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Going out last minute and the girlfriend

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 24,631 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Talk to her. Find out has she a decent reason for throwing a tantrum worthy of a two hyear old. If she has one, let her apologise for the over-reaction and get an assurance it won't happen again. If she hasn't, kick her to the kerb.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,375 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    You should find out what is at the heart of this power struggle whether you decide to bail on your two year relationship or you decide to stick around.

    Otherwise you will have the same problem over and over again no matter how many times you replace your girlfriend because you wont know how to resolve disputes and every relationship you have will go through the power struggle phase , which is usually when people bail, unless they are married and they cant by law do so so easily.

    You said you are sick of saying sorry over and over again. Anyone would be. Can I ask were your apologies genuine? Did you make the effort to get to the bottom of things or did you just say sorry to keep the game going?

    Saying you felt bad if you didnt go just looks like a cop out. Why didnt you just say you wanted to go because you felt peer pressure to do so and didnt feel like inviting her and explain why you didnt feel like inviting her.

    If after two years, its customary for you to both go out on friday nights and you suddenly break this precedent, then its bound to ring alarm bells in her. Perhaps all she needed was a little reassurance? And of course turning your phone off fed right into her abandonment fears.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,223 ✭✭✭OLDYELLAR


    She was probably just disapointed that ye didnt get to spend the night together. Do ye spend a lot of time together during the week?? If not she was probably mad to see ya all day and then got thick when ya cancelled and naturally so but being pig headed and Ive done this myself on occasion went nutz angry instead of admitting she wanted to spend time with ya.

    But the fact that shes still on about it a week later is a bit mad , I guess you could have invited her but I wouldnt say thats the problem.................I dunno maybe she was waiting for a big apology from you ....even though in my opinion that wasnt necessary . The fact that ye havent spoken in a week is a bad thing.I really think she should be the one apologising but its up to yerself ..............Im guessing shes still waiting on one off you so if ya want to be with her I guess ya could make some half baked attempt at one and then ask her whats up with her. There could a been something else going on and it got taken out on you ya really wouldnt know until you speak to her .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I don't think U did anything wrong to go out and say 'goodbye' to your ex-work colleague - even at very short notice.

    Neither did U do anything wrong by not letting yourself get 'pussy whipped'
    by the g/f.

    Call it 'a liitle test' for the future :
    If she's not happy and being unreasonable - U should give her 'her cards'.
    Afterall, being married to that would be a bloody nightmare !


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,525 ✭✭✭vorbis


    Don't apologise any more man! Wait it out. The onus is on her to call you. in actual fact enjoy the free time you have from her at the moment :)

    I mean look at the facts. You tell her at 5 PM on a Friday. 5PM?! A lot of Fridays I haven't a clue what I'm up to on a Friday at that time. The mature response from her would have been to maybe get a little upset AND then ring her friends to see what they were up to. Plenty of time left for that. Then see you the following day. Bingo no problem!

    What does she do? She lights off you and keeps it up for the whole night and the following day! Thats nuts behaviour. You're not her servant! You need to ask yourself if in general you're happy with this relationship. If you are, you then need to stand your ground a lot more.

    A trick I use is that I don't really apologise for small stuff like this. If she keeps getting upset about it, I keep restating my view but just use different words for the same meaning. It allows her to vent and eventually she calms down. If she doesn't calm down, you've got a problem!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,375 ✭✭✭padser


    vorbis wrote:
    A trick I use is that I don't really apologise for small stuff like this. If she keeps getting upset about it, I keep restating my view but just use different words for the same meaning. It allows her to vent and eventually she calms down. !

    Classic approach,

    Another favorite of mine is after a good while (while she is really just looking for a graceful way out) is to apolgise for something that you had no control over and say you are sorry that it happened.

    In this case it would be 'I'm sorry that I didn't know until 5pm that I was pretty much going to have go out'.

    That way its completely obvious that you are not apologising for the substance of what happened - as you had no control over not knowing - but it gives her the pretext to climb down off her high horse because you have 'apologised'. :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 432 ✭✭Duras


    ...
    the question im asking is, in peoples opinion did i really do something that wrong? i dont make a habit of going out last minute.

    to answer your question:
    NO. Not your fault, nothing to be apologize for and be sorry about


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Most women don't use logic at all in these situations.

    Sure you were being resonable - you told her you were going out at a reasonable time & there was no plans originally made.

    Male line of thought : "Fair enough - he told me early enough, find something else to do"

    Female thought: "I wanted to spend time with him. Now I can't. If he didn't make plans I would be able to spend time with him. It's all his fault & he's a bastard, I'm getting revenge, I'll start by sending bitchy texts."

    Seeing as you're going out two years it's a bit odd she hasn't calmed down. Any chance she's annoyed about something else?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,117 ✭✭✭Gazza22


    It wasn't your fault and women do tend to over react like this sometimes.

    You have friendships to take into account just as much as you have a relationship to think about, and she should realise this. I have heard the "what if i had plans made" many times before and it never ceases to annoy me! I'd understand it if she actually did have some plans firmly made.

    Just talk to her, be nice, but be firm in the fact that she has to understand there is friends in your life too. I know the guy in question wasn't exactly a best mate but still, if you don't talk to her she will do the same thing with situations concerning closer people in the future.
    i dont make a habit of going out last minute.
    I'm sure she knows this then too, so i think she could have given you a bit of a break on this one.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    I wouldn't stand for that. Tell her firmly that it was unfortunate, however you weren't going to see the guy for a year and it couldn't be helped. You didn't have major plans (or any plans by the sound of it?) so if she's still going on about it then she needs to mature a bit and learn that, while being slightly annoyed is acceptable, harping on about it for a week is not.

    Of course at this stage it's probably the fight she's sore about rather than the whole going out Friday night thing.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Most women don't use logic at all in these situations.

    most? christ. either you have a poor grasp on the typical female psyche or you date bitches.

    the truth is she sounds like a diva but we dont know both sides.

    ask her to meet you and tell her your sorry for losing your temper but since you had no plans with her for that night you did not have to check in for permission.
    also say if she cant see it from your point of view you cant see being with a woman that would treat a grown man like this


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i reckon it's a cover up for something else...probably just picking an arguement with you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    i am sick and tired of apologising to her just to keep the peace, i suppose this time i made a stand,

    Thats the important bit. You need to draw some definitive lines, however she will clumsily step over them all the time until she gets used to it. If she ever does. I'm with TC on everything else.

    Really does sound like you are better off without her.

    K-


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭Crea


    i am sick and tired of apologising to her just to keep the peace, i suppose this time i made a stand, we are going out 2 years. looking back she can get annoyed very easily. i suppose i was thinking i have to stop giving in and i became stubborn and wouldnt accept her arguing

    I have a 2 year old that does this. She doesn't get her own way and throws a tantrum. She gets put in the bold chair but i'm guessing this won't work with your girlfriend ;)
    Your GF is being unreasonable and is used to getting special treatment when she throws a strop. 5 o'clock isn't a really too late to tell her about your plans. She had plenty of time to call her mates and arrange something. I've organised parties in less time.
    Fine if you want to make a stand, your relationship will be miserable for you if you don't but do realise that this radical change might end your relationship in the long run. Do not even think about marrying this girl if she continues to be like this.


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