bit of a competition for you.

The real question here is if these people are your friends throughout the year, when you need them.

i-digress

In fairness, 'thoughtless' presents tend to be things like buying you a football jersey when you hate the game.

Some people are bad at picking presents. And some people don't pick up on hints. What your friends bought you seem to be in the same family as things you do like. For example, a Simple skincare set, you seem to like skincare products and cosmetics, I can see the connection. Maybe they were just trying and got it wrong.

I can see why you're upset, don't get me wrong. But maybe next year Larianne's suggestion would be the best bet.

Merry Christmas by the way x

cafecolour

I second that some people are crap at gifts - they just don't get how to do it. They'll just by the same bunch of generic stuff for everyone, instead of thinking about what someone would want. It's a skill in many respect, be glad you're good at it.

So rate your friends on how they treat you the rest of the year, and don't do christmas gift exchanges with them any more. The only people I buy gifts for at this point are my immediate family.

This is why I just don't do presents with friends, for some people it just turns into petty oneupmanship and people feeling bitter because they spent more than their friends did. I'm not even religious but I hate the materialistic crapfest Christmas has become. Since you are so hard to please, OP, why don't you ask your friends to donate X amount to a charity next year and do the same for them? Better 30 quid going to someone who needs it than sitting wasted on your shelf.

fletch

You should count yourself lucky you got anything at all.

LegacyUser

It's very easy to say that we should count ourselves lucky that we got anything at all but you can't help feeling dissappointed if everyone around you seems to genuinely love what they've got and you're the only one who doesn't. Having swapped lists with my entire family I had a pretty good idea what I was going to get them all. My turn to open my presents and there's not one thing that I've got that I even asked for. When you make the effort for other people and spend a substantial amount of money on them you at least expect that they would do the same and at least look in the same places that you would shop at any other time of the year. But instead I'm told that my presents are things that I 'ought to have'. Yesterday felt like a let down - as selfish and ungrateful as that sounds. I'd rather we just didn't do presents at all quite honestly.

CDfm

jeez -there is a recession on.

I think you should get out of this present exchange thing as it is a bit childish.

Xmas pressies should be for families -cards for everyone else.

deisemum

At least your presents were much better than what my bitch sister in law gave me one year and it was done with malicious intent - Bust Beauty Gel to prevent my boobs from ageing and sagging.

Lizzykins

I remember two years ago I got a pair of Penneys pyjamas from a friend-cost about 6 euro- and to add insult to injury were size 18 to 20! Two of me would fit into them. I was so upset as I'd spent ages choosing something for her.
Last year I said forget presents.

John Mason

WOW just WOW

OP, you need to tell your friends in future that you would prefer them to make a donation to charity in your name.

sarmer

I totally understand where the OP is coming from. I always put lots of thought into presents and it is kind of annoying that other people don't always make the same effort. I think some people are just crap at Christmas shopping.

Xmas pressies should be for families -cards for everyone else.

My friends are like my family, we are very close, they are like my sisters. Many people, especially girls, feel the same way about their close friends. It would be weird not to give my friends anything.

The Big Red Button

I assume all of your friends have their own families, partners, etc that they need to buy presents for too? You say that money isn't a problem for them - so, presumably they work full-time, and wouldn't necessarily have a whole lot of time for Christmas shopping?

I mean, it's lovely that you put the time and money and effort into getting them presents they'd like, but they mightn't necessarily have had the time or energy to do the same with everything else going on at this time of year. Also, for many people - myself included - the whole Christmas present thing is more symbolic than anything else, you know? While I like to give presents that I know people would like, I'd be much more likely to put the time and money into choosing a really good birthday present for a friend - because it's all about that specific person, it's not just a big commercialised holiday where everyone feels pressurised to buy presents for everyone.

That makes me sound very bitter - I'm not, I love Christmas, and I love buying presents for people! But I wouldn't think less of anyone for buying me a crap Christmas present, I'd just think it was lovely of them to think of me at all.

