Right to Block Him?

Yurt2 · 03-03-2021 03:05PM

YellowLead wrote: »

Hi OP,

We are all just posting our thoughts as you did ask for advice as to whether you did the right thing or not. If you are convinced you did and just want everybody to say - yes you are right to have sent that text....then it seems you are looking for validation and sympathy and not advice!

Or is there some question for us you are not directly asking?

Validation and sympathy is a rather unkind way to frame it. The forum as I understand it goes beyond mere advice.

She's processing a difficult breakup in which she was wronged, and in that I think she deserved to be listened to.

Some people move on quickly from these blows, some not so quickly.

Sometimes the the advice from posters to vulnerable OPs don't go much further than 'suck it up, he/she's just not into you', which is a shame and a disservice, because often we're reading the thoughts of very hurt people.

YellowLead · 03-03-2021 03:20PM

Yurt! wrote: »

Validation and sympathy is a rather unkind way to frame it. The forum as I understand it goes beyond mere advice.

She's processing a difficult breakup in which she was wronged, and in that I think she deserved to be listened to.

Some people move on quickly from these blows, some not so quickly.

Sometimes the the advice from posters to vulnerable OPs don't go much further than 'suck it up, he/she's just not into you', which is a shame and a disservice, because often we're reading the thoughts of very hurt people.

I would agree if the original post had been framed a bit more like I had a horrible break up, how do I get over it etc etc. Nobody said to just suck it up - we addressed her OP question specifically.
OP if you had asked if we thought the guy acted unfairly then responses would have been different.

We are only trying to help by offering opinions on what was asked - looking at the situation objectively.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 03:24PM

Yurt! wrote: »

Validation and sympathy is a rather unkind way to frame it. The forum as I understand it goes beyond mere advice.

She's processing a difficult breakup in which she was wronged, and in that I think she deserved to be listened to.

Some people move on quickly from these blows, some not so quickly.

Sometimes the the advice from posters to vulnerable OPs don't go much further than 'suck it up, he/she's just not into you', which is a shame and a disservice, because often we're reading the thoughts of very hurt people.

Yes, thank you, I'm processing it on here because of lockdown meaning that I don't have the unusual avenues of talking to friends, and because in total I've known him for 15 years. I'm not an automaton.

I'm also finding the comments criticising me and trying to undermine my confidence quite interesting too, because I'm so much stronger.

To the poster who said I wasn't sure how long he had cheated on me for, I think it was at least 3 or 4 months. Possibly longer if on and off. And there was another instance of cheating with another woman too, confirmed by a friend (who is also so disgusted with his behaviour, she has blocked him too). But it's probably right to think he had planned to break up with me before he actually did so. Maybe TMI, but the last time I saw him, he tried to do the deed with me 3 times in the space of 10 hours. I say tried, because the third time he couldn't manage. Looking back, that was his "farewell" to me. Thats literally the only thing that was slightly unusual in his behaviour.

If he had phoned me up and said "look, I'm really sorry but long distance isn't working for me" but he actually told me outright that he was dumping me because he had someone else now. And he could have returned my stuff somehow, instead of just stealing it.

I wouldn't give him too much credit for ending it, he probably only did so because he realised that me and the other woman know each other and he would have been caught out anyway. She's not the quiet type, so it's possible she threatened to tell me... I don't know. She lives in the same city as him and she's not... Well someone I would be jealous of. They're welcome to each other.

Neyite · 03-03-2021 03:24PM

Sounds like you are in the fake-it-till-you-make-it phase. You are telling us and yourself that you are over him, that you see him for the kind of man he really is and that that kind of man is someone you would never get involved with, but your actions say otherwise. The text shows that you aren't over him at all. So maybe it's a good thing she's blocked you now, looking at the details of their relationship is not healthy for you and you were starting to drift firmly into stalker ex territory and you might actually start moving on for real.

I honestly don't see that he's done a lot wrong here apart from possibly overlapping you both -and even then, they might have just been friends for all you know until he was single. Overlapping isn't nice but it's very common. However he followed all the steps that we tell people to do when breaking up with someone they know cares deeply - he told you in person, he didn't get into specifics of why he wanted to break up, and he strongly avoided and discouraged anything that might get your hopes up - like meeting up to give back your things. He did it before you upped sticks and moved for him. Those things are actually the kinder things to do for the broken-hearted person though it doesn't feel like that at the time.

