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Ex owes me money

  • 15-01-2022 1:31pm
    Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭babynice

    My ex boyfriend owes me €2500 for well over a year now. I accept blame for actually giving him the money, but I was basically manipulated and bullied into doing it. I would describe him as an abusive narcissist. Some of this money was for a car (he said he would lose his job if he didn’t have a car, which was a lie), while the rest was for drug debts. I was genuinely afraid not to give him the money as he was screaming at me and told me people were after him and would attack me and his family too.

    I had an arrangement with him that he would give me €50 a week but that only lasted for two weeks and then he claimed he couldn’t afford it anymore. I suspect that he must still be using drugs or else he just doesn’t care about giving me my money. I also found out after we separated that he has a loan that is in thousands of euros in arrears, so it looks like I will get nothing. I have asked him on multiple occasions, and so have his family, to give me the money back. I am so relieved to be away from him I’m wondering if it is worth the stress to get the money back, but on the other hand why should he get to keep my money?

    I have proof that I paid for the car but not the rest. Is there anything I can do legally? Am I better off letting it go?



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,758 ✭✭✭BENDYBINN

    I'd have'someone ' talk to him.

  • Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭babynice

    Thanks everyone. I agree, it’s not worth the stress of it or having any contact with him. I just get annoyed with myself for letting it happen but it’s certainly a lesson!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,486 ✭✭✭✭Danzy

    Then get a favourable judgement, if it is possible to prove that it was a loan and a repayment was put in place and not met, a big big if.

    Then the real problem starts, you get your judgement, he isn't going to pay either way, you have to pay your solicitor and you are bringing a junkie scum bag back in to your Life.

    Cheap at 2.5k to have him gone.

    In years to come the op will realise that. No disrespect there, just hard lessons learnt myself.

    It's still a big hit and understandably she is angry about it .

  • Registered Users Posts: 496 ✭✭juno10353

    Let the money go. It's a lesson well learnt for future, and worth the money to have him out of your life. Mark it up to another experience for the memoirs

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,113 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby

    @silver2020 and @Danzy I didn't say I thought small claims court was a good idea. Personally I'd let it go, she's not getting that money back. But her question seemed to be what else could she do to try to get it back.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,486 ✭✭✭✭Danzy

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭JCJCJC

    Small claims is for consumer protection, goods and services, not personal debt. Debt claims notice is the procedure you need. There are templates for the documents you need on That said, unless he has a steady job, income, no other commitments etc don’t bother, because the end of the story is an instalment order, and if he can show no income worth a damn and loads of debts the order you might get will be useless.

  • Registered Users Posts: 122 ✭✭cafflingwunts

  • Registered Users Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭AndrewJRenko

    Is there any chance that the car is registered in your name?

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,100 ✭✭✭AyeGer

    I think there was a case similar to this on Judge Rinder and if my memory serves me correctly a written agreement or proof of a number of payments was needed. It may be difficult to get your money back. As you are now an ex his motivation to repay you will not be particularly high.

    Im sure there are others who had this problem and might have a solution.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Go to the small claims court.

    You might not get it for years but at least there will be a legal record of it that will follow him.

    Don't make it so easy for him as he has written off in his head already going by his behaviour.

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  • Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    Make a criminal complaint. Demanded money with menaces

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,983 ✭✭✭KaneToad

    Are you eligible?

    You can use the Small Claims procedure if your claim is for €2,000 or less. Only certain claims can be brought using the Small Claims procedure. You can make a claim if you are:

    A consumer, making a claim for goods or services bought for private use from someone selling them as part of a business

    A business, making a claim for goods or services bought for business use from someone selling them as part of a business

    Making a claim for minor damage to property

    Making a claim if a rent deposit for certain kinds of rented properties has not been returned. For example, a holiday home or a room / flat in a premises where the owner also lives.

  • Registered Users Posts: 19,720 ✭✭✭✭recode the site

    Our instinct is to help others and if we think a financial loan will assist in some important matter we do it if we can. But all too often we then find a person asking for a loan subtly or unsubtly has major issues, nearly always addiction (which by its nature invokes a lot of deception), that landed them in want/need of it in the first place. We never stop living and learning. - serving exiled talent

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭JCJCJC

    It’s outside the jurisdiction on the small claims, forget that. That’s consumer protection law, your problem is civil law. Debt claim notice is the way to go.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley

    Consider it an expensive lesson not to loan anyone any money unless you're married to them.

    I've never given money to anyone that I couldn't afford to lose. And frankly that can be counted on less than a handful of fingers.

    There are people I can give any money to and I know they would pay you back at any cost, and then there are people I wouldt give a tenner to

    Cut your losses. You don't need any reason to be in any contact with him

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,273 ✭✭✭km991148

    2.5k to have someone like this out of your life, forever? Not cheap but worth every cent.

    Now the question is how do you feel about it? Are you angry at the money? Ate you angery or hurt at all? Do you have other feelings and the money owed is the easy thing to talk about?

    The money itself seems a no brainer really. I'd try and draw a line under it and no contact with him. Chasing him for the sum owed will only prolong contact and prevent you from fully moving on.

    If you are finding that difficult, I'd ask myself why?

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,519 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    An abusive narcissist? Are you talking about the same person who you described as having a drink and drug problem before?

    Money and you paying for other people’s expenses seems to be a recurring problem for you, so you might be better off examining your boundaries and principles before this happens again, OP.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,426 ✭✭✭maestroamado

    I think its one for Judge Judy... i think that's the name...