Also, I haven't done the whole "buying presents for everyone in the group" thing since I was in my teens! It makes far more sense - assuming all these friends are in the same group - to do Secret Santa, with a set limit of say €50 or whatever. You'll get one good present instead of a few cheaper not-so-good ones, and people are far more likely to put thought into it when it's the only one they're getting.

And by the way, if you're thinking of saying something to your friends about the presents, or acting bitchy about it, my advice would be - don't. In my opinion it would come across as extremely ungrateful and materialistic. If you consider them to be your "best friends", then they are obviously there for you in plenty of other ways - it's not fair to judge them on something as silly and unimportant as Christmas presents.

Warfi

Have you actually said to your friends that you want presents of the same value? Or are you waiting for them to realise how generous you are, and follow suit?

If you're only giving presents so you'll get the same back (whether that's monetary value, or the thought that's gone into it) you're always going to be disappointed. Why don't you learn from experience instead of playing the martyr?

silverharp

OP is overreacting. The main pleasure out of giving a gift is the fun you get out of choosing it possibly followed by the reaction you get when they open it. Expecting similar gifts in return in unrealistic. There could be financial reasons or other reaosn why the friend may not feel the same way about giving gifts, so if they are good friends otherwise there is no issue here except in the mind of the OP

Cheap Thrills!

OP, you've got to lower your expectations.
My other half got me a concert ticket. That was it.

I got presents for everyone but apparently there was an arrangement ths year that we wouldn't get each other pressies. Except no-one told me!!!

I got nothing!!! I just laughed, what ca ye do!!!

LegacyUser

I remember a few years back i went out and got presents for a few of my brothers. I put some time, energy and money in it too. I didn't mind, it was xmas. It was time to give the presents on xmas day, what did i get from them - nothing, from any of them. I know that they're not into shopping but even a voucher would have done.
Learned my lesson, wasn't going to put myself out the year after.
The year after I wasn't going get anything for them but then one of my brothers asked my mam what he should get me. So i kind of felt guilty and went out and got a couple of presents. Come xmas morning, what did i get - nothing! Bit of an insult, really.

Now, i just couldn't be arsed about it all. I don't go out shopping every week. I hardly ever buy clohtes. In fact it was 6months ago when i was last out shopping and even still, it was for stuff i needed (and i have a job). So i use xmas as an excuse to get myself something i want. Screw everyone else.

CDfm

Kris Kringle FTW

neuro-praxis

What your friends gave you for Christmas is completely unimportant. Get some perspective. There are people in this forum alone who would give their right arm to have a friend, never mind anything else.

Johnny Giles

I can't believe people are so ungrateful. Appreciate what you get.

Grow up. Santa is not around anymore baby. Respect people and their decisions.

Catari Jaguar

OP, I'm horrified by your post. Really, I thought all this one up manship, selfishness, wastefulness and general spoiled rotten behaviour died with the Celtic Tiger.

Next year, give your friends cards and use all the money you'd have spent on them to by yourself presents that you want. Then you can be happy with all your material possessions. Yay!

mikemac

Maybe your friends have large families they need to get presents for? You say one of them spent "only" €20 but if they are buying for several people maybe that's all they can afford

I thought all this nonsense disappeared from Ireland in the last year or two, sadly not!
Next year if you still insist on exchanging gifts with your friends that you organize the secret santa draw. If you're so organized you should have introduced this before now

Johnny Giles

purplerain417 wrote: »

got me something for about 20 I feel terrible.

You are a disgrace.

Agricola

Some people are good at gift giving, some arent. Some people like to put time and effort into getting their friends and family a nice useful gift at Xmas while others just see it as a chore that must be done like all the others, ie bung a tin of biscuits and a gilette shaving set in a bag with your name on it! You cant expect other people to have your viewpoint on this.

Youve learned your lesson. Next year just keep it simple and cheap. The price tag of a present shouldnt be seen as a valuation on a friendship. Maybe it is to some extent for close family members and OH's, but certainly not for friends.

