What's the etiquette here??

EmmetSpiceland · 08-11-2020 8:23pm

perrito caliente wrote: »

I'm not certain women should be allowed in this thread.

Nonsense, everyone should be welcome.

fuerte1976 · 08-11-2020 9:08pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Nonsense, everyone should be welcome.

Indeed Emmet.

God be good to my grandfather who regailed me with many tales but this stuck with me for some reason.
To what may have been a precursor to the 'main event' he said manys the times 'beware of the fart of a fasting woman'.
Dear jesus, the man wasn't wrong..

Jimson · 08-11-2020 9:12pm

Picked up a pack of flushable wipes.

I don't think I can go back to bog roll ever again.

My hole feels spotless, refreshed, moisturised and squeaky clean and absolutely no tear on it from the bog roll. They also leave a nice scent on the ring piece.

99c for 40 wipes. Bye Bye bog roll.

EmmetSpiceland · 08-11-2020 9:16pm

Jimson wrote: »

Picked up a pack of flushable wipes.

I don't think I can go back to bog roll ever again.

My hole feels spotless, refreshed, moisturised and squeaky clean and absolutely no tear on it from the bog roll. They also leave a nice scent on the ring piece.

99c for 40 wipes. Bye Bye bog roll.

Please, J, do the world a favour and do not flush them. They don’t “break down”, they still cause blockages and they are terrible for the environment.

Throw them into a little bin beside the toilet, like a Greek.

Bullocks · 08-11-2020 10:12pm

Jimson wrote: »

Picked up a pack of flushable wipes.

I don't think I can go back to bog roll ever again.

My hole feels spotless, refreshed, moisturised and squeaky clean and absolutely no tear on it from the bog roll. They also leave a nice scent on the ring piece.

99c for 40 wipes. Bye Bye bog roll.

Are you on a public sewer or private septic tank /treatment plant Jim ? If it's the latter I wouldn't use too many of those wipes . They'll flush alright but mightn't go far past the u bend .

Valresnick · 08-11-2020 10:42pm

A friend of mine, lived with him for a few years in a Bedsit in Crumlin during the late 80s or possibly early 90s. Not unusual for him to polish off 14 roasters and the best part of a chicken carcass of a Sunday roast. I used to tell him to crap in his mother’s jax before he came home on a Sunday evening the smell would be that bad. Anyway we were all out one night in town. Might have been a stag or something. Ended up in a run of the mill restaurant before we hit the pubs / clubs. I vividly remember him eating about 5 bowls of garlic mushrooms before he even got near his mains and desert. Ended up in Rumours nightclub absolutely trounced. I can’t bear witness to this, but apparently he threw a crap in the men’s and after he left, the velvet rope was across the doors for the rest of the evening ! It was that bad! Is that even possible ?

IAMAMORON · 08-11-2020 10:46pm

I would say yes, especially if he was mixing Guinness, Ritz and Satzenbrau and chasing with shots of Paddy or Tullamore Dew. I would say his farts after gunging on Garlic Battered Mushrooms were seismic, he most likely cleared the dance floor on several occasions. An animal , he sounds deplorable.

EmmetSpiceland · 08-11-2020 11:28pm

Jimson wrote: »

Picked up a pack of flushable wipes.

I don't think I can go back to bog roll ever again.

My hole feels spotless, refreshed, moisturised and squeaky clean and absolutely no tear on it from the bog roll. They also leave a nice scent on the ring piece.

99c for 40 wipes. Bye Bye bog roll.

Congrats on the “pristine” hole though, I may have lost sight of that in my initial rush to protect the environment.

Nevin Parsnipp · 09-11-2020 12:20pm

Pristine Hole ? Minds me of a slightly derogatory remark from one of the mourners at poor Freddy Mercury's burial.

"First clean hole he was ever in"

Not true I'm sure...... and very distasteful.

Arthur Fent · 09-11-2020 12:24pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

"First clean hole he was ever in"

Jesus wept

perrito caliente · 09-11-2020 1:21pm

Did a job last week for a homeowner with a plumbing issue where the toliet was backing up. Nasty old oaf had the foul line all clogged up with nonbiodegradable smelly freckle wipes ("face wipes" he called em). We dredged up a few hundred of the things and all the while this gobchite is standing right beside us the whole time pointing at this and then pointing at that giving orders getting a great kick out of the whole thing. I'm looking left talking to this cretinous gobchite that can't even keep his own drain lines clear giving me a full blown sermon on on the state of america and some chite about Snowden taking refuge in Russia, and why didn't we do this and why didn't we try that and did we usually work with so few men, then looking right and seeing the same lad's wet wipes all run through with streaks of brown and the odd circular patch where he must have dug his fnger in. Was supposed to call back this morning but it was a no show.

