will i tell?

04-06-2009 11:32AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

She's either a child or not. The attitude here is she's the poor child being ignored by her family while the same people hold the view she's old enough to drink and the age should be lowered i.e. she's an adult.

In my book, if you are under 18, you are a child.
I dont hold the view she is old enough to drink.

Loomis · 04-06-2009 11:32AM

Jake1 wrote: »

Common sense, not to even get into the Morals of ignoring a child, would tell you not to IGNORE the problems, but to face them.

Ye, the common sense isn't working very well I see.

As I said, I'd imagine she wasn't ignored because she stepped out of line the first time. It happened again and again and got worse. She ignores authority, she takes no heed of guards so why would she listen to her parents, and has refused help.

The family tried addressing the problems. She is the one who ignored the help on offer.

Quazzie · 04-06-2009 11:34AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

The family tried addressing the problems. She is the one who ignored the help on offer.

So there is a reason to ignore your child?

04-06-2009 11:34AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

Ye, the common sense isn't working very well I see.

As I said, I'd imagine she wasn't ignored because she stepped out of line the first time. It happened again and again and got worse. She ignores authority, she takes no heed of guards so why would she listen to her parents, and has refused help.

The family tried addressing the problems. She is the one who ignored the help on offer.

She is 17, most 17 year olds dont know whats good for them. People that NEED help are usually the ones who dont want it.

So, she said, no and the family just give up.... bloody hell.

CreepingDeath · 04-06-2009 11:35AM

useful_contacts wrote: »

It doesnt matter. I know what im going to do!!!

Simpliest short term solution is to tell the pub that she has a fake id.
Police don't get involved, Dad doesn't get involved, just cuts off her source of alcohol.

Sounds like a classic "middle child syndrome" kid to me...
The eldest and youngest get the most attention, and the ones in the middle feel left out. They can fall into a destructive habit of looking for "bad attention".

If the "whole family" are shunning her as you say, then that's exaggerating the initial cause in the first place.
She needs options, a direction in life, challenges... something.
It's a cry for help and you've let it go unanswered.

Loomis · 04-06-2009 11:35AM

Quazzie wrote: »

What he said. Turning your back on your child should never be an option.

If your 'child' is a rapist/murderer/psycopath etc etc you still stick by them?

I'm not saying she is any of those things or that they're comparable. I'm saying each situation should be taken on its own merits. And some situations merit removing the thing or person from your life that is killing all around you.

Jake1 wrote: »

In my book, if you are under 18, you are a child.
I dont hold the view she is old enough to drink.

The minute she turns 18 and is an adult, you'd have no issue with them ignoring her then?

04-06-2009 11:36AM

I cant imagine the pain of going 'home'( though in this case, I use the word lightly,)and No one, speaking to me.
Torture of the soul.

toiletduck · 04-06-2009 11:36AM

I can just imagine ringing the Gardai, telling them that a girl has a fake ID. They'll get on that straight away!

Loomis · 04-06-2009 11:37AM

Jake1 wrote: »

She is 17, most 17 year olds dont know whats good for them. People that NEED help are usually the ones who dont want it.

So, she said, no and the family just give up.... bloody hell.

Again, yes, the first time she said no they all said fine, good luck, not talking to you anymore?

Get a grip. Serious tunnel vision from some.

04-06-2009 11:37AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

If your 'child' is a rapist/murderer/psycopath etc etc you still stick by them?

I'm not saying she is any of those things or that they're comparable. I'm saying each situation should be taken on its own merits. And some situations merit removing the thing or person from your life that is killing all around you.

The minute she turns 18 and is an adult, you'd have no issue with them ignoring her then?

No, I would have an issue with them doing that. But judging the OP comments they will.

Loomis · 04-06-2009 11:40AM

Jake1 wrote: »

No, I would have an issue with them doing that. But judging the OP comments they will.

So your issue is with not speaking to a family member. Don't put the slant on it that it's terrible because they're not speaking to a 'child'.

Some family members don't deserve anymore of your time or energy when they refuse help countless times. If a drug user/alcoholic doesn't want to kick their habit no amount of coaxing will help. Her behaviour is no different.
You can't help someone who doesn't want it.

Seaneh · 04-06-2009 11:42AM

useful_contacts wrote: »

my dads already has a stroke cos of her thats why no one in the family talks to her.

I'm fairly sure you're talking through your hoop here ted.

http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?con=8

Stress causes heart attacks in people who are gonna have one anyway, but stress does not cause strokes so your reason for not talking to your sister is wrong.

Quazzie · 04-06-2009 11:42AM

Mr. Anderson wrote: »

The minute she turns 18 and is an adult, you'd have no issue with them ignoring her then?

I have a son, and he will be my son till the day I die irrespective of his age or what he does.

Because he is my son, I will always do whatever is in my power to help him.

But that's just me. tbh no one here knows the full story so anything said is just mere speculation. My original point which seems to have gone a bit skewered at this stage is that the girl is showing all signs of seeking attention as highlighted by CreepingDeath above. Maybe some positive attention and a friend might be more help than reporting to the pub landlord and the Gardaí

04-06-2009 11:43AM

Just dont ring 999 that is strictly for emergencys. Get the number of the local station if you want them to babysit.
Emergency service workers get pissed off at this kind of thing.

aoibhebree · 04-06-2009 11:44AM

Right. If it was my sister (based on the very limited, biased information given by the OP), here's what I would do:

Firstly, be the bigger person. I'm older, so it's my responsibility to take the first step to repair the damage done in the family, particularly since my parents seem to be doing very little in this regard, and my sister therefore apparently has no figure of authority to turn to for support or advice.

I would sit her down, apologise for my treatment towards her (ignoring her, blaming her for stroke, etc.) Let her know that I'm willing to help her with whatever she's going through, and negotiate with the parents on her behalf.