The Recliner

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Unhelpful posting will earn you a ban from here, please take that into consideration before posting again

CDfm

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Thats harsh - if the OP and her friends share the same value system -maybe she has a reaon to feel hurt. The assumption most people are making here is that the OP is shallow rather that saying these friends are being intentionally mean. Maybe they have pots of money.

cats.pyjamas

well friends i know for years we bought eachother xmas and birthday presents and every year people would complain and bitch secretly to others about what they got.

One year for my friends birthday we all put thought into her present and well was she grateful no. instead she complained about how crap the present was a few weeks ...and to this day later. Their complaints were.... oh could have spent a bit more etc etc

From then on I decided I wouldn't buy them another thing, I never ever complained about what I got and just appreciated the thought and it really upset me when someone would give out.

so my advise would be just let it go, if your friends are anything like me (whether you think I'm horrible or reasonable is up to you!) don't expect to ever get anything from them again if you confront them. People aren't made of money, and as others say some people just don't have the time.

Not to sound harsh but get over it

barleybooley

dudara wrote: »

I don't mean to sound harsh here but you seem to value people by the presents they give, and you see your presents as being 'superior', i.e. that it is a bit of a competition for you.

The real question here is if these people are your friends throughout the year, when you need them.

krudler wrote: »

If you only view presents as worthwhile if they match the monetary value of what you spend, why not just all give each other 50 quid? its essentially the same as saying "well my brown thomas makeup set matches what you spent on this perfume" Its nice to get something thats personal but get some perspective, theyre just christmas presents, i wouldnt care if someone bought me a ten quid voucher, its not the point. Next year why dont you all forego presents and spend the money on a big night out or something

/
Eh, the OP said it wasn't about the money.

Johnny Giles wrote: »

You are a disgrace.

Ah, now...that's not nice.

Hi OP
I understand completely where you're coming from. My group decided to each chip in €50 for everyone's 21st gift so that's €250 to play around with and for my 21st I got a rake of tacky stuff and a present I'd suggested for one of my other friends that was suitable for them but certainly not for me, I was ripping but I've nearly come to expect. You and I both know that it's not about the money and it is the thought that counts provided thought has gone into it. Like, I've put up with years of soap sets and things I would never use when they all love their presents and I just couldn't buy them something crap. At this stage, I've come to expect it so it's not a low blow anymore and I can only empathise and say move on, it's not the end of the world and yeah it's something that does need improvement but who wants to be branded ungrateful? Girls can be bitches and no one needs the extra hassle. Maybe karma will come around and you'll get the best wedding presents from them or something but right now just take comfort in the fact that you are the best present buyer in the group.

Hope this cheers you up OP and enjoy the rest of the Christmas season

LegacyUser

OP, the same has happened to me with my two closest friends for the third year in a row.
I made sure that friends 1 and 2 got exactly what they wanted. Beforehand I hinted strongly to friend 1 that she not buy wink wink a certain item she was eyeing for herself just before Christmas. With friend 2, I tried the same thing, to have her pull a face and shake her head, (only in a playful way, though), and mention a different item. This meant that there were no surprises when we exchanging presents, but it also meant that they were very happy. Friend 1 did her “happy dance” and friend 2, actually clutched her present to her chest. Meanwhile I sat there pasting my best fake smile on my face, with an “Oh, lovely” at their joint present (an expensive dvd box set of a show that I have already watched and would never think of buying for myself).

Suspecting this would happened again, a month ago I suggested to friend 1 that we skip presents this year and just go to a fancy dinner. Her response was “I’m giving you a present what ever you do. I like giving presents.” It’s true, she does. I’ve waited for her in shops while she decides between a pale blue scarf and a light blue scarf for her neighbour’s son’s ex-wife. So, it’s not that she’s not good at giving and it’s certainly not about the amount spent. They just seem to not have a clue what I like and make no effort to find out.

