Do you have a girlfriend?

Skiesonfire19 · 05-01-2007 10:01PM

Half the world is women, grow a pair and go out and start making FEMALE friends then!

Skies

davyjose · 05-01-2007 10:20PM

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

Half the world is women, grow a pair and go out and start making FEMALE friends then!

Skies

I challenge anyone here to go out, and from nothing, create a new circle of female friends, or even a circle of friends with some women, or just one female friend (and no friend of a friend stuff - complete strangers) - see how easy it is.
Some people, depending on schools attended, or jobs taken, or university courses attended (avoid engineering), just don't find a lot of women to socialise with. I've been there in the past.

Webmonkey · 05-01-2007 10:25PM

davyjose wrote:

I challenge anyone here to go out, and from nothing, create a new circle of female friends, or even a circle of friends with some women, or just one female friend (and no friend of a friend stuff - complete strangers) - see how easy it is.
Some people, depending on schools attended, or jobs taken, or university courses attended (avoid engineering), just don't find a lot of women to socialise with. I've been there in the past.

Not easy at all

Skiesonfire19 · 05-01-2007 10:26PM

Actually I can do that, I've done that several times! I can just talk to people, and I know I made a 'friend' or two because they have often approached me on a different night and are all like 'Hey goon how ya been' and buy me a drink!

Skies

Webmonkey · 05-01-2007 10:39PM

Skiesonfire19 wrote:

Actually I can do that, I've done that several times! I can just talk to people, and I know I made a 'friend' or two because they have often approached me on a different night and are all like 'Hey goon how ya been' and buy me a drink!

Skies

oh arn't you great!

Lorax · 06-01-2007 02:59AM

Kell wrote:

I just cant get people who assume that if a person speaks to you or asks you out they are automatically a weirdo. Thats just fúcking retarded.

K-

Yeah well look at it like this, I was at the afters (sandwiches etc) in a pub after a funeral of a young guy in which 3 young people died in a car crash. The guys sister was out having a smoke and some random fella was trying to chat her up (in the middle of the day) wouldn't take no for an answer. Her family were horrified when she told them. Do you think she enjoyed that after being at the funeral of her little brother? The girl was in tears.

My point is DONT GO UP HITTING ON RANDOM PEOPLE, you dont know ANYTHING about them or how they are feeling at that point in time. Also as I said in my post

Kell wrote:

If he/she says no (ladies, we are not going to say no BTW),

All I said was that I would personally say no because I love my girlfriend and wouldnt risk the relationship to go out with some weirdo who hassles me while shopping. I dunno how not cheating on my girlfriend makes me "fúcking retarded"? Explain plz.

dvega · 06-01-2007 03:06AM

Keep thinking like that and you'll get no where,your still quite young and the right girl will come along i guarentee it.

Lorax · 06-01-2007 03:15AM

Kell wrote:

Its people with attitudes like yours that make trying to date difficult. You might just be passing up the best thing that ever happened to you (assuming both parties are single) by saying no. Do you also look down your nose at someone outside a pub having a fag if they start a conversation with you?

I just cant get people who assume that if a person speaks to you or asks you out they are automatically a weirdo. Thats just fúcking retarded. What happened to live and let live?

Pfft.

K-

What happened to live and let live?? Er... exactly.. live your own life and let other people live theres. Why is it so hard for you to understand that not everyone enjoys random desperate people coming up annoying them looking for a date?

LegacyUser · 06-01-2007 03:18AM

Im 21 and my circumstances would be pretty similar. Most of my friends are male. Im not sure why... I have no trouble talking to women I just havent met that many.

I've had one or two girls that I got close to but it never went as far as girlfriend-boyfriend for one reason or another.

Its getting to the stage where most of my friends have long term girlfriends but I have to say it honestly doesn't bother me that much. I will admit there are times where I feel like im missing out on something and get a bit depressed... mainly when were out and its like 4 couples and me. I think some of that might be down to how busy my life is at the moment... I dont really have time to think about that kind of stuff. Im sure ill find someone eventually but for the moment I figure I might aswell enjoy everything else in my life.

Your not alone so dont stress out too much... from the looks of this thread theres quite a few of us like this.

