Ex owes me money

babynice · 15-01-2022 02:31PM #1

My ex boyfriend owes me €2500 for well over a year now. I accept blame for actually giving him the money, but I was basically manipulated and bullied into doing it. I would describe him as an abusive narcissist. Some of this money was for a car (he said he would lose his job if he didn’t have a car, which was a lie), while the rest was for drug debts. I was genuinely afraid not to give him the money as he was screaming at me and told me people were after him and would attack me and his family too.

I had an arrangement with him that he would give me €50 a week but that only lasted for two weeks and then he claimed he couldn’t afford it anymore. I suspect that he must still be using drugs or else he just doesn’t care about giving me my money. I also found out after we separated that he has a loan that is in thousands of euros in arrears, so it looks like I will get nothing. I have asked him on multiple occasions, and so have his family, to give me the money back. I am so relieved to be away from him I’m wondering if it is worth the stress to get the money back, but on the other hand why should he get to keep my money?

I have proof that I paid for the car but not the rest. Is there anything I can do legally? Am I better off letting it go?

silver2020 · 15-01-2022 02:35PM

Simply not worth the stress or hassle

Idle Passerby · 15-01-2022 02:37PM

Small claims court is probably your only recourse at this stage.

AidoEirE · 15-01-2022 02:37PM

You won't get the money back no matter how hard you try, be done with him and move on.

Not worth the stress of dealing with him anymore, especially if he's using and in debt.

Chalk it up to money lost and lesson learned.

Dont put yourself through the hassel of dealing with him to get it back as it'll just be a merry go round of excuses.

Move on with your life and forget about him.

ted1 · 15-01-2022 02:49PM

Right it off, and consider yourself lucky you got away from him.

15-01-2022 03:02PM

Put it down to a hard lesson learned. You had a lucky escape. Let it go.

silver2020 · 15-01-2022 03:05PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Eh?

Has the scc system changed and you can take cases on a personal basis on a personal debt?

Check your information before giving very wrong information.

It's €2,500, legal proceedings could take 2 years and even then it would depend on paperwork and one person's word against another.

Frankly not worth the hassle and highly unlikely ever to get it back even if you did win an expensive court case where your costs could be just as much.

BENDYBINN · 15-01-2022 03:10PM

I'd have'someone ' talk to him.

Dial Hard · 15-01-2022 03:20PM

If he's not paying off his actual loan, what chance do you think you have of him paying you back?

Write it off as an expensive lesson learned and move on with your life.

Danzy · 15-01-2022 03:21PM

Cheap at twice the price to have him out of your life.

babynice · 15-01-2022 03:29PM

Thanks everyone. I agree, it’s not worth the stress of it or having any contact with him. I just get annoyed with myself for letting it happen but it’s certainly a lesson!

Danzy · 15-01-2022 03:38PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Then get a favourable judgement, if it is possible to prove that it was a loan and a repayment was put in place and not met, a big big if.

Then the real problem starts, you get your judgement, he isn't going to pay either way, you have to pay your solicitor and you are bringing a junkie scum bag back in to your Life.

Cheap at 2.5k to have him gone.

In years to come the op will realise that. No disrespect there, just hard lessons learnt myself.

It's still a big hit and understandably she is angry about it .

juno10353 · 15-01-2022 03:43PM

Let the money go. It's a lesson well learnt for future, and worth the money to have him out of your life. Mark it up to another experience for the memoirs

Idle Passerby · 15-01-2022 03:52PM

@silver2020 and @Danzy I didn't say I thought small claims court was a good idea. Personally I'd let it go, she's not getting that money back. But her question seemed to be what else could she do to try to get it back.

15-01-2022 03:56PM

Had similar issues with an ex, stole the profit from the sale of the house we bought together. Was only a few k.

Honestly I considered it a cheap price for never having to hear from her again.

Made sure to make it very public among our extended acquaintances though

Danzy · 15-01-2022 03:58PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479913#Comment_118479913

True. I didn't mean to imply you did.

