Best lie you ever told

Donny5 · 23-12-2008 02:02AM

Nah, mate, I gave you a fifty...

Animo · 23-12-2008 02:04AM

About 2 weeks ago I was on the phone to a friend. She was asking me why there was people on the ditch opposite my house,taking pictures of it, when she had passed it earlier that day.

I being the genius that I am said that my house was famous! She was asking why and then I said cos there was a murder there ages ago. Had her completely fooled! She kept asking questions about it but I was just saying that I didn't know much about it cos, well if there was a murder in your house would you want to know every single detail?

The reason she believed it was cos there was this murder where I live years ago when the IRA butchered some guy and then I lead her to believe that it was that! Oh what a fool I made out of her!I even got her to ask her Mom about it but thats when the game was up!

I kept on asking her was it a problem that it had happened at my house and she kept insisting it wasn't(although later she admited that she was freaking and she was telling herself that she was never coming over to my house again!)

The real answer as to why there was people there was because there was a hunt on(you know with horses and hounds) and it was passing my house. Why they were taking pictures I'm not too sure but they were probably taking pictures of our goat(long story......)

Donny5 · 23-12-2008 02:07AM

Donny5 wrote: »

Nah, mate, I gave you a fifty...

Actually, scrap that.

Of course I'm qualified to run the HSE.

CreepingDeath · 23-12-2008 02:09AM

"No, it's definitely your round, I got the last one".

RoMiLe · 23-12-2008 02:21AM

I am a master of lying.

The best lie I ever told was that I give a **** about life in general. I'm still pretending to my family that I'm in college when I stopped going in early October. I'm never going to get a job and that's how I want it. I'm going to sit on my arse and draw the dole. In fact, if I'm around I might just take out a few loans and then not pay them back on purpose. And if I don't feel like doing that then I'm going to kill myself pretty soon. I've had the idea for the last few months and I have to make a decision.

Was that the truth or a lie?

L1011 · 23-12-2008 02:23AM

"No mum/dad/gran, I've just not found the right girl yet..."

m83 · 23-12-2008 02:52AM

The money is just resting in my account...

slipss · 23-12-2008 03:01AM

One time a few years ago I was in court as a witness for Kenan, and I told the judge that I didn't know how the screw got in the tuna. Broke down in the end and confessed all but it was a good lie while it lasted.

BrokenArrows · 23-12-2008 03:53AM

best lie is probably "i don't lie"

seanybiker · 23-12-2008 04:12AM

1:ill only put the head of it in.
2:i promise i wont blow in your mouth.

Insect Overlord · 23-12-2008 04:54AM

Aged 11, school quiz, best friend at next table asks me where is the ozone layer found, I respond with one word, "green", he convinces his team to write it down. I've giggled about it for nine years :cool:

Pherekydes · 23-12-2008 05:02AM

"Santa Claus left them"

Professey Chin · 23-12-2008 09:34AM

I promise i'll use lube and go easy...

antodeco · 23-12-2008 11:17AM

'oh sorry, its so dark. I couldnt see what hole i was putting it in'

littlebug · 23-12-2008 11:22AM

Firetrap wrote: »

I convinced a college lecturer that they'd lost an essay I'd written.

I convinced a student that they'd never submitted an essay I'd lost:p

homerun_homer · 23-12-2008 11:23AM

Wouldn't say this is the best lie but at the weekend I complmented a randomer out in a club on the camera he had around his neck. He drunkenly started chatting to me and my mate and then said he'd take a picture. He shook our hands and left. then 2 girls beside us asked if we were in a band or something so I said yes - my friend said he was a guitar tech.
We convinced them we supported KOL in that new venue wot opened up this wkend which shall not be mentioned. They fell for it hook, line and sinker. Very funny.

Peteee · 23-12-2008 11:26AM

I love you.

Easiest lie I ever told too....