Kell · 08-01-2007 10:17AM

Lorax wrote:

Her family were horrified when she told them. Do you think she enjoyed that after being at the funeral of her little brother? The girl was in tears.

Not at all. That just proves theres one born every minute. That is an ABNORMAL circumstance.

Lorax wrote:

My point is DONT GO UP HITTING ON RANDOM PEOPLE, you dont know ANYTHING about them or how they are feeling at that point in time.

Thats not a point. EVERYONE is a random stranger until you get to know them better. Whats the harm in just asking someone out?

Lorax wrote:

I dunno how not cheating on my girlfriend makes me "fúcking retarded"? Explain plz.

You didnt read my post then. I explained (in brackets) "assuming you are both single". Inability to read coupled with your assumption that everyone that opens their mouth to you in a random circumstance is a weirdo says volumes about your attitude not you. An attitude that assumes a negative about a stranger without giving them the benefit of the doubt is a retarded attitude.
K-

Marksie · 08-01-2007 11:36AM

Lorax wrote:

My point is DONT GO UP HITTING ON RANDOM PEOPLE, you dont know ANYTHING about them or how they are feeling at that point in time.

Oh for goodness sake! Kells absolutely right in what he says. Girlfriends don't just appear under the christmas tree all nicely wrapped.

We were given the gift of communication, its a pity people don't extend it to others.

Obviously the situation you described was completely abnormal.

Why is it desperate to talk to people? Why is it being sleazeball to join clubs? Most of my friends are female (well over 80%) and and most started by me talking, emaiing or contacting them in one form or other?.. for example, one started when i bumped into her in a pub (actually i trod on her foot by accident)... i apologised and said i wouldnt make the irish dancing team.
Was that being desparate?.
It all once again stems from communication issues and it doesnt help when people work on the assumption that anyone talking to them must be desperate and looking for a sh*g.

so to paraphrase you lorax: My point is DONT GO DISPARAGING RANDOM PEOPLE for talking to you, you dont know ANYTHING about them or how they are feeling at that point in time.

Dan133269 · 08-01-2007 01:30PM

Similar to yourself OP and the others who have posted, I'm a young male and have been single for a long time. It used to seriously annoy me when all I wanted was a girlfriend and the love and companionship that can stem from a relationship and I couldn't have it, yet every single one of my friends had exactly what I wanted. So naturally I waited in hope, making every effort, (not too strongly mind you, definitely not too strongly at all) at finding someone. At this stage I've simply waited too long, and I've come to accept the fact that I'm never going to find anyone.

The important bit is that this acceptance doesn't eat me up all that much, I simply have to accept the situation for what it is, and no amount of dreaming, wishing, hoping, trying is going to change it.
Essentially there are much, much worse things than living a life of loneliness, it's only when you find yourself in those circumstances that you would readily go back to being "the loner without the gf" any second.

I know I might seem awfully negative and pessimistic to you but that's just realism in my eyes. Make sure you don't misunderstand me, I'm not for one second saying that you won't find anyone, but if you don't, it's not the end of the world. Peace

Marksie · 08-01-2007 03:03PM

Dan133269 wrote:

. At this stage I've simply waited too long, and I've come to accept the fact that I'm never going to find anyone.

Just how old are you?

That is absolute self pitying cr*p, i know people (female) in their fifties who don't have that attutide and consequently are having the times of their lives meeting people, dating and finding boyfriends.

Time to stop that defeatist, look at me rubbish, go do classes in how to communicate and get your ass out there.

I am hardly the most gregarious of people, i am fairly quiet when out... but it didnt stop me getting out there at the last board beers and talking to people. But i have never, ever had problems meeting female friends or partners. No chat up lines, no smarm, no "wingmen", just talking pure and simple just as you would to anyone.

yeah you are going to get rejected, yeah there are going to be morons who think that if you talk to them you are weird. So what!!!! thats their loss and an indication of their attitudes, insecurities and issues.

There are threads here about women waiting for someone to talk to them... just go and do it.

In reality women are not another species, though some of the posts and threads here would make you think that they are from a totally different universe! (and vice versa). Time anmd again both men and women say they cant talk, they cannot make the first approach and have given up trying...

