What's the etiquette here??

Aglomerado

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

And I reckon it’s piss in the glass as the can has not been opened.

Miller "Lite" or indeed any "lite" beer IS piss!

partyguinness

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Ditto. Philistines whoever did that. The can of Miller Lite is telling too. Amazed there's no dried snots on the wall.

Noteworthy that the can is unopened. Gent is settling in for long haul.

NeinNeinNein

partyguinness wrote: »

Noteworthy that the can is unopened. Gent is settling in for long haul.

Light beer, half drank proscecco and jacks roll the wrong way around; looks like a lady job to me.

NeinNeinNein

Ellis Embarrassed Typographer wrote: »

It seems as if there is a sister thread ongoing that we could contribute to.

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2058037165/1/#post111974277

They're posting photos of animal excrement. F**king weirdos.

tc20

Bullocks wrote: »

I'll be in your corner on that one dulpit . Whoever puts it on like that should be shot with a ball of their own sh1te!
It wrecks my head so much that I can't drop grout unless I turn it the right way round first

ditto this; having the roll 'correctly' presented makes one feel as if the soothing 3ply is being offered to you.
If it's proffered as in the photo I always feel as if I'm nicking it.

Similar to ITMan88 who enlightened us to the M6 Applegreen recently, this is also my first post here on this esteemed thread (though I've been following from day 1) Keep up the good work!

mfceiling

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

Brendan Bendar

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

Will you be able to go to the thunderbox or will you have to fire from the cot.

Best of luck and speedy recovery, lad.

Sharp MZ700

Be sure and get the brand name of that laxative if you can mf, be nice to see what the pros recommend.
Hope you fill the ladle spoon, take care.

Hotblack Desiato

Picolax :eek:

Picolax turned my bum from it’s usual semi-dormant state…

A bit like Vesuvius; an impressive and majestic sight with occasional noxious whiffs, regular minor expulsions of dangerous matter and a very rare display of awesome ferocity worthy of international news into…

…a portal from another collapsing largely aqueous universe via which all compressed matter emerged at trans light speeds, expanding exponentially as it emerges from the “wormhole“.If you think the widespread deluges of precipitation experienced this “summer“ in any way approach “Biblical Proportions“, then rest assured by 09:00 tomorrow you will have ample personal evidence to entirely revise your delusion.I will add three pieces of advice, two very useful, the other certainly very serious.

Wear tracksuit bottoms or other baggy style garment with elasticated waist, this might give you an outside chance. PLEASE READ THE NEXT ITEM VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE TAKING “AGENT” PICOLAX
CHECK THE TIME & DATE OF APPOINTMENT ON THE HOSPITAL LETTER, REPEAT.
CHECK THE TIME & DATE OF APPOINTMENT ON THE HOSPITAL LETTER.
Have a TRUSTED friend verify your reading of the details in ITEM 2
WCA, If you are looking for an INTERESTING thread tomorrow then I’ll try to explain from personal experience why ITEM 2 above is so vital.

To those about to take Picolax, we salute you… (TBC)

There is MUCH more.

Long read but worth every bit.

An Ri rua

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Obviously I don’t want them to shîte themselves. However waiting a minute or two for me to finish up is surely less awkward than popping into the cubicle beside me and unloading a few pints of toxic arse gravy. I heard everything and I find the whole encounter awkward is all. It crossed my mind to fire him to be honest.

You still should. It would make a great Employment Appeals Tribunal. You could even bring the tribunal members out to the scene and recreate it.

An Ri rua

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The only real issue would be if there were 3 cubicles and he picked the empty middle one rather than leave a buffer.

People who do that are monsters.

We have to be tolerant of all types. Diversity in the workplace etc. An obsessive-compulsive may wish to deposit 3 logs in 3 separate log burners. It would then be rude to be occupying a stall, like machine blockers in the gym, and ruin the 'flow', pardon the pun.
Some may intend well, e.g. leaving it on the floor, neatly, outside your stall, just like at an overfull bottlebank.
Others may use the sink as that is their wont. We cannot be too prescriptive on these matters, unless we're promoting a laxative solution.