JCJCJC · 15-01-2022 03:59PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Small claims is for consumer protection, goods and services, not personal debt. Debt claims notice is the procedure you need. There are templates for the documents you need on courts.ie. That said, unless he has a steady job, income, no other commitments etc don’t bother, because the end of the story is an instalment order, and if he can show no income worth a damn and loads of debts the order you might get will be useless.

cafflingwunts · 15-01-2022 04:05PM

https://jonathangillmediations.ie/

this lad will help

AndrewJRenko · 15-01-2022 04:27PM

Is there any chance that the car is registered in your name?

AyeGer · 15-01-2022 04:34PM

I think there was a case similar to this on Judge Rinder and if my memory serves me correctly a written agreement or proof of a number of payments was needed. It may be difficult to get your money back. As you are now an ex his motivation to repay you will not be particularly high.

Im sure there are others who had this problem and might have a solution.

15-01-2022 04:49PM

Go to the small claims court.

You might not get it for years but at least there will be a legal record of it that will follow him.

Don't make it so easy for him as he has written off in his head already going by his behaviour.

15-01-2022 05:14PM

Unless you are badly off for the money and have no other options, I would let this go and chalk it up as a life lesson.

As my mother used to say "let it go, and let all your bad luck go with it".

Once you've let go of it in your head, you'll feel better.

15-01-2022 05:20PM

Make a criminal complaint. Demanded money with menaces

Big Bag of Chips · 15-01-2022 06:07PM

He owes more than you and the loan. I'd say he has numerous loans, borrowed from multiple friends, family, work colleagues. Your money is gone. He knew when he asked for it you weren't getting it back. He might have intended to give it back, but he knew it was unlikely to happen. He asked you because he had exhausted other options.

It's annoying but be glad you are free of him. Cut contact with him. Don't ask for it back. Don't have much/any dealings with his family. Just leave them all behind now. You are better off away from them all. His family know he's not going to pay you back. It's all just lip service them asking him to pay you back. You'll never win with an addict. Never. Don't try.

KaneToad · 15-01-2022 06:18PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118480143#Comment_118480143

Are you eligible?

You can use the Small Claims procedure if your claim is for €2,000 or less. Only certain claims can be brought using the Small Claims procedure. You can make a claim if you are:

A consumer, making a claim for goods or services bought for private use from someone selling them as part of a business

A business, making a claim for goods or services bought for business use from someone selling them as part of a business

Making a claim for minor damage to property

Making a claim if a rent deposit for certain kinds of rented properties has not been returned. For example, a holiday home or a room / flat in a premises where the owner also lives.

15-01-2022 06:39PM

Our instinct is to help others and if we think a financial loan will assist in some important matter we do it if we can. But all too often we then find a person asking for a loan subtly or unsubtly has major issues, nearly always addiction (which by its nature invokes a lot of deception), that landed them in want/need of it in the first place. We never stop living and learning.

JCJCJC · 15-01-2022 08:00PM

It’s outside the jurisdiction on the small claims, forget that. That’s consumer protection law, your problem is civil law. Debt claim notice is the way to go.

AckwelFoley · 16-01-2022 12:33AM

Consider it an expensive lesson not to loan anyone any money unless you're married to them.

I've never given money to anyone that I couldn't afford to lose. And frankly that can be counted on less than a handful of fingers.

There are people I can give any money to and I know they would pay you back at any cost, and then there are people I wouldt give a tenner to

Cut your losses. You don't need any reason to be in any contact with him

km991148 · 16-01-2022 07:09PM

2.5k to have someone like this out of your life, forever? Not cheap but worth every cent.

Now the question is how do you feel about it? Are you angry at the money? Ate you angery or hurt at all? Do you have other feelings and the money owed is the easy thing to talk about?

The money itself seems a no brainer really. I'd try and draw a line under it and no contact with him. Chasing him for the sum owed will only prolong contact and prevent you from fully moving on.

If you are finding that difficult, I'd ask myself why?

Jequ0n · 16-01-2022 08:01PM

An abusive narcissist? Are you talking about the same person who you described as having a drink and drug problem before?

Money and you paying for other people’s expenses seems to be a recurring problem for you, so you might be better off examining your boundaries and principles before this happens again, OP.

maestroamado · 16-01-2022 08:06PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228140/ex-owes-me-money

I think its one for Judge Judy... i think that's the name...

Ex owes me money

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