He just wasn't that into you. And when that happens it does hurt like hell. I've been there. It took me a while to sort out that as much as I saw a future, there IS no future for a relationship unless both are seeing the same thing.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 03:24PM

It's almost a year since he dumped you, you need to be getting on with your life not living in the past.

Seriously you only have one life to live & you have wasted a year of it. It takes time to get over a bad breakup but is he really worth it.

Try work on your self asteem, self confidence. Get some counselling if that helps. Read some getting over heartbreak books.

But move on with your life, forget about him & your belongings. It's too late to u send the text so stop wandering what if, were you right.

Everytime you find yourself thinking about him, say to yourself STOP. Everytime you get in touch with him your starting up your healing again. Delete or hide his new girlfriend on fb. Why are you torturing yourself.

Find a new hobby, start getting fit, declutter, do something to keep yourself busy. Get a new hobby, new friends. Put yourself 1st. Mind yourself.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 03:31PM

Neyite wrote: »

Sounds like you are in the fake-it-till-you-make-it phase. You are telling us and yourself that you are over him, that you see him for the kind of man he really is and that that kind of man is someone you would never get involved with, but your actions say otherwise. The text shows that you aren't over him at all. So maybe it's a good thing she's blocked you now, looking at the details of their relationship is not healthy for you and you were starting to drift firmly into stalker ex territory and you might actually start moving on for real.

I honestly don't see that he's done a lot wrong here apart from possibly overlapping you both -and even then, they might have just been friends for all you know until he was single. Overlapping isn't nice but it's very common. However he followed all the steps that we tell people to do when breaking up with someone they know cares deeply - he told you in person, he didn't get into specifics of why he wanted to break up, and he strongly avoided and discouraged anything that might get your hopes up - like meeting up to give back your things. He did it before you upped sticks and moved for him. Those things are actually the kinder things to do for the broken-hearted person though it doesn't feel like that at the time.

He just wasn't that into you. And when that happens it does hurt like hell. I've been there. It took me a while to sort out that as much as I saw a future, there IS no future for a relationship unless both are seeing the same thing.

Thanks for your reply. When I looked on her FB page there was a post with a photo of his front door and the caption "been invited over to dinner tonight by..." dated 2 months prior to him ending it with me. I don't normally look at her FB page which is why I dudnt notice it before.

Oh I think he was very much into me (why the need to diminish people like that? I know we've split up for good) but I honestly think he's more into himself than anyone and he needs constant excitement of the new or slightly risky.

I just don't want him any more, he's not coming creeping back this time. He's just awful.

Yurt2 · 03-03-2021 03:41PM

Neyite wrote: »

Sounds like you are in the fake-it-till-you-make-it phase.

Overlap is a soft-peddle word for being cheated on. I think the OP deserves some credit for her instincts that she was cheated on and the circumstances as presented to us would strongly suggest she was indeed cheated on.

My read, it's only my read mind you, was that the breakup process was him covering his tracks - because no one likes being called a cheater even if that's exactly what they are.

I don't want to be seen as indulging the OP too much, but she was gaslit in the end, and when coming to an internet forum for succour in a tough spot, perhaps anonymous folks should do better than endorse or soft-peddle actions from him that most people would agree are harmful would they have happened to you or someone you care about.

I'll bow out of the thread now, as I know I've put myself at-odds with some other posters opinions. But I'd come down hard on the side of the OP on her take.

Best of luck to her and I hope she finds happiness.

And final edit: This was a 2 year relationship, not 3 tinder dates, just not that into you again is a poor way of framing what went on and minimises what the OP went through.

Thelonious Monk · 03-03-2021 03:56PM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

I honestly think he's more into himself than anyone and he needs constant excitement of the new or slightly risky.

I just don't want him any more, he's not coming creeping back this time. He's just awful.

There's no point characterising him in ways that suit the narrative you're constructing for this situation.
All of this is typical of thought processes that can happen after a relationship, but it has been a long time now and you really need to let it go.
That's why he left me, he's totally into himself, he gets off on new experiences and excitement, the prick.
The fact is he could very well be a great partner to this new girl, and he's not into himself, and you just didn't matter that much after all.
I feel bad for you because it's a tortuous noisy mind you're putting up with right now, but it sounds a bit obsessive to me after this length of time.
Do the things you need to do to move on, there's a lot of stuff on the internet to read about these things.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 04:21PM

He's just not that into you wrote: »

It's almost a year since he dumped you, you need to be getting on with your life not living in the past.

Seriously you only have one life to live & you have wasted a year of it. It takes time to get over a bad breakup but is he really worth it.

