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What's the etiquette here??

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    #6662
    Trouser Snake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭Trouser Snake


    Speaking of numbers, wonder is there a working constant factor between the number of suppositories anally ingested by bound up individuals, and the resultant muzzle fire. I'm sure there's chaps in white jackets in some pharma laboratory would know this knowledge off hand.
    Whole heap of variables Id say, you'd have Cavan lads wouldn't "waste" a second Anusol bullet, whereas the Dubs would pop them in two at a time if they thought there was a high in it.
    Consistency and heave potential also at play surely, arse muscles vary.
    I'd imagine it's a whole science in itself, pun intended.


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    #6663
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Hotblack Desiato wrote: »
    Jeez I hope you don't work with figures. Though for the purposes of this thread being able to count up to 2 is enough :)

    I work with IP addresses, they are kinds of numbers, right?


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    #6664
    tgdaly
    Registered Users Posts: 933 ✭✭✭tgdaly


    Really a testament to the top quality posters around here that the thread is still going. There's been a few attempts made to de-rail it for sure: Andreas, the imposter tjdaly, the prawns guy, and the random people who wander in every now and again with their "I can't believe this thread is still going".

    Would ye ever fook off and have a good sh1te


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    #6665
    Trouser Snake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭Trouser Snake


    The prawns guy? Must've missed that:-(

    I'm not sifting back the thread to see what that was about, I'm busy doing a dump here.


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    #6666
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 1,998 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Trouser Snake wrote: »
    The prawns guy? Must've missed that:-(

    I'm not sifting back the thread to see what that was about, I'm busy doing a dump here.
    Trouser Snake wrote: »
    Speaking of numbers, wonder is there a working constant factor between the number of suppositories anally ingested by bound up individuals, and the resultant muzzle fire. I'm sure there's chaps in white jackets in some pharma laboratory would know this knowledge off hand.
    Whole heap of variables Id say, you'd have Cavan lads wouldn't "waste" a second Anusol bullet, whereas the Dubs would pop them in two at a time if they thought there was a high in it.
    Consistency and heave potential also at play surely, arse muscles vary.
    I'd imagine it's a whole science in itself, pun intended.

    It’s a shame you can’t get imodium for keyboards as yours appears to have a case of the scutters.


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    #6667
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    tgdaly wrote: »
    Really a testament to the top quality posters around here that the thread is still going. There's been a few attempts made to de-rail it for sure: Andreas, the imposter tjdaly, the prawns guy, and the random people who wander in every now and again with their "I can't believe this thread is still going".

    Would ye ever fook off and have a good sh1te

    The prawns guy was a great contribution to the thread IMO .


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    #6668
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Bullocks wrote: »
    The prawns guy was a great contribution to the thread IMO .

    Wasn't the 'prawn guy' the 'fresbee and tupperware' guy also?


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    #6669
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,567 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    And if it wasn’t for Andreas I would never have known what “scooping” was. Not that I ever wanted to know but we are where we are.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #6670
    Blondini
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,480 ✭✭✭Blondini


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    And if it wasn’t for Andreas I would never have known what “scooping” was. Not that I ever wanted to know but we are where we are.

    Was he the spacer who filmed the 6 foot tall German woman with his JVC video camera?

    Mad as a bag of horseshoes that chap.


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    #6671
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,567 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Blondini wrote: »
    Was he the spacer who filmed the 6 foot tall German woman with his JVC video camera?

    Mad as a bag of horseshoes that chap.

    Yes, I believe he was working at a ski resort, or on a cruise ship, or both, when he handled the recording duties for the “exclusive” guests.

    Had a fondness for things like “breast worship”, if I’m not mistaken. Wasn’t keen to get involved in a “measuring contest” with the blood up, would only go in soft. A bizarre stance, if you ask me. Liable to have all sorts of cheating and “skullduggery” going on with it in that state. Stretching for one. That’s no real gauge of size.

    Anyway, best not to dwell on his “interests” too much. Don’t want to drag the thread off course. As you were, folks.

    I should point out that I’m still hitting the privy at 23:30/00:00 nightly. Really looking for a way to break that. Going on for over a year this stage. Getting into bed with a “hot hole” is no way to end the day.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #6672
    Arthur Fent
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Arthur Fent


    I know we're not supposed to talk about our intimate exploits at all, but had a flashback to an occurrence from last year. So in the spirit of friendly caution, all I'll say is...never trust a fart. Especially when its not one of your own !


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    #6673
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Yes, I believe he was working at a ski resort, or on a cruise ship, or both, when he handled the recording duties for the “exclusive” guests.

    Had a fondness for things like “breast worship”, if I’m not mistaken. Wasn’t keen to get involved in a “measuring contest” with the blood up, would only go in soft. A bizarre stance, if you ask me. Liable to have all sorts of cheating and “skullduggery” going on with it in that state. Stretching for one. That’s no real gauge of size.

