Attitudes to casual sex.

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:11PM #1

So I was just over in PI and read something that got me thinking. We've had our attitudes to porn thread so what are our attitudes to one night stands and casual sex?

Do you think sex should be strictly confined to a relationship or is this a thing of the past?

Would you think less of someone who'd had many sexual relations and/or would it put you off dating them?

Does it always end badly?

Your thoughts, please

shellyboo · 08-08-2009 04:14PM

My attitude to casual sex is...

Yes please.

:P

Raze_them_all · 08-08-2009 04:16PM

I'm a fan of the casual sex, In my experience yes it usually does end badly if it's over a long period of time as usually someone get's emotionally attached 95% of the time it's the female but sometimes the male. If your having casual sex it should be no longer than a month or two IMO

No it would not put me off a person, How hypocritical would that be?? Well I'm a big fan of casual sex...oh you are too?? Well in that case no I don't want you.

08-08-2009 04:17PM

I personally can't do the casual sex thing.

But I've no problem with anyone that does!

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:19PM

Lia_lia wrote: »

I personally can't do the casual sex thing.

But I've no problem with anyone that does!

I can't do it either, I'm way too needy!

Doesn't stop me trying though!

minidazzler · 08-08-2009 04:20PM

I really depends on the person, there are lot's of people to whom sex is simply a release an orgasm, they don't need to have an emotional connection, and to me this is fine, as long as it's all practiced safe and out of public view.

I've never had a one night stand, but that is because when the oppertunity arose I realised I didn't want to because I don't like the thought of non-calculated risk.

I would consider Casual sex to just be sex, with someone you know, every now and then, I don't mind this, generally I will have an emotional connection to the person, but that could be just as friends w/ benefits so I am all for it as long as it is practiced in a safe and responsible manner out of public view.

It definitely doesn't always end badly, if I had to guess I would think 50% of the time it does. But definitely not always.

Snowie · 08-08-2009 04:21PM

each to there own....

can I have whipped cream a chocolate sauce to go with that

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:27PM

Raze_them_all wrote: »

I'm a fan of the casual sex, In my experience yes it usually does end badly if it's over a long period of time as usually someone get's emotionally attached 95% of the time it's the female but sometimes the male. If your having casual sex it should be no longer than a month or two IMO

No it would not put me off a person, How hypocritical would that be?? Well I'm a big fan of casual sex...oh you are too?? Well in that case no I don't want you.

I think it can still end badly after a month or two. I don't really think a time limit helps. 'Cause a lot of the time, one person is saying "Yeah, casual sex, great", but thinking "I love you, please love me too!" or whatever. Agree with most of the time it being the female getting emotionally attached though, not sure about the exact statistic.

minidazzler wrote: »

I've never had a one night stand, but that is because when the oppertunity arose I realised I didn't want to because I don't like the thought of non-calculated risk.

I'm probably going to make myself look really stupid here.... But what non-calculated risk?

shellyboo · 08-08-2009 04:28PM

minidazzler wrote: »

I really depends on the person, there are lot's of people to whom sex is simply a release an orgasm, they don't need to have an emotional connection, and to me this is fine, as long as it's all practiced safe and out of public view.

That's *so* not what sex is for me though, that's not why I have casual sex.

Intimacy keeps me sane - not sex, not orgams, intimacy. That connection with another person. When you join with someone in sex, share yourself, you're so vulnerable and open and just alive, and I love that. You're 100% yourself in that moment, with everything else stripped away. Sex for me is a return to who I really am. I love it, it's the best feeling in the world for me - so why in the name of god would I deny myself that?

Why do I have *casual* sex though? Because it's easier to find than a boyfriend. If I had to choose, I'd choose relationship sex... but I'm not willing to forego sex altogether just because I'm not in one.

That said, I haven't had any casual sex in about a year. Or, in fact, any sex at all for a couple of months now. And I am starting to go a bit mental :P

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:31PM

shellyboo wrote: »

That's *so* not what sex is for me though, that's not why I have casual sex.

Intimacy keeps me sane - not sex, not orgams, intimacy. That connection with another person. When you join with someone in sex, share yourself, you're so vulnerable and open and just alive, and I love that. You're 100% yourself in that moment, with everything else stripped away. Sex for me is a return to who I really am. I love it, it's the best feeling in the world for me - so why in the name of god would I deny myself that?

