The Off-Topic, insult, picture and everything else thread

Are these some of the new interviewing techniques being taught in Templemore??:p

Irish_polizei wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dRQr9DFDqU

Edit by psni: Moved to Off-Topic thread

Ha love the Guard in the shirt,

''Bridé, get the f*ck on''

http://file047b.bebo.com/7/large/2009/04/29/15/454368884a10719407140l.jpg
good stuff

donvito99 wrote: »

Whats up with this here white square?:rolleyes:

Considering this is "The Off-Topic, insult, picture and everything else thread", I think it might belong in the everything else section of the thread

brazilicious wrote: »

so can ya get in trouble for chattin up guards on duty???? like....if ya have me stopped at a checkpoint....?

Depends what ya look like(:p)...I don't think the majority of members would appreciate it.

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except---" and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."

"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."

The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally surrendered to €738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Garda saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, Garda. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"

The Garda looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an sarcastic voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

The rest is history.

Never thought such miraculous parking would end up in ireland