I need a lie

Popinjay · 11-04-2008 12:30PM

Archimedes, if you don't want to do the job you can just tell me. I understand if it's costing you more money. I'll find someone else who lives a bit nearer or something. Don't worry about it. Incidentally, if this is the level of dishonesty you're displaying I won't be employing you ever again. You can pick up your p45 when you get a chance.

KingOfFairview · 11-04-2008 12:36PM

Turn up in the office with a huge bloodstain eminating from your arse and a cheerful demeanour

Xavi6 · 11-04-2008 12:43PM

KingOfFairview wrote: »

Turn up in the office with a huge bloodstain eminating from your arse and a cheerful demeanour

Eh the point is it's not worth it for him to go to the office. Sure if he turns up as you say he may as well feckin work. At least read the OP.

JohnCleary · 11-04-2008 12:43PM

Popinjay wrote: »

Archimedes, if you don't want to do the job you can just tell me. I understand if it's costing you more money. I'll find someone else who lives a bit nearer or something. Don't worry about it. Incidentally, if this is the level of dishonesty you're displaying I won't be employing you ever again. You can pick up your p45 when you get a chance.

LOL imagine if the boss actually was reading this thread

TestTransmission · 11-04-2008 12:50PM

1.Family Issue
2.Personal Issue
3.If all else fails....diarrhoea

MarkR · 11-04-2008 12:56PM

Tell them your ovaries hurt.

biko · 11-04-2008 01:01PM

Ring them now and tell them you've been fired. Or try to fire them.

Randomswinger · 11-04-2008 01:09PM

Ring yourself and tell them someone popped a couple of viagra into your pint the night before and you can't rid of the stiffy for love nor money

Clink · 11-04-2008 01:18PM

Or tell then you've Necrotizing fasciitis

Rb · 11-04-2008 01:28PM

Just tell them that you've pulled something in your back whilst moving furniture around the house or that you ate something dodgy and can't make it in.

Spud83 · 11-04-2008 01:32PM

The sh*ts is always a good one. Blame some dodgy meat or somethin.

Dragan · 11-04-2008 01:43PM

Ensure that no one in your place of work knows your boards user name.

faceman · 11-04-2008 02:09PM

Im with MBC and astrofool on this one. I was in a similar situation and explained to my employer at the time that it would cost me money to go to work so they gave me a travel allowance for those days. best tell them today though and not leave it till tomorrow.

Jigsaw · 11-04-2008 02:50PM

You could say that you slept in an awkward position and woke up with torsion of the testes and that you have had to go to hospital for a testicular massage to untwist your tubes.

Ross_Mahon · 11-04-2008 03:00PM

Scab a lift of someone to work, no travel cost then, or you could fake the flu

Drift · 11-04-2008 03:29PM

I've skipped through the thread so someone may have already suggested these:

Option 1: Tell them a dingo ate your baby and you're too distraught to work.

Option 2: Tell them you've been hit by a train and can't come in because it's very contageous.

Tigger · 11-04-2008 03:35PM

piles burst-blood everywhere

MCMLXXXIII · 11-04-2008 03:40PM

Dragan wrote: »

Ensure that no one in your place of work knows your boards user name.

Haha ^ + 1 !

But seriously though, just say that it will cost you more than you will make...who knows - maybe they will pay you more?

Girrrrseach · 12-04-2008 05:15PM

Drift wrote: »

Tell them you've been hit by a train and can't come in because it's very contageous.

Brilliant.

Nah, I would go for the truth, honest to God, I mean it costs more to get there then what you will be paid? If this is an ongoing thing, then its not viable... Tell the truth, it's not like its your fault, and as was already said, they may pay you more when you make them realise the situation.

Sherifu · 13-04-2008 01:29PM

You made thread of the day OP so they're gonna know you're full of shit anyway.

JohnCleary wrote: »

LOL imagine if the boss actually was reading this thread

More likely now.

