Feeling stuck in my boyfriend's family business.

SassyOchreTurtle · 07-03-2026 12:19PM #1

Hi everyone. I’ve been working for my boyfriend's family business for the past few years and I’m starting to feel completely burned out and unsure what to do.

It’s a small business and most of the time it’s just the two of us running everything. That means very long shifts, only one day off per week, and almost never having a full day off together as a couple. We also only get two weeks of holidays per year, which makes it hard to properly rest and reset.

For a long time we’ve been told that more staff would be hired “soon” and that the business would be for us (and last year his father changed his mind and told me that the ownership would be given only to his son) but there is always a new reason why it doesn’t happen. Both my partner and I agree that the workload would be much more manageable with extra help, and this is something we have talked about many times.

My partner originally took on this business because he truly believed it would be our future and that all the sacrifice would be worth it for us as a couple. That’s also why I stayed and kept pushing through the difficult parts. But the promised improvements never seem to arrive, and the situation hasn’t really changed.

I have already spoken to him about how this is affecting me, and he understands and supports the idea of needing more balance. However, I sometimes feel that he is afraid of confronting his family about it, which leaves us stuck in the same cycle. My salary is quite low for the number of hours and responsibility I have, and this situation is starting to affect both my mental and physical health.

The father promised us we can make 30k a week but it's been three years and we make half of it. I don't know if he lives in a fantasy or what.

I feel exhausted, stuck and honestly a bit taken for granted. The hardest part is that I’m afraid that if I leave the job, it will damage my relationship or put him in a very difficult position. At the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.

I've been missing Christmas and family events because I have to work here because his family seems to avoid to hire staff (they have this same business in another town and they have staff, proper days off and a lot of holidays I have to say but for us it seems there's no money to hire staff).

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step away and find a job with a healthier work–life balance? Has anyone been in a similar situation working for their partner’s family business?Any advice would really help.

gipi · 07-03-2026 12:36PM

There is a statutory entitlement to 4 weeks annual leave in Ireland, so the family are breaking the law there for a start.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/employment-rights-and-conditions/leave-and-holidays/annual-leave/

If you weren't working for your boyfriend's family, would you put up with the pay and conditions you have? I doubt it. Time to move on and find another job. If the relationship is strong enough, it will survive the job change.

csirl · 07-03-2026 12:47PM

The business obviously isnt thriving if they cant pay you a decent wage or hire staff.

From a purely financial perspective, you would be better having secure employment elsewhere. Think what would happen if the business failed - you'd both have no income.

Wanderer78 · 07-03-2026 12:51PM

never been in such a situation, but its definitely time to step back for yourself, and your relationship, continuing as is will just break you, and your relationship, its time for the frank conversation with your partner, its time to start working less hours, putting more time into yourself, and your relationship, but particularly yourself. the can will very likely keep being kicked down the road indefinitely if you dont, and you ll eventually just resent the whole situation, and resent your partner to, so your partner and his family can pick up the pieces, and see what happens from there, theres always more to life than just working. best of luck, tricky situation, but its best for yourself

Princess Calla · 07-03-2026 12:51PM

Firstly he's your boyfriend not your husband. This is not your family business. At the moment they have a great "lackey" being kept in line with empty promises.

As another poster pointed out would you put up with this if you were "just another employee" as essentially you are who happens to be sh*gging the owners son.......I really don't want to be blunt or crude about it.

However you need to put yourself first, find somewhere else with better working conditions.

They'll kick the can down the road for as long as the situation suits them.

There's nothing stopping your boyfriend breaking up with you tomorrow and you'd be left with nothing. Put yourself first. You can always return to the business once you are married and it is a family business, if you wish.

If your decision to move on impacts your relationship with your boyfriend to the point of break up, something else would have caused it anyway.

Princess Calla · 07-03-2026 01:05PM

Also, if you feel you can't leave as it will put you're boyfriend in an awkward situation or increase his workload, you are not the one doing that.

His parents (who are his employers )still have full control so it's up to them to ensure he's looked after. They are the ones pushing their child to breaking point.