    Anyway, best not to dwell on his “interests” too much. Don’t want to drag the thread off course. As you were, folks.

    I should point out that I’m still hitting the privy at 23:30/00:00 nightly. Really looking for a way to break that. Going on for over a year this stage. Getting into bed with a “hot hole” is no way to end the day.

    Ice cube wrapped in cling film snuggled tight to the 11 spoker is yer man.

    She will bring down the heat very quickly.


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    #6674
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Fired out a nice girthy bhuttery lad just now ....relaxing in the bend of the Twyford slow closer right now .

    Had to close the door sharpish as the "Pang" was beginning to seep out to the upper reaches of "Chez Nev".

    Just gave the big button a bruise and sent her on her way .....quick dab of the Cushelle and we are good to go !


    Have a nice day !


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    #6675
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Fired out a nice girthy bhuttery lad just now ....relaxing in the bend of the Twyford slow closer right now .

    Had to close the door sharpish as the "Pang" was beginning to seep out to the upper reaches of "Chez Nev".

    Just gave the big button a bruise and sent her on her way .....quick dab of the Cushelle and we are good to go !


    Have a nice day !

    Fair auld ‘waft’ there already, I would opine.

    Cats litter tray, well stocked, walked in pizza, yellowing y-fronts with a strong pong of ammonia off them, and a steel ‘PestBuster’ rat trap from Dealz, overturned with a tail hanging out.

    Take a very ripe log to overcome those bad boys.


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    #6676
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Did a fair bit of healthy eating this week after seriously overdoing it on the canned porter last weekend. Salads, homemade brown bread, fish, soup, vegetables, fruit etc. Must say it really does pay dividends in the shïtter department. Lovely smooth long logs dropping lazily into the Neptunian depths of the Armie Ocean.

    Minimal paperwork required as well - friction free trade to use Brexit parlance.

    Shame to put an end to this, but I’ve a lip on me for at least 8 cans of stout while playing online poker later.


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    #6677
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Did a fair bit of healthy eating this week after seriously overdoing it on the canned porter last weekend. Salads, homemade brown bread, fish, soup, vegetables, fruit etc. Must say it really does pay dividends in the shïtter department. Lovely smooth long logs dropping lazily into the Neptunian depths of the Armie Ocean.

    Minimal paperwork required as well - friction free trade to use Brexit parlance.

    Shame to put an end to this, but I’ve a lip on me for at least 8 cans of stout while playing online poker later.

    Nice little passage of onomatopoeia there John.

    You should send that up to the little Hobbitt in the Àrus and suggest he includes it in his next body of work.

    Quick stanza on the hoof.

    ‘I planked my cheeks on the Àrus pot
    The feet were firm and free
    The works of Ovid in my hand
    My arsehole loose and free

    +++++++++++++++++++++++

    At page 13, I blew my load
    The dog he whimpered low
    A sod of sourish solid shïte
    Went tumbling down below.

    ++++++ +++++++++++

    Now bruise the button Mickey D
    And send her on her way
    A richly ribbed and solid log
    Is off to Dublin Bay


    +++++++++ ++++

    O.H. Kennefick


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    #6678
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,567 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Nice little passage of onomatopoeia there John.

    Alliteration, B.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #6679
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    EmmetSpiceland wrote: »
    Alliteration, B.

    Yes Emmett, I thought long and hard about which descriptive word I would use and went for the ‘o’ word.

    ‘Lovely smooth long logs dropping lazily ‘ yes alliteration there but the sentence ,in my opinion, brings to mind the viscous hiss of a slippery log sliding into the pot.

    Note all the ‘o’ letters which bring to mind the hoop effect.

    Very good critique and kudos for your contribution.

    I did consider ‘alliteration’ but hope I ,given the time I had, justified my reasoning.


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    #6680
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    I always knew Bendar was a bard of profound beauty.

    I am touched,


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    #6681
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    I always knew Bendar was a bard of profound beauty.

    I am touched,

    Erm..... steady up.

    Now thank you I, appreciate your praise, but in reality was just quick bit of poetry thrown up on the hoof.

    The little lad up in the Àrus wouldn’t do much better though:D


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    #6682
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,567 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    ...the viscous hiss of a slippery log sliding into the pot.

    A wonderful conceit wrapped up in those sibilant sounds, very well executed, B.
    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Very good critique and kudos for your contribution.

    Anytime, B. I can see where you were coming from alright. We’ve all had to make these “choices” at one time or another. The main thing is that we all get there safely in the end.

    I, myself, had a, somewhat, heavy “deposit” earlier on. Left a, rather, broad skid mark all the way under the arch. Probably best described as “drag mark”. Very broad.

