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Senior officer - married - sexual misconduct

  • 27-03-2022 5:44pm
    Registered Users Posts: 5 rapid_velocity23

    My sister-in-law has a cheating husband who is an officer in the defence forces. The other party is not a member of the defence forces. I have not told her yet. That aside. Are there regs in the defence forces regarding conduct in personal life that would jeopardise security of their job performance - think Commandant level. Surely there are?

    And if so - to who do you raise a security risk like this? What happens with breaches like this?



  • Registered Users Posts: 5 rapid_velocity23

    Its a security risk because this person has created a vulnerability for themselves. It doesnt matter what job they hold. I have personally seen an individual sign a multimillion GBP contract after having been wined and dined to excess. So there is a security risk. If they were a security patrol and this person was forced to reveal the location of checkpoints or position of personnel - thats a valid case that could happen.

    Its actually everyones business. Heres why. Its about trust. Each and every one of us rely on the person next to us being truthful, honest and to do what they say they will and to be loyal when they say they are loyal. This person took vows when they got married. So when they throw those away for themselves and worse, throw another marriage into the flames along with it - the other affair partner is also married - it burns two marriages. Both families have kids.

    Theres no danger in calling it misconduct. Its exactly what it is - they made a promise before family and god when they got married -- even reduce that to a social contract. And they have broken that. Broken their word. Broken their committments. All of those things are misconduct.

    Its actually best to cc all 4 of them. That theres nothing left in the shadows. No one has lies left to protect. Theres nothing to fear from truth. If anything it'll level the playing field and they can each decide whats best for them. What he's not going to do is to treat his wife this way and hide it.

    You are correct and I agree its not illegal. Though I have yet to be in an organisation whose contract language doesnt lean into "actions that bring the institute into disrepute" - And I've seen people forced into resignations for similar behaviour. So theres that. I appreciate your steer - but with a familial interest in this - inaction is wrong.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭ TheW1zard

    Why do you care?

  • Registered Users Posts: 5 rapid_velocity23


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  • Registered Users Posts: 971 ✭✭✭ wildwillow

    It really is none of your business. They are adults and your sister in law may be well aware of the situation and doesn't need your input.

    As for security, I doubt that it has any implication for our military forces.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5 rapid_velocity23

    whats Section 168????

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline. Doesn't matter though, no one in the Defence Forces wil give two shites.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5 rapid_velocity23

    Read that - and agree. Sounds to be the “good behaviour” conditions of employment.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 695 ✭✭✭ CreadanLady

    I think you should cc the 4 of them and guys CO in that email you are on about. CC the busiest busy body on their residents association too.

    Make sure to come back and let us know how it goes.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,637 ✭✭✭✭ Witcher

    Thread has to be a windup.

  • Registered Users Posts: 421 ✭✭ marathon2022

    Whats the name of this movie?

  • Registered Users Posts: 695 ✭✭✭ CreadanLady

    Maybe you should get on to him and say to him "look, I'll say nothing to your CO or missus if you gimmie a go and let me service your beour as well".

    Provided she's a hottie of course.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Registered Users Posts: 856 ✭✭✭ Notmything

    Assuming this is not a windup or trolling if the DF were to take action against all the personnel who are "playing away from home" they'll never get any other work done.

    Tell your sister in law or don't tell her, that's your choice. Reality is noone will give a fcuk about hubby's job.

  • Registered Users Posts: 325 ✭✭ virginmediapls


    rapid velocity - stop being mean


    Post edited by virginmediapls on

  • Registered Users Posts: 695 ✭✭✭ CreadanLady

    It is the DF so the reality is, like any military, when they are on deployment somewhere the chances are they are doing a bit of covering on the side. Especially likely since a lot of them would be uniformed alphas so they would have plenty opportunity while off duty.

    Now look, in reality this is none of yours nor none of the DF's business. Anyone drilling around outside of their marriage is not the business of their employer. You can't sack someone for riding.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Registered Users Posts: 46 ShamanRing

    It is indeed some sort of risk. This officer is now potentially suitable to be blackmailed.

    Having said that, I think DF would be more shocked that officers aren’t banging all and sundry.

  • Registered Users Posts: 695 ✭✭✭ CreadanLady

    I think OP needs to relax about the whole security and blackmail risk, revealing locations of checkpoints.

    FFS, this is the Irish DF, not a Tom Clancy novel.

    Maybe he will be blackmailed to reveal the locations of the stock of sandbags for use during floods. Or blackmailed to reveal how much diesel they pilfer out of army vehicles for their own use.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Imagine if he had the 'lunch' codes......... ole put in wouldn't be long backing off then🤣

    Methinks the OP is either trolling or has watched too much Jason Bourne over the weekend

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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,437 ✭✭✭ Dohvolle

    Lads It's grand to have a laugh and a joke at someone else's expense, but what if this guy is the person who has the Keys for the square?

    Then we'll see who's laughing.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,648 ✭✭✭ zg3409

    What do you expect to happen when you report them? If they lose their job then what? Will.employer stop the cheating? It sounds like you would like to get them in hot water, reality is you may be laughed at.

    If you intend telling person's wife then that's a totally different matter and would need very careful consideration. Personally I would not get involved, it's likely lots of people including wife may be somewhat aware of acts or person's reputation.

  • Registered Users Posts: 22,196 ✭✭✭✭ Larbre34

    Having an private affair with a woman, not a member of the DF, could never in a million years be construed as conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline.

    It'd be like charging him under that provision for being a vegetarian or being fond of scuba-diving, a total nonsense notion concerning personal choice around an issue that is not an offence.

    To the OP again, if you push this, it will end worse for you than it will for the Officer.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,659 ✭✭✭ Signore Fancy Pants

    People have been charged with a 168 from issues relating to civvy street.

    It highly depends on the context. People have indeed been blackmailed into providing information to a third party.

    To be honest, in cases where it has been exposed, it usually ends up worse for the blackmailer.

    In this case, with absolutely zero context, the DF won't give a fcuk, unless he's banging the likes of a wife of a criminal etc.

    If its just some Gen Pop aul one, the DF wont care, its a civil matter.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,426 ✭✭✭ maestroamado

  • Registered Users Posts: 695 ✭✭✭ CreadanLady

    Its not even a civil matter. Having an affair is not illegal.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,659 ✭✭✭ Signore Fancy Pants

    Its a civil matter in the sense that its not a military matter.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,437 ✭✭✭ Dohvolle

    It is a civil matter if the missus decided to get family law court involved.

    Its not a Criminal matter though. It's not a matter for military law either.

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,812 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Manic Moran

    Tell her or not, depends on the level of proof.

    However, I do think it’s the sort of behavior which shouldn’t be tolerated by a professional military. If the man can’t be trusted by his wife, how is he going to be trusted by his subordinates and colleagues?

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  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭ Wesley Delicious Underwear