Again in very simple and legal terms you are just an employee.

From a work point of view anything that happens to your boyfriend is his employers doing.

Mo Ghile Mear · 07-03-2026 01:28PM

I’ve seen similar situations to this on family farms where the income wasn’t enough for two families. The son who was the heir might be working on the farm until he was in his forties virtually for nothing until the parents were eligible for the pension, and the farm could be signed over then.
Very difficult situation for the woman who was married to the heir as she would have to be the main breadwinner, married to someone working 7 days a week for years for very little.

No wonder so many farms have no one to take over, young people nowadays can make a living far easier and with less hardship.

It’s hard to offer advice in your situation, it’s down to how much you’re prepared to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. Think long and hard while you still have choice, it’s not the life you want if you were married with children.

Mrs OBumble · 07-03-2026 02:00PM

Either your BF needs to upgrade his attitude and the behaviours that go with it, or you need to upgrade your BF.

This thread belongs in Personal Issues or whatever its called.

RoTelly · 07-03-2026 02:06PM

Your earning 15K per week as a couple or each or the whole income and is that before expenses? Why not employ a manager or some staff?

SassyOchreTurtle · 07-03-2026 02:25PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293535#Comment_124293535

We are not earning anything at the moment. All the money goes to the father as he is the owner of the shop. I talked to him twice about hiring staff and his response is always the same "if we hire staff we have to be careful with the stock" "instead of paying strangers pay me and my wife a salary and we'll work here". They have another off licence in another town where they work and they have staff hired, but it seems that he doesn't want to spend any money to get staff for the shop where my bf and I work. My bf doesn't have wages and my salary is low.

Pistachio19 · 07-03-2026 02:28PM

Find yourself another job and leave asap. These people are not worth wasting your time over. They are surely breaking the law by not giving you proper annual leave and not paying you adequately for the hours you work. They don't seem to have any intention of signing the business over to your boyfriend. Even if they did, would you really want this lifestyle for yourself longterm?

Maybe if you leave he will see that you have more time on your hands to spend with your family, see your friends, and it might be the kick up the backside he needs to walk away too. Think of the life you could have if you were in jobs with regular hours and the correct amount of annual leave. Whatever you do, don't stay and have kids as things stand, as you will be left raising them on your own while he is permanently tethered to the business while his parents continue to pull the strings.

Wanderer78 · 07-03-2026 02:30PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293572#Comment_124293572

ah fcuk that, both of you are being taken for a ride, tis time to stop this

machiavellianme · 07-03-2026 02:35PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293572#Comment_124293572

Get a new job that rewards you for what you are worth. Keep your relationship separate from your work. Your boyfriend can either confront his parents or not and you can decide how to proceed there in time, but for now, your priority is you. Go and get something else.

RurtBeynolds · 07-03-2026 02:36PM

Re-read what you've written here. You're being taken for a fool. Why would the father hire more staff? That's just more money out of his pocket. You're just a source of cheap labour.

POBox19 · 07-03-2026 02:50PM

@SassyOchreTurtle

You are a modern slave, get out asap.

RoTelly · 07-03-2026 02:51PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293572#Comment_124293572

Lack of trust is not good in a business. Does he trust his own son. I saw this in a local shop many years ago. Well run in fairness to the owner but he wouldn't hire anyone, newsagent (with just enough cake, bread, milk and sugar if you ran out) opened from 7am to 9am, Monday to Sunday, he sometimes have staff and other times would use his family. If he'd trusted people he could have had a few well run shops, instead he kept his money. When he retired the shop was taken over by a family in the other extreme who thought a local shop could open at 9am close at 5pm Monday to Friday and open a half day on Saturday, also a seaside town so invested in lots of seaside stock… its a good 20min walk to the beach from the shop, I think they last 3 months. As a business owner you have to have balance.

bilbot79 · 07-03-2026 11:04PM

If you're not deliberately being taken for a fool then this situation, that sits asymmetrically against your interests in favour of theirs, has become normalized and they don't have the mental wherewithall to do the right thing. They need to be shaken out.