Cheeky_gal · 13-04-2008 02:26PM

Meet the Pro. :cool:

"Many apologies but we had a power cut in the area last night and due to unforseen circumstances we were unable to contact the electrician man to hook us up with an allen key cuz (as you know yourself

) we have electric gates so we were unable to open them, hence, we were trapped behind "closed doors". The gates themselves are too high to jump so after many failed attempts to leave the premises I realised I would just have to have patience. Hopefully the electricity will be back tonight, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

Boa Sorte !

elegant_hobo · 13-04-2008 06:54PM

This is kinda my specialty, ive found over the years, cutting ur leg on a nail and needing to go to hospital to get a tetnus is the best one, course most places will accept 'i wont be in, im sick', tho the tetnus one is water tight but can only be used once really.
hospitals keep no real record of this, it has to be done immediatly and cuz its on ur leg ya dont have to explain where the cut is.
or 'a death in the family', but that raises suspiscion every time.

Sabrina411 · 13-04-2008 07:57PM

easy...call your boss and do the whole..."my partner has left me"....cry alot and go into explicit details for hours...if they dont fire you by then...

Capt'n Midnight · 13-04-2008 09:06PM

Say you won't be in because you're sick.
If they ask for details just say you're sleeping with your mother.

sebastianlieken · 13-04-2008 11:09PM

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Meet the Pro. :cool:

"Many apologies but we had a power cut in the area last night and due to unforseen circumstances we were unable to contact the electrician man to hook us up with an allen key cuz (as you know yourself ) we have electric gates so we were unable to open them, hence, we were trapped behind "closed doors". The gates themselves are too high to jump so after many failed attempts to leave the premises I realised I would just have to have patience. Hopefully the electricity will be back tonight, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

Boa Sorte !

WAAAAY too detailed, much too see-through! Lies are generally much more detailed than the truth. ppl try to cover as many aspects as possible. the truth is generlly described in more "half-assed" terms"

elegant_hobo wrote: »

This is kinda my specialty, ive found over the years, cutting ur leg on a nail and needing to go to hospital to get a tetnus is the best one, course most places will accept 'i wont be in, im sick', tho the tetnus one is water tight but can only be used once really.
hospitals keep no real record of this, it has to be done immediatly and cuz its on ur leg ya dont have to explain where the cut is.
or 'a death in the family', but that raises suspiscion every time.

that would probably just cost more than actually going to work, not to mention the 4 hour wait in A&E

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Say you won't be in because you're sick.
If they ask for details just say you're sleeping with your mother.

ew:eek:

Overheal · 14-04-2008 01:54AM

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

Meet the Pro. :cool:

"Many apologies but we had a power cut in the area last night and due to unforseen circumstances we were unable to contact the electrician man to hook us up with an allen key cuz (as you know yourself ) we have electric gates so we were unable to open them, hence, we were trapped behind "closed doors". The gates themselves are too high to jump so after many failed attempts to leave the premises I realised I would just have to have patience. Hopefully the electricity will be back tonight, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

Boa Sorte !

FAIL.

In the event of power loss electronic locks doors and gates are designed to unlock. If they do not unlock then they have their own Uninterruptable Power Supply unit: this is the case with many security doors for instance. My apartment building for example lost power a couple times last year; in all instances the main gate was free to open but all doors requiring a security key remained locked/secured/functional by their internal power supply.

StormWarrior · 14-04-2008 11:05AM

Say your pet monkey just died and you're too upset to come in today.

Hitchhiker's Guide to... · 14-04-2008 12:09PM

rb_ie wrote: »

Just tell them that you've pulled something in your back whilst moving furniture around the house or that you ate something dodgy and can't make it in.

this is a good one

Hitchhiker's Guide to... · 14-04-2008 12:11PM

elegant_hobo wrote: »

This is kinda my specialty, ive found over the years, cutting ur leg on a nail and needing to go to hospital to get a tetnus is the best one, course most places will accept 'i wont be in, im sick', tho the tetnus one is water tight but can only be used once really.
hospitals keep no real record of this, it has to be done immediatly and cuz its on ur leg ya dont have to explain where the cut is.
or 'a death in the family', but that raises suspiscion every time.

very good - i'm bookmarking this thread

KingOfFairview · 14-04-2008 12:13PM

Xavi6 wrote: »

Eh the point is it's not worth it for him to go to the office. Sure if he turns up as you say he may as well feckin work. At least read the OP.

Keep your hair on, it was hardly a serious suggestion

I need a lie

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