Ex owes me money

babynice

My ex boyfriend owes me €2500 for well over a year now. I accept blame for actually giving him the money, but I was basically manipulated and bullied into doing it. I would describe him as an abusive narcissist. Some of this money was for a car (he said he would lose his job if he didn’t have a car, which was a lie), while the rest was for drug debts. I was genuinely afraid not to give him the money as he was screaming at me and told me people were after him and would attack me and his family too.

I had an arrangement with him that he would give me €50 a week but that only lasted for two weeks and then he claimed he couldn’t afford it anymore. I suspect that he must still be using drugs or else he just doesn’t care about giving me my money. I also found out after we separated that he has a loan that is in thousands of euros in arrears, so it looks like I will get nothing. I have asked him on multiple occasions, and so have his family, to give me the money back. I am so relieved to be away from him I’m wondering if it is worth the stress to get the money back, but on the other hand why should he get to keep my money?

I have proof that I paid for the car but not the rest. Is there anything I can do legally? Am I better off letting it go?

silver2020

Simply not worth the stress or hassle

Idle Passerby

Small claims court is probably your only recourse at this stage.

AidoEirE

You won't get the money back no matter how hard you try, be done with him and move on.

Not worth the stress of dealing with him anymore, especially if he's using and in debt.

Chalk it up to money lost and lesson learned.

Dont put yourself through the hassel of dealing with him to get it back as it'll just be a merry go round of excuses.

Move on with your life and forget about him.

ted1

Right it off, and consider yourself lucky you got away from him.

Put it down to a hard lesson learned. You had a lucky escape. Let it go.

silver2020

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Eh?

Has the scc system changed and you can take cases on a personal basis on a personal debt?

Check your information before giving very wrong information.

It's €2,500, legal proceedings could take 2 years and even then it would depend on paperwork and one person's word against another.

Frankly not worth the hassle and highly unlikely ever to get it back even if you did win an expensive court case where your costs could be just as much.

BENDYBINN

I'd have'someone ' talk to him.

Dial Hard

If he's not paying off his actual loan, what chance do you think you have of him paying you back?

Write it off as an expensive lesson learned and move on with your life.

Danzy

Cheap at twice the price to have him out of your life.

babynice

Thanks everyone. I agree, it’s not worth the stress of it or having any contact with him. I just get annoyed with myself for letting it happen but it’s certainly a lesson!

Danzy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Then get a favourable judgement, if it is possible to prove that it was a loan and a repayment was put in place and not met, a big big if.

Then the real problem starts, you get your judgement, he isn't going to pay either way, you have to pay your solicitor and you are bringing a junkie scum bag back in to your Life.

Cheap at 2.5k to have him gone.

In years to come the op will realise that. No disrespect there, just hard lessons learnt myself.

It's still a big hit and understandably she is angry about it .

juno10353

Let the money go. It's a lesson well learnt for future, and worth the money to have him out of your life. Mark it up to another experience for the memoirs

Idle Passerby

@silver2020 and @Danzy I didn't say I thought small claims court was a good idea. Personally I'd let it go, she's not getting that money back. But her question seemed to be what else could she do to try to get it back.

Had similar issues with an ex, stole the profit from the sale of the house we bought together. Was only a few k.

Honestly I considered it a cheap price for never having to hear from her again.

Made sure to make it very public among our extended acquaintances though

Danzy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479913#Comment_118479913

True. I didn't mean to imply you did.

JCJCJC

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479602#Comment_118479602

Small claims is for consumer protection, goods and services, not personal debt. Debt claims notice is the procedure you need. There are templates for the documents you need on courts.ie. That said, unless he has a steady job, income, no other commitments etc don’t bother, because the end of the story is an instalment order, and if he can show no income worth a damn and loads of debts the order you might get will be useless.

cafflingwunts

https://jonathangillmediations.ie/

this lad will help

AndrewJRenko

Is there any chance that the car is registered in your name?

AyeGer

I think there was a case similar to this on Judge Rinder and if my memory serves me correctly a written agreement or proof of a number of payments was needed. It may be difficult to get your money back. As you are now an ex his motivation to repay you will not be particularly high.

Im sure there are others who had this problem and might have a solution.

Go to the small claims court.

You might not get it for years but at least there will be a legal record of it that will follow him.

Don't make it so easy for him as he has written off in his head already going by his behaviour.

Unless you are badly off for the money and have no other options, I would let this go and chalk it up as a life lesson.

As my mother used to say "let it go, and let all your bad luck go with it".

Once you've let go of it in your head, you'll feel better.

Make a criminal complaint. Demanded money with menaces

Big Bag of Chips

He owes more than you and the loan. I'd say he has numerous loans, borrowed from multiple friends, family, work colleagues. Your money is gone. He knew when he asked for it you weren't getting it back. He might have intended to give it back, but he knew it was unlikely to happen. He asked you because he had exhausted other options.