Why do I have *casual* sex though? Because it's easier to find than a boyfriend. If I had to choose, I'd choose relationship sex... but I'm not willing to forego sex altogether just because I'm not in one.

That said, I haven't had any casual sex in about a year. Or, in fact, any sex at all for a couple of months now. And I am starting to go a bit mental :P

I love you for that honesty.

Do you never feel bad after casual sex though? Like I dunno, you've just shared yourself with someone and they get up and leave you there?

minidazzler · 08-08-2009 04:35PM

Novella wrote: »

I'm probably going to make myself look really stupid here.... But what non-calculated risk?

Me being the nervous kind of person I think of all the worst possible outcomes, the non-calculation is when I am drunk I won't of things like.

No matter how careful we are She could get pregnant, would I be able to bear that with this person?
I could get an STD.
I am drunk, am I being careful enough.

These things wouldn't run through my head if I was to have a one night stand when drunk. Which means I don't take the risk seriously, which is not me. (I am someone who prepares for everything.)

I would think of these things if I was getting into a Friends with Benefits situation.

Raze_them_all · 08-08-2009 04:37PM

Novella wrote: »

I think it can still end badly after a month or two. I don't really think a time limit helps. 'Cause a lot of the time, one person is saying "Yeah, casual sex, great", but thinking "I love you, please love me too!" or whatever. Agree with most of the time it being the female getting emotionally attached though, not sure about the exact statistic.

That's what I meant by saying someone will get attached, though if I'm only with a person casually for a month or two and they were thinking that it would scare me.

The statistic was just made up. Though I still belive far more women get emotionally attached, especially quicker than men do.

shellyboo · 08-08-2009 04:38PM

Novella wrote: »

I love you for that honesty.

Do you never feel bad after casual sex though? Like I dunno, you've just shared yourself with someone and they get up and leave you there?

No, because it's not about them... it's about me

Also, I choose to share myself, I know what I'm getting into before I do it. And honestly, I never feel bad after sex, ever. I feel chilled, relaxed, at peace, for days.

I'm not a robot, like... of course sometimes I'd wish that a guy was interested in more than just casual sex, but if I find I want more from a certain guy, I'll walk away from sex with him. That's just mental torture.

I wasn't always like this though, when I was young and foolish I did mistake sex for affection and it did hurt a lot when a guy just walked away. But now, at the wise old age of 25, I'm able to appreciate sex on its own merits, and separate that from the closeness of relationship sex as well.

Micky Dolenz · 08-08-2009 04:38PM

Everyone for their own.

A few years back I travelled half the world and had more than a few casual meetings, rarely one night things, they may have lasted slighty longer, maybe three days a week.Then it was time to move on, location wise, that is.

For a finish I took a vow of celibacy because sex meant very little to me, I felt kinda numb (inside

) about the whole thing and needed time to refresh it.

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:43PM

minidazzler wrote: »

Me being the nervous kind of person I think of all the worst possible outcomes, the non-calculation is when I am drunk I won't of things like.

No matter how careful we are She could get pregnant, would I be able to bear that with this person?
I could get an STD.
I am drunk, am I being careful enough.

These things wouldn't run through my head if I was to have a one night stand when drunk. Which means I don't take the risk seriously, which is not me. (I am someone who prepares for everything.)

I would think of these things if I was getting into a Friends with Benefits situation.

Yeah, I get ya now

I know exactly what you mean.

Raze_them_all wrote: »

That's what I meant by saying someone will get attached, though if I'm only with a person casually for a month or two and they were thinking that it would scare me.

The statistic was just made up. Though I still belive far more women get emotionally attached, especially quicker than men do.

Ok, the love thing was just an exaggeration but ya know, they could be hoping that you'll like them and it'll turn into something more. Plus even if they were thinking that, you wouldn't know unless they told you, which would be a bit weird.

Yeah, it's definitely a woman thing. I dunno, maybe it's just me but I think women expect a lot more in return from a man. Like a man can have sex with someone and have completely forgotten about it by the time he has his clothes back on. But I think women need something more. (Not ALL women and not all the time!!)

minidazzler · 08-08-2009 04:49PM

Novella wrote: »

Yeah, it's definitely a woman thing. I dunno, maybe it's just me but I think women expect a lot more in return from a man. Like a man can have sex with someone and have completely forgotten about it by the time he has his clothes back on. But I think women need something more. (Not ALL women and not all the time!!)

Not all men either really, I tend to be the type who starts liking people more than I should, rarely leads to problems but I feel bad about it myself.