Utter garbage

Examine yourself, appearance and attitude, examine why you can't talk to women, what is it that stops you having a rational conversation as you would with any other human being?

"i dont know what to say" would be a favourite. Simple ask them about themselves. and listen. You don't have to be the worlds funniest man (or woman) but if yoiu let the conversation flow naturally and concentrate on what is being said now, and not wondering if you will get the slow dance or the date at the end of the night.. just concentrate on the now. If you screw up the conversation then laugh at yourself and at what you said.

If it all goes arseways then learn by it.

The alternative is to go and herd sheep on brokeback mountain.

Dan133269 · 08-01-2007 04:05PM

self-pitying crap? I don't pity myself, do you pity me or something?
I'm not sure if the rest of that is directed toward me or the OP but the reason underlying what I said is nothing to do with "meeting" girls, I'm quite capable and know plenty of women. The fault is finding someone who you like and who feels the same.

With regard to 50 yr old women you know who go out and get boyfriends, I don't think I'd like to meet these women but fair play to them. You do know that I wasn't talking about flings and one night stands but genuine proper relationships.
And the flipped side of the coin is I know a 47 year old man who after a lot of rejection and hurt with regard to women in his youth came to accept the fact that he would never meet someone and would spend the rest of his life alone, and despite the idealism of others telling him how wrong he was, surprise surprise he was spot on and at 47 is still alone.

We all want to find our dream-lover and fall madly in love and live happily ever after, unfortunately it doesn't happen. I think you missed the point of my post though mark, I'm just saying to the OP that if he doesn't find someone, it is not the end of the world, would you not agree?

Marksie · 08-01-2007 04:23PM

Dan133269 wrote:

self-pitying crap? I don't pity myself, do you pity me or something?
I'm not sure if the rest of that is directed toward me or the OP but the reason underlying what I said is nothing to do with "meeting" girls, I'm quite capable and know plenty of women. The fault is finding someone who you like and who feels the same.

With regard to 50 yr old women you know who go out and get boyfriends, I don't think I'd like to meet these women but fair play to them. You do know that I wasn't talking about flings and one night stands but genuine proper relationships.
And the flipped side of the coin is I know a 47 year old man who after a lot of rejection and hurt with regard to women in his youth came to accept the fact that he would never meet someone and would spend the rest of his life alone, and despite the idealism of others telling him how wrong he was, surprise surprise he was spot on and at 47 is still alone.

We all want to find our dream-lover and fall madly in love and live happily ever after, unfortunately it doesn't happen. I think you missed the point of my post though mark, I'm just saying to the OP that if he doesn't find someone, it is not the end of the world, would you not agree?

dan: that post and this do sound defeatist, and no i dont pity you per se.. its up to you whether you decide to do anything about your situation. The foirst part was aimed at your post directly, the rest really was aimed at anyone in a similar situation who hasnt yet thrown in the towel.

Why don't you think that you would not like to meet these women? THAT is very judgemental and may go some way to explaining why you feel you will never find anyone. Did i mention one night stands or flings.. i mentioned dating and boyfriends? do you equate one with the other? But they havent given up on love or relationships like you have

and how old are you? are you surrounding yourself with a mutual support group of people disillusioned with the possibility of a relationship?

I didnt miss the thrust of your post, but your point at the end was a minor one. and , if you take on board what i was saying, will be a non-issue in any event.

edit: oh and in the tit for tat game, i know a 35 year old woman who has suffered the most horrendous things... and who hasn't given up far from it she is healing and pausing and still going to continue.... I have profound respect for her, but not for those who throw in the towel because of disappointments

ChRoMe · 08-01-2007 04:36PM

Steyr wrote:

Im the same as you, let them come to you if they dont like what you/i do then **** em.

I know this was posted way back on page one but it really stood out to me and I think that attitude needs to be dealt with.

I think the primary thing here is that western society/culture (and im sure other factors) have set the status quo that its usually up to the male to make the first move. I havnt been on boards of a while but I'd put money that there have been threads from women to the tune of "I laugh at his jokes, touch his arm smile at him..why doesnt he do something" Its becuase usually men are pretty bad at the whole reading the signs bit ( which is fair enough it takes some practice!). If you want to meet a woman 99% of the time you need to take the first step. Yes this can be scary when you feel you dont know what you are doing but try to keep in mind that everyone is only human. Its possible that you get a very negative response but hey so what? There is no shortage of attractive and intelligent women in the world.