antodeco · 23-12-2008 12:04PM

A long time ago, I was working in the southern part of Tanzania. There were several groups of us over there at the time, all from different charities. Our group (around 15 people in total) were put in charge in fixing alot of the drainage and water flow issues. It was a very tough job, because despite being around 50 degrees and being surrounded by water, the water was so unhygenic it could end up killing you.
One of other groups from America were in charge of getting the farming output increased. Again, another difficult job. However, there was on girl in that group, who I was unable to take my eyes off. She was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to like me too. We spoke on several occasions and it definitley seemed as if we were hitting it off. We were getting closer and closer together and I know that we were both falling head over heels with each other.
One day, she got a message saying that she had to return home that night, due to some family thing (cant remember what now) and we were both devastated. She said she would stay an extra day to spend one more day with me. I refused, but she insisted. Obviously, I wanted her to stay, so I was not exactly strong with my refusal. So we spent one more day together, which is a day I will never forget. We were so close, had such fun, and vowed to meet up again when everything was sorted at home. She said she would love to come visit me in Ireland.
So the next day she headed off (a day later than she was meant to). Around 2 weeks passed, and I hadnt heard anything from her. I was due to head back to Ireland later that week. I was a little upset how before I left I hadnt heard anything from her. A "Summer Romance" is all I thought of it. When I got back to Ireland, I found a letter delivered to my home, sent from America. As you can imagine, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I opened it up, and instantly knew something was different. There were two letters in the envelope. One from the girl, and one from her mother. It turns out that she was killed on the way to the airport in a crash. They had found a letter in her hand, that she was writing to me (the 2nd enclosed letter).
I broke down in tears grasping the last words that she had recorded. They were all to me. If only I had been stronger and got her to go the previous day, when she was meant to, she would still be here with me, but shes not. Ive never been able to find someone able to comfort me since. I want to feel wanted again, but I just dont know if any girl would want to be that close to me after knowing what happened.

Guaranteed ride. If not, tell her you train dolphins.

Professey Chin · 23-12-2008 12:13PM

antodeco wrote: »

A long time ago, I was working in the southern part of Tanzania. There were several groups of us over there at the time, all from different charities. Our group (around 15 people in total) were put in charge in fixing alot of the drainage and water flow issues. It was a very tough job, because despite being around 50 degrees and being surrounded by water, the water was so unhygenic it could end up killing you.
One of other groups from America were in charge of getting the farming output increased. Again, another difficult job. However, there was on girl in that group, who I was unable to take my eyes off. She was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to like me too. We spoke on several occasions and it definitley seemed as if we were hitting it off. We were getting closer and closer together and I know that we were both falling head over heels with each other.
One day, she got a message saying that she had to return home that night, due to some family thing (cant remember what now) and we were both devastated. She said she would stay an extra day to spend one more day with me. I refused, but she insisted. Obviously, I wanted her to stay, so I was not exactly strong with my refusal. So we spent one more day together, which is a day I will never forget. We were so close, had such fun, and vowed to meet up again when everything was sorted at home. She said she would love to come visit me in Ireland.
So the next day she headed off (a day later than she was meant to). Around 2 weeks passed, and I hadnt heard anything from her. I was due to head back to Ireland later that week. I was a little upset how before I left I hadnt heard anything from her. A "Summer Romance" is all I thought of it. When I got back to Ireland, I found a letter delivered to my home, sent from America. As you can imagine, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I opened it up, and instantly knew something was different. There were two letters in the envelope. One from the girl, and one from her mother. It turns out that she was killed on the way to the airport in a crash. They had found a letter in her hand, that she was writing to me (the 2nd enclosed letter).
I broke down in tears grasping the last words that she had recorded. They were all to me. If only I had been stronger and got her to go the previous day, when she was meant to, she would still be here with me, but shes not. Ive never been able to find someone able to comfort me since. I want to feel wanted again, but I just dont know if any girl would want to be that close to me after knowing what happened.

Guaranteed ride. If not, tell her you train dolphins.

Slow down!!Tryin to take notes here.

WithCheesePlease · 23-12-2008 12:23PM

Was doing my driving test a good few years back and was going around a corner and bounced the back wheel off the kerb. Turned to the tester guy and said - "wow, that was some pot hole". I passed!

junior_apollo · 23-12-2008 12:24PM

davyjose wrote: »

You never know...

Maybe for my next birthday a bunch of 7 year olds will show up bearing Hot Wheels an He-man action figures, and we'll have cake.

you can get arrested for less...

GavRedKing · 23-12-2008 12:24PM

I did not have sexual relations with that woman :pac:

Irishcrx · 23-12-2008 12:34PM

When me and the lads were in Amsterdam two years ago we met a few american collage guys and girls and hung out with them for a few days while there, I managed to convince them that my identical twin brother was on the holiday with us but he didn't like smoking much so he wouldn't come to the coffee shop. Then for the laugh me and the lads decided to take this a little further, so during the day we'd smoke, laugh and joke with them and when we would go drinking at night I would go home and change etc and go out drinking with them in which case I would become my alter ego brother and the lads would refer to me as him etc...so when I'd be out as him i'd act like an arrogant, opinionated , american hating , racist and they couldn't stand me then in the morning they would tell me how much of a dick my brother is.

