Best lie you ever told

davyjose

It was my birthday last week, which reminded me ... When I was about 7 I told everyone in my class they were invited to my birthday party. Thing was, there was no party. I just assumed, in a Field Of Dreams "If you build it they will come" kind of way, that an impromptu part would happen "if I belieeeved" (it was the 80's). Anyway, there was all kinds of confusion/trouble, and my presents were confiscated.

Actually, that was kind of a crap lie.....

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

davyjose wrote: »

It was my birthday last week, which reminded me ... When I was about 7 I told everyone in my class they were invited to my birthday party. Thing was, there was no party. I just assumed, in a Field Of Dreams "If you build it they will come" kind of way, that an impromptu part would happen "if I belieeeved" (it was the 80's). Anyway, there was all kinds of confusion/trouble, and my presents were confiscated.

Actually, that was kind of a crap lie.....

I told a girl I trained dolphins, I got a ride out of it... happy days

Cokehead Mother

"I swear I'm 17".

Caused all sorts of havoc.

do you have a receipt for that?

yes.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Cokehead Mother wrote: »

"I swear I'm 17".

Caused all sorts of havoc.

Oh no you didn't... shame on you :P

Galvasean

"This thread is all kinds of awesome"

tony1kenobi

I didn't come in you.

Fizman

My ex thought I had only slept with 2 girls before her.
Giggidy.

tony1kenobi

Fizman wrote: »

My ex thought I had only slept with 2 girls before her.
Giggidy.

You didn't tell her about all the dudes you pooned?

Giggidy giggidy goo.

helimachoptor

Got chattin to a host in a nightclub in Dublin, s**t faced told her I was a Gardai for the crack. Got in free and plenty of free beer for the next 6 months til i got rumbled by an Ex who started working there:mad:

Easy street I was on!

Fizman

tony1kenobi wrote: »

You didn't tell her about all the dudes you pooned?

Giggidy giggidy goo.

I challenge you to a sword fight! Then we'll see some giggidy giggidy goo! :pac:

InkSlinger67

Fizman wrote: »

I challenge you to a sword fight! Then we'll see some giggidy giggidy goo! :pac:

Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!

8====> <=====8

*Shudders*

kraggy

Harper Shallow Mitten wrote: »

I told a girl I trained dolphins, I got a ride out of it... happy days

Lol

Stored in memory for future use.

davyjose

Harper Shallow Mitten wrote: »

I told a girl I trained dolphins, I got a ride out of it... happy days

Lol, I convinced a girl I looked like Russell Crowe. I look nothing like Russell Crowe - for a start I was only 21 at the time. But I had a bit of stubble. Anyway, after a few minutes she was like, "yeah ... yeah, I suppose you look a bit like Russell Crowe."
Didn't get a ride, but the bases were loaded....

Kiera

I dont tell lies, they make baby jebus cry. Plus the fact i'm crap and always laugh while trying to lie so i dont bother anymore.

Fizman

InkSlinger67 wrote: »

Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!

Fizman | TonyMiniCockaroni

8====================> <==8

*Shudders*

FYP :pac:

neil_hosey

i swear, im sterilised

Sharpshooter

I'm with Kiera on this one , I don't tell lies either.

A Liar needs a good memory / so I don't lie.;)

tony1kenobi

Fizman wrote: »

I challenge you to a sword fight! Then we'll see some giggidy giggidy goo! :pac:

Ok. Hamstead Heath 6am. George Michael can ref and I won't wear protection because I am all that is man.

Also, when did you see my penis? My mam said it's grand for my age.

davyjose

From random topic, to penis swordfighting conversations in 20 posts or less. Welcome to AH!

Tar.Aldarion

No, I don't find her attractive.

:pac:

tony1kenobi

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

No, I don't find her attractive.

:pac:

How did YOU know my penis is a she?

How come my cock is suddenly public domain?

Wurly

davyjose wrote: »

It was my birthday last week, which reminded me ... When I was about 7 I told everyone in my class they were invited to my birthday party. Thing was, there was no party. I just assumed, in a Field Of Dreams "If you build it they will come" kind of way, that an impromptu part would happen "if I belieeeved" (it was the 80's). Anyway, there was all kinds of confusion/trouble, and my presents were confiscated.

Actually, that was kind of a crap lie.....

The 'secret' doesn't in fact work then?:eek::eek:

It's like being told that Santa doesn't exist all over again. /wails

davyjose

Tri wrote: »

The 'secret' doesn't in fact work then?:eek::eek:

It's like being told that Santa doesn't exist all over again. /wails

You never know...

