Jealous? Or reason for concern?

Roboot21 wrote: »

It’s well known that when people go away on their own or as part of a group for a long or short period of time, should it be a weekend hen/stag party, for work purposes etc, the chances are that they will meet someone and have a fling with them. There’s always a “what happens on the mile stays on the mile” type of understanding. So I would say to you, don’t be worrying about it. Maybe if you were away for a month also, you might get up to something you wouldn’t want your partner to know about. If she does admit that something’s going on, listen to what she has to say and don’t be too harsh on her. She’s only human like the rest of us.

It depends what sort of people you choose to spend your time with. I have a big circle of very outgoing friends. We've had many many trips away over the years, lots of wild nights etc. What you've described is not the case at all and we would be pretty disgusted and totally intolerant of it.

OP I think the best revenge of all is walking away with your head held high.

Honestly, otherwise you are creating more drama which this girl no doubt will relish and use against you. It will madden her if you just walk away like you don’t give a ****. Such a shame you have money tied up in her account. Clearly get that sorted before making any move or you may never see it again. The kind of woman who behaves like she does will have no qualms about hanging on to your money.

And don’t worry about ‘wasted years’ - unless you are a pensioner there’s plenty of time to meet somebody else and do the whole marriage kids thing. Most people aren’t dicks - you just got unlucky. There may have been red flags missed along the way because you wanted a partner so much and were blinded by love?

If you have a bank account now, play nice and tell her to transfer the money over, if she says why, just say I need to have savings in my name as "john" at work was saying the bank will need proof that its not just your money. Or just casually say either that or we'll open a joint account, we'll do it this week, pick the day. Hopefully you'll get access to it

I think you may need to get legal advice on how to get your money back. I think it might be more difficult than you think. Get that sorted first.

Please don't just settle no one deserves it. If it means walking away from the money it will be worth it.

killbillvol2 wrote: »

This thread doesn't add up. How do you live on the other side of the world and yet go home for the weekend?

It does to me. He’s Irish. Sounds like he moved to Australia or Canada or wherever and was enjoying life over there but moved ‘home’ to Ireland because that is what cheatymccheats wanted.

*mod snip. No need to quote entire OP. It makes threads difficult to navigate for mobile users*

Imagine your married and this will be the same - expensive and stressful to get out - move on - sounds awful -

TheClubMan wrote: »

BINGO! I mustn't have explained that well in my previous posts. We're both Irish and we moved back to her locality from Australia in November/December.

I think some people just don’t bother reading through full threads before popping in their two cents

Why not just tell her what you know and ask her for your share of the deposit and tell her you're ending the relationship? Presumably you have statements from your account showing who input what before it was transferred to her.

killbillvol2 wrote: »

I read the full thread. As the OP admitted, it was poorly explained.

I’m sorry - it wasn’t directed at you specifically though of course it sounded like it was!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Why would you open up a joint account with her if you are going to be separating within a couple of hours?

Tell her you are ending the relationship. Tell her to transfer your money back to your account. Watch her as she logs into her bank and transfers it. If she doesn't have it she won't have it on Tuesday. If she has it she should have no problem logging in and transferring it.

Don't make this complicated. Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be. Tell the wife or don't, but don't expect to get the response you are hoping for.

The problem with the simply asking for the funds back is she might just refuse to transfer it.

OP you can’t force her unfortunately. I don’t normally advocate tricks and subterfuge - but there is a high risk of this woman deciding to keep your half too, and nothing you can do legally to get it out of her account, you’ll be relying on her good will, which by all accounts may be non existent.

There's no telling what someone might do if their backs are against the wall. I can see why people recommend the sneaky join account approach. Might be better that threats and ultimatums about telling others.
Equally maybe the person will do the right thing(although I personally have my doubts based on what has been told so far..).

Horrible situation all round.

I’d get advice before setting up a joint account and getting the money that way just incase down the line of trying to get your own mortgage etc they still see you as a joint account holder etc. Again I have no clue about banking etc so I could be talking ****e but maybe get some advice if there’s any repercussions!
Also you could go down the road of trying to oust her by saying you got an interesting phone call from someone she knows, don’t say who but say that you know everything and explain some things but maybe muddle up the details just slightly so it’s not like you read it from her phone (it will drive her up the wall trying to figure out who told you). All I want is my deposit back and that’ll be that I’ll walk away. But as a previous poster said it might be that easy...

Either way it’s a ****ty situation so don’t do anything drastic or impulsive just bide your time and sort out what you need to sort out and don’t be afraid to reach out to family friends etc as it’s good to talk.