It's annoying but be glad you are free of him. Cut contact with him. Don't ask for it back. Don't have much/any dealings with his family. Just leave them all behind now. You are better off away from them all. His family know he's not going to pay you back. It's all just lip service them asking him to pay you back. You'll never win with an addict. Never. Don't try.

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118480143#Comment_118480143

Are you eligible?

You can use the Small Claims procedure if your claim is for €2,000 or less. Only certain claims can be brought using the Small Claims procedure. You can make a claim if you are:

A consumer, making a claim for goods or services bought for private use from someone selling them as part of a business

A business, making a claim for goods or services bought for business use from someone selling them as part of a business

Making a claim for minor damage to property

Making a claim if a rent deposit for certain kinds of rented properties has not been returned. For example, a holiday home or a room / flat in a premises where the owner also lives.

Our instinct is to help others and if we think a financial loan will assist in some important matter we do it if we can. But all too often we then find a person asking for a loan subtly or unsubtly has major issues, nearly always addiction (which by its nature invokes a lot of deception), that landed them in want/need of it in the first place. We never stop living and learning.

JCJCJC

It’s outside the jurisdiction on the small claims, forget that. That’s consumer protection law, your problem is civil law. Debt claim notice is the way to go.

AckwelFoley

Consider it an expensive lesson not to loan anyone any money unless you're married to them.

I've never given money to anyone that I couldn't afford to lose. And frankly that can be counted on less than a handful of fingers.

There are people I can give any money to and I know they would pay you back at any cost, and then there are people I wouldt give a tenner to

Cut your losses. You don't need any reason to be in any contact with him

km991148

2.5k to have someone like this out of your life, forever? Not cheap but worth every cent.

Now the question is how do you feel about it? Are you angry at the money? Ate you angery or hurt at all? Do you have other feelings and the money owed is the easy thing to talk about?

The money itself seems a no brainer really. I'd try and draw a line under it and no contact with him. Chasing him for the sum owed will only prolong contact and prevent you from fully moving on.

If you are finding that difficult, I'd ask myself why?

Jequ0n

An abusive narcissist? Are you talking about the same person who you described as having a drink and drug problem before?

Money and you paying for other people’s expenses seems to be a recurring problem for you, so you might be better off examining your boundaries and principles before this happens again, OP.

maestroamado

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228140/ex-owes-me-money

I think its one for Judge Judy... i think that's the name...

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485854#Comment_118485854

Yes that’s him. I agree. Definitely there was a lack of boundaries in the relationship, unfortunately I fell for all his lies and mind games and somehow thought there was a nice person there somewhere. I haven’t loaned money to anyone else apart from him as I generally wouldn’t but he really got into my head.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485899#Comment_118485899

Well, never a good idea to lend money to someone with addition issues…

You will never get that money back so the best thing you can do is to avoid it happening again.

The reason I had brought this up was because money also seemed to be an issue in your last relationship you sought advice on.

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485638#Comment_118485638

Yes well worth it to have him out of my life. I’m not really hurt over the relationship anymore because I’m no longer with him and haven’t been in a long time and am no longer in contact with him. I am hurt about how he treated me but I’m able to deal with it. I think I got particularly annoyed about the money this week because a friend of mine saw him out drinking and he claims to have no money but can afford the pub or potentially drugs.

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485918#Comment_118485918

True I agree it was crazy to give him the money but he is very aggressive when he wants something. I was not thinking straight at the time. You’re right that money is gone. The last relationship was about money owed for a trip that I cancelled but I got that back. But I agree with your point about boundaries certainly something to work on before another potential relationship.

km991148

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485929#Comment_118485929

Then every time there is a reminder of that period in your life and you get annoyed just use it as a moment to thank your lucky stars that it's not your life anymore. Focus on yourself and that deep knowledge that you done the right thing. Even lending the money wasn't that bad as ultimately you were acting with good intentions for the relationship. Just work on spotting what a better relationship is in the future.

2.5k is nothing in the long run, especially when things go wrong.

1874

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118485929#Comment_118485929

Fairly Unanimous I'd say, I had to write some small amounts from friends/co-workers, I think about 3 instances, small amounts but annoying, wasn't worth the hassle. I got stiffed for a fair few thousands by one tenant, but was happier to get rid of the person and in the end be done with renting out a place. In my head I wrote off the money, especially the latter.

In all cases there was obvious spending where the person couldn't afford x so needed a loan or grace for paying for their essential needs, but could afford bookies, drinking, holidays, phones, basically many of the things I didn't have the money for or wouldn't spend on till my own basic needs/debts were paid or in hand.

Some people do the rounds, they put the hand out to one person or people until they bleed it dry or the funder cuts off the funding, then they move on to the next person, others are just appalling at managing their own finances and can never sort out their spending/debts.

Be glad this person is out of your life and do your best to forget the money, its a fair few quid if you're stuck for it, but it is wasted time and energy to deal with a person like that again to try recover, it would just bring them back into your life. Personally I'd write it off, as many others have said, be grateful to yourself you had the sense to get away from them and put an end to it, never let them back.