Maybe for my next birthday a bunch of 7 year olds will show up bearing Hot Wheels an He-man action figures, and we'll have cake.

11811

tony1kenobi wrote: »

My mam said it's grand for my age.

best lie your ma ever told....

tony 2 tone

Convinced the Feds that I was a crippled small time criminal, when in fact I am Keyser Soze.

Firetrap

I convinced a college lecturer that they'd lost an essay I'd written.

Slidey

I think a great lie of mine was to a car park manager in Perth.

Parked my car in a top floor of a multi story for 2 weeks.

Went back in and claimed I lost my ticket and that I'd only parked there the night before.

Got a 20 dollar fine for losing the ticket and a days parking... result!

The got greedy when yer man says, If ya find the ticket bring it back and i'll give ya your 20 bucks back. Got rumbled when I went back but legged it!

davyjose

slideways wrote: »

I think a great lie of mine was to a car park manager in Perth.

Parked my car in a top floor of a multi story for 2 weeks.

Went back in and claimed I lost my ticket and that I'd only parked there the night before.

Got a 20 dollar fine for losing the ticket and a days parking... result!

The got greedy when yer man says, If ya find the ticket bring it back and i'll give ya your 20 bucks back. Got rumbled when I went back but legged it!

That's the best thing about being Irish when you go abroad. We're just so fùcking cunning. For instance, when you hit an all-you-can-eat buffet. It's not dining, it's a case of "Prepare to meet your match, Mr. Restaurateur. Your profit margins are about to plummet". And because we're Irish, they never suspect a thing

Shacklebolt

During my easter holidays in 4th year I worked outdoors on a building site in scorching weather and developed a tan. People kept asking had I been on holidays and eventually fed up with answering no, I said I had been in Nigeria building houses for the poor. Many of them still believe it.

jester77

Tellin yore ma she was a fine thing

Donny5

Nah, mate, I gave you a fifty...

Animo

About 2 weeks ago I was on the phone to a friend. She was asking me why there was people on the ditch opposite my house,taking pictures of it, when she had passed it earlier that day.

I being the genius that I am said that my house was famous! She was asking why and then I said cos there was a murder there ages ago. Had her completely fooled! She kept asking questions about it but I was just saying that I didn't know much about it cos, well if there was a murder in your house would you want to know every single detail?

The reason she believed it was cos there was this murder where I live years ago when the IRA butchered some guy and then I lead her to believe that it was that! Oh what a fool I made out of her!I even got her to ask her Mom about it but thats when the game was up!

I kept on asking her was it a problem that it had happened at my house and she kept insisting it wasn't(although later she admited that she was freaking and she was telling herself that she was never coming over to my house again!)

The real answer as to why there was people there was because there was a hunt on(you know with horses and hounds) and it was passing my house. Why they were taking pictures I'm not too sure but they were probably taking pictures of our goat(long story......)

Donny5

Donny5 wrote: »

Nah, mate, I gave you a fifty...

Actually, scrap that.

Of course I'm qualified to run the HSE.

CreepingDeath

"No, it's definitely your round, I got the last one".

RoMiLe

I am a master of lying.

The best lie I ever told was that I give a **** about life in general. I'm still pretending to my family that I'm in college when I stopped going in early October. I'm never going to get a job and that's how I want it. I'm going to sit on my arse and draw the dole. In fact, if I'm around I might just take out a few loans and then not pay them back on purpose. And if I don't feel like doing that then I'm going to kill myself pretty soon. I've had the idea for the last few months and I have to make a decision.

Was that the truth or a lie?

L1011

"No mum/dad/gran, I've just not found the right girl yet..."

m83

The money is just resting in my account...

slipss

One time a few years ago I was in court as a witness for Kenan, and I told the judge that I didn't know how the screw got in the tuna. Broke down in the end and confessed all but it was a good lie while it lasted.

BrokenArrows

best lie is probably "i don't lie"

seanybiker

1:ill only put the head of it in.
2:i promise i wont blow in your mouth.

Insect Overlord

Aged 11, school quiz, best friend at next table asks me where is the ozone layer found, I respond with one word, "green", he convinces his team to write it down. I've giggled about it for nine years :cool:

Pherekydes

"Santa Claus left them"

Professey Chin

I promise i'll use lube and go easy...

antodeco

'oh sorry, its so dark. I couldnt see what hole i was putting it in'

littlebug

Firetrap wrote: »

I convinced a college lecturer that they'd lost an essay I'd written.