So the last night rolls around and one of the guys "Lets it leak" that I don't have a brother and that i'm actually a scitzo and shouldn't be smoking at all as I could loose it any second.....they got the hell outta dodge very fast we laughed for hours..

Quazzie · 23-12-2008 12:42PM

That my local priest touched my special area... Oh how we laughed*

*by laugh I mean cry

claret · 23-12-2008 01:28PM

davyjose wrote: »

It was my birthday last week, which reminded me ... When I was about 7 I told everyone in my class they were invited to my birthday party. Thing was, there was no party. I just assumed, in a Field Of Dreams "If you build it they will come" kind of way, that an impromptu part would happen "if I belieeeved" (it was the 80's). Anyway, there was all kinds of confusion/trouble, and my presents were confiscated.

Actually, that was kind of a crap lie.....

I did that before too and I hid in my bedroom when everyone arrived because I didn't want to get in trouble!!

titan18 · 23-12-2008 02:19PM

antodeco wrote: »

A long time ago, I was working in the southern part of Tanzania. There were several groups of us over there at the time, all from different charities. Our group (around 15 people in total) were put in charge in fixing alot of the drainage and water flow issues. It was a very tough job, because despite being around 50 degrees and being surrounded by water, the water was so unhygenic it could end up killing you.
One of other groups from America were in charge of getting the farming output increased. Again, another difficult job. However, there was on girl in that group, who I was unable to take my eyes off. She was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to like me too. We spoke on several occasions and it definitley seemed as if we were hitting it off. We were getting closer and closer together and I know that we were both falling head over heels with each other.
One day, she got a message saying that she had to return home that night, due to some family thing (cant remember what now) and we were both devastated. She said she would stay an extra day to spend one more day with me. I refused, but she insisted. Obviously, I wanted her to stay, so I was not exactly strong with my refusal. So we spent one more day together, which is a day I will never forget. We were so close, had such fun, and vowed to meet up again when everything was sorted at home. She said she would love to come visit me in Ireland.
So the next day she headed off (a day later than she was meant to). Around 2 weeks passed, and I hadnt heard anything from her. I was due to head back to Ireland later that week. I was a little upset how before I left I hadnt heard anything from her. A "Summer Romance" is all I thought of it. When I got back to Ireland, I found a letter delivered to my home, sent from America. As you can imagine, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I opened it up, and instantly knew something was different. There were two letters in the envelope. One from the girl, and one from her mother. It turns out that she was killed on the way to the airport in a crash. They had found a letter in her hand, that she was writing to me (the 2nd enclosed letter).
I broke down in tears grasping the last words that she had recorded. They were all to me. If only I had been stronger and got her to go the previous day, when she was meant to, she would still be here with me, but shes not. Ive never been able to find someone able to comfort me since. I want to feel wanted again, but I just dont know if any girl would want to be that close to me after knowing what happened.

Guaranteed ride. If not, tell her you train dolphins.

Oh god,thats fantastic.

antodeco · 23-12-2008 02:46PM

titan18 wrote: »

Oh god,thats fantastic.

I wish it was a lie though

Valmont · 23-12-2008 02:59PM

I hurt my foot two years ago and had a terrible limp. I was working in woodies at the time and had to walk customers around the shop. I became so sick of them asking what happened to me that I said I was competing in a water ski competition and the boat crashed into one of the ramps. Should have seen their faces when I said that, I think I told about 5 people.

dan719 · 23-12-2008 03:02PM

To avoid a library fine, I informed them that the reason I had been unable to return the books was that my parents were anthropological researchers.The date the books were due, I was unable to get into my house as they were away in Zimbabwe conducting research into the indigenous tribes of the northern part of the country. Promised I would make my parents dedicate their book to the librarian in return for leniency.

Saved myself €100 and got a great story out of it.

Or the time I convinced a brazillian guy my name was Sao Paulo after the city of my conception in the Turk's Head one night, he proceeded to buy me drinks all night.

Far toomany more to mention, sometimes I think I am telling the truth even when I'm lying....

deisedevil · 23-12-2008 03:50PM

dan719 wrote: »

To avoid a library fine, I informed them that the reason I had been unable to return the books was that my parents were anthropological researchers.The date the books were due, I was unable to get into my house as they were away in Zimbabwe conducting research into the indigenous tribes of the northern part of the country. Promised I would make my parents dedicate their book to the librarian in return for leniency.

Saved myself €100 and got a great story out of it.

Or the time I convinced a brazillian guy my name was Sao Paulo after the city of my conception in the Turk's Head one night, he proceeded to buy me drinks all night.

Far toomany more to mention, sometimes I think I am telling the truth even when I'm lying....

And your doing it right now!!

Best lie you ever told

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