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Was I an idiot?

2»

Comments

  • #52
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    snyper: Couldn't one argue that addiction after taking drugs or alcohol is also a "voluntary addiction"? People had informed you of the risk in most cases.


  • #53
    sock puppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,586 ✭✭✭sock puppet


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    Regardless of what the man was doing, the OP should be congratulated and praised for giving €50 of his own money to benefit someone else. It was selfless, it was generous and above all it was unbelievably considerate. So he's not an idiot, the opposite really. If there were more people like him, the World would be a great place!

    Not for addicts and their families.


  • #54
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    snyper wrote: »
    i understand where you are comming from, however, ive seen too many people.. some in my family, and close friends whos lives were destroyed by addictions, but more unfortunate is the lives of those around them that have been destroyed. Im not grouping all addictions as the same because there are some exceptions, but i look at gambling as somewhat a "voluntary addiction" ie, you are not under the influence of any drug when you walk into the bookies to throw away your weeks wages and money to feed your family and children. Ive seen it happen. Ive seen the excuses.

    Until you go and get help, you are a bollox.


    No, but you're under the influence of a severe compulsion, almost an obssession to gamble. How can he be 'a bollox'? He has a problem, he needs help, to me compulsive gambling is an illness, just like alcoholism. You dont know about this man's life, how hard it could be-so going around calling the man names isnt appropriate-especially as he's not here to give his side of the argument.


  • #55
    Wertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,909 ✭✭✭✭Wertz


    Oops
    @mayogeian

    @chatterpillar

    In any bookies, casino, amusements, or anyplace else you can place a bet, on any given day, you'll find that 9/10 people in attendance at any one time have some form of compulsion to gamble...and the majority of those will be regular gamblers. To call anyone of them a chronic gambler might be a stretch without knowing specific detail...but it's a safe bet (damn it) that that guy, or any one of thousands like him have a problem with addictive/compulsive gambling.

    Nothing pessimistic about that...merely depressing realism.


  • #56
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    sock puppet wrote: »
    Not for addicts and their families.

    I would think that addicts and their families would have a better World if there were people out there who were out trying to help-dont you? More people who were understanding and non-judgemental.


  • #57
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    TheZohan wrote: »
    Normal people wait in coffee shops or go for a walk.

    Oh yeah, and then they get hooked on caffeine :pac:


  • #58
    sock puppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,586 ✭✭✭sock puppet


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    I would think that addicts and their families would have a better World if there were people out there who were out trying to help-dont you? More people who were understanding and non-judgemental.

    No. They need to know that people aren't going to be able to dig them out every time they're up **** creek. If everyone gave in to them like that what reason do they have to give up? And I say this as the son and brother of two alcoholics.


  • #59
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    sock puppet wrote: »
    No. They need to know that people aren't going to be able to dig them out every time they're up **** creek. If everyone gave in to them like that what reason do they have to give up? And I say this as the son and brother of two alcoholics.


    I didnt mean a 'world where everyone would give them money to feed their habit'. I meant a better world for them where people would be more understanding and help them get help for their problem. Maybe that was unclear in my post. I wasnt referring primarily to the OP's experience.


  • #60
    philologos
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,479 ✭✭✭✭philologos


    Theres always a risk in these things, one can only hope the recipient realises how lucky he was.

    The one who is forgiven the most loves the most :)


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  • #61
    Wertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,909 ✭✭✭✭Wertz


    sock puppet wrote: »
    No. They need to know that people aren't going to be able to dig them out every time they're up **** creek. If everyone gave in to them like that what reason do they have to give up? And I say this as the son and brother of two alcoholics.

    Yup. In this case abouttobebanned is the enabler that allows the father to go on in his denial that he most likely has a problem.


  • #62
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,070 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Obviously he won't quit gambling because of the OPs deed, but does that matter?

    would it be better to have ignored him and left him in his detached reality?

    recovery from any addiction is a staircase, and building a step for someone isn't a bad thing =p


  • #63
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    There is a very important question here that I'm shocked nobody has asked already......was the daughter hot?


  • #64
    fitz0
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,753 ✭✭✭fitz0


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    I would think that addicts and their families would have a better World if there were people out there who were out trying to help-dont you? More people who were understanding and non-judgemental.
    Giving an alco more booze is generally seen as a bad idea (unless you're weaning him off it) so, by that logic, giving a compulsive gambler more money to gamble away is just as bad an idea.

