Dispute with mod

I reported in the boards tech issues thread or whatever it’s called earlier about the top menu bar being mainly inaccessible - notifications bell and messages or indeed user icon top right inaccessible - happens in both safari and chrome - I updated IOS yesterday so might be the cause - anyway just posting here in case others experiencing similar - I’ve only seen one other post on the helpdesk thread about it- surprised not more posters experiencing this - all above on mobile btw not laptop

And you think that personal responsibility means never opening e window? Or never going to a party? A victim is never to blame, for the actions of others.

That’s a lot of “hoops” you’re jumping through, there. You say you’re not blaming the victim but then in the same breath you’re attributing blame to the victim.

This site really needs to bring back down voting. 👎️

For those posts when someone posts something completely ridiculous / stupid / baiting / troll like - and you just can't be arsed getting into a row with them over it, but also want to express your opinion.

If Vanilla has the capacity to allow thanks, it should have the capacity to allow this too.

She put herself in danger by going to a party? Are all parties dangerous places in your world?

Now you don't believe that's what I said. Please don't frame it in such a way that I was even hinting at this.

I was very specific and made very specific reference to decisions she took which put her in danger.

Parties with 4 people which involve lying to your partner, no sleep, copious amounts of cocaine, copious amounts of alcohol, and the extreme liklihood of being alone in a penthouse with a violent celebrity who was locally rumoured to be violent towards women is quite a step from a party in my world. But yes, I would say willingly going to a party like this would be putting yourself in some danger?

Would you suggest that the woman did not increase the risk of something bad happening to her?

To suggest that even pointing that out is in ANY way similar to victim blaming is nonsense.

I have stated multiple times that the person commiting the crime is ultimately at fault for the crime.

There was no mention of a moral code?! My moral code? lol. Brilliant.

There was an undoubtedly higher chance of something untowards happening to her by going to a party which had a few of those things I mentioned, never mind all of them combined.

The reason I am discussing it here is because I am trying to see if acknowledging the fact that she put herself in a situation where she increased the likelihood of someone else may do something terrible to her, while also acknowledging the fact that she didn't deserve it and the fault lies with the agressor would still be classed as "victim blaming" by some on here. I'm of the view that it doesn't fall into that category

I don't want to fall foul of a ban. Some people are very trigger happy on the report button and don't want to pick up a warning unintentionally.

And therein is the problem. Despite EXPLICITLY saying that the person at fault was the person who commited the crime, acknowledgement that her behaviour didn't mean she deserved any of what happened, any criticism of the victim's behaviour or lack of care for her own safety is victim blaming to you and people who think like you.

It's a very good way of silencing discussion.

Can I ask, would a post which talked about the bad decisions she made be one you would report?

Indeed.

There's certain posters already whining that posts they don't like are getting too many "Thanks". The victimhood complex would only increase if their own replies were downvoted to hell and back as well.

That's the literal definition of victim blaming.

I'm surprised that you haven't asked what type of underwear she was wearing.

People should lie to their partners about their whereabouts, take illegal drugs, drink to excess, mingle with and invite the company of known violent sexual predators, go to a place where they will likely be alone with that predator and not expect that the chances of a bad person will abuse them increases significantly?

You don't see how this is victim blaming? 🤔

No. I think that is a good example of how the chances of something bad happening to her were increased by the situation she was in.

That in no way excuses what happened to her. The fault still lies with the person who assaulted her.

How can I phrase my point of view any differently when any mention of her behaviour that is less than complimentary or even slightly negative is viewed as "victim blaming"?

No person deserves to be assaulted. Every person has to accept that some choices they make, may increase the likelihood that something bad may happen to them.

It's the opposite if you don't know what victim blaming is.

What you are doing is literally victim blaming. People don't choose to see it that way. That's what it literally is.

What do you think victim blaming is?

"How can I phrase my point of view any differently when any mention of her behaviour that is less than complimentary or even slightly negative is viewed as "victim blaming"?"

I'm not trying to shut you down by arguing here, as I don't think you are posting in bad faith, but I think you could phrase your point of view differently: as a more generalised question as to what extent do people bear personal responsibility, if any, if something happens to them.

As the way you've expressed your point of view in that post - particularly in the second last paragraph - above isn't just less than complimentary or slightly negative - it reads as highly negative and personalised towards the person, who, at the end of the day, we all acknowledge to being the victim. I'm not saying that's your intention, I'm just saying that's how, to me, it reads.

THIS ^^^ is a perfect example of why I don't bother getting involved in these type of threads. 🙄

You asked a question, I answered it, but instead of accepting my answer in the context it was given, now you're trying to engage in a debate about it with me - and if I may say so, being quite uncivil in your tone - because you didn't like my answer.

For the record, I never mentioned anything about my "right to live carefree" or women going to parties - because men can be victims of sexual assault too.

I'll leave it there. I suggest you do to, as this is not the thread for it.