Going out last minute and the girlfriend

LegacyUser · 10-03-2007 12:40PM #1

hi,
last friday a lad on my was leaving work and heading off to Oz for the year. So he only decided last min to have a few drinks on the friday night. I felt bad that not many people were going so out of obligation i went along with a few others.

I rang the girlfreind to let her know at about 5, and she went mad at me because i never told her earlier as she could have made plans. i made my apologies and explained the situation but that reall didnt help, she was still annoyed.

I said how id feel bad if i didng go along etc, she kept saying "what about me im your girlfriend" anyway so i went along and she text me really smart things that night, and was being quite annoying. So when i went home i turned my phone off, I lost the head the following morning because she was still going on about we had a huge row and we havent spoke in a week

the question im asking is, in peoples opinion did i really do something that wrong? i dont make a habit of going out last minute.

Faith · 10-03-2007 01:05PM

Had you actually made plans with your girlfriend for that night? Not even specific ones, even something like "pop round and we'll watch TV or something"?

Miss Fluff · 10-03-2007 01:06PM

Phone her and say it was inpromptu thing, you felt bad for the guy and apologise that you hadn't given her more notice and offer to bring her out for dinner to make up for it. Didn't do anything hugely wrong imo but being a woman I know she may just have a bee in her bonnet about it, sounds like you caught her on a bad night. Apologise anyway.

jesus_thats_gre · 10-03-2007 01:09PM

Hmmm obviously it would have been ideal to be able to tell her earlier on in the day but considering you hadn't planned to, you were unable to do so. Also, considering the reason why, at the last minute, you decided to head out with your work mates, I would expect your girlfriend to be slightly more reaonable in her response.

For her to be slightly peeved first of all is fair enough as that is the immediate reponse but then for her to text you a few snide remarks from the rest of the night is a little too much and imo a bit of a joke. That sorta craic would annoy me and would have got a response out of me. Realistically, that is all she was looking for. you shouldn't have lost your head either.

What is the story with not havng spoke for a week over the matter though? What exactly did you do when you say you lost the head?

jesus_thats_gre · 10-03-2007 01:13PM

Miss Fluff wrote:

Phone her and say it was inpromptu thing, you felt bad for the guy and apologise that you hadn't given her more notice and offer to bring her out for dinner to make up for it. Didn't do anything hugely wrong imo but being a woman I know she may just have a bee in her bonnet about it, sounds like you caught her on a bad night. Apologise anyway.

So you are saying (going by what he has said of course) that he has done little wrong. You are also implying that she may have over reacted to the situation. And your conclusion is that he should apologise to her and also bring her out to dinner.

Surely that is sending out the totally wrong message to what seems like a bit of a drama queen?

leeroybrown · 10-03-2007 01:14PM

She just getting worked up about it and seems to have a nasty case of double standards. She said that 'she could have made plans' yet doing that and not telling you would be just as bad if not worse than what you did.

That said, she is your girlfriend so you need to apologise and try to work it out asap. Personally speaking, I wouldn't go out with someone who reacted like this with any degree of regularity.

It's not all your fault but you'll need to make an effort if you want to stay in the relationship.

jesus_thats_gre · 10-03-2007 01:17PM

leeroybrown wrote:

She just getting worked up about it and seems to have a nasty case of double standards. She said that 'she could have made plans' yet doing that and not telling you would be just as bad if not worse than what you did..

Excellent point, didn't pick up on this myself.

leeroybrown wrote:

That said, she is your girlfriend so you need to apologise and try to work it out asap. Personally speaking, I wouldn't go out with someone who reacted like this with any degree of regularity.

Was thinking along the same lines myself. If I was planning to stay with her, would certainly be trying my very best to work this out off her with her.

Miss Fluff · 10-03-2007 01:18PM

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

So you are saying (going by what he has said of course) that he has done little wrong. You are also implying that she may have over reacted to the situation. And your conclusion is that he should apologise to her and also bring her out to dinner.

Surely that is sending out the totally wrong message to what seems like a bit of a drama queen?

Yes, seems like a complete drama queen. I suggested dinner because if they don't make it up, next thing you know a couple of months wil have elapsed and they won't have spoken. These petty type of arguments can completely spiral out of control. Depends how he feels about his girlfriend to be honest. Just sometimes,;) I'm an advocate of the "easy life".