    Giving him money after he has pissed his own away is just saying "Its alright, have some more." Its not alright, there will more than likely not be a stranger to reimburse him the next time he throws his cash away. So OP, you did the man no favours.

    The fact is, he arranged to meet his daughter in a bookies rather than on the street, that says to me that he's fairly comfortable and used to being in a bookies and it's a place his daughter will know. If he has admitted he has a problem and was really trying to kick it he wouldn't have done that, simple as. Seems like a bollox to me.


  • #65
    sock puppet
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,586 ✭✭✭sock puppet


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    I didnt mean a 'world where everyone would give them money to feed their habit'. I meant a better world for them where people would be more understanding and help them get help for their problem. Maybe that was unclear in my post. I wasnt referring primarily to the OP's experience.

    I see. However the problem comes from within themselves. A good support network can help but it's not going to make them magically realise what's wrong with their life. I wouldn't call the OP an idiot as such but it's not something I'd do myself and I'd hate to think of a family member feeding their habit in this way. Btw I'm well aware that the daughter could have been exaggerating and that the man might not have a gambling problem at all.


  • #66
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Bahahahahaha, bet he waited until you left and went back in draggin his bitch behind him.


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  • #67
    Wertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,909 ✭✭✭✭Wertz


    My name is URL wrote: »
    Obviously he won't quit gambling because of the OPs deed, but does that matter?

    In the short term, it doesn't matter.
    It was never really the OP's intention to stop the guy from gambling, just to put off the consequences of that gambling on him and more importantly on the man's child. In this way the OP thinks he's helping...and he is...sort of.

    But in the long term? He's probably only added to the problem...now we could be sunny optimists and believe that just maybe this father will see the error of his ways, turn over a new leaf and never place a bet again, due to his witnessing such a selfless act...but it's a very long shot.
    But I still think the OP wasn't an idiot in that he had every intention of helping...


  • #68
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    My name is URL wrote: »
    Obviously he won't quit gambling because of the OPs deed, but does that matter?

    would it be better to have ignored him and left him in his detached reality?

    recovery from any addiction is a staircase, and building a step for someone isn't a bad thing =p


    I 100% agree.

    Put yourself in that man's position. He was after getting into an argument in the gambler's with his young daughter. He was after throwing away his money-alot of emotions there.

    Then, out of the blue, this stranger comes up and gives him €50-which is probably alot for this man to receive. He's probably absolutely shocked that someone has given him this money-and he thinks, God, I must have a problem here if some stranger is giving me this money.

    As you said, he would become more in line with reality, accepts that maybe there isnt something right here, and seeks help.

    Hopefully this is the case, if not-OP should still be proud of himself!


  • #69
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    No, but you're under the influence of a severe compulsion, almost an obssession to gamble. How can he be 'a bollox'? He has a problem, he needs help, to me compulsive gambling is an illness, just like alcoholism. You dont know about this man's life, how hard it could be-so going around calling the man names isnt appropriate-especially as he's not here to give his side of the argument.

    well then, by that premise, i know a guy that loved to beat the sh1t out of his wife, and i mean he went to town on her.. he has a problem.. Is he someone we should feel sorry for because he has a severe compulsion or is he a bollox?


  • #70
    laugh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,745 ✭✭✭laugh


    He either keeps a bit by to do his duty in future as a father or becomes a pro beggar.


  • #71
    Saibh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,431 ✭✭✭✭Saibh


    I wonder if he met you again and remembered you gave him the €50, would he give you back the €50?


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  • #72
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    fitz0 wrote: »
    Giving an alco more booze is generally seen as a bad idea (unless you're weaning him off it) so, by that logic, giving a compulsive gambler more money to gamble away is just as bad an idea.

    Giving him money after he has pissed his own away is just saying "Its alright, have some more." Its not alright, there will more than likely not be a stranger to reimburse him the next time he throws his cash away. So OP, you did the man no favours.

    The fact is, he arranged to meet his daughter in a bookies rather than on the street, that says to me that he's fairly comfortable and used to being in a bookies and it's a place his daughter will know. If he has admitted he has a problem and was really trying to kick it he wouldn't have done that, simple as. Seems like a bollox to me.

    Ive already explained my post to sock puppet-read back!


  • #73
    Wertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,909 ✭✭✭✭Wertz


    Mayoegian wrote: »

    Then, out of the blue, this stranger comes up and gives him €50-which is probably alot for this man to receive.

