Feeling stuck in my boyfriend's family business.

Purple Mountain · 12-03-2026 02:47PM

Op, some day you might be a mam yourself. Just imagine for a few minutes what you'd tell your daughter in this situation.

Barnaboy · 12-03-2026 02:49PM

Having read through the thread, the OP has my heartfelt condolences. This is an awful situation to be in. Like others have said, I would quietly make exit plans. Don't even tell your boyfriend.

The father is a manipulative bully. If any part of your plan gets to him, he will twist and contort things and make promises he has no intention of following through on. Your BF will believe it all.

Quietly get a new job and keep an eye out for somewhere to live. It sounds like you live in a small rural town. Seriously consider moving somewhere bigger with more opportunities.

As others have said, reach out to Women's Aid. You are in an abusive relationship with that father.

Another thing to consider is to just quit and sign on. If on the dole you should get HAP as well.

As soon as you leave that shop you will be put out of that house as well. And his father will start poisoning your BF mind that you are trouble, just using him to get the family fortune etc.

It's a really sad thing to say but you will probably have to leave your BF too even though you love him.

Quietly plan your exit, say nothing, then when everything lined up just walk out the door. I wouldn't even tell them you're leaving, just never show up again.

Big Bag of Chips · 12-03-2026 02:59PM

I have some sympathy for the family, who are foing what they know to support a family member who would not be able to get work elsewhere.

By making him work 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week 50 weeks a year for no pay??

It is the complete opposite of supporting a family member. It is totally exploiting a family member. A family member who would be better off anywhere other than the family business. A job where he gets days off, proper annual leave, and a wage.

This is not support. It is gaslighting, exploitation and manipulation. It is emotional abuse telling him that he wouldn't be able to work anywhere else.

I hope you find the strength to leave this business @SassyOchreTurtle. It will be the best thing you ever do, and it might actually work out for the best for your relationship and your bf too. You can only take your next step. What others do following your decision is up to them.

By the way, if you do get a job elsewhere, do not get sucked back in to "helping out" on your days off.

csirl · 12-03-2026 03:25PM

I agree with some of the posters re contacting Womens Aid. I think it would be good to talk to them.

Dublin_Anthony_2025 · 12-03-2026 03:30PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058435433/feeling-stuck-in-my-boyfriend-039-s-family-business

i left my dads business a few years ago over same issues , long hrs , **** money , empty promises etc

this is a company that does €10million a year

but i'm a glass half full and he is always half empty , my 3 other siblings work there but i'm so better off out of it and don't regret a thing

Dublin_Anthony_2025 · 12-03-2026 03:42PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124296152#Comment_124296152

any wonder with Josef Fritzel at the helm ?

Hotblack Desiato · 12-03-2026 04:16PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124305506#Comment_124305506

Problem is that the amount of benefit you can claim e.g. illness benefit, is linked to your declared earnings. So even if they were giving you extra cash under the table (as if), any benefits you could claim will be linked to the minimal amount of pay that has been declared

Seth Brundle · 12-03-2026 04:17PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124307087#Comment_124307087

The father may be a prick but he's far from being like Fritzl 🙄

lawred2 · 12-03-2026 04:19PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293581#Comment_124293581

wtf? He's a piece of human garbage.

What need you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence

Purple Mountain · 12-03-2026 04:56PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124306577#Comment_124306577

Yes agreed but that is the boyfriend's path to walk.

SassyOchreTurtle · 12-03-2026 05:48PM

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment on this thread. Reading your perspectives really helped me see things more clearly and today I finally felt strong enough to have the conversation with my boyfriend and tell him that I am leaving the shop and that I want to find another job.

He actually supported me, which meant a lot.

Something else came up today that made me realise even more how unstable this situation really is. My boyfriend told me that his father mentioned earlier this week that his uncle is interested in buying the shop for €100,000. The shop is located in a building where the upper floors have been converted into student apartments by the uncle.

For a long time I was told that the uncle owned 80% of the building and the father owned 20%. But today I found out that the father may not actually own any percentage at all because there was never a proper contract signed. So effectively the uncle appears to own the whole building and could decide what to do with it.

On top of that, the uncle and the father have a very bad relationship. So the whole situation is clearly much more uncertain than I realised.

Tomorrow I will give notice to his father. I have already started sending out CVs.

So I really want to thank everyone here who took the time to comment. Your advice and honesty helped me feel stronger and take the first step 💝

Purple Mountain · 12-03-2026 06:55PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124307386#Comment_124307386

You're very welcome. Stay strong and don't back down. I was in a toxic job a decade ago, not family run or anything but it was run by a man who lets just say didn't see the value in us employees.

It took me about 3 attempts to leave. I wrote my resignation twice but because he didn't advertise my post, I felt sorry and stayed on.

It was like Stockholm syndrome. I knew the job was seriously damaging my health- very stressed and totally defeated but I felt I owed them something.

Anyway, in hindsight now I laugh at myself for staying beyond a week and not realising my worth.

So stay strong. Don't be manipulated or coerced to stay. They don't own you or owe you anything.

Feeling stuck in my boyfriend's family business.

Comments