I’ve decided that selling the most recent present on ebay would be wrong. I will force myself to watch at least the first episode of this dvd this weekend just so I can truthfully say that I am watching it so they don’t feel bad about their choice. (I did the same thing last year.) I’ve resigned myself to receiving unwanted presents. Next year I will try to get some perverse enjoyment out of guessing how off their choices will be and hope they don’t spend too much money as it will be a waste.

For the record, I haven’t bitched about this to anyone. In fact, when my brother asked me what dvd my friends had given me, I lied about the title as I knew he would say “Wtf? Why’d they buy you that?”

And no, this is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. And I’m grateful for the friendship and that we all have jobs and money that we can buy presents with. It’s just that I sympathise with the OP.

stressed out

OP count yourself lucky. My best friend used to give me stuff she got free as presents. Like you know the little bottles of perfume you can get free if you buy 2 or more skincare items from clinique or clarins?

A few christmasses in a row she would give the same bottles of perfume. They weren't even full size! And I would spend ages picking out a thoughtful gift for her!

I copped on and one year got her an astrology book for £2.99

LegacyUser

I have to agree with the posters who say that they had an agreed system in their friendship to exchange presents the OP does not have to feel guilty that she was not alone on christmas, i was one of the people who was alone but i can see where she is coming from, she was excited about christmas, it is important for us all to feel validated and loved, it wasnt about the gift i think the Op just wanted to feel valued by her friends as she valued them, to have not received one gift that said that was hurtful IMO.

Next year maybe agree a chris crindle with a 40 limit or something and then you can all tell each other on the sly what each other wants??? if that doesnt work then just exchange cards the next year and a cd or book voucher! xx

LegacyUser

If it's clothes or fashion accessories, you can just swap them:

www.swopshop.ie

or

www.facebook.com/swopshop

LegacyUser

i know the feeling this year i spent ages picking the perfect gift for the inlaws, fil was pleased and handed me somthing beautiful and thoughtful in return but mil and sil handed me a 5 euro watch and socks, i was disapointed i wouldnt mind the cost but like op says a bit of thought would have been nice. there are plenty of 5 euro gifts that would have been more thoughtful, i spent 40 each on them on things they really wanted and were chuffed to get. next year ill be shopping at the £1 shop.

*Lees*

Wow, I can't believe how ungrateful people can be!!:rolleyes:

OP the personal issue here imo is your spoiled attitude and maybe you can work on it as part of your new years resolution!!!
To complain and say you buy good brands while your friends buy you cheap branded stuff, you spent more on one friend than she did on you and you feel terrible???:rolleyes: That is really sad!!!!
I hope this recession wipes out this attitude people have it's disgusting!

jellytots!

im sick of people saying the op is spoilt or ungrateful. she did state that she would have prefered a cd of her fav band which costs around 12.99 as opposed to a more expensive unthoughful gift. How is it spoilt to pick out thoughful useful presents for friends and to be dissapointed with unthoughful presents recieved. Though to be honest myself and my friends just to a kris kindle and set a limit of 20 euro so much handier and yor never really dissapointed cause the limits not that big and you always get pjs or costume jewellery.

*Lees*

Yes the OP said she would have been happy with a 12.99 cd but then goes on to say in her next paragraph that she spent €45 on a friend who then only spend €20 on her, would she have been happy to recieve this €12.99 cd from this friend instead do you think??? That imo aswell as complaining about the lack of brand names on the presents she recieved is spoiled and ungrateful behaviour!!!!
Also, I can't see why no thought went into the presents, the OP seems to be interested in makeup and a friend bought her No7 makeup set, and a simple gift set, I know loads of people who love simple products!! Maybe yea her friend knew she liked MAC but maybe she just didnt realize that she was a brand hoar and thought every other brand was crap!!!!:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

It has been said time and time again here, some people are just not good at choosing gifts for others. They don't pick up on hints etc, probably because they don't place the same emphasis on gift giving as others. That's just something you'll have to learn to live with. Or like others have suggested come up with an alternative way to show appreciation to each other at x-mas.