Try work on your self asteem, self confidence. Get some counselling if that helps. Read some getting over heartbreak books.

But move on with your life, forget about him & your belongings. It's too late to u send the text so stop wandering what if, were you right.

Everytime you find yourself thinking about him, say to yourself STOP. Everytime you get in touch with him your starting up your healing again. Delete or hide his new girlfriend on fb. Why are you torturing yourself.

Find a new hobby, start getting fit, declutter, do something to keep yourself busy. Get a new hobby, new friends. Put yourself 1st. Mind yourself.

It's 8 months since he dumped me. The text is long sent.

I'm not "late thirties" either, as a previous poster said. I'm 33. He is 40. His new partner or FWB or whatever is 32.

I don't need a new hobby! I already do horseriding and running. Not sure how I'd fit another one in! In normal times, I have plenty of friends to socialise with. At the moment, it's mostly banned.

And I'm really not torturing myself keeping her as a friend on FB. He's the one who cheated, but she was the groom at the stables where I used to keep my horse and I've no reason to defriend her as apart from that photo of his front door months ago, she's put absolutely nothing about him on her FB. And I know he lies and pretends he's single when it suits him. I dont know how to say this, but she's really not the sort who would make me jealous, but she's a person too and she isn't being bitchy to me or showing off.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 04:24PM

And final edit: This was a 2 year relationship, not 3 tinder dates, just not that into you again is a poor way of framing what went on and minimises what the OP went through.

The op didn't break up last week, it was last year, he is her EX and it doesn't matter what's he's up to, the OP needs to let go & get on with her life.

How will she meet someone else if she's wasting her time thinking about the past. She could have met someone else by now or just be happily single. Thinking about herself instead of him & his new gf.

Hannibal_Smith · 03-03-2021 04:39PM

It's 8 months since he dumped me. The text is long sent

So why are you questioning it now?

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 05:11PM

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

There's no point characterising him in ways that suit the narrative you're constructing for this situation.
All of this is typical of thought processes that can happen after a relationship, but it has been a long time now and you really need to let it go.
That's why he left me, he's totally into himself, he gets off on new experiences and excitement, the prick.
The fact is he could very well be a great partner to this new girl, and he's not into himself, and you just didn't matter that much after all.
I feel bad for you because it's a tortuous noisy mind you're putting up with right now, but it sounds a bit obsessive to me after this length of time.
Do the things you need to do to move on, there's a lot of stuff on the internet to read about these things.

While I think a lot of that is entirely true in terms of characterising, I also think posters like yourself could take something useful from Yurt’s post above, breakups and the circumstances within them are absolutely not the same for everyone and I think it’s only keeping within the spirit of the PI forum to take the OP at her word as to how things went down.

Maybe he was a horrible cheating douche, maybe he wasn’t but I think it’s only fair to take what’s been given and provide the most applicable advice to that, not question the OP’s narrative as you put it.

Just to clarify, I’m not having a go at you or anyone that offers that sort of advice, it’s just something to keep in mind.

03-03-2021 06:02PM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

If he had phoned me up and said "look, I'm really sorry but long distance isn't working for me" but he actually told me outright that he was dumping me because he had someone else now.

Would you have preferred if he lied to you about his reasons for ending things?

If he'd have blamed long distance for ending it you would have said "but I'm looking for a job nearby.." and then what would he have said? He probably knew he had to be blunt with you, even if it was not very kind.

You set up the thread supposedly to ask for thoughts on your sending him a text telling him you were blocking him, several months later...

And I think the majority are just pointing out that after that amount of time, it would have come a bit out of the blue, and he probably raised an eyebrow about why it was coming so many months later, deleted it, then blocked you, and moved on.

I'm sorry if thats hurtful, but its what I would have done, and if the situation was reversed and he posted about an ex texting him after a long time, what many here would advised him to do.

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 06:16PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Would you have preferred if he lied to you about his reasons for ending things?

If he'd have blamed long distance for ending it you would have said "but I'm looking for a job nearby.." and then what would he have said? He probably knew he had to be blunt with you, even if it was not very kind.

You set up the thread supposedly to ask for thoughts on your sending him a text telling him you were blocking him, several months later...

And I think the majority are just pointing out that after that amount of time, it would have come a bit out of the blue, and he probably raised an eyebrow about why it was coming so many months later, deleted it, then blocked you, and moved on.

I'm sorry if thats hurtful, but its what I would have done, and if the situation was reversed and he posted about an ex texting him after a long time, what many here would advised him to do.