Secondly there is a big difference from being a sleezebag in a club to genuinely letting a woman know you like her by striking up conversation. Relationships can come from being introduced as mutual friends by someone but if you are leaving this as your only way to meet women for a relationship you will be waiting a far longer time as naturally the numbers you meet will be greately reduced and thus you chance of finding a partner.

On a side note in regards the 47 year old man still being single. There is such a thing called a self fulling prophephy (spelling??). It pretty much states that if you tell yourself something enough times (no matter if its right or wrong) you will begin to believe it and thus it will become reality.

I'll sum it up with a little anecdote. A door to door sales man is travelling around with another salesman who its his first day. The door to door sales man goes to the first door and doesnt make a sale. He returns to the car with a big smile on his face and they drive to the next house. Again he rings the bell and fails to make a sale. He returns to the new sales man still with a big grin on his face and they drive to the next house. As they are driving the new salesman enquires how he can be so happy after blatenly being rejected twice in a row. The older expeirnced salesman turns and explains that by the law of averages he will make around one sale in every ten calls. So his attitude was that there was only another 8 doors to knock on before he makes his sale.

Perception of the situation is everything. Hope this helps

Lorax · 08-01-2007 06:39PM

marksuttonie wrote:

Why is it desperate to talk to people? Why is it being sleazeball to join clubs? Most of my friends are female (well over 80%) and and most started by me talking, emaiing or contacting them in one form or other?.. for example, one started when i bumped into her in a pub (actually i trod on her foot by accident)... i apologised and said i wouldnt make the irish dancing team.
Was that being desparate?.
It all once again stems from communication issues and it doesnt help when people work on the assumption that anyone talking to them must be desperate and looking for a sh*g.

so to paraphrase you lorax: My point is DONT GO DISPARAGING RANDOM PEOPLE for talking to you, you dont know ANYTHING about them or how they are feeling at that point in time.

No ffs u completely misunderstood my point. Im not on about talking to girls. Im talking about going up to random girls as Kell said, and ASKING THEM OUT. Its completely weird and desperate. As you can see here:

Kell wrote:

Thats not a point. EVERYONE is a random stranger until you get to know them better. Whats the harm in just asking someone out?

Unless u have tried this and it has worked, I can pretty much guarantee you most girls would be completely freaked out and tell u to piss off.. Imagine your sister/daughter/niece/cousin whatever just going about her business in the supermarket and some fella comes up to her "HEY WILL U GO OUT WITH ME" . That is essentially what you are telling people to do.

Marksie · 08-01-2007 08:06PM

Lorax wrote:

No ffs u completely misunderstood my point. Im not on about talking to girls. Im talking about going up to random girls as Kell said, and ASKING THEM OUT. Its completely weird and desperate.

No lorax i didnt misunderstand your point. Talking to someone is a prelude to possibly asking them on a date.

Unless of course you were meaning you walk right up to someone and say me. you. date. now.

I think what kell is talking about is what i am talking about..going up to someone engaging in conversation then asking for a date.

Sparky · 08-01-2007 08:33PM

In answer to the OP!

No, I don't, but I don't let that worry me.
I've found in the past that yes you do have to make a move towards the opposite sex and again they will do the same to you. It has happened to me a few times, but nothing ever came of it. I did'nt then rightly assume that it is then the be and end all of getting a girlfriend!

I will agree on ChRoMe's post about signs. We can be so thick in this field that we would nearly need a neon sign at times to help. But as with everything experience helps.

Don't let it get you down OP. The time you stop too is also the very time someone will come around.

Drift · 08-01-2007 10:36PM

Spanky-s wrote:

I will agree on ChRoMe's post about signs. We can be so thick in this field that we would nearly need a neon sign at times to help.

I'm woeful at it, I'd most likely miss a neon sign too .... "Aw look, she's being nice to me holding a neon sign that says ASK ME OUT NOW" ...... she's only joking really though, she doesn't mean it.