Slideways · 09-11-2020 1:56pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Pristine Hole ? Minds me of a slightly derogatory remark from one of the mourners at poor Freddy Mercury's burial.

"First clean hole he was ever in"

Not true I'm sure...... and very distasteful.

Reminds me of a joke.

What does Freddy Mercury and Ayrton Senna have in common.

They both died with skid marks on their helmets :pac:

JohnnyFlash · 09-11-2020 6:23pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Nonsense, everyone should be welcome.

Women tend to be a lot more delicate when discussing this most important of topics. Many express their disgust at even the suggestion of talking about it.

I’ve yet to meet a woman who cocked her leg, let an absolute ripper of a fart go, and then exclaimed ‘Aah, Bisto!’ in front of a packed pub.

Trouser Snake · 09-11-2020 8:29pm

Women are far better at keeping the dirty stuff for the bedroom I find. Was shocked at Ms Balboas admissions earlier in the thread but she's just the tip of the iceberg I'd imagine.

Hard weekend on the sauce, on shiite number 5 today. It's like the engine is turning over but not firing down there, hot backed-up splats followed by short runny vile liquids.

The front edge of the sphincter is red raw.

ILoveYourVibes · 09-11-2020 8:32pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I had to open my business today for a few hours, and asked one of the lads to come in and give me a hand. I was out last night watching the Liverpool game, and I've a stage 6 hangover as a result.

Anways, it got to about half 10 and I felt my 'sheriff's badge' starting to twitch. Headed into the jacks and dropped a serious anchor into Brown Water Bay. I was sitting there afterwards on my phone when what do I hear but the jacks door opening, and someone heading into the stall beside mine. Down go the trousers, a slight groan, a string of watery farts, and then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic. A smaller fart to finish up, and a deep exhalation of breath. :eek:

I was shocked, and very angry. Am I overreacting, or should the fúcker have waited until I had finished using the boombox before he decided to go and pinch one out? He's an Eastern European, so don't know if they have different cultural norms. I didn't say a word to him for the rest of the morning, and am in a shocker of a mood since. :mad:

This was difficult to understand I am not going to lie.

I have realized I am not actually fluent in english from this post.

At least i have learnt something.

JohnnyFlash · 09-11-2020 8:35pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

This was difficult to understand I am not going to lie.

I have realized I am not actually fluent in english from this post.

At least i have learnt something.

That’s no problem, dude. I haven’t got a clue what you are on about in the majority of your posts either. Let’s call it a score draw.

ILoveYourVibes · 09-11-2020 8:37pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

That’s no problem, dude. I haven’t got a clue what you are on about in the majority of your posts either. Let’s call it a score draw.

Fair nuff.

What is a sheriff's badge?

IAMAMORON · 09-11-2020 8:49pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Fair nuff.

What is a sheriff's badge?

It is a brass thing that Sheriffs wear on their lapel to indicate to the general public that they are the sheriff.

ILoveYourVibes · 09-11-2020 9:11pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

It is a brass thing that Sheriffs wear on their lapel to indicate to the general public that they are the sheriff.

Are they itchy?

Feisar · 09-11-2020 9:16pm

Sherrif's badge, balloon knot, rusty badge, turd cutter, chocolate starfish.

IAMAMORON · 09-11-2020 9:58pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Are they itchy?

They certainly deserve to be well polished and kept clean.

Hego Damask · 09-11-2020 11:45pm

Valresnick wrote: »

A friend of mine, lived with him for a few years in a Bedsit in Crumlin during the late 80s or possibly early 90s. Not unusual for him to polish off 14 roasters and the best part of a chicken carcass of a Sunday roast. I used to tell him to crap in his mother’s jax before he came home on a Sunday evening the smell would be that bad. Anyway we were all out one night in town. Might have been a stag or something. Ended up in a run of the mill restaurant before we hit the pubs / clubs. I vividly remember him eating about 5 bowls of garlic mushrooms before he even got near his mains and desert. Ended up in Rumours nightclub absolutely trounced. I can’t bear witness to this, but apparently he threw a crap in the men’s and after he left, the velvet rope was across the doors for the rest of the evening ! It was that bad! Is that even possible ?