I'd certainly have preferred it if he hadn't kept having sex with me whilst "overlapping" is it? Cheating, I call it. So, yes, no brownie points for him excitedly boasting to me that he was seeing someone else now. Because the result of it was that I had to book an STD test. It would have saved an awful lot of upset if he's been less brutal and actually ended it with me and been single before he invited that woman to his house for dinner. But to be honest, he kept texting me quite a bit after that, saying things like "I'm sorry it ended this way", "I guess I'm just bad at relationships", "You're better off without me" but at the same time and it just sounded so cliched.

It took me that long to get to the stage of being able to stand up to him, to see him for what he was, because I'd always seen him as a bit of a hero (feel stupid saying that now), he was older than me and the most talented runner in our club.

I doubt he raised any eyebrows, we were really close for many years and he must have felt really guilty about what he did and the way he treated me, and had hoped I wouldn't find out. To be honest though, I couldn't give a flying F about what he thinks.

I'm actually embarrassed I was ever involved with him now, I'm worried that he has a certain reputation that I didn't know about before and people will think I'm easy because I was involved with him. And I'm ashamed for feeling that way. But no, I'm not hurt. I'm still shocked, and I'm disappointed in myself that I ignored all the red flags about what he was like before (and there were many) and moved my boundaries to put up with his strange behaviour.

I also wondered if anyone else had experienced such strange behaviour from someone they had known really well?

He's also basically stolen my stuff to shag other women on too, which is so bad it almost has a bit of black humour about it!

Thelonious Monk · 03-03-2021 06:42PM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

I also wondered if anyone else had experienced such strange behaviour from someone they had known really well?

Everything he did or didn't do probably seems strange and wrong to you now. That's normal. I think most people after splitting with someone will go through a "who the f*ck even was that?" stage. But whatever it is you wanted to happen doesn't align with what he wanted, it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I hope one day you'll see that you may have been overreacting to everything.
It just goes to show that you never really know someone as well as you think you do.

YellowLead · 03-03-2021 06:43PM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

He's also basically stolen my stuff to shag other women on too, which is so bad it almost has a bit of black humour about it!

OP I was having sympathy for you after reading your last post until yet again you said something that makes you sound a bit mental. He didn’t ‘steal’ your bedding. You gave him the bedding, or loaned it whatever. Left it behind and he didn’t want to meet you - chances are he has binned it. Are you that hard up that some bedding has you bothered!

Having said all that I just want to clarify that I think cheating is awful, what he did sleeping with both of you for a period of months was awful, and he sucks for doing that. Agreed. No debate there.

And fair play for acknowledging red flags which were ignored - pat on the back and we all learn this way.

To answer your latest question which is basically - has anybody been hurt by somebody they love? I say who hasn’t! If you date you are going to get hurt at some stage - end of. You have to grieve and let go and be resilient. Easier said than done but engaging game in behaviour like looking at Facebook profiles of new girlfriends 8 months down the line and sending I’m blocking you messages to an ex who hasn’t tried to reach out - you have to see that that is not healthy.

03-03-2021 06:45PM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

I'd certainly have preferred it if he hadn't kept having sex with me whilst "overlapping" is it? Cheating, I call it. So, yes, no brownie points for him excitedly boasting to me that he was seeing someone else now. Because the result of it was that I had to book an STD test. It would have saved an awful lot of upset if he's been less brutal and actually ended it with me and been single before he invited that woman to his house for dinner. But to be honest, he kept texting me quite a bit after that, saying things like "I'm sorry it ended this way", "I guess I'm just bad at relationships", "You're better off without me" but at the same time and it just sounded so cliched.

It took me that long to get to the stage of being able to stand up to him, to see him for what he was, because I'd always seen him as a bit of a hero (feel stupid saying that now), he was older than me and the most talented runner in our club.

I doubt he raised any eyebrows, we were really close for many years and he must have felt really guilty about what he did and the way he treated me, and had hoped I wouldn't find out. To be honest though, I couldn't give a flying F about what he thinks.

I'm actually embarrassed I was ever involved with him now, I'm worried that he has a certain reputation that I didn't know about before and people will think I'm easy because I was involved with him. And I'm ashamed for feeling that way. But no, I'm not hurt. I'm still shocked, and I'm disappointed in myself that I ignored all the red flags about what he was like before (and there were many) and moved my boundaries to put up with his strange behaviour.

I also wondered if anyone else had experienced such strange behaviour from someone they had known really well?

He's also basically stolen my stuff to shag other women on too, which is so bad it almost has a bit of black humour about it!

And now the drip feed...