Chances are there is no deep dark reason behind her behaviour, it just started off with your average teenage rebellion which worsened due to lack of decent parenting.

She is 17. In a few months, she will be 18 and can go get shltfaced whenever she wants. The best thing you can do is try and help her learn to drink responsibly before then. You say you're going to the same pub as her this weekend - couldn't you just go with her? Let her come in with you and your friends, and hang out with her for the night, like a normal big sister? Obviously if she is getting drunk or out of control you can always bring her home.

The important thing is you should not give up on her, she is so young and is at a point where her life from here can go either in a positive or negative direction - and your support and help can influence this. Will you regret it if a few years down the line, her life is a mess and you're still not talking to her? Or will you even care?

Maybe I'm oversimplifying; I don't know the full story. But I do know that there are a lot of messed up kids out there, and in most cases - including, in my opinion, this one - it's the family that are largely to blame.

04-06-2009 11:47AM

Look out for your sister. If shes as bad as you say, you could be burying her not your father very soon.

az2wp0sye65487 · 04-06-2009 11:48AM

Best thing to do is let her get mouldy drunk, then give her a few slaps. make sure someone video's it. post it here the next day for our amusement!

Failing that, PI is over there

>

04-06-2009 11:53AM

I can't believe people are trying to defend this girl, she sounds like a right little fúcker to me, not because she wants attention but because that's who she is, if she refused help then fúck her let her make her mistakes and maybe when she's 18 your family can properly disown her.. Better off without her I say

pandemonium · 04-06-2009 11:54AM

Wow you guys are being so harsh to OP. I dont think it's fair,you dont know the situation,you dont know the sister yet ye're essentially attacking them. Back off like and quit the pop psychology,you dont know what you would do if it was you in the situation untill you're in that situation, give OP a break, they're acting out of concern and not spite

weemcd · 04-06-2009 11:55AM

send me her number

Big_Dirty_Pig · 04-06-2009 11:57AM

Ah whats the dad meant to do.
Box her ears and send her to her room?
Ask her nicely not to burn out his car and push him down the stairs?
Put her on the naughty step?
Tell her she's special and wonderful and she should do what she wants?

But no seriously, it's all the parents' fault ... or maybe it's the governments' fault ... or her teachers' ... they probably didn't tell her she was special enough...and apologise enough to her ... oh wait no ... it's the RECESSION'S fault !!

Some kids are just bad eggs.
They may grow out of it and cop the **** on but what the **** are people meant to do in the meantime,
And sometimes ignoring someone is the best thing you can do, takes the power out of what the little ****bag is doing.

cherryghost · 04-06-2009 11:57AM

i reckon her dad should go out and get trolleyed with her. sorted.

04-06-2009 12:00PM

pandemonium wrote: »

Wow you guys are being so harsh to OP. I dont think it's fair,you dont know the situation,you dont know the sister yet ye're essentially attacking them. Back off like and quit the pop psychology,you dont know what you would do if it was you in the situation untill you're in that situation, give OP a break, they're acting out of concern and not spite

You give ME a break. If the OP was so bloody concerned, would he/she REALLY come onto an internet forum looking for advice. asking for Pop psycology??? Almost Giving out little titbits at a time about the terrible trauma this girl has inflicted on the family.
Nah, my bet is if they were really concerned, they would get social workers involved.
Nah, the OP said, the Whole family were not speaking to her. That is not concern.
I do know what id do in that situation. Damn right I do.

04-06-2009 12:02PM

Big_Dirty_Pig wrote: »

Ah whats the dad meant to do.
Box her ears and send her to her room?
Ask her nicely not to burn out his car and push him down the stairs?
Put her on the naughty step?
Tell her she's special and wonderful and she should do what she wants?

But no seriously, it's all the parents' fault ... or maybe it's the governments' fault ... or her teachers' ... they probably didn't tell her she was special enough...and apologise enough to her ... oh wait no ... it's the RECESSION'S fault !!

Some kids are just bad eggs.
They may grow out of it and cop the **** on but what the **** are people meant to do in the meantime,
And sometimes ignoring someone is the best thing you can do, takes the power out of what the little ****bag is doing.

Or could it be the girl hates him for some reason.......
I can only think of one reason why I would treat my father like that, and I hate my father.

r3nu4l · 04-06-2009 12:04PM

useful_contacts wrote: »

Ya im sure her drinking- attacking him drunk- shagging everyone- being taken home by police - drugs and burning out his car had NOTHING to do with it:mad:

useful_contacts wrote: »

The doctor SAID it was stress that brought it on

Stress caused by that little monster

He has been healthy all his life, doctor said he v healthy, then she starts her crap and he has a stroke. Hmmmm

I've sent you a PM to explain things a bit further. If your family doctor REALLY said that then I suggest you get a different doctor!

Next you know he'll be telling you that cancer is caused by inhaling fairy dust that has gone off or that you'll break your mother's back by stepping on a crack in a paving stone!

On a more serious note, if my doctor told me something like that I'd report him to the general medical council.

04-06-2009 12:06PM

Or could it be the girl hates him for some reason.......
I can only think of one reason why I would treat my father like that, and I hate my father

Do tell

humanji · 04-06-2009 12:10PM

Jaysus, there's some amount of f*ckwittery on this thread. How is it still open?

04-06-2009 12:11PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Do tell

Do you really need me to spell it out for you?

04-06-2009 12:12PM

humanji wrote: »

Jaysus, there's some amount of f*ckwittery on this thread. How is it still open?

you're right, Im off out of it now. Cant be arsed. the OP will do what they intended to do all along anyway.

04-06-2009 12:13PM

Originally Posted by Jake1
Do you really need me to spell it out for you?

For clarification purposes yes

will i tell?

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