On a serious note, for the girls who are reading this post it is very true that a lot of guys (especially the less experienced ones) are really bad at reading signals so if you think he couldn't be thick enough to miss your signals - he may well be. Through no fault of his own.

Elessar · 09-01-2007 12:50AM

What is so important about girlfriends and boyfriends anyway? (Apart from teh sexorz el oh el)

LegacyUser · 09-01-2007 03:22AM

'the fact that its human nature to be loved and to love,

if u find the right person you can feel ontop of the world?

there is alot of reasons, alot have to do with personal satisfaction , needs and estem.. not everything is about sxe, it sud be saved for a special time, when you really love each other..'

LegacyUser · 09-01-2007 09:56AM

'Being female and single I think Kell is right.

If a guy came up to me in a Supermarket or where ever and started talking to me and then asked me out, unless he WAS a weirdo I would be quite flattered. Not everyone is a weirdo because they try it and I think it would be quite gutsy for a guy to do that.

Everyone should be more like that, then there may not be so many lonely people in the world.'

Kell · 09-01-2007 10:30AM

Lorax wrote:

That is essentially what you are telling people to do.

Look. I see a shed load of people here every day of the week bleating about how they wish they could get with this person and that person and the other, but they sit on their hands and do fúcking nothing about it. That to me is extreme.

My point was directed specifically at those people to prompt them to get off their fúcking ásses and quit whinging. As I said, if you can ask someone out in a supermarket, you can do it anywhere.

Dan133269 wrote:

We all want to find our dream-lover and fall madly in love and live happily ever after, unfortunately it doesn't happen.

Yes, but what are you doing about it? You can wander around "wanting" as much as you like, but until you actually "do" something, you'll never find your perfect partner. What, do you expect them to fall from the sky and land in you lap saying "hello love of my life. Where have you been hiding".

Example- if you "want" a car, you save 20k or get a loan and actually go get your car which lasts you all of five years then you move on to the next one. Yet the idea of long term happiness, sex on tap and a long term improvement in your life isnt enough of a carrot for a large amount of people here? What the fúck is that all about?

Unless people pull their finger out, engage strangers and not look down their noses at random people talking to them, NOTHING is going to happen to alleviate their situation. I thought this would have been obvious by now. Sheesh.

K-

kryan1 · 09-01-2007 10:45AM

Kell wrote:

My point was directed specifically at those people to prompt them to get off their fúcking ásses and quit whinging. As I said, if you can ask someone out in a supermarket, you can do it anywhere.

K-

Thats very well said and done about asking total strangers, but how i ask, HOW? what do u do, ask them excuse me, but do u know where they keep the microwave Dinners for one???? Can't exactly go up and say, wow ur gorgeous fancy a date? Should u see what they got in their shopping basket and if looks like a meal for 1, then ask???
How do u no, pls tell me.

LegacyUser · 09-01-2007 11:14AM

You will never know unless you ask. If the person has a gf\bf they will tell you, but they will never be offeneded by the offer.

As for not being able to walk up to someone and say "wow ur gorgeous fancy a date?"

Why not? The worst they can say is no thanks, unless they are ignorant in which you wouldn't want to go out with them anyway, so you've lost nothing.

Marksie · 09-01-2007 11:20AM

kryan1 wrote:

Thats very well said and done about asking total strangers, but how i ask, HOW? what do u do, ask them excuse me, but do u know where they keep the microwave Dinners for one???? Can't exactly go up and say, wow ur gorgeous fancy a date? Should u see what they got in their shopping basket and if looks like a meal for 1, then ask???
How do u no, pls tell me.

Well the tescos is a more difficult situation, but anything that breaks the ice a simple "they never put things where you can reach them do they?".

If you are wondering if they are single, look for rings on relevant fingers.

One "guidebook" and i use the term loosely says to make eye contact and smile. If you get a smile in return then walk away and look back, if they are looking at you..it is probably safe to make an attempt at conversation. (if they are following you around, they are probably a store detective:D ).

If the conversation goes well then as you are in tescos and if there is a coffee shop "i am about to have a coffee, would you like one?"

If it doesnt work it doesnt work, at least you have attempted to engage someone.