Tell them youre leaving asap. Suddenly they'll be presented with the dilemma of hiring a replacement that has to be treated fairly, and with all the risk and obligation that comes with it.

You're probably in a stronger position here than you think but they just need a shake to see it.

Purple Mountain · 07-03-2026 11:19PM

OP. You sound like an intelligent, modern woman. But you are being treated like a door mat.

You've allowed this to happen.

Take back some pride and control of your own life.

They're not even your inlaws as Calla pointed out. You're just an exploited, underpaid member of staff.

And shame on your boyfriend for standing back whilst his parents treat you like this! Do you not fear for the future with him if this is how he allows you to be treated now?!

What do your family and friends say about this situation? I know what I'd tell my best friend. Run,don't walk.. and I'm not just even talking about the work situation sadly.

HazeDoll · 08-03-2026 12:43PM

I get that it can be hard to take a big step when you're up to your neck and burnt out. It seems like you have an ally in your boyfriend, you need to help each other out of this. I suspect a proper sit-down meeting is needed which will be awkward and difficult but without it the status quo will continue.

I was wondering if his family have helped you in some way, perhaps providing accommodation or something, that might compound the difficulty in changing the situation. They might be telling themselves you're doing very well out of the arrangement.

If something happened to him or if you just broke up, where would you be? Are you planning on buying a house? Having children? You have been working for very little pay, your finances (savings, credit, pension provisions…) can't be in great shape. Your boyfriend has the (almost*) guaranteed safety net of inheriting the business at some point in the future but his finances are probably not terrific either. It sounds like you would be much much better off if you were working in almost any other job, even a relatively low-paying job.

*If your boyfriend's family business can't survive while employing enough staff to allow proper working conditions then it's not a viable business. You might be sinking all your energies and risking your health and happiness for a business that is actually failing.

Flinty997 · 08-03-2026 01:45PM

You're losing your independence. Make a clean break definitely. If nothing has changed after a year it's never going to change. After 3yrs there's no intention to change. They'll be the same with every decision.

Regain your independence and life. Do it now. Don't give 3 months or anything. Act immediately.

SassyOchreTurtle · 08-03-2026 02:43PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124295724#Comment_124295724

The father renovated a house last year that he used to rent to students. He told us the house would be for his son and me as compensation for working like two mules under terrible conditions. However a month ago I received a letter saying my father in law is the landlord and that I'm registered as a tenant. He didn't even register his son as a tenant.

I was really upset because he had previously told us the house would be ours. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he agreed with me. My bf has even told me that at some point his father will start charging us rent. I don't know, the whole family seem to be in this weird and toxic dynamic.

I'm going to have a meeting next Thursday with the father and my bf and at the same time I'm working on my resignation letter cause I don't think the father is going to change.

POBox19 · 08-03-2026 03:50PM

You are an employee, not a family member. As such you have rights and entitlements like weekly wage, pension, time off, overtime and annual leave. You are going to need a record of every payslip you have received since starting work for this business and the hours worked and leave taken. Are your taxes, PRSI, Pension etc. paid up to date? Do the homework on the numbers, you could be owed a fortune.
Forget that boyfriend, he's using you and is never going to support you against his daddy.
The father is a bully and control freak and probably wants you gone anyway. As for a meeting with the father nothing will come of it, you should be able to see that by now. One good thing is that he can't evict you.

There are many state services that can help you, just reach out. Your first steps are to the Dept. of Social Protection and the Workplace Relations Commission (WRC).

Princess Calla · 08-03-2026 03:55PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124295981#Comment_124295981

Honestly I don't want to be harsh I'm just looking at this in black and white.

Until you have a ring on your finger you are nothing to this man (and even then you may not be anything).

Your employer is protecting his assets.

If you are living there rent free there is a tax liability that still needs to be paid to revenue.

If you are getting "room and board" as part of your employment terms you need a contract clearly stating this. It would also be prudent to have a rent figure should you cease to be employed by this employer.