    Seems we're all jumping to conclusions.
    50 quid might be nothing to him...in fact I can safely say that money doesn't really have any meaning to the gambler during the throes of the act itself...it only starts to mean something when it's A) Gone or B) in abundance after a big win...otherwise it's just a facility with which to feed your compulsion.
    The actual consequences of loosing it all only start to dawn after the reality of other parts of life start coming into focus as you walk out of the bookies/slots/casino...


  • #74
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Saibh wrote: »
    I wonder if he met you again and remembered you gave him the €50, would he give you back the €50?

    No.

    If an addict scores a hit from someone and meets them again......likely outcome: he expects to score another hit.


  • #75
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    snyper wrote: »
    well then, by that premise, i know a guy that loved to beat the sh1t out of his wife, and i mean he went to town on her.. he has a problem.. Is he someone we should feel sorry for because he has a severe compulsion or is he a bollox?


    Listen, this is a thread about a kind fella who gave his own money to help a man. It's not about giving money to a man who beats his wife. Stick with the topic, and give praise because the OP gave money to this man to help him, not feed his addiction. That was not the OP's intention. Also, I dont judge people, you shouldnt either by calling him that name.


  • #76
    SeaFields
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,551 ✭✭✭SeaFields


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    I 100% agree.

    Put yourself in that man's position. He was after getting into an argument in the gambler's with his young daughter. He was after throwing away his money-alot of emotions there.

    Then, out of the blue, this stranger comes up and gives him €50-which is probably alot for this man to receive. He's probably absolutely shocked that someone has given him this money-and he thinks, God, I must have a problem here if some stranger is giving me this money.

    I was thinking along the same lines but if he decided not to take the money it may have been more of an eye opener for him...

    On the one hand "My daughter is giving out to me in front of all these people and somebody felt the need to give me money so I wont let her down. I really need to sort this out now" and he declined the money.

    On the other "€50...who's running in the next race..."

    Well done all the same OP. Its something very few people would have the balls to do these days.


  • #77
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,080 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    I wouldn't give 50 bucks of my hard earned money to a junkie of any sort.

    Whats the betting (:pac:) he didn't tell the daughter you give it to him, he could probably live with her being disappointed, sure isn't that the way she always is with a father like that.


  • #78
    wonderingabout
    Registered Users Posts: 72 ✭✭wonderingabout


    Sometimes you just have to believe that there is good in everyone & people will do the right thing.


  • #79
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    Wertz wrote: »
    Seems we're all jumping to conclusions.
    50 quid might be nothing to him...in fact I can safely say that money doesn't really have any meaning to the gambler during the throes of the act itself...it only starts to mean something when it's A) Gone or B) in abundance after a big win...otherwise it's just a facility with which to feed your compulsion.
    The actual consequences of loosing it all only start to dawn after the reality of other parts of life start coming into focus as you walk out of the bookies/slots/casino...

    Seems we're all jumping to conclusions. The fact of the matter remains that the OP was out for the man's own good. He did what he thought would help the man, and I believe he did help him. 50 quid might be nothing to him, but it might be something to him. I'm sure it would mean something to him, if he wasted the rest of his money in gambling and had nothing left.


  • #80
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    Micky Dolenz wrote: »
    I wouldn't give 50 bucks of my hard earned money to a junkie of any sort.

    Whats the betting (:pac:) he didn't tell the daughter you give it to him, he could probably live with her being disappointed, sure isn't that the way she always is with a father like that.

    Who is to say that the man isnt a proper father? That's a very defamatory comment there. Just because he might have an addiction, doesnt make him a bad father.


  • #81
    TheZohanS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,582 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    I'm sure it would mean something to him, if he wasted the rest of his money in gambling and had nothing left.

    Not necessarily.

    He knew he had €10 left and had to meet his daughter yet he gambled it.




    Fair play to the OP for trying to help the man out, there are very few people that would do it.

    But as the old proverb goes "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.




    OP should have showed him how to gamble properly.


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  • #82
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    TheZohan wrote: »
    Not necessarily.

    He knew he had €10 left and had to meet his daughter yet he gambled it.




    Fair play to the OP for trying to help the man out, there are very few people that would do it.

    But as the old proverb goes "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.




    OP should have showed him how to gamble properly.

    Or gave him a look at some real money, a whole wad of cash....


  • #83
    Mayoegian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 777 ✭✭✭Mayoegian


    TheZohan wrote: »
    Not necessarily.

    He knew he had €10 left and had to meet his daughter yet he gambled it.