You're also dropping quite a bit of personal information now that could make everyone involved identifiable. Ireland is a small place.

Good luck op. I wish you every happiness in the future.

bitofabind · 03-03-2021 06:52PM

OK. So there's been pages of you airing all kinds of grievances about this guy since I last read this thread OP. And that's fine, but you've confirmed that you don't ever want this guy in your life again, you're over him and that's that. He was toxic and a liar and whatever else. So I'll go back to my earlier question. What now? What's next for you? Where do you go from here?

Being hurt and betrayed can provoke a lot of anger, but we're talking about a relationship that ended almost a year ago and that you're still ruminating on and developing an unhealthy fixation with. What he did, what he said, he was X, he was Y. The past won't change, regardless of if this was someone you knew "for years" before he hurt you or not. It doesn't add or detract from the pain.

Ruminating at this stage is what I would classify as self-neglect and self-destruct mode. Hurting yourself over and over again. Self care here is figuring out how you can build some resilience and move on. What do you need to do that? A therapist to work through the relationship with? A break from dating? A personal goal to work towards? A change of scenery?

If you're not willing to address what your actual needs are and just want to go around in circles over how you've been wronged and dwell on how awful this person was without any regard for your own wellbeing and way forward, well I'm afraid that's above this forum's pay grade.

Thelonious Monk · 03-03-2021 06:55PM

bitofabind wrote: »

:(well that I'm afraid that's above this forum's pay grade.

I should have known they paid you for your RI work.
OP you're doing your thinking out loud here and that's fine, all of us would think ridiculous stuff in your situation, but it looks pretty nuts to us, and will probably look nuts to yourself one day.
I think you'll agree that you've probably spent enough time on this by now though.

osarusan · 03-03-2021 06:59PM

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Being honest it really doesn't read like you have moved on.

My thoughts also.

Sending texts a long time after contact had stopped to block him, and then starting a thread a long time after that, says you haven't moved on but continue to analyse/agonise over this.

The guy - he's gone, forget about him. The text you sent - it's done, forget about it.

Focus on yourself and what you need to actually get over it and move on. Be honest with yourself about what that is.

What you are doing now is hurting, not helping you.

Jequ0n · 03-03-2021 07:06PM

OP why did you open this thread really?
You reject any comments/ suggestions you dislike and refuse to even consider them.

Self-pity and condemning this guy have not gotten you anywhere in the last 8 months so what do you think this discussion board will bring you?

This is not a trick question but a genuine one.

Regarding your last post: there is a chance that he simply wanted zero interaction with you post breakup given the drama you are creating over a few poxy bedsheets...

LegacyUser · 03-03-2021 07:50PM

Jequ0n wrote: »

OP why did you open this thread really?
You reject any comments/ suggestions you dislike and refuse to even consider them.

Self-pity and condemning this guy have not gotten you anywhere in the last 8 months so what do you think this discussion board will bring you?

This is not a trick question but a genuine one.

Regarding your last post: there is a chance that he simply wanted zero interaction with you post breakup given the drama you are creating over a few poxy bedsheets...

Well, hopefully I'm not going to be labelled ridiculous for answering a few questions.

Loueze - I'm not in Ireland. I never said that I was. I'm Irish, but not in Ireland. As are many, many posters on these boards.

In answer to your question, I suspect that he knew I wouldn't put up with someone cheating on me and wouldn't be best happy. I sent ONE text message requesting my stuff back and if asking for your own property back is a drama, then it might benefit you to learn to be a little more assertive.

I neither gave nor loaned my silk sheets etc to him. They were mine, stored in a wardrobe which he said he wouldn't use except for when I was visiting, because they were "too good". And I did ask them to give them back, he ignored it and that is an intention to permanently deprive someone of their property, so it is theft. Obviously I'm not going to do anything about it, but I think its really dreadful behaviour.

I guess ONE of the reasons I posted was to check whether Ireland was still as old fashioned and rooted in the dark ages against women. it does seem to be. I cannot believe that cheating is written off as "over-lapping". As if that were something different. No-one really needs to be told things such as they are ridiculous, they are stalkers for looking on their FB's friends pages and finding out whether their ex really did cheat no them, they lack self esteem, they have all sorts of minute character flaws and so on. I doubt that there is a human being who would meet the standards of perfect demanded by some posters on here. To be honest, much of this is coming close to "negging" - making micro criticisms of someone to undermine them, and criticising people for answering questions when you've asked them questions. Thats a really undermining argument deliberately designed to make someone feel unimportant and far more likely to create issues of low self esteem where none previously existed.

