Has anybody seen my jacket/knickers?

MonicaBing · 08-04-2009 02:03PM

dublinario wrote: »

You're welcome to come round and look in the container out my back garden. There's a few thousands pairs, mostly that I've stolen from washing lines in the dead of night. You might find what you're looking for, although I think I'd remember the ones you describe.

Foul! I cry foul, you baxterd, give me back my crotchless backless Agent Provocateur that i bought on e-bay...Britney used to own them and there very special to me...

dublinario · 08-04-2009 02:08PM

MonicaBing wrote: »

Foul! I cry foul, you baxterd, give me back my crotchless backless Agent Provocateur that i bought on e-bay...Britney used to own them and there very special to me...

Unfortunately, that particular item was sniffed out of existence. Much like a black hole would consume every morsel of matter and light and energy within its sphere of influence, I over-sniffed those panties until their very atoms were exhausted, and nothing of them remained. I'm not proud of that episode.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 02:09PM

gaz wac wrote: »

is the hand black or white ?

Who are you, Michael Jackson?*

* - makes no sense whatsoever.

MonicaBing · 08-04-2009 02:11PM

dublinario wrote: »

Unfortunately, that particular item was sniffed out of existence. Much like a black hole would consume every morsel of matter and light and energy within its sphere of influence, I over-sniffed those panties until their very atoms were exhausted, and nothing of them remained. I'm not proud of that episode.

Jeez, you must have a massive pair of...nostrils:D

I would demand retribution, but you have a penchant for severing hands and i happen to like, (cough), ahem working with mine...:p

Birdie086 · 08-04-2009 02:12PM

Back to topic, my friend is getting worried. Her knickers never stayed away this long before. They have been missing in action a few times before but they always turned up.
There is a reward for them.
Seek and you shall find

Birdie086 · 08-04-2009 02:13PM

dublinario wrote: »

How dare you? No really, how dare you? You swan in here, upon a perfectly respectable thread about hand-severance and panty-sniffage, and you throw around your gutter innuendo. For shame, sir. For shame.

Here, here.
Well said

MonicaBing · 08-04-2009 02:14PM

Birdie086 wrote: »

Back to topic, my friend is getting worried. Her knickers never stayed away this long before. They have been missing in action a few times before but they always turned up.
There is a reward for them.
Seek and you shall find

Hire Dublinario, the man is a bloodhound, i **** you not...

Vain · 08-04-2009 02:18PM

Deleted User wrote: »

we could trade our left hands with each other?

you chop first.

Done. Your turn. Iv a tip for you tho dont use a blunt hacksaw blade and make sure no dogs are around to run off with the hand:mad:

Fat_Fingers · 08-04-2009 02:20PM

dublinario wrote: »

If anybody should find it, obviously you'll want to play with it for a while, pretending it's the hand from The Adams Family.

no,no,no,... i was thinking more in line of Podge and Rodge : "can i borrow your hand"

dublinario · 08-04-2009 02:27PM

Vain wrote: »

Done. Your turn. Iv a tip for you tho dont use a blunt hacksaw blade and make sure no dogs are around to run off with the hand:mad:

Ah, the domesticated dog: natural enemy of the severed hand; pooper of pavements; biter of children; supplier of food to Chinese takeaways. When will those fat cats in government ever muster the balls to have all dogs shipped to Britain when their guard is down.

Turd Ferguson · 08-04-2009 03:26PM

Birdie086 wrote: »

Myself and friend went out last night. She came home without her knickers. Has anybody seen them?

- Mint green
- size 8(ya right)
- thongy likey thingy

thanks in advance

I have them, although your description of 'mint' is very far off as they taste like 4 year old salmon

dublinario · 08-04-2009 03:30PM

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

I have them, although your description of 'mint' is very far off as they taste like 4 year old salmon

A common misunderstanding. I believe the young lady in question was referring to the hue of the underpants, not their taste/smell. Though it is possible that, when last she saw them, a packet of polos were neatly stashed therein.