    Fair play to the OP for trying to help the man out, there are very few people that would do it.

    But as the old proverb goes "give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.




    OP should have showed him how to gamble properly.

    OP did what he did and imo he was incredibly generous-especially in the recession that's on. all we can do now is hope the man that was gambling will seek help and stop gambling.


  • #84
    Wertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,909 ✭✭✭✭Wertz


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    Seems we're all jumping to conclusions. The fact of the matter remains that the OP was out for the man's own good. He did what he thought would help the man, and I believe he did help him. 50 quid might be nothing to him, but it might be something to him. I'm sure it would mean something to him, if he wasted the rest of his money in gambling and had nothing left.

    To quote that god awful song:
    Don't it always seem to go, that you don't what you've got till it's gone.


  • #85
    banquo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,487 ✭✭✭banquo


    You're a good guy.


  • #86
    kraggy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,414 ✭✭✭kraggy


    I feel sad that they had arranged to meet in the bookies.

    BUT, I think it could be jumping to conclusions for us to presume that he actually has a problem. It could have been a one-off ocurrence.


  • #87
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/40/Cabf03.jpg


  • #88
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,080 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    Who is to say that the man isnt a proper father? That's a very defamatory comment there. Just because he might have an addiction, doesnt make him a bad father.

    How was I being defamatory?

    The girl in this case is clearly unhappy and in the OP's own words " She was giving out to him saying she was well used to being let down by him etc..."


  • #89
    MIN2511
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    abouttobebanned wrote: »
    I was in the bookies today....actually I was in about 4...basically registering in all of their free comps for the soccer season ahead. They know me in all of them cause a few years ago I frequented them one too many times. Anyway, while I was picking out my players for a comp in one shop my attention was taken by a conversation that was starting beside me.

    It transpired that the father was supposed to meet his 13-14 year old daughter at 3pm but she was 45 minutes late...in that time, while waiting around, the father - probably trying to win more more to do something nice with the daughter - lost all his money. She was giving out to him saying she was well used to being let down by him etc...

    He told her that he had his last tenner on a horse that was about to run - Captain McGarry, intrigued by this I stayed to watch the race, and the horse get beaten by a head. The feeling of having that last roll of the dice throwing up the wrong numbers was one I knew too well. He left with his daughter...I followed him out and called him over pretending I knew him, and then gave him 50 without the daughter seeing.

    This is something that I know will provoke revulsion in most people as there are a lot more people out there who'd need the money more. I dunno...I guess I can't explain it.
    Nice one dude... Fair play to you


  • #90
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Mayoegian wrote: »
    Listen, this is a thread about a kind fella who gave his own money to help a man. It's not about giving money to a man who beats his wife. Stick with the topic, and give praise because the OP gave money to this man to help him, not feed his addiction. That was not the OP's intention. Also, I dont judge people, you shouldnt either by calling him that name.

    no, now you are clearly evading the point i made. im judging him based on his actions. You say you dont judge people, that a lie, perhaps not intentenional, but it however remains a lie. You cannot go through life, meet people and make decisions without judging people..if you dont judge people you wont ever meet a partner, you dont accept the first person that makes an advance on you, or your first date, therefore you judge people. Im not judging the man, other than saying what he is doing are the actions of a bollox.

    far to much acceptance in this country of people that want to fcuk up their life and the lives of others around them.


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  • #91
    Kalashnikov_Kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Kalashnikov_Kid


    OP, you do know he'll be in same bookies tomorrow, 'killing time' or whatever?

    I would think 50 quid was a bit generous. How would you know he would spend it all on his daughter, and not most of it on his addiction?


  • #92
    MIN2511
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Common people, give the man the benefit of the doubt!!!

    He gave the money, it was a generous gift....


  • #93
    Hal1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,720 ✭✭✭Hal1


    It was a scam! their gone to shoor up herrohhhin :pac: Nah joking aside that was a good deed. +1 from karma. :P


  • #94
    DancingQueen:)
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭DancingQueen:)


    I thought it was a very ne thing to do
    Good on you!! :D


  • #95
    jumpguy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,962 ✭✭✭jumpguy


    Being optimistic...perhaps he'll stop gambling after that.
    Really though, it won't stop his gambling problem, and hopefully that money went to something nice for his daughter, but who knows.
    It was a very compassionate thing to do and I'm sure it'll be looked upon fondly. Perhaps you did the right thing, helping other people has never been wrong...


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