LegacyUser · 10-03-2007 01:23PM

no we had no plans, id understand if she was annoyed because we had. we havent talked in a week because it just got out of hand, she just couldnt get over it and kept saying stupid snide remarks. She really wrecked my head, i was saying to her to chill, it was no big deal!

jesus_thats_gre · 10-03-2007 01:23PM

Am a fan of the easy life myself and will often apologise just to smooth something over when it is of little or not consequence to me.. Drama queen behaviour can be anyone worst nightmare and I would be doing everything possible to discourage it. Certainly wouldn't be giving her her own way afterwards anyway. Well, unless she was deadly

LegacyUser · 10-03-2007 01:26PM

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Am a fan of the easy life myself and will often apologise just to smooth something over when it is of little or not consequence to me.. Drama queen behaviour can be anyone worst nightmare and I would be doing everything possible to discourage it. Certainly wouldn't be giving her her own way afterwards anyway. Well, unless she was deadly

i am sick and tired of apologising to her just to keep the peace, i suppose this time i made a stand, we are going out 2 years. looking back she can get annoyed very easily. i suppose i was thinking i have to stop giving in and i became stubborn and wouldnt accept her arguing

Faith · 10-03-2007 01:57PM

isitmyfault? wrote:

no we had no plans, id understand if she was annoyed because we had. we havent talked in a week because it just got out of hand, she just couldnt get over it and kept saying stupid snide remarks. She really wrecked my head, i was saying to her to chill, it was no big deal!

If you had no plans, then I fail to see how you've done anything wrong.

WindSock · 10-03-2007 02:05PM

Maybe she lost it because you didn't ask her to come along? Tell her next time you talk you were trying to do the right thing and her text messages were very hurtful, then start crying or something for effect. Play the drama thing too

Gyalist · 10-03-2007 02:51PM

Do not explain or apologize. You've already explained the situation to her. If you feel the need to apologize do so only for losing your temper the next morning. Do not apologize for going out with someone else at short notice.

The Corinthian · 10-03-2007 03:31PM

Faith wrote:

If you had no plans, then I fail to see how you've done anything wrong.

The only other reason I can think of that might have annoyed her is that your changing plans at the last minute is a regular occurrence. I can see how that would get to her over time.

If this is not the case, then frankly she's a bit of a control freak by the sound of things and if she cannot snap out of it, you're probably better off without her.

kraggy · 10-03-2007 04:52PM

isitmyfault? wrote:

i am sick and tired of apologising to her just to keep the peace, i suppose this time i made a stand, we are going out 2 years.

Which is exactly why this has got out of hand now. she's used to getting her way and you having to crawl over the last 2 years by the sounds of it. which in turn is probably a sign of how much you like/love her.

i would advise against go back on your stand now. dig the heels in on this one otherwise if you do stay going out with her it'll be her way or the highway for the rest of your life.

Beruthiel · 10-03-2007 04:59PM

OP
I'm guessing that unless stating otherwise in advance, ye mostly spent friday night together?
If she left it free to see you then I can understand her being a bit miffed. The way to have gotten around that was to ask her along for the few drinks with your work mate. She may not have been interested in that, but you offered her something to do so you'd have been covered

If she was still going on about it a week later, then she needs to be told to get over it and move on.

kraggy · 10-03-2007 05:07PM

He shouldn't have to invite her to the pub every time he goes surely?

It was only 5 o clock when he rang her to tell her he was going to the pub.

it wasn't like 9pm and they were supposed to be going out together at 9.30.

metrovelvet · 10-03-2007 05:11PM

Maybe you should try to find out why it hurt her feelings.

Also, it seems like you have hit a stalemate and are both in a position where neither of you can try to resolve this without losing face.

You can get stuck on whos right and whose wrong or you can get somewhere.

IMO I think you're both wrong and both right.

Mary-Ellen · 10-03-2007 05:26PM

maybe instead of all out groveling you should just have a think about what you're actually sorry for and just apologise for that.:rolleyes:

Like you seem to be sorry for letting her know so late, making the first move and apologising for that should be enough but I'd make it pretty clear that her behavior was unacceptable for you.

PS. I'm only saying to make the first move because not speaking for a week is a bit much and there won't be any winners or losers in ignoring eachother for ever

axer · 10-03-2007 05:47PM

Definitely a drama queen. That would wreck my head.

If you appologise to her now you might as well get used to appologising to her whenever shes unreasonable for the rest of your life.

There is no point in not communicating. Keep communicating with her - you do not need to appologise in order to keep communications going. Ask her how she feels about the situation; ask her what she thinks you should have done; ask her what she would have done in your situation; Listen to her and try and stay calm.