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:49PM

shellyboo wrote: »

No, because it's not about them... it's about me Also, I choose to share myself, I know what I'm getting into before I do it. And honestly, I never feel bad after sex, ever. I feel chilled, relaxed, at peace, for days.

I'm not a robot, like... of course sometimes I'd wish that a guy was interested in more than just casual sex, but if I find I want more from a certain guy, I'll walk away from sex with him. That's just mental torture.

I wasn't always like this though, when I was young and foolish I did mistake sex for affection and it did hurt a lot when a guy just walked away. But now, at the wise old age of 25, I'm able to appreciate sex on its own merits, and separate that from the closeness of relationship sex as well.

I hope I'm as smart as you in five years!

Not that I mistake sex for affection or anything, I don't. I'm just not able to walk away, grrr. :mad:

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Everyone for their own.

A few years back I travelled half the world and had more than a few casual meetings, rarely one night things, they may have lasted slighty longer, maybe three days a week.Then it was time to move on, location wise, that is.

For a finish I took a vow of celibacy because sex meant very little to me, I felt kinda numb (inside ) about the whole thing and needed time to refresh it.

How long did the vow of celibacy last, if you don't mind me asking?

Raze_them_all · 08-08-2009 04:49PM

Novella wrote: »

Ok, the love thing was just an exaggeration but ya know, they could be hoping that you'll like them and it'll turn into something more. Plus even if they were thinking that, you wouldn't know unless they told you, which would be a bit weird.

Yeah, it's definitely a woman thing. I dunno, maybe it's just me but I think women expect a lot more in return from a man. Like a man can have sex with someone and have completely forgotten about it by the time he has his clothes back on. But I think women need something more. (Not ALL women and not all the time!!)

A Bit weird? I'd be gone so fast Usain bolt would wonder WTF just ran by him!!

Some guys can't seperate it though I will admit that, One of my best mates can't have casual sex without getting hung up on the girl and always gets crushed if it doesn't lead to anything, but I think he's just the minority.

To me sex is fun, just like going out for a night with the lads, fighting or playing a computer game, It's fun and relaxes me.

MizzLolly · 08-08-2009 04:50PM

Novella wrote: »

'Cause a lot of the time, one person is saying "Yeah, casual sex, great", but thinking "I love you, please love me too!" or whatever.

I agree with exactly what you said here. It's not for me personally.

Though, if two single people are happy enough to do it then let them at it I say!

Novella · 08-08-2009 04:54PM

minidazzler wrote: »

Not all men either really, I tend to be the type who starts liking people more than I should, rarely leads to problems but I feel bad about it myself.

I didn't mean to generalise all men, it's just a habit of mine

I know that some men will obviously start to like the person more etc, I don't think you all have hearts of stone, didn't mean to imply it! I'm just bitter!

Would you continue with casual sex though, if you were starting to become attached to the girl?

Raze_them_all wrote: »

A Bit weird? I'd be gone so fast Usain bolt would wonder WTF just ran by him!!

Some guys can't seperate it though I will admit that, One of my best mates can't have casual sex without getting hung up on the girl and always gets crushed if it doesn't lead to anything, but I think he's just the minority.

To me sex is fun, just like going out for a night with the lads, fighting or playing a computer game, It's fun and relaxes me.

Sex is fun to most people, but that doesn't mean it can't cause problems!

Anyway, on a brighter note, ever have a happy ending?

dearg lady · 08-08-2009 04:54PM

one night stands it's pretty easy not to get emotionally attached, both parties know what they want and (generally) people don't get hurt.

With FB situation that can often lead to one person gettin hurt. I had a FB a few years ago but I got to like him, we got on really well, and I usually stayed over, sometimes we'd hang out all the next day, just havin a laugh and watchin films. Also, some of the best sex I've ever had!!

He was clear from the start he didn't want anything serious but I got a bit attached and after a few months we decided best to stop sleeping together.

Since then maybe two or three times over 3 years we've slept together and there's been no hurt feelings. Unfortunately he moved away, cos damn I could do with some of that now!!

I definitely don't think sex should be confined to a relationship, most of us have periods of bein single, imagine the frustration! That said, casual sex isn't for everyone, to each his own

Micky Dolenz · 08-08-2009 04:56PM

Novella wrote: »

How long did the vow of celibacy last, if you don't mind me asking?