Ok it sounds easy but it isnt, but i have seen someone get a phone number from the till operator.

Tescos is an extrme example, but i will give one to illustrate what can happen when you least expect it: i saw a very attractive girl in a nightclub. As it happened the niteclub was having a competition where there were three clues. I had one, i asked and she had another. I suggested if we worked together and found the third we would split the prize. So we had a great time hunting for the third clue..we didn't get the prize, but we got the ice broken and we got together.

Beruthiel · 09-01-2007 11:35AM

Dan133269 wrote:

With regard to 50 yr old women you know who go out and get boyfriends, I don't think I'd like to meet these women

I just have to ask, why?
Are you saying there there is some cut off rule I don't know about?
No matter what age you are, you should be able to go out, enjoy life and if someone comes along that you are interested in, then why now?
Life is for living, not for giving up on.

And the flipped side of the coin is I know a 47 year old man who after a lot of rejection and hurt with regard to women in his youth came to accept the fact that he would never meet someone and would spend the rest of his life alone, and despite the idealism of others telling him how wrong he was, surprise surprise he was spot on and at 47 is still alone.

Well of course he is. Self fullfilling your own belief is going to result in this. It's all about attitude, this man believes he will be alone, so no real effort is put into changing himself with regards to his out look and his openess to new things and ideas.
When you close yourself off then no one comes knocking.

We all want to find our dream-lover and fall madly in love and live happily ever after, unfortunately it doesn't happen.

Unless you go out there and try to make it happen.

wow ur gorgeous fancy a date?

Why not? Many a girl would be flattered by that, and if they were single, you might actually get a date.
If you don't try, it will never happen for you.

Dan133269 · 09-01-2007 01:25PM

Kell, I completely agree with what you said, however you've just assumed that I'm one of the people who can't talk to women and that's the reason for my being negative. That's not the case, I talk to plenty of women, know plenty and don't have difficulty in holding a coversation with someone who I don't know. The reason I think what I do is experience, finding someone who feels the same way you do just doesn't seem to happen for me. I don't sit wishing I could ask such and such a person out, I ask them out, and the answer is always no.

Marksutton, I'm in my 20's. Maybe all of you are right about the 47 year old man I know, as if he's convinced himself long ago that he'll be alone and in a way always wanted to prove to himself that he was right by staying alone, maybe all of you are right, that doesn't change the fact that he WAS right, I'm certain that if the right person came along who felt the same way about him as he did about her, he would have asked her out, regardless of his negativity.

Mark and Beruthiel, I concede I was a bit judgmental with regard to the 50 yr old women out finding boyfriends, I just never came across that before so that's why I'm a bit intimidated by the thought.

Beruthiel, when you say, "when you close yourself off, no one comes knocking". You're dead right but the man in question, while he did close himself off in that regard, he didn't need anyone to come knocking, just someone to say yes when he went knocking, that's all, and of course they never did.
"Unless you go out there and try and make it happen"
He did, I did, we tried, unfortunately it didn't happen. One cannot control how other people feel about them, you can try and attract the opposite sex, woo them as best as you can and then be completely honest as to how you feel about someone, after that there is nothing you can do to win someone is there?

I think we've gone off topic a bit!

ChRoMe · 09-01-2007 01:42PM

Dan133269 wrote:

1) Maybe all of you are right about the 47 year old man I know,

2) He did, I did, we tried, unfortunately it didn't happen. One cannot control how other people feel about them, you can try and attract the opposite sex, woo them as best as you can and then be completely honest as to how you feel about someone, after that there is nothing you can do to win someone is there?

1) We are correct its that simple.

2) When you were learning to ride a bike did you give up the first time you fell off? What I see here as the root of peoples problems is that they are so scared of having their self confidence hurt that they choose to wallow in self pity instead and then moan that they cant find anyone.

No one is owed anything in this life its up to you to take it.

Ps kinda off topic but from my thread that was moved to the forums forum (thats a bit of a mouthful). I was kinda disapointed with the replies on the thread. If you dont have the confidence to post on boards that you are looking for someone your going to have a extremely difficult time out in the real world. I think a boards dating section would be a nice gentle introduction would be of great benefit to many posters here IMHO

Do you have a girlfriend?

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