I convinced a student that they'd never submitted an essay I'd lost:p

homerun_homer

Wouldn't say this is the best lie but at the weekend I complmented a randomer out in a club on the camera he had around his neck. He drunkenly started chatting to me and my mate and then said he'd take a picture. He shook our hands and left. then 2 girls beside us asked if we were in a band or something so I said yes - my friend said he was a guitar tech.
We convinced them we supported KOL in that new venue wot opened up this wkend which shall not be mentioned. They fell for it hook, line and sinker. Very funny.

Peteee

I love you.

Easiest lie I ever told too....

antodeco

A long time ago, I was working in the southern part of Tanzania. There were several groups of us over there at the time, all from different charities. Our group (around 15 people in total) were put in charge in fixing alot of the drainage and water flow issues. It was a very tough job, because despite being around 50 degrees and being surrounded by water, the water was so unhygenic it could end up killing you.
One of other groups from America were in charge of getting the farming output increased. Again, another difficult job. However, there was on girl in that group, who I was unable to take my eyes off. She was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to like me too. We spoke on several occasions and it definitley seemed as if we were hitting it off. We were getting closer and closer together and I know that we were both falling head over heels with each other.
One day, she got a message saying that she had to return home that night, due to some family thing (cant remember what now) and we were both devastated. She said she would stay an extra day to spend one more day with me. I refused, but she insisted. Obviously, I wanted her to stay, so I was not exactly strong with my refusal. So we spent one more day together, which is a day I will never forget. We were so close, had such fun, and vowed to meet up again when everything was sorted at home. She said she would love to come visit me in Ireland.
So the next day she headed off (a day later than she was meant to). Around 2 weeks passed, and I hadnt heard anything from her. I was due to head back to Ireland later that week. I was a little upset how before I left I hadnt heard anything from her. A "Summer Romance" is all I thought of it. When I got back to Ireland, I found a letter delivered to my home, sent from America. As you can imagine, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I opened it up, and instantly knew something was different. There were two letters in the envelope. One from the girl, and one from her mother. It turns out that she was killed on the way to the airport in a crash. They had found a letter in her hand, that she was writing to me (the 2nd enclosed letter).
I broke down in tears grasping the last words that she had recorded. They were all to me. If only I had been stronger and got her to go the previous day, when she was meant to, she would still be here with me, but shes not. Ive never been able to find someone able to comfort me since. I want to feel wanted again, but I just dont know if any girl would want to be that close to me after knowing what happened.

Guaranteed ride. If not, tell her you train dolphins.

Professey Chin

antodeco wrote: »

A long time ago, I was working in the southern part of Tanzania. There were several groups of us over there at the time, all from different charities. Our group (around 15 people in total) were put in charge in fixing alot of the drainage and water flow issues. It was a very tough job, because despite being around 50 degrees and being surrounded by water, the water was so unhygenic it could end up killing you.
One of other groups from America were in charge of getting the farming output increased. Again, another difficult job. However, there was on girl in that group, who I was unable to take my eyes off. She was absolutely gorgeous and seemed to like me too. We spoke on several occasions and it definitley seemed as if we were hitting it off. We were getting closer and closer together and I know that we were both falling head over heels with each other.
One day, she got a message saying that she had to return home that night, due to some family thing (cant remember what now) and we were both devastated. She said she would stay an extra day to spend one more day with me. I refused, but she insisted. Obviously, I wanted her to stay, so I was not exactly strong with my refusal. So we spent one more day together, which is a day I will never forget. We were so close, had such fun, and vowed to meet up again when everything was sorted at home. She said she would love to come visit me in Ireland.
So the next day she headed off (a day later than she was meant to). Around 2 weeks passed, and I hadnt heard anything from her. I was due to head back to Ireland later that week. I was a little upset how before I left I hadnt heard anything from her. A "Summer Romance" is all I thought of it. When I got back to Ireland, I found a letter delivered to my home, sent from America. As you can imagine, my heart skipped a beat when I saw it. I opened it up, and instantly knew something was different. There were two letters in the envelope. One from the girl, and one from her mother. It turns out that she was killed on the way to the airport in a crash. They had found a letter in her hand, that she was writing to me (the 2nd enclosed letter).
I broke down in tears grasping the last words that she had recorded. They were all to me. If only I had been stronger and got her to go the previous day, when she was meant to, she would still be here with me, but shes not. Ive never been able to find someone able to comfort me since. I want to feel wanted again, but I just dont know if any girl would want to be that close to me after knowing what happened.

Guaranteed ride. If not, tell her you train dolphins.

Slow down!!Tryin to take notes here.

WithCheesePlease

Was doing my driving test a good few years back and was going around a corner and bounced the back wheel off the kerb. Turned to the tester guy and said - "wow, that was some pot hole". I passed!