However, if the OP suspects it's not just a case of being bad at choosing gifts but a case of lasiness or disregard for his/her feelings then that's a different story. What has been the case in the past, have they been traditionally good at choosing gifts? I mean if it has been the culture within your group of friends to place a lot of emphasis on this and all of a sudden you've been stung, I think you've a valid reason to be annoyed. But, if it's the case that this is the way it's always been (you feeling let down by their gifts), then i'm afraid it's your problem, not theirs. I personally would have to question having 'best' friends with such a differing value system to your own. It's going to (if it hasn't already) cause conflict within the group.

LegacyUser

*Lees* wrote: »

Yes the OP said she would have been happy with a 12.99 cd but then goes on to say in her next paragraph that she spent €45 on a friend who then only spend €20 on her, would she have been happy to recieve this €12.99 cd from this friend instead do you think??? That imo aswell as complaining about the lack of brand names on the presents she recieved is spoiled and ungrateful behaviour!!!!
Also, I can't see why no thought went into the presents, the OP seems to be interested in makeup and a friend bought her No7 makeup set, and a simple gift set, I know loads of people who love simple products!! Maybe yea her friend knew she liked MAC but maybe she just didnt realize that she was a brand hoar and thought every other brand was crap!!!!:rolleyes:

Nah i dont think the OP is spoiled she just wanted to feel valued by her friends it wasnt about the gifts.

humbu**er

humbu**er wrote: »

They just seem to not have a clue what I like and make no effort to find out.

I’ve decided that selling the most recent present on ebay would be wrong. I will force myself to watch at least the first episode of this dvd this weekend just so I can truthfully say that I am watching it so they don’t feel bad about their choice. (I did the same thing last year.)

Well, in fairness... if you're practically lying to them why should they do anything differently.

TheGreatest

if anybody got a laptop as x-mas present and disappointed with it, please PM me to arrange the collection...:D

Zaph

TheGreatest wrote: »

if anybody got a laptop as x-mas present and disappointed with it, please PM me to arrange the collection...:D

Please read the part of the charter dealing with unhelpful and off-topic posts before posting in this forum again.

dellas1979

I guess there are 2 ways to look at this:

1. From a sentimentality point of view i.e. the person gets you the most crappiest present in the world for 2.50 and you love it because its the sentiment or thought that counts.

Or

2. The ROI or return on investment point of view i.e. I spent 45 on her and she got me a crappy and/or cheap present so is it worth me investing a) my time and effort and b) my cash.

Youve got to figure out whats important to you. Dont let anyone criticise you. I myself would be in option 2. A few times the return on investment with time and effort has been little with some presents Ive gotton. Last year, as we do a Kris Kringle, I got a ****ty present (budget was 70). This year to avoid same disaster, I told them what I wanted. Problem solved. Maybe to your friends say "If you are getting me a gift this year, I would love.....or I need etc". One of my friends, who doesnt normally give me a present, got me a little one this year - I didnt have anything to give back to her - told her Id pay her in pints and she was most excited

OneArt

Just because people have money doesn't mean they're going to blow huge proportions of it on presents. It really annoys me when people think I'm going to be happy paying ridiculous prices for things just because I have a job. "But you've loads of money anyway!" yeah, the reason being because I know how to fecking save!

I actually hate Christmas for this reason. Other than that its a lovely time of year

Darthhoob

just write a list in future. make it more regimented.............

you cannot expect people to be psychic or spend ages thinking of the perfect gift for you if they have other people to also think about. if there is something you actually want...TELL them...dotnfaff about then get upset.

you pretending you like your gifts for fear of upsetting them is just making them feel you like it...and THAT is why they keep doing it. i'm not saying be ungrateful or rude but dropping hints doesn't work....oh and NEVER give to recieve. that is not how christmas, nor friendships, work


jeez i got socks, chocolate (even though i am recently diagnosed diabetic) and smellies....and you know what i am happy with them cos it is a gift. they could have not gotten me anything but they thought of me...even though i got nothing that i actually wanted my family and friends thought of me enough to get me a gift.

least i dont need to buy chocolates or socks for 2010