    Had to “tackle” it with the brush, something I’m loath to do under ordinary circumstances. Had I been in the office I’d have just left a few sheets on top to “hide” it from view.

    Gone now, at least. Been a long week.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #6683
    Spore
    Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭Spore


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    The little lad up in the Àrus wouldn’t do much better though:D


    I heard he loves it in the Àrus...


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    #6684
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Erm..... steady up.

    Now thank you I, appreciate your praise, but in reality was just quick bit of poetry thrown up on the hoof.

    The little lad up in the Àrus wouldn’t do much better though:D

    Your modesty is making me blush Bren.

    Don't do me like that please. It is a simple compliment which I beg you to accept?

    It will not take long for me to be dousing your kind soul with a barrage of insults a feral heathen like you deserves, ya flithy phucker ye.


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    #6685
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    I always knew Bendar was a bard of profound beauty.

    I am touched,

    Brendan has been barred from most supermarkets in North Dublin due to his lingering odour and leering stare. Rooting around in the near date bin for strong lager while letting fetid farts go without a care in the world who is around him. Appalling creature.


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    #6686
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Strikes me as the type of poet that is still wearing grey tweed slacks he bought at the reduced to clear section in Guineys or Shaws? They are a couple of sizes on the big side, but he has reconciled that with a PVC belt he picked up in Army Bargains. I can imagine they are a dry cleaners nightmare, not that he darkens the door there often either. I can imagine he just lashes them in with the jumpers and shirts once every three months and hopes for the best. Things have probably never seen an iron, doubles them up as golf overalls in the winter. Thankfully he wears wet gear over them as it saves his golf partner the indignity of seeing a stale murky region around the bottom when he is collecting his 3 putts from the cup. Although I hear he has reputation of ripping out roaring farts every time he bends over. Filthy Bazza.


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    #6687
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,138 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Brendan has been barred from most supermarkets in North Dublin due to his lingering odour and leering stare. Rooting around in the near date bin for strong lager while letting fetid farts go without a care in the world who is around him. Appalling creature.

    ‘Viewed with suspicion’, John, is the expression I would agree with.

    Don’t take fcukkery lightly.

    Was in a ‘well known’ outlet some days ago, scoping the beer aisles.

    Saw an 8 pack, of San Miguel with the strap line ‘6 for €10’ .....FFS!

    You have to break up the 8 pack ....and then check the fcukers out individually at the selfie area.

    What the fcuk is that!!?

    Anyway did it, but eased out a thick oily fetid fart in the ‘booth’ on exit and noticed that an auld one baulked at the entrance coming in after me.

    Kernts.


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    #6688
    Trouser Snake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 348 ✭✭Trouser Snake


    Something similar happened me at the coffee Dock in the petrol station yesterday morning.
    I left a silky smooth belch of dank air slip out the back door in the queue. Moist but no substance.
    Those yellow two metre markers on the floor were in use. Couldn't have timed it better if I tried, no sooner was it out but my Dock came free. Stirring my latte I could hear "aw jesus, what the absolute fluck!!" behind me, kept the head down and proceeded to the till.
    Best part was, sconced over on my way out, the kernt had no mask on!! Made my morning I'll admit.


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    #6689
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 16,521 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    A query for all you fine gentlemen about an issue that's being examined in another thread.

    How would you recommend one approaches the elimination of skid marks with one's own urine? "Blasting with piss", if you will.
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php




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    #6690
    AdrianBalboa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 475 ✭✭AdrianBalboa


    Leg End Reject wrote: »
    A query for all you fine gentlemen about an issue that's being examined in another thread.

    How would you recommend one approaches the elimination of skid marks with one's own urine? "Blasting with piss", if you will.

    You may as well do it now while you still can. My older brother assured me that, with time, potency “dips” for every function below the belt. Apparently once you reach a certain age it starts to dribble out like rainwater from an old gutter-pipe.

    Bear in mind, however, that you are at risk of emitting a foul odour into your bathroom once the seal on the surface of the stubborn stain is slashed on. Make sure the window is open and an air freshener of your choice is on hand to liven the place up.


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    #6691
    Leg End Reject
    Registered Users Posts: 16,521 ✭✭✭✭Leg End Reject


    AdrianBalboa wrote: »
    You may as well do it now while you still can. My older brother assured me that, with time, potency “dips” for every function below the belt. Apparently once you reach a certain age it starts to dribble out like rainwater from an old gutter-pipe.

    Bear in mind, however, that you are at risk of emitting a foul odour into your bathroom once the seal on the surface of the stubborn stain is slashed on. Make sure the window is open and an air freshener of your choice is on hand to liven the place up.

    Oh, it's not me, I'm a lady, I'm enquiring for a friend. I'll pass on your advice though, thank you.
    https://forumofgames.com/index.php




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