What's the etiquette here??

Borderfox wrote: »

Dropped a huge load last night and it seemed to multiply the fent of my farts, a mixture of sewer gas, a field of cauliflower and hoof clippings after the farrier (if you know, you know)

Good god man, go see a doctor, or a mortician, quick!

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Bravo..

A mods input is most welcome!

That ol hoof trimming is proper rank - something is festering good and proper inside you.

Not a real mod, doesn’t mod this forum.

Just a grunt like ourselves on this thread.

The fchuukers who mod this thread are the real heroes.

Top of the class.

fuerte1976 wrote: »

No real requirement to mod this fine theatre.
I don't think another thread has had as little intervention as this fine place.

Uhmmm..... few tools around who would like to get ‘stuck in’ so to speak.


Filthy kernts!

Ring the shït farm, dude

Something wasn't right with me earlier, felt all bloated at work and accidentally squeezed out a devastating burst of hot air that instantly had an employee stand up and leave the office. It was genuinely still there 15 minutes later; a stark warning of things to come.

Finished out the day in a lethargic way, dropped into Lidl on the way home and had a leisurely circle around the power tools and mismatched footwear. I had just started to queue when an tremendous surging heat sprung in the arse area; code brown, had to get out of there quick. I genuinely contemplated dropping the bundle of products on the conveyor and doing a runner, but there was only one slackjaw infront of me with 16 cans of Lech so stuck out of the clock, skipped the pleasantries at the til, tapped the card and ran full pelt to the car.

Nosed the Nazi sled out onto the main road infront of an oncoming Zafira; not today Moira, you can wave your hands all you like, a man is about to sh1t his pants here! Once straightened up I sank the boot and tore up the road, straight through a late orange, squeezing the cheeks as hard as I could and sweating like a glass blowers arse crack. Jumped out of the car leaving the frozen chips and everything else behind, ran into the house, up the stairs and could feel the chowder edging closer with every step. The explosion was something else, a description best left to the imagination.

No clue what brought it on, the diet has been decent of late. Anyways, straight up for a shower and a few moments of reflection.

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Nothing but sludge lads.. Vile stuff.

And an itch that'll drive me insane today.

You need to wash the area or that itch ain't going anywhere.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Heard that’s a very common complaint with the creepy ‘golfing holiday’ lads who head over to Thailand, Emmet. They tear into the local food, which is extremely spicy as we all know. Washing it down with pints of that Chang lager. The arse does be like a blood orange.

Heard of one thick cünt who tried to get rid of the symptoms by rubbing Tiger Balm into the balloon knot. Ended up having to go to some private hospital in Bangkok for treatment for burns to his anus and badge.

Good enough for the fücker. Those lads give golf a bad name.

Bringing the game into “disrepute”, J. That for certain.

Heard a tale of one lad who ended up in A&E with a irritating, and severe, “inflammation” of the bell. The hospital staff were deeply concerned as the guy had just returned from one these “golf trips” to South-East Asia.

There were fears he’d been invaded by a parasite of some kind so a expert in “tropical medicine” had to be called in. The man’s wife was distraught at the prospect, and fear, of her husband having to suffer a penectomy.

It turned out the tropical doctor had seen a case like this before. A scope was sent down the man’s “Johnson” and the cause was discovered. It was a chilli seed. Questions were asked but no answers were forthcoming. ‘How did it get up there?’ being the main one.

Dr. Tropical kept his mouth shut on how he knew what to look for, and the probable cause of sex with a ladyboy, to himself. I don’t believe the wife even discovered the reason and was “chalked up” to one of those things that happens when you visit foreign parts, something you might see on a show like ‘Monsters Inside Me’.

One of the upsides to this pandemic is that creepy “sex tourism” must be at a standstill.

Valresnick wrote: »

Hefty feed of outdoor pints last night - followed by a full beef roast dinner wrapped in plastic left in the microwave scoffed down at around 2am. Can’t remember if I took the plastic off or even heated it up ? Left an absolute war crime in the pot this morning.

#PlasticExplosives