Married Men - A Gay Lads View - Have you ever had an experience?

Medical statisticians have to use the term "men who have sex with men" because some men who identify as straight do from to time have sex with men.

I would say the "men who have sex with men" tag is more than a little to do with a homophobic holdover in some men who wouldn't come forward in areas like blood donation, medical research etc if they were labeled Gay or Bi. It's a pill sweetener as it were.

I would also reckon that while being Gay has thankfully become far more acceptable in society, Bisexuality is still 'in the closet' to a much larger degree. Particularly in men. It's seen as much more 'acceptable' in women and more women are more likely to admit having Bi encounters. Over the years I've heard both Straight and Gay men and women express suspicion about Bi guys. You can even see this blindspot towards Bisexuality in research. If you look for research into Hetero and Homosexuality there's a mountain of it, but research into Bisexuality is much thinner on the ground(and much of it concerns women's sexual response). Bisexual people, especially men are a grey area and wider society seems to reflect that.

I dont believe its that simple. There are lots of straight men whove had gay encounters but they are straight.

I agree, it's not that simple. On the other hand I'd be far more in Oisin's camp above: Being straight/gay isn't just 'being attracted to' someone, it's whether or not you CAN engage with a gender on that level. There are plenty of Gay people for whom the very thought of a heterosexual encounter engenders visceral feelings of disgust, just like Straight people would find the thoughts of a homosexual encounter. Indeed because of how society is and certainly was, quite the number of Gay people found that out first hand when they tried to 'fit in', or were trying to figure out themselves when younger. A friend of mine's brother is Gay and I remember him briefly having a 'girlfriend' in his teens, but he told me any confusion he had was expunged by that experience. Holding hands was fine, but when they kissed the NOPE was strong and the idea of anything more was pass the sick bag vicar.

In a hetronormative society I can certainly see where a Gay man or woman who's had hetero encounters in the past could identify as '100%' Gay, but a Straight man or woman who has Gay encounters in the same society is exercising far more choice in that and IMHO they're Bi. A one off in adolescence is one thing, but if you're a man or woman having Gay encounters in adulthood you're not Straight. You might like to tell yourself you are, but you're Bi.

I would say the grey area is quite simply Bisexuality. If you're "almost straight, but not quite" or indeed "almost Gay, but not quite" you're Bi. Simple as that. I'd even bring it down to the level of a basic physical aversion to a sexual encounter, or not as the case may be. I would also reckon that there are far more Bi people out there than exclusively Gay and even exclusively Straight.

I think it's complicating things unnecessarily. Though that overcomplication has increasingly been a feature of identity debates in my humble and the private has become more public and politicised. Much of it down to individuals liking, even needing a 'label' for themselves as a special signifier of sorts to celebrate their particular special label, while all too often at the same time claiming to hate labels. This applies to all such labels with it. QV "But, what do I know... I'm a straight, white, middle class, professional, Christian heritage* male..." earlier.

The rise of social media accelerated this, but IMHO it was weaponised by the business behind social media as a way to fine tune information for advertising. Like this "there are 40 genders" and "sexuality is a spectrum" stuff. Facebook goes along with that. Of course it does, but it's neither social nor political, but optics and economics. If they find 'cisgender, queer, two spirits' buy more books and tools for DIY, they can aim more ads for books and tools for DIY at 'cisgender, queer, two spirits'.