The Corinthian · 10-03-2007 05:57PM

Mary-Ellen wrote:

I'm only saying to make the first move because not speaking for a week is a bit much and there won't be any winners or losers in ignoring eachother for ever

If she is the drama queen that some are suggesting, then I think he would certainly be the winner if he never speaks to her again.

Rb · 10-03-2007 07:23PM

The Corinthian wrote:

If she is the drama queen that some are suggesting, then I think he would certainly be the winner if he never speaks to her again.

Agreed.

OP: Don't talk to her, if she doesn't apologise for her behaviour then dump her.

fasterkitten · 10-03-2007 07:42PM

she's CRAZY! you'd do yourself a favour if you told her that and never saw her again!!

Carrigart Exile · 10-03-2007 09:47PM

isitmyfault? wrote:

hi,
last friday a lad on my was leaving work and heading off to Oz for the year. So he only decided last min to have a few drinks on the friday night. I felt bad that not many people were going so out of obligation i went along with a few others.

I rang the girlfreind to let her know at about 5, and she went mad at me because i never told her earlier as she could have made plans. i made my apologies and explained the situation but that reall didnt help, she was still annoyed.

I said how id feel bad if i didng go along etc, she kept saying "what about me im your girlfriend" anyway so i went along and she text me really smart things that night, and was being quite annoying. So when i went home i turned my phone off, I lost the head the following morning because she was still going on about we had a huge row and we havent spoke in a week

the question im asking is, in peoples opinion did i really do something that wrong? i dont make a habit of going out last minute.

I cannot help thinking had it been the other way round you would now be getting accused of trying to control her. I think one apology with an explanation is enough, if she continues to play the martyr then i would look at getting out of that relationship

LegacyUser · 10-03-2007 10:28PM

I think she was looking forward to spending the night with you even though there were no definite plans and it upset her that she didn't get to spend that time with you (she must really love spending time with you if it'd get her that upset). Obviously she has over-reacted but she probably thought you'd rather spend the time you could've been spending with her with some people you aren't that close to, her argument is probably along the lines of 'priorities' and feels you chose them over her. If you do want to speak to her again and are planning to make the first contact I'd advise you tell her something like 'You know I'd rather have been cuddled up with you that night but just felt bad for yer man because not many people were going but I did tell you in advance, sorry if I've upset you.'

tinkerbell · 11-03-2007 10:57AM

She definitely overreacted tbh. You couldn't possibly have given her any more notice! And unless you had actually made plans, then she's got nothing to whinge about.

Catari Jaguar · 11-03-2007 04:25PM

Thats so annoying. She's not your wife. Just a girl. You are not one person. You have no obligation to run anything by her. What a control freak drama queen. Seems her life revolves around you. When couples get to that stage it's unhealthy. She's walking all over you. Stand up to her. She needs a life of her own. Sillly cow.

BobTheBeat · 11-03-2007 07:15PM

'The high road and the wattle' tbh. Completely unaccepatable juvenile behaviour, further aggravated by the cold shoulder. Fair play for making a stand, this type of thing needs to be quashed double quick.

Get some dialogue going; leaving things to fester is not the best of ideas, as it often allows people to blow things out of proportion. You dont have to apologise, but just have it out once and for all. If it precipitates an even worse situtation, then you will at least be aware of more serious problems between you both... Thats what it sounds like is happening at the moment

Steyr · 12-03-2007 02:56PM

I dont think you need to apologise for anything you have done nothing wrong no plans were made or anything, this is just another case of OTT, let her come back to you, dont be apologising you did nothing wrong, stand up for yourself.

Seraphina · 12-03-2007 03:11PM

well from personal experience, i've probably 'overreacted' like that a few times with my ex, except the difference was he used to tell me this at 10pm or something, and leave me stuck at home alone on a friday night or whatever. it happened too often for my liking, and it really really bothered me, so often i got really pissed off at something that seemed silly, and my ex thought i didn't want him to see his friends or whatever, when really i just wanted him to give me more notice so i could make plans of my own.
if its something that has happened a couple of times previously, i can understand why she'd be annoyed, but if it was just a once off, then yeah she is being a bit silly, 5pm is pretty damn early, she'd have loads of time to do something else.
unless perhaps she had something special planned for the two of yis? i dunno. only thing that'll help you figure it out is talking to her.

Going out last minute and the girlfriend

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