Hector Savage

Been eating lots of soft fruit this week due to the issues I've been having on the oul starfish.
Thankfully it's working and been having lots of thin soft deposits - painless.

KWAG2019

An Ri rua wrote: »

We have to be tolerant of all types. Diversity in the workplace etc. An obsessive-compulsive may wish to deposit 3 logs in 3 separate log burners. It would then be rude to be occupying a stall, like machine blockers in the gym, and ruin the 'flow', pardon the pun.
Some may intend well, e.g. leaving it on the floor, neatly, outside your stall, just like at an overfull bottlebank.
Others may use the sink as that is their wont. We cannot be too prescriptive on these matters, unless we're promoting a laxative solution.

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

fuerte1976

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Tend to agree with that K..

EmmetSpiceland

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Yeah, I don’t believe in having tolerance in “communal” toilets.

If anyone has any “special” requirements they need to use the handicapped jacks, same as the working day masturbators.

Slideways

mfceiling wrote: »

Just had surgery for a double hernia this afternoon and I'm lying up ready for sleep.

I'll be having a serious chat with the consultant tomorrow morning about how to "tip the cart" within the boundaries that won't cause damage to the post op scars.

"Pressing" or forcing the cargo out will not be an option so I presume some sort of softening agent will be required to ease the exit.

Thanks lads for everyone's contribution here this year. Some invaluable tips have been given and a few secret moves I'm sure have become more mainstream. Well done to all involved.

I was that solider many years ago. One of the most trialing moments of my life. Hard bolus trapped just inside the draw string and I couldn’t push to get the fcuker out

I got it out eventually but it involved breaking it up manually first

JohnnyFlash

Slideways wrote: »

I was that solider many years ago. One of the most trialing moments of my life. Hard bolus trapped just inside the draw string and I couldn’t push to get the fcuker out

I got it out eventually but it involved breaking it up manually first

With a bit of wavin pipe?

fuerte1976

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

One of 21 digits I'd suspect..

We all knew you had that condrum resolved well before posting!

Fergal Browne

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

Hotblack Desiato

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

The handle end of a broken hurl.

Hego Damask

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

Hope you washed them!

Hotblack Desiato

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night

Wow. Who knew that could happen.

Hotblack Desiato

Hector Savage wrote: »

Been eating lots of soft fruit this week due to the issues I've been having on the oul starfish.
Thankfully it's working and been having lots of thin soft deposits - painless.

The oul' anus is, like the liver, a part of the body that needs to be punished - from the inside for most of us. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, after all.

You need to toughen that hoop up* - later in life you may regret your lack of rectal fortitude when poor muscle tone requires a premature dalliance with the old adult nappies.

Just trying to help here and no it's not out of personal experience (yet).



* Hoop Camp™. A bunch of raw-arsed recruits are confronted with the diet from hell - can they even last the first week? Tune in to find out.

Slideways

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

With a bit of wavin pipe?

If memory serves me correctly is was #4 Phillips head screwdriver

An Ri rua

Fergal Browne wrote: »

Tuesday's food: A lamb phaal, a pint of orange juice, three or four bottles of foreign extra, a bowl of curried parsnip soup with sourdough, half a pack of shortbread, and five or six strong black coffees.

Stomach was in ribbons that night, I was bent over double with thick sugary sweat dripping from my forehead, down my back, and inside the crack of my arse, dampening my dressing gown.

Threw the dressing gown in the washing machine the next morning as it had a strange smell of chite off it (yes, I sleep in my dressing gown) despite no diarrhea or solids having been passed. Nasty stinging sensation along the circular band of foreskin atop my penis head after urination. Ran a soapy palm up and down the inside of my arse cheeks but there was no smell of dung from my hand.