About 4 months and six countrys later, i walked into a bar and saw a woman that really shook my world. from the first minute I saw her I feel deeply in lust. Raises my temperture when I think about her

Raze_them_all · 08-08-2009 04:57PM

Novella wrote: »

Sex is fun to most people, but that doesn't mean it can't cause problems!

Anyway, on a brighter note, ever have a happy ending?

Yes I have because I'm not one for relationships so there's never an ending reached

minidazzler · 08-08-2009 05:00PM

Novella wrote: »

I didn't mean to generalise all men, it's just a habit of mine I know that some men will obviously start to like the person more etc, I don't think you all have hearts of stone, didn't mean to imply it! I'm just bitter!

Would you continue with casual sex though, if you were starting to become attached to the girl?

It really depends, I sometimes trick myself into thinking that the girls likes me as more than a FB. I would like to think I would ask, but the truth is I wouldn't I would delude myself for a while. Eventually ask, and then if she said it's just sex, I would end it begrudgingly before I got really hurt.

Bear in mind, I am only 20, I have only had 4 of these types of situations. and only once has the above happened because it lasted longer than the others.

Novella · 08-08-2009 05:02PM

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

About 4 months and six countrys later, i walked into a bar and saw a woman that really shook my world. from the first minute I saw her I feel deeply in lust. Raises my temperture when I think about her

4 months, not bad!

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Yes I have because I'm not one for relationships so there's never an ending reached

Well then, casual sex doesn't always end badly

Do you think sex is better in a relationship? (Not just Raze_them_all, anybody!)

Novella · 08-08-2009 05:04PM

minidazzler wrote: »

It really depends, I sometimes trick myself into thinking that the girls likes me as more than a FB. I would like to think I would ask, but the truth is I wouldn't I would delude myself for a while. Eventually ask, and then if she said it's just sex, I would end it begrudgingly before I got really hurt.

Bear in mind, I am only 20, I have only had 4 of these types of situations. and only once has the above happened because it lasted longer than the others.

I am the EXACT same.

Except I wouldn't end it, I'd be like "Oh, good, that's what I was hoping you thought!"

Oh, I'm only twenty too, just looking for opinions, amount of experience doesn't matter

upthedub · 08-08-2009 05:05PM

Novella wrote: »

4 months, not bad!

Well then, casual sex doesn't always end badly

Do you think sex is better in a relationship? (Not just Raze_them_all, anybody!)

Interesting what people are saying here;)

Micky Dolenz · 08-08-2009 05:07PM

Novella wrote: »

Do you think sex is better in a relationship? (Not just Raze_them_all, anybody!)

Yes, sex is different with every partner, it takes time to learn what the other person likes, wants and it takes them time to learn their way around your body. the more practice with the same person, the better it gets. It also becomes more than a physical act.

westaway · 08-08-2009 05:08PM

Ok not preaching to anyone here this is just a personal opinion .....

IMO casual sex is part of the mindset that Irish people now have due to moral vacumm created by the thankful demise of the Catholic church and replacement with American telivision/music/movies ( read through the rte guide count how many hours of american television there is on the Irish channels) The American moral gutter lowest common denominator lifestyle now influences people here more than anything our parents taught us. Casual sex is a manifestaion of ultra consumption capitalism where peoples only value is what you produce and what you consume and that includes one another.
It dehumanises both sexes and advocates that men should consume as many women as possible to show strength or value and the whole feminist movement has been hijacked by profit seeking companies whose interest is to keep women consuming as much as possible and to abstain from commitment where they would pool their money with their partner and spend money on their family or children. There is a demogrpahic like this in japan known as parasaito shinguru which basically translates as parasite single.
Ireland(and the world) needs a civic morality that supersedes religion and isn't rooted in superstitions of gods or other nonsense like that. A civic morality that ensures that the inherent good and value in each of us and our children is maximised.

Again this is just my personal opinion

Raze_them_all · 08-08-2009 05:10PM

Novella wrote: »

4 months, not bad!

Well then, casual sex doesn't always end badly

Do you think sex is better in a relationship? (Not just Raze_them_all, anybody!)

Ah but thats on my part for the most part I've ended the arrangement, I know I've hurt 2 people, but it wasn't bad to me because I wasn't the one hurt but they were, if that makes sense?

I dunno sex can be better in a relationship or it can be better with a FB it all depends on the sexual chemistery between you and the other person(s)

minidazzler · 08-08-2009 05:11PM

Wait, are you saying Casual sex is immoral?

Attitudes to casual sex.

Comments