Proof of Loan

Adolin wrote: »

She is still asking for it, even after I've stated that I won't loan her the money. However now she'd be ok with getting 2K instead of 5K.

Would agreeing to using the car as collateral in the event that she can't or won't pay me be one way to ensure that I can get my money back? Or can only a company that specializes in loaning money (like a bank) do this?

Your friend is extracting the urine.

You (OP), by even considering using the car as collateral, are being foolish. Even the mechanics of such a proposal are nuts - you lend her €2000 to buy a piece of crap old car. She doesn't pay you pay back and then in 12 months time when she's back in the black she has you back a car worth €1000.

You sound like a nice person. But anyone asking for a 5k when 2k would suffice for whenever emergency they are facing suggests they aren't particular stressed about the repayments.

I hope that the person has a lot of brownie points won that aren't evident in this thread as on the face of it, she's not that great a friend.

I'd have viewed the 60 quid that your didn't get repaid a cheap lesson. If you are ok losing 2k, do so. Don't expect repayment, regardless of any measures your are looking to put in place.

Do not loan her the money.
Do not feel guilty about not loaning it to her.
Transfer it immediately into a notice deposit account so you cannot make a rash decision.
You will not get any of it repaid,
You will lose the friendship, though I wouldn't consider her a friend.
Block her on all media if she continues to seek the money, I won't even call it a loan.

None of this extra detail makes the idea of loaning her money any better though. She's already struggling financially and can't keep up with her existing overheads. Loans to bail her out are the equivalent of putting a sticking plaster over a gaping wound. They aren't going to solve her income vs expenditure problems. She and her boyfriend don't have enough money coming into their home to cover what's going out in the other direction. They're living beyond their means. Seeing as you appear to know an unhealthy amount about each other's finances, do you know why they're in financial trouble? Why is he not working and is he actively job hunting? What steps have they as a couple taken to cut back on their expenditure?

If somebody is struggling financially, one of the things they're advised to do is get rid of their car if they can. As any motorist will tell you, cars cost money to run. Lots of it. Your friend can't afford to run a car, let alone pay you back on top of that. If everyone on her bus/train is wearing a mask, she's going to be well protected from potential virus carriers. If she gets herself some good quality N95 masks, keeps 2m from others and keeps hand sanitizer with her, the chances of her catching the virus on public transport are very slim indeed. She'd be in more potential danger of catching it in shops which aren't being strict about mask wearing.

It's very odd that this woman has all these people around her who are willing to loan her large sums of money. Are ye enabling her? There has to come a time when people say No to her and make her solve her own problems. She's a grown woman in a relationship. She's not a child.

Here’s a learning lesson for situations like yours and lending significant money to people who have a history of failing to repay.

In 2012 my younger brother was getting married. I was his best man and two days before it the hotel rang him to settle the reception fee (€4,500). So financially feckless was he that he thought he could pay it after the reception. He had €1,500 cash to hand and was planning on using cash gifts to cover it. I was appalled when he told me and needless to say he was stressed out. I happened to have the amount available and gave him a bank draft for €4,500. He gave me the cash he had and we agreed that he would repay me 3k as soon as he came back from his honeymoon. A major red flag was that he asked me not to tell his wife to be, another was that he'd been loaned €600 in 2009 when he was made redundant on the proviso that he repaid me €20 a week once he got back on his feet. He never repaid anything. He was blindsided by his own lack of planning and, given the deadline for payment, it wasn't a case of him going about getting a loan. I told him I could lend him the money as a bridging loan. I rationalised it away as it being an actual formal expense and one he swore he would repay in due course. He stress was alleviated. He came back and gave lip service to his debt but he didn't give me the money. Over time it transpired that he was in an abusive, controlling marriage and was not in charge of the finances. Him getting a personal loan was out of the question. I never mentioned it to his wife or our own family as agreed and it became the elephant in the room between us. I was single with no dependents, I didn't need the money but I was still owed it on principle.

Three years later his toxic wife engineered a split between us. Long story short, she was a serial bully who bullied my girlfriend, who got called on it, who didn't like it, who played victim, counter cried bully and he backed her up. We fell out. In the aftermath, I then went after him for repayment. He ignored me, was presumably glad we'd fallen out considering we didn't speak anymore and he could dodge repayment. After months of silence from his end, I divulged what had happened within the family. They were appalled and called him out on it. Needless to say I was smeared by him as a trouble maker looking to split up their marriage, I was trying to alienate him from our family by framing him as dodging a loan agreement, I was even smeared as a bully who had deliberately given him the money as a means of lording it over him and controlling him, I was a lying scumbag etc. He'd been named and shamed and to save face he had to get a check from his in-laws to settle his debt. The culmination of it was him throwing the cheque for 3k at my feet and angrily disowning me. I got repaid but my gesture, done in good faith, resulted in acrimony and drama. We haven't spoken for years.

My point is, he'd been done a good turn once before and through not having the respect of repaying that turn he showed me his true colours. The second time, again trying to do the right and logical thing, he tried to burn me again. Even if he was in a controlling marriage with no access to money he could always have confronted his wife about the need to repay me and dealt with the fall out. Your friend showed you her true colours, has determined that your a soft touch to go tapping up thousands for in a "loan". I've said it already but don't lend her any money and don't fall for the guilt tripping because should you loan that money you'll have a hard time getting it back. I would be blunt with her and stick by your guns particularly after you've told her no already. It's clear she's after any amount of money as she reduced her asking amount as is. Take it from me, avoid the hassle such private arrangements can cause you. Given her chaotic financial affairs, you can expect a chaotic repayment schedule should you lend her money.

Hoboo wrote: »

Lend her the money. You'll feel better, she'll feel better, so it's all good.

Just wanted to point out though she's got her life together as you put it, yet is 2k behind in bills. So she'll be another 2k behind in a few months. She now has 3 lenders all looking for payment.

How can she pay 3 loans and bills, if she can't pay for bills as it is?

Give her the money, please.

None of this is the OP's problem.