Anus felt sore, canal irritated, almost like a little wren was flittering around on my ringpiece, burrowing in with his beak for seeds, clutching onto the knot with sharp little claws.

Got to work. Busy morning. Meeting with visiting delegation etc. About 12.30 I knew I was ready to get rid of the vicious, poisonous load. Haunched over toilet, tightened my thigh muscles, sharp intake of breath, and... BANG!!... BANG!!... almost like two loud gunshots or an elephant cleaning its trunk. I'd shot out two blasts of foul nuggety effluence all over the underside of the seat and cover which had been sitting perpendicular to the bowl. Brown excrement the consistency of yogurt spattered all over the wall either side of the throne, on the cistern, handle, and flooding in the hinges. Felt weak at the knees, but dabbed most of it up with tissue paper. Rancid stuff was already permeating the plastic. Ran off then to another meeting to give a presentation and rally the troops, who were none the wiser that the hand I was using on the company laptop and PowerPoint remote had minutes earlier been steering a lake of arse gravy in towards the toilet bowl from the walls, seat and cistern of our most frequently used private chamber. Sick but true.

This is how surnames came about. Back in the Middle Ages, you would have been simply Fergal and then, a pivotal moment in your pathetic life, and you, and your descendants were forever to be known as the Brown(e)s. Often mistranslated as the Brownies when ye migrated to Ameracay, due to your habit of depositing gifts in people's bowls.

An Ri rua

KWAG2019 wrote: »

Leaving it outside your stall sounds like some sort of religious offering. In other words barking mad. No tolerance for those with no sense of etiquette. If we throw that out the window you may as well do it in your desk drawer. Etiquette Rua, etiquette.

Indeed, wasn't it the Victorians who gave us manners and dragged us kicking and screaming from the dark Georgian days of people emptying pisspots and slop buckets,yea verily, out yon window...

Ush1

I normally snap off a grogan on company time, but there the other day there was a fella in the next stall making far too much noise. He was putting a lot of pressure on his bliges and with every strained spurt of midden, a gasped exhale followed. Put me right off so I had to leave.

So I deposited that night at home and my God lads she was a beauty. Had a perfect tapered end like a Mr Whippy but with a good semi solid consistency. The taper was so perfect that it had attached to the puckered anus and I had to give it an oul wiggle to let her drop off and breach the watery depths. Wanted to take a photo but I'm not that deviant to be honest so didn't bother.

Nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Brendan Bendar

Ush1 wrote: »

I normally snap off a grogan on company time, but there the other day there was a fella in the next stall making far too much noise. He was putting a lot of pressure on his bliges and with every strained spurt of midden, a gasped exhale followed. Put me right off so I had to leave.

So I deposited that night at home and my God lads she was a beauty. Had a perfect tapered end like a Mr Whippy but with a good semi solid consistency. The taper was so perfect that it had attached to the puckered anus and I had to give it an oul wiggle to let her drop off and breach the watery depths. Wanted to take a photo but I'm not that deviant to be honest so didn't bother.

Nearly brought a tear to my eye.

Good lad, I don’t think photos have any place on this thread, you showed admirable restraint there.

Left a ‘turkey crown’ in the pan before going off on ‘important company business’ would have made a good pastoral photo, but I did not not succumb to the temptation.

Speaking of ‘important company business’ any news on Losty.

Is he still serving time in the cells.

Fcuker is very quiet.

Utter Consternation

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good lad, I don’t think photos have any place on this thread, you showed admirable restraint there.

Left a ‘turkey crown’ in the pan before going off on ‘important company business’ would have made a good pastoral photo, but I did not not succumb to the temptation.

Speaking of ‘important company business’ any news on Losty.

Is he still serving time in the cells.

Fcuker is very quiet.

Think he's still banged up. Doing 'hard time' in the e-jail for some online thuggery.

He had it coming if you ask me. :cool:

Hotblack Desiato

They only chained him the right way up yesterday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPi76KvQF1g