Your boyfriend is irrelevant. You need to protect yourself.

You are extremely exposed in this set up and honestly I would try and find alternative employment.

Your employer has already made promises (handing over the business to both of you) and changed his mind (business only going to the son) however that still hasn't come to fruition.

Seriously cut your loses . Absolutely 1,000's of us have changed companies due to management dragging their heels on promises.

This is absolutely no different.

You need to stop seeing this man as family as he certainly doesn't view you as a daughter-in-law.

Jim_Hodge · 08-03-2026 04:02PM

This is pure modern day slavery. Contact the WRC about your working, and living, conditions. The father is coercive. The boyfriend is either a wimp, clueless or using you too. If you were a foreign worker and treated like this the father would be facing charges in court. You have the same workers' rights.

SassyOchreTurtle · 08-03-2026 04:15PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124296121#Comment_124296121

Unfortunately my boyfriend has struggled with mental health issues since he was very young. Several members of his own family have told me that his father pushed him into working in the family business from a very early age.

Because of his vulnerability, I do think his father has had a lot of negative influence over him for many years.

Jim_Hodge · 08-03-2026 04:17PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124296152#Comment_124296152

Not being harsh but you need to get past that and stop making excuses. Get out of that toxic environment .

jucko · 08-03-2026 04:34PM

Im in retail too, unfortunately the father is being a miserable git here, cut your losses op, pull the plug and if needed WRC, wont be long straightening him out.

I'm lucky enough to own a few shops similar to what you describe -greedy hoor is all he is, and as for the tenancy .. what an absolutely s$$tty thing to do.

get out there and live your life- i'd say yer man has screwed people over his whole life.

Purple Mountain · 08-03-2026 07:46PM

Seriously OP, if your relationship has any chance of survival, you need to separate your career and finances from your bf.

Your bf is controlled by his father.

By default you are too.

Forget the sit down meeting. Pack in the "job", don't apologise and get your own career started.

I'd also be very cagey to have any joint finances/loans etc at the moment because what can your bf really offer in terms of stability at the minute?

When you untangle yourself from this family financially, you'll be able to see things more clearly.

You should give serious thought to how your future could look if you marry into this family.

Flinty997 · 08-03-2026 10:44PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124295981#Comment_124295981

Personally I'd be gone.

Like others said I'd also be questioning the relationship. At some point your partner has to become your 1st priority not always last priority.

Hotblack Desiato · 09-03-2026 12:43AM

That means very long shifts, only one day off per week, and almost never having a full day off together as a couple. We also only get two weeks of holidays per year, which makes it hard to properly rest and reset.

You do realise that this is actually illegal?

And no properly run business needs to abuse its staff in such a fashion

Your partner's father sounds like a complete gobshîte. I wouldn't believe a word out of him if I were you.

For your own sake, get out, get out now. Get a proper job where you are treated properly. If that means your relationship goes, you are better off out of that and away from that family tbh, they sound like complete users of people.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124293468#Comment_124293468

Reminscent of so many episodes of Frankie Byrne, "Dear Frankie, I've been engaged for ten years but my fiance can't marry me until he gets the farm. I feel my life is going nowhere, should I wait and risk being left on the shelf forever?"

We are not earning anything at the moment. All the money goes to the father as he is the owner of the shop.
but it seems that he doesn't want to spend any money to get staff for the shop where my bf and I work

Ah here…

Why wiould he, when he has a pair of saps working all hours for him for next to nothing, except empty promises and lies?

Mendacious greedy git.

Get out. Get out now.

Dial Hard · 09-03-2026 01:02AM

Even taking all the relationship/familial stuff out of the equation for a minute, from a purely financial perspective the two of you are in a remarkably precarious position as it stands. Should the business go under at any moment, or if his Dad chooses to pull the plug - both of which sounds like very feasible outcomes, tbh - then you're both up shìt creek with very, very few options. You need an income that's not dependent on his (extremely enmeshed and not very healthy-sounding) family situation. Financial independence is everything in life.

Feeling stuck in my boyfriend's family business.

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