08-04-2009 03:34PM

Vain wrote: »

I found it. You can keep the jacket but i accidentally dropped the severed hand down the toilet:o Dont ask:o

Lucky you. Last time i dropped the hand in the toilets i got a blackeye and a restraining order for my troubles.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 03:37PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Lucky you. Last time i dropped the hand in the toilets i got a blackeye and a restraining order for my troubles.

I've always regarded restraining orders more as suggestions than decrees.

Pollythene Pam · 08-04-2009 03:41PM

I did find a hand in the Ballboughal area of North county Dublin.
However, I doubt it is the hand you are looking for, as it was very hairy and had long fingernails.
In any case I wish to keep this item as it is a great topic of conversation. Especially with the ladies. Sorry.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 03:45PM

Pollythene Pam wrote: »

Sorry.

No, don't apologise my brave, hand-hoarding friend. Society might deem you a chronic, sick-minded sociopath, but not I. No, we limb treasurers are a dying breed. For did not Hannibal Lectur say it best: "I'd like to eat your liver with some Fava beans, and a nice Cianti...vivi viv viv viv viv viv".

Ne'er a true word spoken, my gentle cannibal friend. Ne're a truer word spoke (wipes away single tear of madness).

LD 50 · 08-04-2009 04:43PM

If I find it can I keep the hand? I'll preserve it in formaldahyde and add it to my collection.

LD 50 · 08-04-2009 04:46PM

Also, what about these knickers you lost. Do you want them back aswell

biko · 08-04-2009 04:49PM

I have the hand but keeping it. Sure beats having to lie sideways on my own arm before w*****g.

dublinario · 08-04-2009 04:51PM

LD 50 wrote: »

Also, what about these knickers you lost. Do you want them back aswell

Let your heart decide, noble LD. You could graft the hand onto your own chest, like a superfluous ultra-nipple, one capable of holding a cup of coffee.

The knickers? Wear them with pride (on your head).

LD 50 · 08-04-2009 04:53PM

They smell a bit funky. I'm not sure whether to wash them or sniff them.

08-04-2009 04:57PM

I was wondering did anyone find a severed hand , it seems to have been removed from my arm :-/

Capt'n Midnight · 08-04-2009 05:34PM

If it's the one that was left beside the time machine, it will be back next Thursday.

speakingclock · 08-04-2009 08:32PM

LD 50 wrote: »

They smell a bit funky. I'm not sure whether to wash them or sniff them.

They did not smell funky, as i had removed them before i did anythg nasty. There might be sum wanka panka on them, but that's it.:D

speakingclock · 08-04-2009 08:36PM

LD 50 wrote: »

Also, what about these knickers you lost. Do you want them back aswell

Dont want them back, just wana know that they are safe.;) If you do have them could please look after them, as they have had a very cushy existence.;)

S.I.R · 09-04-2009 01:24AM

SV wrote: »

I have your jacket.

Minus the hand?

ill buy the hand... 20 quid ?? cmon... Shake on it

tech77 · 09-04-2009 03:12AM

dublinario wrote: »

I was on a bit of a bender last weekend. I definitely left it in Ireland, but I can't narrow the search zone any farther. I'm eager to get it back, because there's a severed human hand in the inside pocket, and I'm worried that if that hand gets into the wrong hands, I'll have to answer some pretty taxing questions.

The jacket itself is an old-style Snorkel jacket:

Colour: snot green
Distinguishing features:

1) when zipped to its extremity, turns your head into the exact shape of ET, from the hit motion picture ET

2) impossible to look left or right when fully zipped

3) severed hand in inside pocket

4) blood soaked

PM me if you find it please. There's a cash* reward on offer.

*-redeemable in borderline out-of-date Jaffa cakes.

I've got a bottle-green parka with a severed foot if that's any good to you.
Otherwise no... haven't seen it.
Sorry OP.

dublinario · 09-04-2009 08:16AM

tech77 wrote: »

I've got a bottle-green parka with a severed foot if that's any good to you.
Otherwise no... haven't seen it.
Sorry OP.

What kind of parka? Full-length, or 3/4 length? And what kind of foot? Left, right, or one of those freak, dead-straight feet that nature abhors?

I won't lie to you: I desperately need a severed foot today. But that said, I won't be rushed into a purchase by the first one that comes along.

Has anybody seen my jacket/knickers?

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