Rumours jaysus!!
I remember a mate of mine used to go there to score 50+ year old women!!

He was a college student , he loved the oul wans ..

Hego Damask · 09-11-2020 11:50pm

Feisar wrote: »

Sherrif's badge, balloon knot, rusty badge, turd cutter, chocolate starfish.

Rusty bullet hole is my favourite one ..

Feisar · 10-11-2020 9:50am

Hego Damask wrote: »

Rumours jaysus!!
I remember a mate of mine used to go there to score 50+ year old women!!

He was a college student , he loved the oul wans ..

When I was in college the lads used to go to Barry's. Lord god some of the things I seen appearing out of rooms in the morning...

Hector Savage · 10-11-2020 3:29pm

The last few pages !!!

GOLD GOLD GODL!!!!

California Dreamer · 11-11-2020 7:24am

La Mirage on Pearse Street was a real grab a granny type place but then if you wanted a rich granny you headed to Sachs in Donnybrook!

IAMAMORON · 11-11-2020 10:36am

Sachs was a great spot for landing northside ladies who had crossed the river out of sincere discretion. There was less chance of them getting spotted by anyone in the deep confines of Donnybrook. Classy joint, had a full half hour slow set if I remember correctly. I distinctly remember wearing the face off a 38 year old granny wearing a little black number on the dancefloor one evening, I am pretty sure it was Move Closer by Phyllis Nelson. Happy times.

Rumours also had a famous slow set and I would often cross the water for some Chris De Burgh, Spandau Ballet or Dionne Warwick. Everyone needs a little tenderness.

Dublin in the Rare old Times.

Slideways · 11-11-2020 10:43am

Home for some coddle by an open coal fire whilst the neighbours bet the head of each other in the streets and some little blackguard in a kappa tracksuit raced a stolen 1.6 Sierra across the local soccer pitch..

JohnnyFlash · 11-11-2020 11:00am

Slideways wrote: »

Home for some coddle by an open coal fire whilst the neighbours bet the head of each other in the streets and some little blackguard in a kappa tracksuit raced a stolen 1.6 Sierra across the local soccer pitch..

Pretty obvious that Slideways never fingered a young granny beside the cigarette machine in Sachs.

IAMAMORON · 11-11-2020 12:34pm

Slideways wrote: »

Home for some coddle by an open coal fire whilst the neighbours bet the head of each other in the streets and some little blackguard in a kappa tracksuit raced a stolen 1.6 Sierra across the local soccer pitch..

It never rains in Tallaghtfornia.

I remember playing a cash game one night in Fettercairn. It was heavy enough with 2 or 3 heavy set locals manning the front door, I was petted down for weapons on the way in. The waiting room comprised of a Dart board and a fridge, this was a well run game. You could play round the board for a tenner. I never ventured upstairs but it sounded fantastic. Lots of seedy rap music and I noticed a couple of hazy looking men gripping the bannister on their way back to the table.

Classy joint all told.

Arthur Fent · 11-11-2020 12:52pm

A few places around Temple Bar are great for picking up gamey English birds over on hen nights :P
Dirty yokes altogether!

Brendan Bendar · 11-11-2020 3:49pm

Just after sliding a clump of greasy midden what looked like a Tesco turkey crown into the pot.

Fcukker took a tap of the back of the ‘plunger’ the break it up.

Went reluctantly ......

Trouser Snake · 11-11-2020 3:49pm

What's this? The grab a granny advise thread? Laying rope, not some aul wan with false teeth for a Fanny.

JohnnyFlash · 11-11-2020 3:54pm

Had a fish pie and 6 bottles of pale ale for the dinner last night. Splashed out a wet one about 15 minutes ago and just finished the wiping. Dirty fücker of a thing. The hoop is now raw and sensitive. Might have to sacrifice a choc ice to calm the area down.

Brendan Bendar · 11-11-2020 3:54pm

Trouser Snake wrote: »

What's this? The grab a granny advise thread? Laying rope, not some aul wan with false teeth for a Fanny.

Good lad, just nudged the thread back to normal above.

Tippin the fingers around a soggy snatch like a head of snail infested lettuce has no place here.

Lice ridden kernts.

JohnnyFlash · 11-11-2020 3:58pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good lad, just nudged the thread back to normal above.

Tippin the fingers around a soggy snatch like a head of snail infested lettuce has no place here.

Lice ridden kernts.

Like dropping a biro into a bucket, Brendan.