Hannibal_Smith · 03-03-2021 11:15PM

Mod Note

OP, please bear in mind that this is Personal Issues/Relationship Issues where you have come for advice and such advice can be wide ranging (as long as its civil and constructive). You may not agree with all the advice that has been given and by all means take or leave whatever is most/least appropriate, but remember people have taken time out of their day to try and help you.

If you feel the thread is not helping you, it can be closed if you wish.

Thanks

HS

Jequ0n · 03-03-2021 11:21PM

Sorry, but I am struggling to emphasise with your line of reasoning simply because you have no interest in taking opinions and suggestions on board.

You just confirmed that you are not looking for advice, unless it suited you.

And for the record: I am not Irish as you can probably tell by my frequently messed up grammar and spelling. So maybe you cannot blame your woes on “Ireland” just because people didn’t agree with you here.

I also did not notice any gender specific attacks here apart from your end.

If I were you I’d refrain from leaving bedsheets in other peoples houses because this seems to cause a lot of stress.

Best of luck, you will need it. I think a lot of people gave good advice here but it’s up to you what you do with it.

TheadoreT · 03-03-2021 11:30PM

There's so much negative and off-putting emotion on show here its palpable. This guy sounds like he's happily moved on and you're stuck in a cycle of obsession and over analysing. I doubt he cared much about your text aside from probably being a tad creeped out.

I seriously recommend CBT to break these toxic thought patterns you're very visibly displaying here.

bitofabind · 03-03-2021 11:53PM

Yeah. Listen OP, you’re stuck in a holding pattern here. The narrative you have is that you were wronged, couldn’t muster up the courage to say anything until recently, said your words and gave him his comeuppance and have come here to get backup in the guise of seeking feedback. Anything that goes against that narrative is an attack, is old fashioned and sexist, is “dark ages Ireland” and more proof that people are out to frame you in some way.

I’ve noticed you’re very invested in the drama of it all, whether it’s playing out the dynamics in this toxic relationship or the combative way you’ve approached well-meaning posters in this thread and fixated/exaggerated what you perceive to be the “attacks” on you. Honestly OP, even as an anonymous bystander, this feels like strange gaslighting behaviour from you and raises many questions about how you conduct yourself in interpersonal relationships if this is standard form.

And I'll ask you for a final time, what happens now? Where does the agony of playing out a horrible relationship on a loop and now on top of that antagonising posters who are trying to help and twisting their words get you? What would life look like if you didn’t jump to the attack and took some of the advice onboard? Because honestly, from where I’m standing, carrying on like this must be utterly exhausting.

Mad_maxx · 03-03-2021 11:57PM

sounds perfectly fair , sometimes you have to get stuff off your chest in order to get closure

hopefully you have closure now

04-03-2021 12:18AM

Transient Spinner wrote: »

Loueze - I'm not in Ireland. I never said that I was. I'm Irish, but not in Ireland. As are many, many posters on these boards.

In answer to your question, I suspect that he knew I wouldn't put up with someone cheating on me and wouldn't be best happy. I sent ONE text message requesting my stuff back and if asking for your own property back is a drama, then it might benefit you to learn to be a little more assertive.

I don't know why you are angrily directing this at me, as I didn't ask you any questions?

But once again, good luck.

TheadoreT · 04-03-2021 12:25AM

Theres also clearly a lot of fantasies and denial going on in your head about this. Asking is it fair/cruel to block him after 8 months of him not contacting you is just weird. On the one hand it obviously is fair after what he did to you. On the other the use of cruel suggests you think he has harbouring feelings or gives a crap. You'd swear he was harassing you non stop.

You snapped at a poster who said he wasn't that into you. I mean he clearly wasn't. People in love don't cheat, they don't phone you to say they're now with said person and moved on, or not give you a seconds thoughts afterwards.

This isn't a personal attack on you, its just fact. Yes its hurtful to think something so meaningful to you was the opposite to him, but you shouldn't attach so much of your self worth and energy and thoughts to what some idiot thinks of you.

The very simple message is you need to forget about him and move on but you're currently so far from that as you're stuck in a prolonged anger and bitter stage.

Augme · 04-03-2021 12:32AM

OP these threads can be fairly brutal at times and the constant advice, especially if it isn't positive, can be tough to deal with. I would recommend taking a step back and coming back to the thread in a few days time with a fresh mind.

Your pattern of behaviour with this thread is very similar to your behaviour with the ex too.

Right to Block Him?

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