Brendan Bendar · 11-11-2020 4:00pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Like dropping a biro into a bucket, Brendan.

Yeh, like rooting’ around in a bucket of chicken giblets.

sligojoek · 11-11-2020 4:15pm

Like opening the curtains and riding the night.

Brendan Bendar · 11-11-2020 5:36pm

sligojoek wrote: »

Like opening the curtains and riding the night.

All ready for turniphead tonight Joe, not much else on.;)

sligojoek · 11-11-2020 6:18pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

All ready for turniphead tonight Joe, not much else on.;)

Don't think he's on this week. In any case, that time doesn't suit me for radio these days.

Brendan Bendar · 11-11-2020 6:20pm

sligojoek wrote: »

Don't think he's on this week. In any case, that time doesn't suit me for radio these days.

You are correct.. Fiachre or Fachtna or some other gimp

Trouser Snake · 12-11-2020 12:39am

Trying to bake a Battenburg all evening, just out of the ensuite after another hard shove. Like a bowling ball stuck in the chute, without the finger-holds.

Might pull a few arse hairs with her tweezers the next time I'm in there, a few tears and a bit of distraction might ease the stubborn loaf out.

Long night ahead.

Brendan Bendar · 12-11-2020 8:26am

Trouser Snake wrote: »

Trying to bake a Battenburg all evening, just out of the ensuite after another hard shove. Like a bowling ball stuck in the chute, without the finger-holds.

Might pull a few arse hairs with her tweezers the next time I'm in there, a few tears and a bit of distraction might ease the stubborn loaf out.

Long night ahead.

Few pears and Kiwi fruit should soften her up.

Be careful though she will have a big damage footprint, I’d lay out a double page of the Irish Times or such.

Check the walls for speckling afterwards.

Hector Savage · 12-11-2020 11:57am

Good cup of coffee should sort it out Trouser Snake.

Will have a sour streal of scutter splattering the porcelain in no time ..

Trouser Snake · 12-11-2020 2:01pm

Two of a prominent chain's takeaway coffees down and I'm delighted to say the pucker gave way at ten this morning. On my way to a prospective client I was hoping the thing would drop his rifle and get the hell out of Tombstone.
Duly obliged and had to pull off the motorway to an exquisite set up in a small eatery in the south. Tri-ply with ample leg room to boot.
Once the front blockage gave way it scurried out at a fierce racket, left a few blobs on the inside of the top seat and all. Rebounds back up off the water I'd say.
Picked up a jam Donut on the way out, good to leave more than one deposit in these places in the current climate.
Client was an eager chap, the kind I'd suspect could very well be contributing here, got that vibe off the kernt.

Nevin Parsnipp · 12-11-2020 2:08pm

Yes I concur with the properties of Coffee....just had a nice cup after a rather acrimonious management meeting ....headed for the Boardroom Dunny and punched out a fine fat rope of solid midden.

Was tempted to leave her floating in anticipation of a visit from the stupid cnunt from HR who kept butting heads with me at the meeting......

Anyways ! Feelin much better now ...thank u for arskin ......

12-11-2020 2:15pm

So is it the ~5 cups of Joe/day, or being partial to copious saucisson and/or Polish smoked hams that has me less 300mm gleistein, and more bilge water?

JohnnyFlash · 12-11-2020 2:22pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Yes I concur with the properties of Coffee....just had a nice cup after a rather acrimonious management meeting ....headed for the Boardroom Dunny and punched out a fine fat rope of solid midden.

Was tempted to leave her floating in anticipation of a visit from the stupid cnunt from HR who kept butting heads with me at the meeting......

Anyways ! Feelin much better now ...thank u for arskin ......

A management meeting of Parsnipp and Bendar Gong Farmers LTD?

Nevin Parsnipp · 12-11-2020 2:23pm

MikeOxsgreen wrote: »

So is it the ~5 cups of Joe/day, or being partial to copious saucisson and/or Polish smoked hams that has me less 300mm gleistein, and more bilge water?

Crakkin first post pal...glad you prioritised your maiden post to matters lavatorial instead of the ussual boring introductory stuff.

Tell me.....do u take the saucisson.....per anus ?

12-11-2020 2:32pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Crakkin first post pal...glad you prioritised your maiden post to matters lavatorial instead of the ussual boring introductory stuff.

Tell me.....do u take the saucisson.....per anus ?

Never knowingly
Although, the discomfort of leather cheerio has caused me to arch an eyebrow on occasion.

What's the etiquette here??

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